Chapter 1:

"Very good, Tanya. I dare say you may be the best student I have ever taught letters to," Father Tully praised. "Even Arutha needed to be shown a few things more than once."

That was high praise, considering the evident intelligence the Duke's second son possessed. In fairness, I was cheating. While the King's Tongue wasn't English, Japanese, French, Chinese, or Germanic, it was close enough to English that I had a massive leg up in learning it.

Father Tully was a good instructor, and kind enough to offer me a few lessons after I made a nuisance of myself. In return, I helped tidy up his living quarters. It was never truly dirty, and I suspected the task was just a way to prevent others from inundating him with requests for his time. For a priest, he wasn't so bad at all. The other children of the keep feared his tongue-lashings, but as long as you didn't screw up, he was mild-mannered. I respected that, even if he had chosen a rather dubious life's calling.

"Thank you, Father Tully. I enjoy reading, and I wouldn't mind considering a profession as a scribe."

The old man chuckled. "There will be time for that when you're older. When you mature from girl to woman, you will find the idea of hearth and home more appealing."

I found that fate rather appalling. Not that I found the drudgery of being a scribe appealing either, but it could open doors and serve as a stepping stone to greater things.

I was stuck in this world because Being X had proved himself a fraud once again. Oblivion had not been fate after my second life's death. Nor was some sort of hellish eternal torment in everlasting damnation. Instead I was born again, into a third life. My earliest years I had little memory of, I suspect it was all in jumbles fitting two lifetimes of memories into a tiny undeveloped brain. By three everything I knew had returned to me.

The memories of my death were unpleasant; the cruel irony of it had likely amused that devil masquerading as a God. I had no reason to fight so hard to protect the person I had been ordered to assassinate. The death of General Rudersdorf had been the entire purpose of my presence with the convoy. It soured my stomach as I remembered how desperate I had been to make the defense look believable. The company I led had used our protective shells to literally body-block the explosive formula and incoming fire on the plane. I had underestimated the number of Albion elites involved in the assault, and the wave of fire had torn apart my defenses. Had I been using my usual strategies; I would have dodged. I should have dodged. But I didn't. Instead, I let the fear of my duplicitous mission being discovered lead me to take a poor risk.

My new life was in a technologically backward world, reminiscent of the pre-Renaissance era in many respects. I found myself an orphan once again, and frustratingly enough, a girl once more. The place I grew up, the Duchy of Crydee, was even more backward than much of the world around me. It was the westernmost part of the Kingdom of the Isles. The castle resembled the common medieval fortresses of Europe, surrounded by a small town that supported it. Strangely enough, the duchy was governed by one of the most powerful nobles in the Kingdom: Duke Borric conDoin, a cousin of the reigning king.

I was taken in, though not truly adopted, by one of the families that served in the Crydee castle. My appearance likely played a significant role in this bit of fortune. Once again, I was blonde-haired and blue-eyed. One of the castle cooks, Megar, thought I resembled his son almost exactly. We were very close in age, and people said that Megar considered it a sign from the Goddess Dala that his family should care for the orphan.

I was grateful, but I wasn't fully accepted as their daughter. I wasn't flesh and blood, and there was also another orphan who had sort of fallen in with their family. His name was Pug, and he had been brought to Crydee by priests of Dala. At that point, I imagined Megar and his wife, Magya, must have started to regret their piety.

Tomas came first, and Pug and I were relegated to second-hand everything. I wasn't malnourished this time around, but it was a near thing. Crydee wasn't what one would call wealthy, either. On the positive side, the community seemed to behave better than my historical understanding of medieval societies would suggest. Duke Borric ruled firmly but fairly, and serious crime was rare. Fights did break out, but these were personal squabbles rather than robberies or murders. Rape was a hanging offense, and I had yet to hear of it occurring within the town or castle.

