Chapter 1 Emptiness

Haru's footsteps echoed softly against the pavement, each step a quiet rhythm to the cacophony of thoughts swirling in his mind. The city streets, usually bustling with life, now lay silent under the canopy of night, enveloping him in an eerie stillness that matched the emptiness he felt within.

"What is the meaning of life?" The question lingered in the air like a haunting melody, a relentless echo that followed him everywhere he went. It was a question that had plagued him for as long as he could remember, a relentless pursuit of purpose in a world that often seemed devoid of meaning.

But tonight, as Haru walked through the dimly lit streets, those existential ponderings faded into the background, overshadowed by more immediate concerns. His thoughts were consumed by darker, more pressing questions—questions of mortality, of finality, of the inevitable end that awaited him.

"How long will it take to die?" The question echoed in his mind, a chilling reminder of the decision he had made, the path he had chosen to walk. 

But despite the fear that gnawed at his insides, there was a strange sense of resignation in Haru's heart. The meaning of life, once a burning question that consumed his thoughts, now seemed like a distant memory, a fleeting notion in the face of his imminent demise. Haru had made a decision that night... a decision he had been pondering for months. The meaning of life didn't matter to him. Connections with others? Nobody gave a damn about his existence. Honestly, he would be surprised if his father even realized he was gone. He also had no dreams to speak of... no purpose. Just a walking shell of a body.

It was a normal night, as normal as they come; the crickets chirped, filling up the usual emptiness that night time brought. With a heavy sigh, Haru glanced down at his phone, the glow of his phone screen illuminating his face in the darkness. 

"What is the meaning of life?" The title of an article stared back at him. He looked at the article as he stood still in front of the tall building, heart beating out of his chest reading it. As he finally got to the ending, the words he read were "You make your own meaning!", a beacon of defiance against the encroaching darkness. The article never answered the question and just danced around the subject.

 The article finished as Haru could no longer scroll. He stared at those words for 3 whole minutes before letting out an exasperated sigh before putting his phone back in his pocket, taking two steps closer towards the building. "I'm doing this…" he murmured to himself, barely a whisper. "I have to do this…"

The young boy tilted his head back, his gaze drawn to the vast expanse of the night sky, where stars shimmered like scattered diamonds against the dark canvas. Snowflakes descended gently around him, each one a delicate reminder of the cold embrace of the impending winter. With a resigned sigh, he slipped on his headphones

"Six stories..", Haru murmured to no one, taking in the great height from the ground. The structure loomed over him like a silent sentiment, its imposing presence casting a shadow over his fragile resolve. Today, he had resolved, would mark the end of everything. Everything...

The walk up the steps was quiet as Haru ascended the abandoned building. The silence enveloped him like a suffocating blanket, broken only by the soft cadence of his own footsteps and the distant murmur of music filtering through his headphones.

Despite the inactivity of the night, however, Haru felt as if he was going to faint,a sense of dread clung to Haru like a second skin. His heartbeat felt like it was rising with each step to the top he took. Flickering through his mind was the image of a shattered and lifeless body at the base of the building… his body that would soon be at the bottom of the building. As he reached the 5th floor with only one more flight of stairs to climb, he paused in his tracks coming to a temporary halt.

He surveyed his surroundings with a detached sense of resignation, taking note of the dilapidated walls adorned with graffiti, the grimy steps that bore the weight of neglect, and the spider perched ominously atop the ceiling, its silent feast a grim reminder of the cycle of life and death, and him… a boy whose life meant absolutely nothing

Nothing felt real as he looked around him..almost as if he was in first person mode on a video game. Merely a spectator in his own life at this point, a passive observer of the world unraveling around him. Endlessly observing and taking in the love others received around him, the fact he would never have what they did was always in the back of his mind as he watched them blankly. The emptiness within him was palpable, a gaping void that threatened to swallow him whole. Would anyone even notice his absence, he wondered?

His father might not find out for weeks, maybe even longer.And when he finally did, would it stir any emotion within him? Would he feel anything other than relief that Haru had finally joined his departed mother?

Haru couldn't even manage to get tears out of his eyes as the anguish of his pointless existence dawned on him more and more.

The meaning of life…

What on earth was it….

The questions he had decided to ignore began once again echoing silently in his mind.

Haru continued up the steps, this time a bit faster, and his eyes met the door that led to the roof. He hoped it wasn't locked… or maybe a small part of him hoped it was.

An image of his mother popped in his head as he thought back on the article he was reading.

