I'm sorry

After classes, I went to the library to grab a novel we were asked to read for an upcoming exam. "Isn't that Taeyang (태양)?" I asked myself, looking at a student in the corner of the room, sitting with his back facing me. Who cares, I thought, but my feet moved anyway. I had to check.

"Hey," I called, and he turned to face me. I was startled to see how sick he looked, his face drawn and pale. His eyes, once bright, seemed shadowed with pain.

"What do you want?" he asked bluntly, his voice flat, devoid of any warmth. I felt a pang of hurt, a sharp ache in my chest, but I managed a small, hopeful smile.

"It's been a while since we last met," I said, sliding into the seat close to him. To my surprise, he immediately shifted, creating a noticeable, almost desperate distance between us. The rejection stung.

"What's up, man? You used to be fond of me, but now?" I teased him, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere, desperate to bridge the chasm that had opened.

"Just stay away from me," he said coldly, his gaze fixed on some distant point, as he abruptly stood up to leave. Ah, was he playing hard to get? Who cares? Definitely not me, durh. But something inside me, an insistent, aching tug, screamed for him to stay, for him to be close.

"Hey, you can tell me, did I do anything wrong?" I asked, my voice softer, reaching out and gently holding his hand. His skin felt alarmingly thin, almost skeletal beneath my fingers, and a wave of concern washed over me.

"Oh, you didn't know what you did?" he scoffed, a bitter, broken laugh escaping him, utterly devoid of humor.

"What? Please tell me," I pleaded, my voice barely a whisper, desperate for answers.

"You hit me and even insulted my family because we are poor!" he almost yelled, his voice cracking, tears suddenly beginning to stream from his eyes, carving paths down his pale cheeks.

"Hey... I didn't do that!" I defended, genuinely shocked, my own heart beginning to race with confusion and distress.

"Scoff... Oh, really? Your mother came and threw money at us and warned me to stay away and not say anything else, or my whole family would receive severe punishment," Tae (태) sobbed, his shoulders shaking violently, the raw pain in his voice tearing at me.

My heart twisted with a sharp, unexpected pain, a deep, sickening realization dawning. "Hey, I'm so sorry, I didn't know about that. I was told that it was a setup and the person ran away... but I know my mother planned this," I confessed, my voice thick with emotion, pulling him into a desperate, needy hug. Ah, how I'd longed for his presence, for this closeness, for him to be in my arms again.

"How... how do you expect me to believe you? You don't expect me to buy that," he said, his voice thick with doubt, his body stiff, trying to push me away.

"Look, you have to believe me," I insisted, clinging to him, my mind scrambling for words, for a way to bridge the gap his pain had created.

"You could have come to see me, Kim... but I know you were having fun with your girlfriend," he said, his voice laced with profound betrayal, each word a painful accusation.

"Hey, Yoongi (윤기) is not my girlfriend. She is my favorite friend, and moreover, I don't love her in that way," I declared, the memory of our aborted intimate moment flashing, a stark confirmation of my utter disinterest.

"Are... are you serious, or are you just trying to make me feel okay?" he asked, his voice filled with doubt, his gaze searching mine for any hint of a lie.

"Look, Tae (태), Yoona (윤아) is doing all this to divert people's attention from me... Yes, she loves me, but I have explained that I love..... that..." I trailed off, fear catching in my throat, knowing the truth I was about to speak could change everything.

"That you love who?" he pressed, his gaze intense, eager, almost desperate to hear my next words.

"That... that I love men and not women," I declared, the words tumbling out, raw and honest, exposing a truth I usually guarded. I slightly loosened my grip on him, anticipating his recoil, anticipating the shock, but to my surprise, he held me closer, burying his face in my shoulder.

"Kim," he called, his voice muffled, gumming himself even more tightly to me. "C..." He was cut short by the sudden, violent CRASH of the door swinging open.

"What is going on?!" Yoona (윤아) sparked, her eyes blazing with raw, unadulterated jealousy as she stormed in. The air crackled with her fury.

