A record ...

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Inside the cabin, Solanne, busy with the plates, soaking them with water so they would be easy to clean later, leaned for a moment. Her whole body feels so vulnerable. There's something she wants to get out of her chest. It feels so full she'll burst any moment. 

She glanced at Yael, who was preparing some fruit snacks as they agreed to enjoy the stary night. She wants to ask. She wants to ask so many things, yet can she really just be vulnerable to a stranger like him? She could keep everything to herself for now, but what's the difference? 

Was it because of the time they spent together? Was it because she views him as a friend now? Solanne needs answers yet. Would she be satisfied with them? Really? 

In the end, she tried to hold back. Swallowing, she washed the plates in a daze, trying to distract herself. Yet it wasn't working. She was desperate. 

"Say," Solanne turned to face Yael. She wiped her hand with the kitchen towel. Solanne was tensed, trying to think what's the best and casual words to open the topic. 

"Hmmm…?" He continued pealing and chopping fruits. 

"What do you do when you're tense or not at your best in front of the camera?" 

"Well," Yael leaned on the counter. This time, he was facing Solanne, eating a piece of fruit. "I just do it scared. I can't back down."

"Why?" 

"Why?" Yael laughed as if it was a ridiculous question. "Come on, the consequences of me not trying will be far worse than just doing it scared. There are my managers, people who were on the set, waited and prepared everything for me. Additionally, my fans want to see the best in me. Besides that, realistically speaking, there's money involved. You see, in this industry, being scared was the least you could think sometimes, and it's just so ironic, and I hate it sometimes, yet, there is nothing I could do." 

Solanne stretched her lips. That's not the answer she was expecting. "You make it sound so easy, but I know it's hard." She commented, turning her back and focusing on the dishes. 

Yael stopped momentarily, staring at her back before walking next to her. He leaned on the counter. "Say it." 

"What?" Solanne frowned. 

"You have a question. Say it." 

"How sure are you?" Solanne joked, scrubbing the plates. She regrets asking the question. 

"Say it." Yael even pressed further, ticking something off of her. 

She swallowed as she met his gaze. He looks dead serious as if he'll never let this go until she says what's on her mind. 

She bit the corner of her cheeks. "It's nothing, Yael. I just want to hear your opinion." 

"Are adults always like that?" 

"Like what?" 

"Keeping secrets. Telling lies. Making excuses." 

"You made it sound so bad. We're just a few years apart," Solanne chuckled. She wasn't offended by his words or how he had described it. It was fitting, anyway. "Why not think of it as not wanting to appear vulnerable as that what's the society has made us."

A paused. Then silence. 

"What's wrong with being vulnerable in front of someone like me? I'm your friend, right?" Yael continued to ask. He understood Solanne's thoughts, and he's often like that, yet there's just something in him wanting to hear her words and her question. 

"Just stop it, Yael; I don't think it's worth it." Solanne put all the plates and dishes on the drying rack before grabbing some beer and heading outside. Yael, of course, followed her there. 

The cold breeze made Solanne feel a bit better. Yael stood beside her. No more questions were asked, yet his presence alone told Solanne he was waiting. 

Why can't she even say it? She chuckled inwardly, knowing the answer. Solanne doesn't want to say it because she feels she might face the version of herself that she won't like. She doesn't want to admit it because she feels like she's in front of a line, and the moment she opens her mouth, something will change about her. 

And she hated change. She likes this comfort. 

But… it's not comfortable anymore. 

She laughed, biting her lips. It's confusing. It's suffocating. 

"I—" Solanne hesitated. Yael's full attention to her. "I'm lost. It's too much. It's just painful, and I want answers. I don't even know where to look for one, so…" 

Yael looked down at the grass; looks so green under the starry night. "Why does it feel hard?" 

"Because I do not know where to start?" 

"Then, slowly, let's think, remove some of the things we can't hold right now and dissect it. What will be your first step?" 

Solanne's mouth was closed. "I feel like it's impossible. I'm so discouraged." 

"Because you're scared?" Yael turned his back and grabbed the two chairs so they could sit. Solanne sipped the alcohol and sighed. "If only a miracle would sweep me off my feet, then I won't feel this way," she jests. 

Yael replied, "Why do you need a miracle? Are you unconsciously begging for a miracle? That's why you are refusing to move?"

Solanne clenched her jaw. Yael saw all of these subtle changes. He took a step back, figuratively. Still, he added, "Do you think all of your efforts won't pay off, and you always think you'll need a miracle to save you? So that everything will work out? Is that how little you see yourself? Your efforts?" 

Solanne sarcastically smiled. "How harsh," 

"I just can't help but think," Yael opened another can of beer. "What if the moment you drop all of those doubts and thoughts is when you experience a real miracle? Stop chasing it and focus on the first step." 

This time, Solanne was the one who opened her mouth and said, "Those words, what made you said that?" 

"I—" Yael grew self-conscious. He awkwardly said, "It's just, I read it. My acting lines. I read the works of different authors. Most of the words, sentences, and even paragraphs that hit me, I memorized them. I put them in my mind in times that I need them. I— I think you need it today." 

A small smile appeared on Solanne's lips, "It seems fate to me." She jest. "Tell me more." 

"About what?" Yael studied Solanne's expressions. Compared to earlier, she seemed relaxed now. "Those sentences, paragraphs, phrases, all you have memorized." 

"Are you curious?" 

Solanne nodded as she chuckled. "I need them for my inspiration." 

"Would you like to record it?" Yael asked, pulling his phone and looking for the camera app. 

Solanne smiled, watching Yael. "Are we about to do some podcast now?" 

"Well," Yael smiled shyly, "You might want to sell my podcast in the future. I'll give you my permission." 

Solanne raised her right brow. She opened her mouth yet closed it again, feeling speechless about what he just said. "Right, you are that important." 

"Can't deny the facts," Yael cooly shrugged. As he pressed the record button, the atmosphere between them eased a bit. 

"Ehem… Recording one," Solanne laughed at the background, making Yael's ears red. Still, he continued. "Solanne's having a bad day, so I'm here to tell her some quotes." 

"Hey, you don't have to tell them that." Solanne finished her drink and grabbed another beer. Their night continued. 

"So," Yael faced Solanne, "What kind of quotes you wanna hear?" 

Solanne tried her best not to laugh seeing Yael's ears red, still, he was so into this. He looks so professional, with his shoulders squared as if he was in front of a camera. "What do you think is necessary to say in this situation?" 

"Inspiration quoted?" He frowned. 

"Ghad, you look so bad at this. Let's turn it this way," Solanne shifted how she sat and then smiled. "Good morning, Mr. Lee. How's the vacation so far?" She said, acting like one of those TV hosts. 

He grinned, eyes sparkling. He looks so playful and excited. 

"Well, good morning to you too, Solanne. My vacation was great. I got stuck somewhere, but don't worry, the food was nice, and they tasted great." 

"You must have a great cook then?" Solanne laughed, her lips curved up. They seemed to have their own world. 

"Oh, she's the greatest. She bribes me with food to let her do this podcast alone." 

"Really? I have this thought that this was solely your idea." 

"It's for the memory," he added in a low voice, pulling something from her. Solanne was caught off guard. Yael smiled, in which Solanne felt her heart stopped for a minute. She feels something in her stomach she can't even name. 

Still, she tried to compose herself. "You like documenting things, do you?" She asked back, casually remembering their trip to Vincent's place. 

"It's for me to look back," Yael leaned on the chair, eyes up in the sky. "It's for me to remind myself, at my lowest point, that I have these and that I am lucky and blessed."