In the recesses of his mind, the question echoed like a haunting refrain: What is the meaning of life? To be loved, to be happy? Such concepts felt foreign to Haru, distant and intangible, like fragments of a dream he could never quite grasp. An image of his mom downing alcohol as she yelled her woes about his father abandoning her popped in his head as he placed his hand on the doorknob, not yet turning it to see if it was locked.

No matter how fervently he yearned for them, love and happiness remained elusive specters, taunting him with their tantalizing promise yet forever out of reach. With a hesitant twist of the doorknob, Haru's heart skipped a beat as he discovered the door was unlocked, a glimmer of relief washing over him as he pushed it open, the creak of hinges echoing softly in the stillness of the night.

As he stepped onto the rooftop, a sense of calm descended upon him, the tumult of his thoughts momentarily silenced by the vast expanse of the night sky stretching out before him. Memories erupted into his mind; he thought back on his mother whose angry gaze turned to him as he stared at her, hopefully showing her his school achievement. "Why did I give birth to you….", she murmured, her eyes not seeming to even be looking at him. "Why did he abandon me!?" she screamed, throwing the wine bottle that sat next to her narrowly missing the young Haru's face. "My life is ruined!! Why!!! Why did that man abandon me!? . "WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT ME!?" The question echoed in the silence, a haunting lament that pierced his very soul.

Her screams echoed in his head… despite the years that passed, those words continued to echo through his head. "WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT ME!?" That question stuck to him.

"Today is the day… My last.", he remembered his mother smiling faintly to him as he left for school confused. "Haru my dear… You are my child… I curse you to have the same fate as me…", she smiled twistedly with a dead distant look in her eyes as she ruffled his hair and walked away.

Haru remembered that day clearly… Those were her last words to him. He was happy she smiled at him and ruffled his hair… he thought the day would be a good day. The image of her limp hanged body remained etched in his head.

A bitter smile tugged at the corners of Haru's lips as he approached the ledge, the weight of his decision pressing heavily upon him. With a resigned sigh, he removed his headphones, letting the emptiness that night bring swallow him as he heard cricket sounds chirping endlessly into the night; He approached the edge and looked down, taking in the full height.

He silently took a small doll out of his pocket and dropped it. The doll fell, gravity taking it quickly… it reached the ground in a few seconds, and he saw it bounce and let out another sigh.

From the videos he'd seen, he didn't believe that the height would make his body unrecognizable…

He climbed onto the ledge, his resolve wavering as he stared into the abyss below. "I have to do this... I have to do this," he whispered to himself, the words a mantra of desperation that echoed in the recesses of his mind. No one cared about him; no one would miss him. The realization washed over him like a tidal wave, numbing his senses to the bone.

"I have to do this… I have to do this!", he repeated to himself.

There was no one who cared about him, no one who would miss him. And in that moment, Haru realized with a bitter pang that he didn't even care about himself in the end. Existing and living was useless if no one cared about you.

"WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME! ", his mother's words echoed in his head.

"Like mother, like son," Haru whispered to himself, his gaze drifting upward to the moon, its pale light casting an ethereal glow over the desolate rooftop. He couldn't bear to look down, the mere thought enough to make his stomach drop. He silently said goodbye to the world, his soul weighed down by a profound emptiness that left him incapable of shedding tears.

Closing his eyes, he surrendered himself to the pull of gravity, bracing for the inevitable impact of hitting the ground. It never came as he felt a sharp tug on his sweater.

"Well, would you look here~," a voice, unfamiliar yet oddly amused, interrupted his descent. "I've got you~," it continued, almost playful in its tone. Before Haru could comprehend what was happening, he felt something wrench him backward, sparing him from the bone-shattering impact he had anticipated.

"What the…" he murmured in confusion, his eyes fluttering open to find himself staring into the barrel of a gun.

His eyes widened as he saw the hole of a gun pointing at him.

"Ahhh!!!", he and the unknown person screamed in unison.

Gradually, Haru's terror subsided, replaced by a bewildered sense of unease as he tried to make sense of the situation. Why was the person pointing a gun at him screaming too?

The person in question was now laughing like a maniac, gun still pointed at him. "Hi there, kid~," the stranger chimed with a mischievous glint in their eyes, keeping the gun trained on him with an unsettling nonchalance. Haru found himself at a loss for words, his mind racing to comprehend the surreal encounter unfolding before him. As they took off the hood covering their face, Haru took in the stranger.

It was a girl… a high schooler by the looks of her uniform. The uniform was a dark blue dress shirt combined with a medium-length black skirt, and the girl wore a large brown sweater over it. The uniform looked strangely familiar, but he couldn't place where he recognized it from. The girl's vibrant white hair danced in the night breeze, a stark contrast to her dark complexion. He couldn't see her face clearly due to it being nighttime, but he could see she had something that looked like a lollipop in her mouth.

