Regrets

A moment of silence ensued, but curiosity got the better of me, so I asked, "Are you a transferee?"

He seemed confused. "No, I'm not. You don't see me because I don't like people looking at me. I'm always covered with my shadow," he said in quick succession. He took three consecutive sips.

Ah, I see. Not all dreams come true.

"I was talking to my ex that time you threw the vase," he admitted, looking hurt.

Really? Did I ruin everything?

"But you were laughing that day, right?" I asked, puzzled.

"Yes, I was," he replied shortly. "She was asking for my forgiveness at that time," he said calmly. "She cheated, anyway!" He smirked again.

"I find it amusing because, despite all the things she did, she still had the audacity to ask for us to get back together!" I just stared at him.

"I loved her, but I won't let her tear me apart again!" He looked back into my eyes. "And I thank you for throwing me that vase." He stared at me and moved closer, making me blush even more.

My dreams are twisted; I can't even distinguish what's true.

"Honestly, from that very moment, I fell for you!" He teared up again.

Really?

Seriously?

He noticed my furrowed brow and spoke again.

"I just can't express my emotions very well. I didn't even realize that you were slowly capturing my heart," he said. It sounded cheesy, but I found it endearing.

"I know it's wrong; maybe you'll hate me more, but just hear me out. I've wanted to tell you this for a long time." He held my hands again. I had nothing to say, so I waited for him to continue.

"Remember those nights when I disturbed you? It's because I couldn't say what I needed to say," he paused. "Remember the times I didn't disturb you? I was holding back, hoping that you would be the one to call me first. And you did!" He smiled bitterly.

"Every time I hurt your feelings, I'm hurting too. I just don't know how to tell you the exact words, so I kept annoying you. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused—"

"I know," I said, and I hugged him.

I could feel the same pain he felt in my dream. Confessing isn't bad. I'm just overwhelmed because I feel the same.

"I like you too, Alex. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but that's how I feel. I hate you harassing and annoying me, but I miss it when you don't!" I smiled.

We faced each other, and nobody wanted to break the silence. I swallowed several times. He was serious, holding my neck, and gradually, his lips met mine. This time, it wasn't a mistake. We both wanted it. No one courted the other; we just expressed our feelings.

End of flashback.

When I can't sleep, I usually play with my phone, reading news feeds. I don't know what got into me, but I searched for Alex's name on Facebook. There are many with the same name, but none of them are him. So, I opened our conversation. However, I couldn't message him, maybe because he deactivated his account, or perhaps I'm still blocked.

"Why, Pumpkin?"

"I don't know."

"Should it be right now?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"I love you, Pumpkin."

"But I don't love you anymore, Alex!"

"Come down, I'm outside, please!"

"Go home, it's my final decision!"

"Please..."

"I'm sorry. Don't try to approach me again! I don't want you anymore, it's over between us!"

"Please answer my calls. I want to see you. We don't have any problems, right?"

"I just need space, Alex. Please understand me."

"Understand me too, Pumpkin, please. I'm begging... you know I can't live without you!"

"You can, Alex. You're just overthinking that you can't. I just need to sort things out. Let me think, let me go! If you really love me, you'll respect my decision. I loved you before, but I love you no more. Sorry."

You can't reply to this conversation anymore.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I read our last conversation. I was so irresponsible at that time. I just got carried away, and I know I broke his heart.

He kept shouting outside while the rain soaked him, but I didn't pay attention. He can't contact me because I blocked him first. I didn't read his messages even once and never answered his calls.

After that day, I never heard anything about him. He transferred schools and changed his number, and I had no way of communicating with him. I regretted that day deeply.

I wish I could turn back time.

Continuation of flashback.

We arrived back in Cebu. We are officially a couple now. We still do community service, but there's no more bickering. Alex was so different. He is now caring, loving, sweet, and full of surprises. A far from the Alex I first met. And I enjoyed everything about him.

One of my dreams was to be in Paris. I wanted to see the Eiffel Tower in person, but what can I do? I'm just 16.

I walk alone in the hallway, wondering where Alex is. It's been two months.

How time flies, right?

My phone rings, and I see his name on the screen.

"Yes?" I answer, surprised.

"Where are you, Pumpkin?" he asks.

"I'm on my way home. How about you? Where are you?" I inquire.

"Come to my house, quickly!" I couldn't answer because he hung up.

Yeah! He's sweet like that, but sometimes, he can be rude. He doesn't let me answer when he has something he wants me to do. But I find it cute.

I'm outside Alex's house, but it seems empty. The lights are off, so I call him.

The number you have dialed is now unattended or out of coverage area...

"Really?" I roll my eyes in disappointment. "He asked me to come here, but I can't contact him!" I complain.

I push the door, and it opens. It's not yet dark, but it's really dim inside. I use my phone as a flashlight. I take more steps to get further inside. I go in and out of this house since his guardian knows me.

"Pumpkin?" I call out to him. Yes, you heard it right! It's cheesy, but I call him Pumpkin, too. "Pumpkin?" I call him again. It feels creepy because I feel like there are eyes following me.

Suddenly, the light brightens behind me.

Wow, the Eiffel Tower is right in front of my eyes.

Alex appears from the light emanating from the screen.

"Surprise! Happy second month, Pumpkin!" He greets me happily and kisses me on my forehead. That was one of the best days of my life. We sit on the sofa and watch the Eiffel Tower.

"Paris is far away, and I haven't saved enough yet." He shyly admits. "I'm still 18, so, uh, here—" He scratches the back of his head. "—here's this for now!" he adds, handing me a keychain of the Eiffel Tower with a print of Paris.

"Put it in your bag." He places it in my bag. He is so happy, and I'm so happy seeing him happy too. "And here—" He smiles again, revealing his two deep dimples. He hands me another bouquet of roses.

"Hey, you two, don't take each other too seriously. You're still young. Focus on your studies!" Manang Cherry interrupts.

"Don't be such a killjoy, Manang," I retort, and the three of us burst into laughter.

End of flashback.

I hold the keychain and spin it in my hand. It falls to the floor, splitting into two. I was shocked to find something written inside.

I know you'll get tired of loving me someday, but I promise I'll love you eternally.

It feels like something pinched my chest. After all these years, I'm only reading this now.

How is he doing?

Is he still aloof?

Is he still sweet?

Does he have a girlfriend?

Has he forgiven me?

I miss you so much, Alex!

A very sad night.

...to be continued.