Chapter 1

I stared up at the ticking clock across from my bed.

I had been unable to sleep for most of the night, lying anxiously in silence while I waited for the hours to go by and the day to arrive. I watched the shadows as they passed over my room from midnight, to dawn, to early morning, and yet sleep would not come to me. I was grateful, though, as if sleep came, I would surely have nightmares and wake up even more tired than when I had gone to sleep. I was itching to shift but such was the custom of our pack, I was unable to do it unless I had an older wolf accompanying me; being a juvenile and an unmated female had led to some accidents in the past that the pack didn't want to be repeated.

I sighed once the clock hit the early hours of the morning, leaving three hours until I'd have to wake up properly and start to get ready. Turning over in my bed, I brought my pillow over my head and tried my best to empty my mind so I could finally get some sleep. It was no good tiring myself out before the day even began. If I found my mate today, something I was both ecstatic for and dreading, I'd need all the energy I could get.

I had just completed the mandatory warrior training course for all the females of age and the celebration that happened after was prime time for females to find their mates, as wolves from all different packs gathered in a central location to celebrate. No one was to tell us how to do it, as far as I knew your wolf would sense when the time was right, and then would release an energy that would eventually find your mate, wherever they were. It was something ancient, something unexplainable that just came with how werewolves worked.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I imagined what my mate would look like. Tall and handsome, obviously, I wondered if they were conventionally attractive or if they'd become more attractive as we spent more time together. I wondered what their wolf looked like, what their rank was, if they were even in this pack or were from a lesser or higher pack. I wondered if they'd had other women before me; I would be able to smell it on them if it were a recent affair, and I wondered if they'd accept me with all my flaws.

I cringed in my head as my mind raced; another awful thought popping into my head; what if they rejected me?

My wolf immediately bristled in my mind, narrowing her eyes as she growled lowly. I smiled nervously and pushed the thought away, groaning and turning in my bed; I felt more awake than ever.

It would be a long night

I awoke with a start. The cold air sending goosebumps down my arms as I flung my sheets off me and clutched at my chest. Sweat covered my face and neck and my shirt stuck uncomfortably to my skin. I brought my hands up to wipe my forehead, shaking with fear as I gasped for air in the darkness. Tears pricked my eyes as I searched the room for some familiarity, finally laying eyes on the clock that hung across from my bed, its face illuminated by artificial lighting in the dark.

I sighed with relief, peeling off my soaked clothes and casting them onto the foot of my bed. I rested my head back onto my pillow, curling my legs to my chest and holding myself under my sheets. One thing being a wolf would never cure was nightmares; we had advanced healing and increased senses, yet our species was still plagued with psychiatric issues that would go unspoken of because we would rather bury them and look strong, than talk about them and look weak.

I didn't return to sleep. My wolf paced anxiously in my mind for what seemed like an eternity before a quiet knock pierced the silence and my mother peaked her head around my door. I was fully awake but feigned sleepiness as I rose from my bed, because if she knew I'd been awake all night she'd have forced me to get more sleep.

I looked over at the clothes set out for me laying neatly on a chair across my room and the shoes I was to wear placed neatly below them. Even the socks were already picked out, and no doubt my mother had plans for the hairstyle I was going to be adorning. She knew as well as I did the chances of me finding a mate today was high; I'd excelled in all of the training and as far as I knew this year's group of females were stronger than the last and word of our power and strength had fluttered around lots of packs, that meant there would be an unprecedented amount of packs there....and males wanting to find their mates in the strongest females.

I sighed and slinked into the bathroom, groaning at the heavy undereye bags and my clear lack of sleep. I turned the shower to blast cold water, something I had done in the past to help wake me up, and stepped in before I could change my mind, shivering for a few minutes before I got used to it, then washing myself clean.

When I left the bathroom after brushing my teeth my mother was quietly pacing around my room. Seeing even my mother on edge had my wolf whining and she showed herself to my mother, whining in my head to comfort her.

"What's wrong?" I asked warily, slipping on my underwear and clothes.

My mother tugged at her locs and gave me a tight-lipped smile, shaking her head to tell me she would not tell me what was wrong. Her wolf's eyes flashed at mine though, showing me both her wolf and her were on edge.