I wondered whether this was due to Duke Borric's influence or if I had somehow landed in a more moral society than its technological level would suggest. On the other hand, they certainly didn't have any child labor laws! From an early age, I was expected to earn my keep, which meant working in the castle kitchens. When I was very young, it involved simple cleaning tasks, but now I was responsible for preparing food. It was unappealing drudgery, but I was never one to shirk my duties.

This, along with my own impatience with children, somewhat ostracized me from the others. Pug and Tomas were affable enough, but I was considered the 'weird girl,' so they kept their distance. The other girls in the castle also wanted little to do with me. Normally, on every Sixthday, most of the children gathered in the courtyard near Princess Caraline's garden. The boys played a demented cross between rugby and tag, while the girls gossiped by the wall.

I made a few attempts to do what was socially expected and join the girls in their chatter. It felt awkward and stifling, and I soon realized that my efforts were largely fruitless and ultimately irrelevant. None of these individuals had the social standing that could help me advance in society. Instead, I redoubled my efforts to make myself useful to those who did matter.

Returning to Father Tully's statement, I simply shrugged. "That might be the case. The book on animal husbandry mentioned cycles that animals go through which prompt their desire to breed."

Tully looked somewhat embarrassed. He cleared his throat. "Humans are not like animals, and you'll find that sort of comparison frowned upon. But this is something you'll only be able to understand fully once you've experienced these changes personally."

I tilted my head. "I disagree with that logic. One does not need to experience something to understand its effects. I have never drowned, but I can grasp the physiological and emotional experience without having suffered it personally."

"Physiological? My, you've clearly read some of the more advanced books in the Duke's library! Your use of rhetoric reminds me of my debates with Kulgan."

I had my sights set on Kulgan. This world differed from medieval Europe in several ways, but one notable difference was that magic was apparently real. There was actually a magician serving in Duke Borric's court! He wasn't around as frequently as Father Tully, but I had yet to find a good way to see what he could truly do.

"Master Kulgan, the court mage? Magic seems fascinating. Perhaps I could observe one of your discussions with him and be introduced?"

Tully leaned back, his eyes twinkling a bit with amusement.

"Something like that could be arranged. The people of the town are still wary of him, and I've been telling him he needs to adopt a less mysterious demeanor. It wasn't so long ago that townsfolk would have driven an open practitioner of magic away. They now tolerate him because of his position as the Duke's advisor, but old fears die slowly."

I nodded. It was easy for people to blame misfortune on something they didn't understand. I empathized with Kulgan's plight because so much of the modern world in my previous life failed to grasp economic realities. People would blame the 'economy' or an 'overdemanding boss' instead of their own poor performance. As always, thinking about this made me curse Being X and the fool who pushed me onto the tracks.

"That sounds wonderful. I'm not superstitious and would love to get to know him better."

"Normally, I would encourage you to spend the next Sixthday with children your age, but as it happens, Kulgan and I have planned to dine together here at the keep. You would be welcome to join us."

Plans made, I walked back to the kitchens with a smile on my face.

***

I didn't have fine clothes, or even clothes without stains and holes, but I scrubbed and prepared the best ones I had. I also bathed and did my best with the rough soap that was available. First impressions mattered. Whether in corporate or military life, you should always do what you could to be mindful of your appearance.

Kulgan was a heavyset man, who wore a garish yellow robe. His hair and beard had gone gray, though his bright blue eyes betrayed no sign of age. I suppressed a groan when I saw the long pipe he was avidly smoking as I entered the room where we would be dining. Really? Two lifetimes, and second-hand smoke was still an issue!?

"It is an honor to meet you, Master Kulgan."

He responded in a deep, rich voice, "What a polite young lass. But do not call me 'Master,' – though I am rightly called a master of my arts." His eyes crinkled merrily as he continued, "I am higher-born than you, it is true, but not by much."

