Murder

EP 15.

Love is a strange emotion. It comes when you least expect it, tears through your heart, and leaves without saying goodbye. 

I must have loved the people in my head when I was at my lowest point. 

Even though he was abused and died an unfortunate death, I would strangely see his face in my mind when I was struggling.

I would take revenge on the orphanage even if it meant ending my life. 

And yet. Strangely enough, I've been spending more and more time with Dahae. 

She visits me at night. 

It's not the despicable story of sleeping with a twenty-year-old girl. 

Dahae has been trying to stay closer to me ever since she came to visit me. 

I don't know if she's sorry or grateful. She and I meet in the evenings and go places like lovers. 

As the day of the murder approached, my mind kept wandering. 

Strangely enough, she never became disturbed when I called her late at night. 

Her dark perfume eyeliner was a little different from what I was used to seeing. 

She had a curfew of her own, but she was a lot of fun to be around. 

Funny thing is, even though I kept telling myself that, I was envious of Dahae's clear laugh and smile. 

Today, I watched 'Titanic' with her, and it was quite impressive because I felt the situation was similar. 

If I'm the Titanic, she's the bum. 

I'm sinking. Slowly sinking and eventually drowning in the water. 

It would be greedy to embrace her.

The world has given me nothing but hate and yelling, and when I'm drowning in tears, no one is there, and even that would be greed. 

So I watched the movie and had a quick beer with myself. 

I was glad I had a free afternoon after working out since the courier job had reduced my zone and adjusted my hours. 

Today she stayed out past curfew, but she had something to say. 

"You always look so sad when you're with me," she said.

"I've been wanting to ask you this for a while."

"Why do you always open your eyes like a deer?"

"I'm just happy to be with you."

"No, no, no, your eyes are always so sad."

"Really?"

"I always feel like it's going to be the last time I see you."

"I like you."

"Dahye."

"Then you don't like me?"

There's a silence. 

"More than that, it's too difficult."

"Like what?"

"Everything feels like pressure."

"What's wrong?"

"You and I are so different, Dahae."

"Of course we are different, how can we be the same?"

"I want to be with you and even if you say no now, I want to stay with you"

"Why?" 

"Because I like him, and feelings are selfish."

"You want someone to be on my frequency, at my temperature, no matter what their intentions are."

"That's why I'm asking you, to tune in to me, to accept me."

"I've never been so selfish in my life."

"When I slapped my mom when she tried to kill herself, when I cursed at my boss because he wouldn't pay me when I owed him money for the lights, and now."

Her eyes are glowing. There's a strange tremor in her voice. What part of me liked it?

 I wonder if I can confess with the same glazed look in my eyes after hearing about the murders, plans, and revenge I've been plotting. 

"Would you meet with me even if I were dead?"

"Why do you say that out of the blue?"

"We're not even sure for a moment, not even for a short time. Are you sure this feeling won't change?"

"I'm not sure, but I am confident."

"How?"

"They say roses bloom in concrete, not just in flower beds."

"You're like a shelter in my drab life."

"Everyone else has used me and never cared for me, but not you."

"We have a lot of scars, we understand each other, and we'll get along."

"How do you know I have a lot of scars?"

"You seemed like a very hurt and pathetic adult, I'm sorry if you weren't."

"Can I hold off on answering your confession?"

"I'm not saying yes, but I'm not saying no either."

"Really?"

What part of me does she love? 

The me who gave her ex-boyfriend a knife? 

The me that scared and shot the teacher who was bullying me? 

The me who learns martial arts to kill people and delivers drugs in coffee? 

I'm confused. It would be easier if this was all a dream, if I could just experience a peaceful, warm and normal life, then I wouldn't be so sad. The day begins.

The Day Begins

The Diary of Murder Case Kim Jae-seung

I'm traveling today. I'm traveling to Saju, the home of Park Jung-min. Phuket is hot and humid, and it's hot and humid again. 

I'm traveling behind his back to carry out a murder contract. Seven months ago, the drugs he gave me started to make my daily life a little harder. 

A tomato or a cup of coffee from him makes me feel like I have the world at my feet and I'm going to fly. 

Murder is crazy, and so is infidelity. Affairs are crazy. Drugs are crazy. 

I don't know if Gyuri does drugs. I don't have the time or the communication to find out. 

