CHARLOTTE

"I'm not going with you" I groaned falling on the bed. It was strangely comfy. That was what going out with Anna did.

Why would she suggest I go to a party with her? Aiden's party of all parties. The hell, Reggie would be there, not like I'm trying to avoid him but ha, I don't do parties.

The last party I attended strangely did not turn out well, I didn't fit into the crowd. I was the different girl with big glasses and skirts, I was laughed at. My heart squeezed at the memory and I shut my eyes.

Only Reggie was by me and luckily, that was were I met Anna. Speaking of Anna, she sat next to me who was lying on my stomach, my glasses on the bed.

"I don't want to leave you here —all alone" she muttered and I turned to face her. Who said I wasn't good? I would just sleep the stress away.

"I'm good, I just want to close my eyes and escape into dreamland" I breathed and she smiled at me.

"You're very pretty Charlie, I hope you believe in yourself and come join us at the cheer leading team" she said and I snorted holding one of her pony pillows to my chest.

Yeah, Anna was in the cheer team and as always Bianca was the leader. And we don't fucking like each other, so there was no fucking way I'd get into cheer team. Hey, who said I wanted to get in?

"I'm not interested in cheer leading, have you seen my body? I'm not at all athletic" I sighed and Anna mirrored mine but hers held a lot more aggression than mine.

"I'm not gonna try to make you feel good or bad or —whatever, but in those skirts or not, you have an amazing ass and when I say ass, I mean an amazing body I'm sometimes jealous of" she stood up standing in front of me with her hands on her waist.

Me? The fuck Anna is jealous of me —that's so unbelievable.

She squinted her eyes at me.

"Charlie, you're the only one who could love yourself more. Self hating yourself is just like slow poison, it'll eventually ruin you someday" she said her eyes turning glassy.

I swallowed nothing looking away. I was speechless, I had nothing to say. I was —

The sound of a ringtone filled the air. It was Anna's phone. She was definitely needed wherever she was called. She sighed reaching for it while I tuned out.

I could be the girl I always wanted to be, I could be the girl that deserved her family's love, I could be the girl that thought high of herself, I could be —I sighed.

I just don't know what's wrong with me, why I can't feel among.

I heard the bathroom door drift shut and I closed my eyes tightly. I would be that girl someday.

Run! Run! Run! 

As fast as you can Charlotte, they're behind you, don't let them get to you. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, hearing the approaching footfalls behind me. 

I would not let them catch up with me, I won't let them hit me again. 

It was dark and the trees looked scary, why would mum bring me out here? Why did she leave me. Sobs racked through my body and I clamped my hand against my lips muffling the sound. 

I could hear the dry leaves crunch under their footsteps, they were close and dread sank into my body. They would catch me and then kill me. 

Something slid down my forehead and I almost yelled before realising it was my own blood, one of them had hit me in the head, how I was still conscious I don't know. 

Mum, where are you? I cried silently. Praying mum would come for me. She'd save me like she always did. 

But mummy never came, she was playing with her new baby and they caught me. I screamed at the top of my lungs and darkness descended. 

I gasped sitting up the bed immediately, beads of sweat ran down my body. I was panicking. Where I'm I?

It didn't help that the room was dark, tears slipped out of my eyes and I began muttering words.

"No.. No. No. Mummy" I cried till I could no longer cry and then reality slowly stepped in.

I was safely tucked in Anna's bed, I'm in her house. A rush of relief went through me and I reached for her bedside turning on the light.

How long have I slept? Long enough to keep the nightmare coming back. This was part of the reason I never slept more than three hours at night but I guess Anna made me so exhausted I slept into midnight.

She wasn't here, that means she's still at Aiden's party. I climbed out from under the covers sitting on the bed when a knock came on the door and the pushed open gently.

I stared at the figure by the doorway holding a glass. Anna's mum.

She walked into the light, holding what I think it's a glass of milk on the desk before coming to sit next to me.

Just like Anna, her mum was very friendly and motherly. She knew about a whole lot of my nightmares than mum did. Sometimes I wished I had her as a mother instead but then if I had, she wouldn't love me.

She's only acting out of pity for me. The thought grave my heart.

"How was it?" she asked quietly and I shook my head.

"Still so bad and scary and —real" I blinked back the ball of tears threatening at the back of my eyes.

"Here, drink this. It would help you calm down" she raised the glass to my lips.

I opened up taking a sip, it was warm milk. I smiled at her collecting the glass from her.

"Thank you" my voice was just a whisper. She nodded at me and watched me take a gulp and two.