That statement piqued my interest. The social structure here was marked by a clear hierarchy. At the top were royalty and powerful nobles, with lesser nobility below them. In the Kingdom, there were several ranks of nobility. Outside of royalty, a Duke held the highest title, and Duke Borric, being the King's cousin and Duke of Crydee, was more noble than most. Lesser nobility included Earls, Barons, Counts, and Squires. A Squire here was a title of the court, the lowest rank among the nobility, yet still considered above nearly all non-nobles. Interestingly enough, a Squire had nothing to do with serving a knight or chivalry, unlike the histories of my first two lives.

Below the nobility were those who owned land or businesses, including wealthy merchants and skilled craftsmen. Further east, closer to the Eastern Capital of the Kingdom, there were even guilds of craftsmen. Crydee, both the town and the castle, was too small to foster that kind of labor politics.

Below the ownership class were freemen, not bound to the land. They had the freedom to go where they wished, though most chose to remain where they were born. Bondsmen, on the other hand, were tied to the land or to a noble. It struck me as a form of quasi-slavery, though it wasn't as harsh as it had been in the history of my first life. A bondsman was required to give their labor to their bondholder for a full day, typically from dawn till dusk, six days a week. After that, they could do as they pleased, even do additional work.

I found the freedom-violating aspect of this system quite disgusting, but from what I could observe, bondsmen were treated better than the indentured servants I had learned about in the history of both my lives. An interesting note was the curious gender distinction. A woman was never a bondsman, yet she would be treated as such if she married one. A girl born into a bondsman family was expected to work for the bondholder until she married. If she married a freeman, she became part of a freeman family. Naturally, this created a powerful incentive for girls to seek a freeman for a husband rather than bondsman.

I was an orphan child with no knowledge of my parentage. I was likely born into a bondsman family, even though freemen families were more common than bondsmen ones. Kulgan's claim that he was born higher than me, but only slightly, suggested that he was likely born into a freeman family. However, it was clear that his family had little means and certainly no noble status.

"I will make note of that and be sure to call you Kulgan."

"Excellent. Come, you and Tully should sit. Meecham will be out with the food soon. I am told you have some questions about magic?"

I glanced quizzically at Father Tully.

"I saw how your eyes lit up with interest upon hearing Kulgan's name. It's perfectly fine – there's nothing wrong with a child's curiosity and wonder about magic."

Hmm, I thought I had more control over my features. I was becoming sloppy. It was acceptable to display your emotions in private, but to do so inadvertently and without purpose in a public setting – where people's perceptions can influence your entire future – was foolish. Fortunately, it had turned out well enough here.

"In that case, I'd love to see you do magic!" This time, my enthusiasm was genuine, just with a more animated expression.

Kulgan chuckled. "My favorite little trick is how I light my pipe!"

Kulgan demonstrated by extending fire about an inch off his finger. I marveled at it and smiled broadly.

"Incredible, can you show me how to do that?"

"A not-unexpected request, young Tanya. For that reason I brought this with me to Tully's dining room."

The magician reached into his robes and withdrew something from an inner pocket. It was an orb of crystal, a glass sphere.

"This device was fashioned as a gift by Althafain of Carse."

Carse was south and east along the Far Coast. It was held by one of the vassals sworn to Duke Borric.

"He is a most puissant artificer of magic who deemed me worthy of such a present, as I have done him a favor or two in the past – but that is of little matter." He set it on the table. "Look deep into the orb, Tanya."

I looked into the sphere, studying it closely for any flaws or cracks. Was I supposed to be doing something else? I recalled memories of using magic without a computation orb. I cleared my thoughts and focused on the sphere. Minutes ticked by, and nothing changed. I waited patiently.

"Look deeper and focus your thoughts. Imagine another place you are familiar with, such as the keep, the kitchens, or perhaps even the library."

I fixed the image of Castle Crydee in my mind, concentrating my will and bending every bit of it toward capturing its appearance. Several more minutes ticked by.