"Hello!" She repeated, this time louder, getting his attention back to the current situation of him having a gun pointed to his face. He stayed silent as he looked up at her. 

"Not going to say anything, huh… well, that's fine. It's just you intruded on me," the girl grumbled, a hint of annoyance creeping into her voice.

Haru furrowed his brow in confusion. How was his attempt at ending his own life somehow inconveniencing her? But then again, he supposed witnessing someone's death first hand could be unsettling, to say the least.

"However!", she interrupted his thoughts. "I have decided to be nice to you." She tilted the gun as she said this, as if that was meant to explain the current situation.

"Uhhh…", he started,his voice trailing off completely lost.

"So he speaks!! Or makes noises at least," she interrupted him once again with a hint of amusement. "Anyways, jumping from this height isn't guaranteed to kill you… and even if it did, you won't die immediately; you'll be left writhing in pain at the bottom as your life slowly and painfully slips away," she said matter-of-factly, her tone growing colder with each word. "I would know." She paused, saying the last part quietly barely audible, her words hanging in the air like an ominous cloud.

"So!" she continued, her tone returning to its almost manic cheerfulness. "I've decided to help you out." With a swift motion, she repeated the tilting of the gun, her gaze unwavering as she pointed it towards the side of her head. "This is far quicker and far more painless… it'll be quick, won't feel a thing at all." The girl contained a certain madness and twistedness in her eyes as she stared down at him, still in place. "One shot and you'll be gone in seconds."

Haru stared up at her blankly as she stood, gun still pointed to her head, smiling down at him unblinking... though for some reason, it didn't seem as if she was even looking at him.

"I really don't get what's so great about here that it's such a popular suicide spot," she mused aloud, her voice tinged with a hint of bitterness. As she shifted the gun to face Haru once more, her words took on a softer tone, almost as if she were speaking to herself. "I come here in hopes of remembering something and find you doing the same thing that got me here in the first place…"

Haru's mind raced with a whirlwind of emotions, confusion and disbelief evident on his face.

"What you don't want to do... Do you have any strong desire to leave by jumping?" she asked, looking down at him. Haru stayed silent for a few moments before realizing she was waiting for him to respond.

"Um… not really, no," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Ok then great, you can just go ahead and call me your savior, yah!"

Haru gazed up at her, his confusion deepening with each passing moment. Her sudden shift in demeanor left him feeling unsettled, unsure of what to make of this strange girl who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere to offer him…salvation?

"You look hesitant," she remarked flatly, the cheer draining from her voice. She fixed him with a piercing stare, as if daring him to defy her newfound sense of purpose. "Well, too bad you can't be hesitant in suicide now, can you!" With a swift motion, she adjusted her aim so that the gun was now inches away from Haru's forehead. "What a waste of life… pathetic till the end,"she trailed off as she looked up at the stars, guns still pointed at Haru, for some reason it didn't sound like she was talking to him.

"You want someone to feel sorry for you, don't you?" she continued, her voice devoid of its earlier enthusiasm. "Someone to listen to your pain and struggling, someone to hear you, someone to see you, someone to give a damn…" Her words trailed off into an eerie silence, the weight of their implications hanging heavily in the air.

For a moment, the girl fell silent, her gaze cold and calculating as she regarded Haru with a mixture of curiosity and disdain. In that moment, Haru couldn't shake the feeling that he was staring into the eyes of madness itself—a swirling abyss of emotions and contradictions that threatened to consume them both.

Her words, however, struck Haru... Her words pierced Haru's soul like shards of glass, each one a painful reminder of his own perceived inadequacies. It was as if she had already pulled the trigger, the impact of her words reverberating in his ears long after they had been spoken. He had never tried, had he? Never made an effort to connect with others, to forge meaningful relationships. But then again, he reasoned bitterly, nobody had ever tried for him either.

No one had ever extended a hand in kindness, no one had ever bothered to understand him. Nobody cared.

His mother's anguished cries echoed in his mind with deafening clarity, a haunting refrain that threatened to consume him whole. WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME!?

Why, Why, Why. Why had no one comforted him when he bruised his knee, when his mother left him, when he cried in private when his classmates asked him why his mom never showed up for school events. When he cried when his father didn't show up at her funeral. WHY WASN'T HIS FATHER THERE FOR HIM!!? FOR HIS MOTHER..WHY DID HE ABANDON THEM! Why did his parents even bother giving birth to him if they were going to abandon him. He felt like screaming his previous indifference transforming into a twisted unfamiliar rage at everything. The questions that had always swirled in the back of his mind were now coming to the surface like a raging tempest, his previous indifference giving way to a twisted, unfamiliar rage that burned within him like a wildfire.