"If you're worried about me not finding my mate today, I can always choose one from-"

"No!" She snapped at me, then her face softened, "Don't say that. Of course, you'll find your mate. May, mates are a gift, you can't just say you'll choose someone else when there's someone out there for you."

I nodded without saying anything, patting down the expensive dress I had put on and going to look at myself in the mirror. It was beautiful, all right, a little tight in some places but my mother said it was meant to show off all my assets. She came to stand behind me, holding my arms and looking down at me with fond eyes and unshed tears.

"Don't cry, please." I chuckled, turning around to hug her.

"I know...it's just that I wish your father were here." She whispered, and I hugged her tighter.

She pulled away after a while, fanning her face as she chuckled to herself about getting all worked up over nothing, and told me to continue getting ready and meet her downstairs. I smiled sadly as she left, sitting down on my vanity to do the last bits of my makeup.

I scrutinised my features in the mirror until the makeup covered all my blemishes and I was satisfied. I knew I wasn't the prettiest or the most striking wolf, but I could turn heads when I wanted to and had gotten attention from males over the years. All of that was feeble, though, as my pack respected wolf tradition and so had strict rules on what wolves could and couldn't mate.

I slipped on my socks and shoes, cast one longing glance back over my shoulder, then exited the door and closed it behind me. It was almost time to leave, and I could hear the bustling energy of wolves outside my door as I left my room and found my mother.

The way the pack house was arranged, ordinarily my mother and I would have been on the lowest floor of the pack house, with shared bathrooms and a small room to reside in. But the Alpha, after my father had passed away, gave us a room on one of the higher floors, with ensuite rooms and a small studio kitchen and lounge where we could relax in peace. We could always dine at the pack kitchen, of course, but like my father, my mother and I were quiet wolves who preferred to be alone, less in touch with our primal sides that revelled in pack gatherings.

As I laid eyes on my mother, a realisation came to me - I didn't want to leave her. What was I thinking? How could I leave my own mother when her own mate had passed away and I was her only child? If I was so worried something would happen if I moved out, why was I even thinking of leaving?

I never voiced these opinions though, as I surely knew my mother would be opposed to them. She was the biggest advocate of mates; having had such a loving one herself and wanted the same for me even if it meant I had to leave her and reside in another pack. What was still giving me hope was the thought my mate was in this pack. There were many of age males, many handsome of age males, and although I'd never gotten the time to properly form a friendship with any of them, I'd imagined life with a few of them in secret, and in the hopes I could stay in this pack.

There was also the Alpha's son, Ares, a few years older than me and next in line to become the Alpha. It baffled me how he hadn't found his mate yet, with his ruggedly handsome features and strength, but with the stress of being heir to an Alpha, whilst simultaneously being one of the best warriors, I knew he probably just hadn't had enough time to find her.

We had spoken a few times here and there, but nothing too out of the ordinary, and there was no way he was my mate. More likely he was mated to the female heir of the Alpha of the pack neighbouring ours, who was both of age and beautiful, and would no doubt be arriving shortly for the celebrations.

My pack, while still not as big as others, was large enough and had enough land that most events, celebrations and training programmes happened here. It was both a blessing and a curse, having many different people coming through all the time; it meant I became familiar with a lot of different pack's scents, and our pack wasn't so on edge all the time about visitors. However, it also meant that we let our guard down too many times and trusted unfamiliar smells even when we didn't know them; a flaw in our pack my father paid for with his life.

A knock on the door drew me out of my thoughts and I brushed passed my mother and down the hall to open it, looking up at the striking brown eyes that met mine.

"Alpha." I breathed out, slightly embarrassed that I'd just been thinking about him.

He smiled down at me, about to say something, when his eyes turned dark, and his wolf emerged. I briefly made eye contact before my own wolf emerged to greet her superior, and I cast my head to the floor in submission, my hair falling in front of my face.

This is why I hated being around other wolves; the constant show of our wolves, the battles for dominance, I wanted to exist in a pack were everyone was equal, and you earned your respect through training and fighting, not somewhere I would hypothetically have to bow to someone years younger than me just because they came from a line of Alphas. It was exhausting; I didn't even know when it was acceptable to raise my head.