"Ah, well, it was unlikely there would be two people with a spark strong enough to use it without training."

I looked up, face smooth. "Is this some sort of test to determine if someone has the magical cir… center for being a magician?"

Kulgan nodded. "Not always a definitive one, but I will not lead you astray with false hope. I could detect no magic within you."

Curse you Being X!

The incompetent bastard seemed intent on stripping me of all options. In my last life, my magic had often allowed me to survive without external assistance. Here, he appeared determined to eliminate any possibility of me defying him once more. Damn him. I wouldn't play his games, not in this life.

"Could I see you use the sphere?" I asked.

Kulgan nodded, and in about twenty seconds, the sphere revealed a vision of an interior. It showed a room with bookshelves, tomes, and a table. In the scene, I saw a lizard-like creature with red eyes.

"You are seeing my room. That there is Fantus. He is a firedrake, a cousin to dragons, though quite smaller."

I had felt nothing when the magician used his powers. I was disappointed beyond measure. I had hoped that magic would be available to me in this life.

"You aren't afraid he will burn down your books?"

"He knows better, they are quite intelligent, really."

The image dissipated. "I must say, young Tanya, you are a patient child and well composed. I don't mind testing you again when you are older. In the meantime, if you take care to avoid damaging them, you may use my personal library."

I thanked him profusely and began peppering him with questions about how magic worked, surprising both Tully and Kulgan. It seemed that magic in this world was a bit different from what I had encountered in my second life. Magicians here could use their bodies as a focus, but they could also prepare spells within scrolls, books, and other devices.

During our discussion, a tall, broad-shouldered man named Meecham placed a stew before me. The stew was quite delicious – heartier and more meat-filled than the usual fare. I found it thoroughly enjoyable.

Despite the crushing disappointment, I found myself enjoying the company of Kulgan and Tully. They were knowledgeable, intelligent, and welcoming. Meecham also joined us for dinner, though he scarcely spoke. I had made a good impression on one of the Duke's advisors, gained access to more knowledge, and found a source of adult conversation that I had sorely missed. Already, new plans were spinning in my head on how I could potentially improve my circumstances even further.

***

Over the last year, I had begun regularly joining Kulgan and Tully for their weekly suppers. Their debates on the nature of the Gods, magic, and history were fascinating. Ironically, Tully had a passion for logic and reason despite being a priest, while Kulgan was the one who had whims of fancy based on a 'feeling' rather than evidence or sound logic. Their good-natured debates reminded me of how the Empire's General Staff would bandy arguments back and forth. At first, I let them go at it while merely observing. I did not want to risk offending, but as I interacted with them more, I joined in the back-and-forth, much to their delight.

My work-life changed. Tully and Kulgan were now employing me to transcribe books and tomes. My penmanship was the equal of a fully-fledged scribe, and they paid my 'parents' for my time, which spared me from the drudgery of kitchen work. I received a pair of copper pieces a week, while my parents received a silver royal. Magya was very proud of me and used the first silver for an elaborate offering to Dala, well pleased that her family's earlier generosity was now being rewarded.

I was not amused by that decision; it felt as if Being X was subtly manipulating things to troll me.

I still spent some time with Tomas and Pug. Tomas no longer resembled me; he had gained considerable mass and height. Although our eye color and hair remained the same, that was the extent of our similarity. Pug was of a height and weight similar to mine, and since I was a skinny girl, Pug often found himself at a disadvantage in various social interactions.

Today, we were wandering the forest near Crydee. While the forest was not without its dangers, no goblins had been sighted for years. Indeed, this world was home to goblins, dragons, elves, dwarves, and many other fantastical beasts. The greater threats were creatures like boars, the occasional wolf, and, theoretically, trolls. With three of us, the likelihood of wild creatures approaching was quite slim.