"Kim, how could you... how could you do this to me?" she began to sob, her voice laced with venom, not sorrow, a calculated performance. "Kim, I'm... I'm pregnant!" she announced, her words like a thunderclap, designed to shatter everything.

Immediately, Tae (태) flinched, his body recoiling from me as if I were a burning ember. His eyes widened, fixing on me with a look of utter devastation, his face draining of color. "No..." he whispered, his voice barely audible, a broken sound.

"Tae (태), I can explain!" I stuttered, my heart plummeting, a cold dread washing over me. The blood drained from my face, leaving me feeling hollow. "Yoona (윤아), how dare you lie like this?! You know I didn't even touch you, that nothing happened! My body gave no reaction, and I stopped you before anything could, because I don't love women like that! There was nothing between us that could lead to this! You know this is a lie!" I defended, my voice rising, raw with outrage and desperation, my gaze blazing at Young-i.

I tried to hold Tae (태) again, but he pushed my hand away, his eyes filled with pain, already turning to walk away. Panic seizing me, a cold grip around my heart, I forcefully grabbed him, wrapping my arms around him from behind, pinning him to me.

"Believe me, Tae (태), that night, even in the confusion from the hickeys, I was only thinking of you. It was always you I saw. The moment I realized it wasn't you, that it was her, I stopped everything, completely. There was no intimacy, no real connection, because it wasn't with the person I desire!" I pleaded, my voice hoarse, clinging to him for dear life. Then I spun, my gaze locking onto Yoona (윤아), my old aura, the dormant power, surging back with icy intensity. This was the first Kim Woo since I woke from the coma. My eyes bored into her, cold and unwavering. With just a look, a silent command, I locked the door and made them all sit, an undeniable authority emanating from me. Yes, I could feel it; Yoona (윤기) was trembling, her face pale, because she knew this chilling part of me.

"Kim, I... I can explain," she stuttered, her bravado completely gone, replaced by fear.

"I'm listening... and I don't want lies," I warned coldly, my voice devoid of warmth, each word a stone dropping into silence.

"Kim, you know how much I love you and care about you... Yes, I admit I'm not pregnant, and yes, I admit I tried to force you to sleep with me because I wanted to be pregnant for you and claim you, but when you told me that you loved men, my mind went to Tae (태) so I also went and met your mother and asked for advice and she told me... she told me to frame you, but I can't ruin your reputation so I tried calling you but you didn't pick up so I decided to find you and I heard your conversation and I said it so he will hate you," she sobbed, confessing everything in a rush, her words tumbling over each other.

"Yoona (윤아), I trusted you... I... aaaa..." I began, overwhelmed by betrayal and a crushing weight, but then something went terribly wrong. My head began to ache violently, a searing, splitting pain, and I fainted, collapsing into darkness.

I woke up, and the first thing my eyes fell on was Tae (태). He had been with me throughout, his head resting by my hand on the bed. He feels for me, right? Then I looked around and saw Yoona (윤아) sitting on the couch, her face tear-stained. My hand slowly reached out and gently caressed his hand.

"You're awake," he smiled, a fragile, relieved smile, and kissed my knuckles.

"Water," was all I could manage to croak out.

"How long have I been here?" I asked after greedily drinking the water he offered.

"Two days," Tae (태) said, his voice soft. Yoona (윤아) didn't come closer but was looking at me with tears in her eyes, a mixture of guilt and longing. She looked good, but Tae (태) still wore the clothes from school, looking even thinner than the other day. My heart ached for him.

"What happened to you?" I asked, my thumb gently caressing his cheek.

"It's nothing... Get well, okay?" he said, patting my hair, a tender gesture.

"Kim," Yoona (윤아) finally called, her voice small, but I ignored her, my gaze fixed on Tae (태).

"Yohan (요한), you can go now... he has woken up," she said, suppressing her jealousy, a clear attempt to get rid of Tae (태).

"How do you expect me to go, especially now that he is awake and weak... I don't trust you, especially after what happened," Yohan (요한) countered, his voice firm, refusing to budge.

"I mean, go and freshen up and eat... I will order clothes for you," she said blankly, her tone forced. My head snapped to face Tae (태), confusion swirling in my mind.