 It wasn't his fault, it wasn't… It was everyone else. How was he expected to reach out to anyone when no one ever reached out to him. The feelings that quickly erupted in him overtook him in an instant, overwhelming him entirely.

He felt eyes boring into him and slowly looked up, his eyes widened in shock as he almost jumped back as he realized the unknown girl was closer to him than before, her face now in view, mere inches from his own. She was stunning, with features so distinct and unique that she seemed almost otherworldly.

She was an attractive girl with very distinct and unique features; she looked ethereal almost. Green and blue eyes stared back at him, staring into him. It was almost as if the girl could see right through him to his very core. The blue eye was decorated with a dark beauty mark underneath it, a bandaid rested on her cheek under the green. Her heterochromic eyes, a mesmerizing blend of bright green and blue, bore into his with an intensity that sent shivers down his spine, as if she could peer straight into his soul. The girl was crouched down, one hand on her knee and one hand with the gun still pointed towards Haru.

Caught in the depths of her gaze, Haru's thoughts drifted to the relationships he had observed around him—the bonds between parent and child, between friends, between lovers. That's all he had ever wanted… All he had ever yearned for in the depths of his loneliness.

Haru met the girl's gaze head-on, his heart pounding in his chest as they locked eyes, his heart beating loudly as his eyes trailed down and met the gun. Maybe he could try, maybe… Maybe he could live. He wanted to live… He wanted to try, even if just one more time.

A genuine smile graced the girl's lips, a stark contrast to the darkness that had clouded their encounter moments before.

"Well, time to leave.. I've got things to do, so let's hurry this up, yah."

"Wait, I-... I"

"You what?" the girl prompted, her smile widening as she leaned in, her amusement palpable.

"I… I WANT TO LIVE!" Haru's words reverberated through the night air, a declaration of defiance against the shadows that had threatened to consume him. It was the loudest he had yelled in five long years, and he only yelled that loud before because he was drowning.

"Is that so~", She chimed, not putting the gun down as she slowly rose to her feet no longer crouching, the gun still focused on Haru.

The crickets continued their ceaseless chirping, their song a constant backdrop to the eerie stillness of the night. The moon hung in the sky, its silvery glow casting an ethereal light over the desolate rooftop, while the stars twinkled overhead, their distant shimmer a reminder of the vastness of the universe.

A line of crows perched silently on a nearby telephone wire, their dark forms stark against the night sky. For a moment, the world seemed frozen in time, suspended in the quiet emptiness that enveloped them.

Then, without warning, a deafening BANG shattered the silence, the sound reverberating through the air with a force that sent the crows scattering into the night. The echo of the gunshot lingered in the stillness for a few heart-stopping moments before gradually fading away, leaving behind nothing but the quiet emptiness of the night and the relentless chirping of the crickets.

Haru had his eyes closed as he saw the girl pull the trigger, hearing the bang fully expecting to be shot through. He slowly opened his eyes after a few moments of not feeling a bullet go through his skull, wondering if the girl was really right about it being instant. As he opened his eyes, he was met with a splash of water hitting his face and soaking his shirt and face thoroughly.

Startled and bewildered, Haru blinked in confusion, his mind struggling to process what had just transpired. The cause of the sudden drenching—a laughing girl clutching a water gun—stood before him, her hysterical laughter echoing in the stillness of the night.

"Haha… Your face I can't!" she exclaimed between fits of laughter, She laughed hysterically, trying to catch her breath, her lollipop still somehow remaining in her mouth.

Haru looked up at her in confusion as to why he was still alive and now wet.

"It's a water gun my brother gave me, haha… it looks really realistic. He told me it would come in handy because it looked so realistic…", the girl trailed off as if she was expecting to use it for something else. "But I never thought I would use it in a situation like this."

Her laughter subsided into a sigh. "It makes an obnoxious noise when you pull the trigger, but the water comes out delayed… it's pretty useless, only useful for threatening really," she concluded with a wry smile, her amusement fading into a quieter introspection.

"Well, I came here in hopes of remembering something but you made my night a lot more troubling than it needed to be…", She murmured quietly so quietly Haru could hardly hear her.

Haru was silent as he stared at the girl and felt the wetness on his face. The girl finally turned to stare at him, and her smile disappeared, replaced by an awkward expression.