Our family is completely destroyed by Park Jung-min. There is no conversation, no questions. 

In fact, the cost of the drugs is a big burden.

First 30,000 won, then 50,000 won, and now 500,000 won, so it's a big burden. 

And I'm not sure I'll be able to quit in the future, and I'm afraid that if I try to find another dealer, I'll be caught by the police and have to quit.

 I feel like a slave to Park Jung-min. 

But this time, I didn't kill him, and he's giving me free drugs if I shoot the video.

 The death of the owner of the jokbal restaurant won't change anything. I met him two days before my trip and we talked briefly. 

'He's probably doing this because he's a drug addict like me, or because he's mortgaged to Park Jung-min'. 

Luckily, I was filming with a small camera on my glasses, not my cell phone. 

If Ji-hoon saw this, I'd be in trouble. Anyway, we left today.

I've been given their itinerary and will be killing them on the 'Beach Night Walk' course. 

I'll pretend to have a chance encounter with the owner of the jerk pork restaurant, and then I'll flirt with him, and that's how Ji-hoon will wrap it up.

 Apparently, Park Jung-min has a deep grudge against his father. 

His lack of impulsive emotion and anger was eerie, and he knew their itinerary and visitation schedule in great detail. 

Kim and I flew in about two days apart and agreed to meet at the rendezvous point. 

I wondered what kind of mortgage he was going to get and kill. 

It was awkward to meet him. I asked him casually. 

"How was the flight? I hope you're feeling well."

Kim Ji-hoon's face looks disturbed. He wears a Hawaiian light shirt. He's wearing a Hawaiian light shirt. 

"I mean, I don't know if this is right either."

"Ji-hoon, have you ever killed anyone in your life?"

"No, but before the assault and a couple of times...."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Why are you part of this plan? You don't look like you're on drugs."

"Jung-min told me that you're going to keep me employed."

"I thought that if I get this done, I'll make a lot of money and gain his trust."

"How much did Jung-min promise to pay you?"

"He said he'd give me 5,000 won, and he's done me a lot of favors so far."

"I see. I'm a drug addict. The dog has me addicted and I can't get away."

"At first he gave me a cheap price, but then he started charging me more and more."

And little by little, the withdrawal symptoms came. Kim asked,

"Your eyes are shaking under your eyes, are you okay?"

"It's funny, it's my first time experiencing withdrawal symptoms."

"By the way, Jihoon, what are you wearing in your ears?"

"It's an earplug ordered by Jung Min-hyung."

"National Intelligence Agency? You've done a lot of preparation."

 Yeah, he's the one doing the killing, so he'll have more to explain. 

I don't know about that. 

My hands are shaking, my heart is aching, my breathing is short. 

I've only been out of the country for three days and haven't touched my medication, but I feel like there are bugs crawling all over me and my breathing is unsteady. 

Sometimes I think. 

The days when Gyuri and I were happy and everything was fine.

 I miss those days so much when I wasn't using drugs. 

Pleasure looks like an angel one moment, but after a while, it transforms into a devil and strangles me. 

When I'm not on drugs, I feel restless and bored.

 Jungmin reminds me of a friend from my old school. His name was Sehun or something, but he was really poor and ugly. 

All the kids bullied him, and the reason he was bullied was very simple.

 He was an absolute underdog. 

Not a notarized underdog, like a helper, but someone you can pick on like a peanut because they don't have a separate life. 

Like an ant that can't even rebel. 

Ants are considered diligent and sincere creatures, but when hundreds of them gather, they are stronger than anyone else, but as individuals, they are only weak. 

There is no such thing as a rebellion of the weak. It's only when the weak develop weapons and force that they become strong. 

The children all knew this instinctively. 

No matter how much they insulted Se-hoon, humiliated him, and assaulted him, not a single word or punch came out of their mouths. 

And we all became demons. 

Especially the weaker kids, they bullied and ostracized Sehun more, knowing full well that once he was gone, it would be their turn. 

I was one of the main ones, so I know how they feel. Strangely, when I look at Park Jung-min, I think of that. 

Of course, I don't think so when I look at his tattooed and scarred body.

Maybe it's karma. I've been living my life in a mess.

Kim said. 

"I'll go check on Dong-sun now."

"I'm just resting at the hotel, I'll check on Dong-sun."

"Okay, thanks."