Chapter 13

PAST

Smoke filled the air blocking my vision,the furnitures and pictures are burning,I could see mum's burnt body. I did this,I killed her,I didn't mean to but I did,then I saw dad crawling nearer to me; "No ,please, stay away,I don't wanna hurt you too",i tried to speak but no sound left my lips "Get away from me",i screamed.Yet nothing,he couldn't see me or hear me,I was merely a spectator in my own memory.

I fell to my knees,tears flowing out of my eyes like a waterfall,then in the midst of all the chaos,I saw someone I couldn't recognize,he was never in my memory so how is he here,I tried to speak again but he couldn't hear me,no one could,i looked again at my younger self,my blonde hair now turned a fiery red or should i say a fiery scarlett that looks like the colour of the rising sun.Red flames formed a barrier of some sort around me,then I saw my father's bloodied hand reach out to me ,he touched my face and I heard him say "it's alright pumpkin, everything's alright".But there was still no response from my younger self,as if I was lost in a seat of darkness trying to consume me,what she was feeling, I've felt it before, this feeling that tries to consume me whenever I lose my cool or am angry,at that moment;being able to share in my younger self feeling of desolation and helplessness we fused and became one,flashes of different faces , people whom I haven't met before,places I don't remember going to or ever seeing before,then that last image that felt like I was staring at myself unbeknownst to me that these were my past life,brought out of my thoughts by my father voice i heard him say or rather I heard him sing me my bedtime special:

"Sun goes down .....

And we are here together....

Fireflies glow like a thousand stars....

Stay with me and you can dream forever...

Right here in my arms...

La..la...la..la.....

La....la.....la.....La la....

At that moment,I saw a light in my darkness,a hand reaching out to me and I struggled with everything I had to leave that terrifying place,and when I looked around the flames were beginning to fade ,then I heard my father's last word to me" it's not your fault, none of this is your fault , so cheer up and move on from the past ,your future awaits you". With tears streaming down my eyes i said those words I've always wanted to say to him all those years ago "I love you dad,I love you more than a million times".

"I...l..love you too pumpkin",with a smile on his face he gave up the ghost.

Staring at him lying there more tears streamed down my eyes and I too succumbed to the darkness, welcoming it.