Both boys were more nervous than usual, but it had nothing to do with the forest. The Choosing was a rite of passage for boys approaching adolescence, and for them, it was tomorrow. Almost the entire town and castle would be present, and the Craftmasters would select their apprentices. It was the highlight of the year, with many hopes and dreams riding on that day.

An apprenticeship meant a life of honest labor with decent pay, at least by comparison. Even the well-off in Crydee did not enjoy many luxuries due to its remoteness. If a boy was not chosen and was a freeman, he could leave Crydee to seek his fortune elsewhere or become a franklin and farm the Duke's land. Working on a fishing boat was another option. Each type of labor was hard in its own way, and while the wages would cover basic needs like food and clothing, little else.

If I ever gained real power, there would be so many things I would change. The inefficiencies here are astounding, and the lack of competition in skilled labor under the current system is striking.

"Who do you want to be chosen by?" Pug asked Tomas.

"Swordmaster Fannon. I want to be a guard, a soldier in the Duke's service. If I do well, I might become an officer and perhaps even be trusted to protect the Duke's family when they travel. I want to see more of the world one day," Tomas answered excitedly. "See Krondor, or even Rillanon!"

Krondor was the capital of the Western half of the Kingdom, while Rillanon was the capital of the Eastern half. Although Rillanon was the overall capital, decisions for each region were made by the rulers of those cities due to the distance – at least as far as I understood it.

"It would be good to travel," Pug agreed. "Maybe even see dwarves or elves. I'm not sure if I'm cut out for swordplay, though."

I twirled my sling and sent a rock flying, striking dead a rabbit that had been lurking in the underbrush. Although I didn't have my magic, my reflexes and reaction times were exceptional. This was likely due to my mind being accustomed to reacting to dangerous threats during the war. The spells that had improved my reflexes in combat must have left a lasting effect on me.

This, of course, raises the question of why it would matter when I theoretically should have a brand-new brain. In my first life, I believed I was my brain, a biological computer, and thought the concept of a soul was merely a traditional lie told out of fear of oblivion. I'm big enough to admit that I can be wrong. Clearly, souls do exist, and somehow my knowledge was stored within my soul, affecting what my brain knew and could do. On a metaphysical level, I was deeply confused about how it all worked, but the reality was that I was quick and accurate.

It wasn't a matter of the supernatural; it was within the bounds of human capability, just at the upper end. As such, I was far better with a sling than either Pug or Tomas, much to their annoyance. Killing birds, rabbits, and other small game was a great way to earn favor with Tomas's parents.

Pug whistled. "That one was pretty far out. Nice shot, Tanya."

As I prepared the rabbit for further travel, Tomas asked Pug what he wanted to be if he didn't want to be a guardsman.

"I really don't know. I don't think I want to work in the stables. Maybe I could apprentice with a carpenter or a thatcher," Pug answered. Then, in a softer voice, he added, "I just hope I'll be picked by someone."

"You will!" Tomas said encouragingly. "People know you're reliable and don't cause too much trouble, unlike a lot of other boys our age."

I hoped for the best for him, but his small size, scrawny nature, and orphan status meant he might not have anyone speak his name at the Choosing. The craftsmen of Crydee were often friends with each other, and their families intermingled. Even if Pug was the equal of another boy, a distant family bond could mean he would lose out.

The next day, I watched along with the rest of Crydee. Tomas was chosen by Swordmaster Fannon, and every other boy was selected, save for Pug. That was until Kulgan called out his name. Never before had a magician selected a boy during the Choosing. Even as some of the Craftmasters began muttering, the Duke loudly proclaimed that Kulgan was a master of his craft and had the right to make his choice.

Pug accepted and became the Magician's Apprentice.

I had mixed feelings. I was frustrated by my lack of innate magical talent and envious that Pug seemed to possess the spark that I did not. Despite these feelings, I was glad he had found his place.

Perhaps learning how magicians are taught will provide me with more insight into how magic functions and might reveal alternative ways to use it. I won't give up until I've exhausted every option.