"Should I stay with you?" she asked and I shook my head. She needed to rest, I don't want to be the reason why Anna's mum stresses herself.

Anna's father was dead, he was also a good man and I'll forever be grateful to the both of them for creating a soul like Anna.

She was worried and It hit my guts pretty bad, I knew what next she'd ask. She always asked from the first time I had a nightmare.

But it was true, mum had taken me on a walk in the forest that day, she told me she was going to pee and then I never saw her again.

Deep down, I knew mum had planned it. She wanted me dead or something, but I didn't hold it against her, I still craved her love.

"No, I'll be good" I muttered and she sighed standing up. She ran her hand over my hair, her eyes moving to the other side of the bed where Anna normally lies before walking out, the door clicking shut behind her.

I turned around and was surprised to see the cover up making it look like she was there. Oh no, she tricked her mum again.

The next morning, I was feeling a little bit better, Anna had slipped in an hour past midnight and was still snoring in bed.

She had looked excited and her eyes had a glint in them. I was too exhausted to ask her how the party went so we just slept like that.

I pulled the sheets down her face and opened the curtains, one thing about Anna she can't sleep with the lights on. We were so contradictory but opposites makes the best match right?

She groaned turning to her side, placing the pillow over her face. I smiled, she was cute.

"C'mon sleepy head, time to get ready for school" I said as I switched on my phone. There was no message, no voicemail from mum and Jessica. They were totally comfortable with me out of the picture.

I only had a few updates in my email from the scholarship program I tried to sign in, so I could pay for the college I had in mind.

I slammed the phone screen down and smiled widely, I refuse to feel bad about myself nonetheless I would be seeing Jessica in school. She was a cheerleader duh..

I managed to get Anna out of bed and into the bathroom where we brushed our teeth together. She had drool on the side of her face and her hair like a messy bird nest. Her eyes were sleepy and she managed to hum to my little talks.

I eventually gave up trying to talk to her and made sure she got ready as I did. She blinked fully awake after taking a shower. I was already dressed then, just cleaning my glasses.

She frowned walking towards me eyeing my clothes. I stared down at myself.

"You wore that yesterday" she bluntly pointed out and I shrugged. Clothes are wore twice right?

"You can't fucking wear that today, what happened to all the things we bought?" she asked staring at me like I'd suddenly lost my mind.

I sighed keeping my glasses on the table. 

"Those things we bought aren't my size, they feel tight clinging to every goddamn inch of my body" I said before pinching the bridge of my nose. I cursed. I wasn't supposed to curse so early in the morning but Anna—oh God.

Her arms flailed, a disbelieving look crossed her face.

"But that's the purpose of those clothes, to actually make you look like you" she crossed the room walking to the shopping bags.

"They make me uncomfortable and I'm very comfortable in what I'm in" I muttered and I caught her rolling her eyes.

"Of course, you are" she mumbled searching for God knows what. I looked away concentrating on cleaning my glasses.

"Here. You would wear this" she announced and I turned around. My mouth dropped and I shook my head.

"No, I'm not" I said raising a finger. I tried that tank top, it's pretty—yes. But it made my boobs looked bigger and for the love of Christ, Anna had to go buy it.

Yeah, it's my favorite color green but doesn't mean I would wear that to school.

"You would. It looks fucking amazing on you and it has push ups" she smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"You can have it then" I muttered and she pouted.

"My boobs aren't as full as yours" she said and like she remembered something, she giggled.

I stared at her confused. What's funny in my boobs being bigger. She flushed staring at me.

"Aiden said my boobs are pretty " she said and I coughed. What?!

"You had sex?" I asked in disbelief and she sighed.

"No, but third base" she rolled her eyes "—I don't have to explain what it means right?" she asked and I glared at her.

"The fuck you have to, no" I said. I very much knew what third bases are. They basically ate each other out. Ew, gross.

"Without much argument, you definitely wearing this and.. " she drawled looking into the bag and raising a pair of skinny jeans. She actually bought a set of that.

"I have boots and trust me Charlie, you would totally rock it" she said and I sighed staring at my skirts. They weren't so bad. It actually looked great.

"C'mon pretty please" she whined and I let out a rush of breath through my lips.

I grabbed the clothes from her walking back to the bed and sitting on it with the clothes in my hand. I could always go with my skirt and tee. When the attention becomes too much, I'd just change back.

Anna squealed as she went into her closet reemerging with a black tee and two scarfs. I closed my eyes. I can do this, just for today. I'd let myself live a little.