As if sensing my dilemma Ares lifted my chin for me, his warm hands holding me delicately as he lifted my gaze to completely meet his. I shivered under his gaze uncharacteristically, pulling my eyes away as I felt my wolf bristle with confusion in my head. Was I... allowed to look at him like that? As far as I knew it was a sign of disrespect to look an Alpha straight in the eyes, and although he technically wasn't an Alpha yet, I figured the rules still applied.

He dropped my chin, clearing his throat as his wolf flashed in his eyes again. "Please, May, we're friends. You can call me by my first name."

Friends? Since when were we friends? I shouted in my head, but all my wolf could do was puff her chest in pride and swish her tail, edging me to become closer with him as was something to be proud of within the pack.

"We are...?" I questioned quietly, letting my eyes trail down the length of the door and back up. It was hard for me to make eye contact with someone so much higher in the pack ranks, opting to instead inspect my house.

"Of course, May. We're almost the same age, aren't we?" He said, flashing me a smile.

I nodded, gripping the door for dear life as I racked my brain as to why he would be here, seeing me of all people on this day. It crossed my mind that maybe I was in trouble for something, but I kept to myself mostly and had seriously never done anything to draw attention to myself.

"I've heard great things about your training, I was told you were top of your class in a lot of categories." He beamed, and my wolf paced excitedly in my head. This was the reason he was here, to congratulate me. I breathed a sigh of relief, and a small smile graced my lips.

"Thanks, Alpha." I said, nodding without saying anything and chewing on my bottom lip. I cast my gaze to the floor again, not wanting to look at him, and wondered how much time had passed in our interaction. I hadn't had breakfast yet and willed my mother to come forward and excuse me from this conversation so I could go eat, but I knew she was likely getting ready herself and wouldn't come out from her room for a while.

I dared to look back up and meet his gaze again, still curious as to why he was still here despite the apparent reason of his visit having been accomplished, but when I did his eyes flashed dark again and he breathed out at me, holding my gaze too. I wondered what he was going through, that I had seen his wolf so many times in the short time we had been talking. I knew Alpha's had a hard time controlling their wolves at times, more so than other ranks as their wolves were so powerful, but why was his wolf this apparent on showing himself to me.

A frown appeared on Ares' features, and he looked over his shoulder briefly, reaching out to me and about to say something when another voice boomed out from down the hall. He cursed under his breath and threw me another glance before plastering a smile on his face and turning to greet whoever it was.

I shut the door quickly, watching from the peephole as his cousin, Drew, strode up to meet him, looping his arms around his neck and chuckling.

"What are you doing here?" Drew queried, stumbling slightly as Ares shoved him away.

Ares' eyes momentarily flittered towards my door, and he straightened out his suit, shrugging his shoulders. "Nothing, I-"

"You weren't coming to see her? Where you?" Drew interjected, a dark gaze overtaking his face as his features hardened.

"Am I not allowed to see her? I just wanted to make sure." Ares snapped, running a hand down his tanned skin.

Were they talking about me?

"And?" Drew questioned.

Ares' eyes again met my door, and he nodded his head, a sad smile gracing his features. Drew's shoulders sagged too, a hand reaching out to pat Ares, consoling him.

"I'm sorry...you know-" Drew began.

Ares shrugged his hand away and began to walk away, anger written all over his face as Drew sighed, cast a look at my door, then followed quickly after him.

I pulled my gaze from the peep hole and rested my head on the door, a million questions running through my head. What had they been talking about? Was it me? Why was Ares so upset?

I shuddered quietly as I remembered his hand on my chin, a blush spreading across my cheeks as I stepped away from the door. How could he touch me like that? As far as I knew it was unheard of to touch an unmated female unless you were to claim them.

I shook my head from the thoughts and walked back into the kitchen, almost crashing into my mother as she brushed past me to get to the door, slipping on her shoes and straightening her own dress.

"Ready?" She asked, looking at me with a smile.

I groaned, shaking my head. "I didn't even eat."

Her smile contorted sympathetically, and she chuckled. "Sorry May, there's no time now, we have to go."

I gulped down nerves as she opened the door and we both stepped out, throwing one last glance towards what I hoped was the home I would return to later today.