Chapter 10

"Charles," I nodded, entering the office and sitting down in an empty chair on the right side. Laura was sitting on the left and she looked like... harmless. A girl, about fifteen or sixteen years old with long dark hair and green eyes. She was dressed... usually. Jeans and a black T-shirt. Of course, she didn't rush at me because I completely hid my presence and tried to recreate the aura... Good? No, it would be more correct to say, peace of mind. So that I don't scare, but endear myself.

- Laura, this is our new teacher, Trig Zverev, - the girl nodded with a slightly empty look, only slightly smearing me with her gaze. Apparently, everything is a little more complicated than Xavier said. "I asked him to help you with your studies," Laura now looked at Charles with a completely meaningful look.

- Why? I have books, - hmm, I think I've figured out what the problem is. That voice... The Office had the same intonation and timbre. She is not interested in this life, she does not see a goal for its continuation, but something still holds her. Immortality? James? Anything is possible, although if I had the desire, I would have found a "cure" for immortality. But what about a teenage girl? However, I guess I'll have to find out why she lost the meaning of life at that age. Even if you take into account what they did to her and forced her to do, lose the meaning of life at the age of sixteen? She is a child, and children are more plastic psychologically, that is, she just needs to be given a sense of security, security, as well as communication with peers. This is already enough for the girl to blossom, but apparently no one took such a plan into account. People...

"I know," he continued softly. - And I just want you to help each other. Trigu, like you, finds it difficult to communicate and find a common language with someone, he is too silent and poorly socialized," she simply turned to me and began to look into my eyes, it seems, she wants to find something in common. Or at least hopes to. Perhaps he will find it, but life is interesting to me, because there are so many different kinds of knowledge, so many feelings and emotions that I want to know. But at the same time, I feel a huge boredom for this world, as if I have already seen everything and I am no longer interested in anything, as well as loneliness that continues to eat me up from the inside. Maybe I'll just go crazy because of these conflicting feelings, or maybe I'll be able to find a balance inside myself. I have a goal in life, but it is not long-term, after that I will need to find another meaning for my existence.

- Okay, - and apparently the girl was satisfied with my eyes, because she was silent for about a minute, just looking at me.

- And now, Laura, wait a bit in the hallway. We need to talk to Trig, and after that you will go for a walk, talk, get to know each other better, in general," the girl nodded seriously and got up from her chair, then headed for the door. At the door, she turned around a little and looked at me, then went out and closed the door behind her.

"It's going to be hard," I sighed, already realizing what was wrong with her. - Now she already feels out of place, for her this place is something like a second prison. She doesn't feel safe, although I think she feels a lot more confident around Logan. But he can't always be around. And yet... the girl has lost the desire to live. Charles, you have the ability of telepathy, you can safely read the thoughts of everyone in this mansion, somehow influence and help them. Except for me, of course, but that's beside the point. So what's the matter? - I laid out all my thoughts on this matter and I was a little angry at such indifference. It would seem that an immortal and apathetic being to all intelligent lives in this universe worries about the girl more than their relative. It seems to me that this is saying something.

"It's not that simple, Trig," Xavier sighed heavily. He seemed ready for this kind of conversation. - In my youth, I caused too much trouble because of my powers, when I used them everywhere for my own satisfaction without caring about others. I was an egoist who thought only of myself and at one point in my life, lying on the beach, betrayed by my best friend, I decided that something needed to change. I promised myself that I would improve, create a home for all mutants, help them figure themselves out, teach them how to use their powers for good deeds and, most importantly, give hope for a bright future. And I firmly decided that I would no longer use my abilities to change people's minds, drive completely different thoughts into their heads, manipulate them... No, they have to solve their own problems. And I will support them, give advice and help," Charles interrupted, sipped some tea from a mug that had been resting on the table all this time and continued. - I knew everything that was going on with Laura and I wasn't going to let it take its course. I trusted James, he is the genetic father, and he always treated the girl well as soon as he found out the whole truth. He accepted her and promised to take care of her, but... It's hard for him too. You see, Logan was never a family man, he had lived for two hundred years, but all he did was kill. The Civil War, after which he disappeared and returned during World War II, immediately interested the high command, - here he immediately stopped, showing that he had blurted out too much. Coughing into his hand, he continued. - His whole life is a war, even with his own brother in the end, he began to fight. He just doesn't know what to do with the girl, but his attempts... too weak. He doesn't know how to approach me, and he's in no hurry to ask me for advice. That's why I accepted your idea, because it's too long to wait until Logan is mature enough to act.