"Um…" she started tentatively, her voice uncertain. "Gosh, I suck at comforting people…" With a self-conscious sigh, she scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "Here!" she exclaimed suddenly, rummaging in her pocket before kneeling down once again to meet Haru at eye level. Haru took in her dazzling eyes that seemed to shine even in the dark of night.

Haru looked up at her confused as she silently got a handkerchief and wiped the water off of his face. However, despite her wiping his face with the handkerchief, it still isn't dry.

"Arghh stop crying c'mon..", she said nervously digging in her pockets again. "Here, eating these sweets always makes me feel better!" Without warning, she seized his hand and pressed something into his palm.

At a closer look, Haru realized it was a handful of lollipops and the girl placed the previously used handkerchief on top of the pile. Haru looked back to her confused as her heterochromic eyes gazed back at him. They were enchanting… he found himself unable to tear his gaze away from them.

"Well um.. I gotta go, I'm way past my curfew…" she sighed, slowly rising to her feet. "Eat those and.. maybe try living or something I don't know." With that, she began to walk towards the door, leaving Haru sitting on the floor in a state of flabbergasted confusion, not really knowing what to do or make of the strange encounter.

 He looked down at the candy in his hand in silence… he didn't remember the last time he ate candy… he wasn't even sure he liked sweets.

"Oh wait…" The girl's voice interrupted his reverie, causing him to glance up in surprise. She stood by the door, her hand poised to open it, the wind tousling her hair in a wild dance.

"Umm…", she said, sounding awkward as she slowly turned around. It started getting windier, causing her long fluffy looking hair to move rapidly in the wind. Despite the distance between them, Haru could now easily pinpoint her face and her eyes staring back at him.

"All of these stars are shining tonight… just for you!", she stuttered, almost as if she was quoting the words from somewhere else. She muttered something under her breath, too faint for Haru to catch, before turning away and waving goodbye. "Make sure you get home safe!" Her voice carried through the air as the door closed behind her, leaving Haru alone once more with nothing but the night sky and the echoes of her words lingering in the air.

Haru sat in silence, still processing the events of a few moments ago. "That.. happened", he murmured to no one. He glanced down at his wet shirt, the handkerchief, and the lollipops that now lay in his hands, The only tangible remnants of the surreal encounter he had just experienced.

Haru felt a strange sensation, a wetness trickling down his face. "Huh?", he murmured as he felt something drop down from his face and the wet substance that the girl dried off before returned as one drop followed another. A hiccup escaped his throat, followed by a sniffle.

Haru slowly raised his hand up to feel his face.. He was crying. 

"I-I'm c-crying", he sputtered out his voice high pitched and wobbly. It was as if a dam had burst within him, unleashing a torrent of emotions he had long suppressed. He felt a wrenching sensation in his throat, an unfamiliar ache that seemed to emanate from the depths of his soul.

His hiccups increased involuntarily and soft wretched gasps came from his throat out of his mouth. Unable to contain the flood of emotions any longer, Haru collapsed onto the ground, his body wracked with sobs as he gazed up at the moon and the stars that surrounded it, its serene glow casting a comforting light over his turmoil. 

His once blank gaze was now filled with a raw, unfiltered intensity, his features contorted with the agony of years of repressed pain. He slowly placed his arm over his face as he allowed himself to be consumed by the storm of emotions raging within him, no longer able to hold back the floodgates of his heart. And in that moment of vulnerability, amidst the darkness and the silence of the night, Haru surrendered to the cathartic release of his tears, letting them flow freely as he finally allowed himself to feel.

Twenty minutes passed, each second weighed down by the weight of Haru's pent-up emotions. Slowly, he began to regain control over himself, his sobs subsiding into a soft whimper, and his tears drying on his cheeks. The hiccups faded into silence, leaving behind a profound stillness of a new understanding that enveloped him.

Feeling the coldness the snow and wind brought, Haru rose to his feet, his face red both from crying and the cold., his movements slow and deliberate. He cast a wary glance at the lollipop in his hand, turning it over a few times as he looked it over. The wrapper was a bright and obnoxious pink rabbit decorating it. It looked far too happy for someone who just tried to jump off a building. 

With trembling fingers, he unwrapped it, the crinkle of the paper a faint echo in the silent rooftop. As he popped the candy into his mouth, the sweetness flooded his senses,

With a heavy heart and weary limbs, Haru turned towards the door, his footsteps echoing softly on the staircase as he made his way down. The night enveloped him in its quiet embrace, the darkness offering solace in its anonymity.

"It tastes good," he murmured to himself, the words a whispered reassurance in the stillness of the night. And with that simple acknowledgment, Haru took the long quiet walk back, the weight of the night's events lingering in the quiet corners of his mind. His mind is full of a certain white haired girl.