"Hmm," was all I could say. He didn't say much, it was obvious, but we still don't trust each other enough to talk about something like that. But even so, I even respected him, because he accepted the past and decided that he needed to improve, become better, and also help others who found themselves in such difficult conditions. Mutants are feared, they are hated, they have nowhere to go, and Charles decided to found a whole society of such creatures. "Okay, I get you, Charles. Youth... When you're young, everyone does stupid things that will later seem like real stupidity, and sometimes worse. But still, whoever wasn't stupid wasn't young, right? I smiled slightly. - You know, I like people. Do you remember when I said that I love children? He nodded gravely. - In principle, this applies to all of humanity, for me you are just children who are still in the prime of life. Even a hundred-year-old man will not understand what an immortal, a being who has lived in this world for billions of years, who has forgotten about all feelings and emotions, giving himself up only to accurate and practical logic, can think about. Yes, in many ways, I'm talking about myself. People... they don't even realize what kind of treasure they actually have. I've always wanted to have these feelings, to feel love, even if it turns out to be fleeting, to feel myself... necessary. It's hard to live when you realize that you are capable of everything and nothing at the same time. But, okay, I won't continue to drag out this dialogue, in any case, you won't understand much, here I'm rather grumbling like an old grandfather," a sad smile appeared on my face and I hurried out of the office. Otherwise, the girl waits and waits, sitting on the stairs.

- By the way, I almost forgot because of all these cases, your documents are ready, - he took out a folder with papers from the table.

"Thank you," I nodded, taking the folder and heading for the exit.

- And Trig... Good luck finding yourself, huh, apparently he understood something about me. Yes... the search for yourself.

- Laura, come on, I'll leave the papers in my room and we'll take a walk, - the girl nodded, rose from the steps and looked at me questioningly. Apparently, I was looking at her too carefully. Shaking my head, I turned and walked down the corridor. By the way... And I've never been in this room. I spent the whole week either in the laboratory or in class. Well, I didn't need it, in principle.

***

- Do you need something from me? The girl asked cautiously. And she asked because I just didn't know where to start the dialogue and so, we've been sitting by a tree near the lake for about an hour. But nevertheless, I made a simple but effective decision - just to sit in silence, at the same time influencing my own aura. In general, the aura is an interesting thing, it is usually called a manifestation of the soul, but I can change it. There is no permanent effect, I can both give calmness and kindness, and horror and fear. Perhaps this is due to my nature, which is completely neutral. But it's convenient anyway, especially in the current situation.

- No, - apparently, after such a small amount of time of exposure to my aura, she was able to calm down a little and trust me.

- Then... Why did Professor Xavier ask us to help each other?

- He just put it wrong. You can't help me in any case, but I can help you - while she is still in her teenage image, you can easily change, but after that, it will be many times more difficult. The child's psyche is very plastic, quickly gets used to the good and, in the same way, quickly adapts to the bad. But there is one "but", the girl who was sitting next to me was not ordinary. She was raised as a weapon without will, her own opinion and interests, and she will do what she is ordered to do. And now she is being told that suddenly she needs to have it all. It is difficult for her to understand what is required of her, which is why the meaning of her life has simply disappeared.

- For me? The girl looked at me with a piercing look. - And with what?

"We're similar," I began calmly, rolling down from the tree onto the grass to start looking at the sky. - I lost the meaning of life so long ago that even the memory of it brings me heartache. From the very beginning, I had such a nagging and dull pain in my chest, a longing that devoured me from the inside. And it's devouring me now. I surrendered to this feeling, after which I stopped living and started simply... exist. I stopped keeping track of time and what was happening around me, I just focused on myself. I thought that this feeling came from loneliness, but even when there were those with whom I could spend time, it did not help me. This pain only intensified, and I was completely lost in myself. I didn't know what I wanted, what I wanted. I couldn't even die to end all this utter hell-and there were so many attempts... I have never mentioned this, because it is not a part of my biography that I would like to talk about. Hopelessness made me do strange and frightening things. - But you have a different case. After all that you've been through, it's hard for you to adapt to a quiet life. They don't tell you what to do here, you're free to choose for yourself, but that's what's bothering you. Now everyone is interested in your opinion and interests. That's what's confusing you. You don't know what you should do, you need someone to show you the way," the girl listened to me as if hypnotized. But yes, my words, along with the aura, reached almost the inner layers of her soul, forcing her to greedily swallow every sentence that comes out of my mouth. Yes, it's a dirty trick and we could have talked in a different way, but it was the easiest way. The method is effective, which is more important than some moral qualities. - But in life, everything is not that simple. The path is not completely right or wrong, something preceded every action and at the moment of completion, you feel completely right. And only later, when you gain your own life experience and can turn back to the past, accept it and let it go, only then will you be able to understand who you really are. Who you were, who you have become, and who you will be. I haven't gotten to that point yet, even though I've had so many attempts... I have enough life experience, wisdom and my own knowledge too, but still... something is missing. Something that would help me realize everything completely. You've got everything ahead of you, and you're definitely starting out better than me. You have a family, those who care about you and want to help, and I was alone. I was always alone - even to my daughters, the creatures closest to me, I could not fully trust them, they could not understand me the way I needed it. They are dear to me, but they never became a family.

- They look similar... family... one... - the girl muttered, being in thought. And it looks like she will be lost to society for a very long time. Sometimes I can be very convincing and speak like a real elder, constantly releasing wisdom after wisdom, telling the experience of my own life, my own conclusions. And in four billion years, unfortunately, it is simply impossible not to think about such a thing. To realize yourself, right? Easier said than done. First of all, you need to master your mind, gain life experience, learn wisdom and gather knowledge. And the next one... which I have not been able to achieve... let feelings into your own heart, fill it with life and.. the meaning of his existence.