Chapter ??? – I Gave Up Writing a Letter to My ‘Friend’

August 5th. My friend, Ninacchi and I went shopping.

We went shopping for autumn clothes and manga that I was into recently, but my main goal was to buy a present.

It was a present for my 'friend' whose birthday was tomorrow, Maehara Maki.

I managed to buy the present quickly because I've already decided on what to give him. My only worry was that the item I was looking for would be out of stock. The item wasn't a very popular one though. In any case, I was currently holding a gift bag with it in both hands.

"…Haah, it's been a while since I gave a present to a boy, but why does it have to be him? What am I going to do with my life?"

"Hehe, you say that, but you sure were taking your time picking out a present for him, Ninacchi."

"…Well, I don't want him to think that I have bad tastes. Besides, I owe him, so this will make it even."

Ninacchi picked a t-shirt as a present for Maki-kun. We bought it at the store we frequented, so the price wasn't expensive. The shirt's design was neither tacky nor too plain. It was clear that she picked this one with Maki-kun's taste in mind.

She treated him rather harshly at times, but to her, Maki-kun was one of her 'friends.' It was because she treated him as a friend that she was able to act without restraint around him.

…Unlike me, she was a kind girl.

"By the way, Yuuchin… You know…"

"Hm?"

"…No, never mind."

"Eh? C'mon, don't leave me hanging like that~"

"Hehe, my bad. It's nothing, really."

Lately, she always seemed like she had something she wanted to ask me. But she always stopped herself before actually asking me.

I didn't know what it was because I never tried to push the subject on her.

Though from the wry smile that she had, the question she wanted to ask didn't seem like 'nothing' to me.

"Alright, I'll be going this way, see you later, Yuuchin."

"Mm, bye bye, Ninacchi. See you at school."

We part ways at the usual fork on the road. I walked down the orange path home. Up until last month, the sun was still shining brightly at this hour. The red dragonflies flying around beneath the dusk sky was a gentle reminder that autumn was approaching.

"We'll be busy with the sports festival after Obon… Soon enough we won't be able to enjoy the summer vacation as freely as we've been doing…"

Everyone studied together, taking the long way home to have fun along the way, making lunches at each other's houses on weekends and having a barbeque party in my yard… I could say that I've been enjoying my second summer of high school to the fullest.

But the long summer vacation will soon come to an end. Thinking about it made me feel sad.

"…Hehe, I've changed, it seems. Normally, I'd be happy because I'll be able to see everyone again when school starts."

Lately, I've been spending my time alone under the dusk sky. Thanks to that, I felt a little smarter, though I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.

Until not long ago, my best friend, Umi, would always stay by my side. Thanks to her presence, I didn't need to think about a single thing and I got to enjoy my days to the fullest together with her.

She was kind and strong, someone who always led me around whenever I was lost. She was a person that I admired.

Umi had every good quality that I could think of. She was pretty and smart, she wasn't clumsy… Her cooking was even worse than mine, but she had been getting better at it lately. She was a hard worker and she had a lot of friends.

Right, friends.

At first, it was only Sanae-chan and Manaka-chan, but now…

Umi seemed to have a complex about me, but it really shouldn't be that way.

It was me who had a complex about her. Since a long time ago.

"Woof!"

"Woah! …W-What is it, Rocky?! Why did you jump at me so suddenly like that?!"

"…*whimpers*"

"Ahaha… Sorry, there's something on my mind, so I spaced out. You just startled me, I wasn't scared or anything…"

While I was mulling over various things, it seemed like my feet had found their way home. Before I knew it, Rocky had jumped at me. Mom was nearby with a leash in her hands. It seemed like she had just returned from a walk with him.

"I'm home, mom."

"Welcome home, Yuu. You're done buying your present?"

"Mhm. I gave it a lot of thought. I think this is the right present for him."

"Hm… You gave it a lot of thought, huh?~"

"What's wrong, mom?"

"Nothing. As long as you're happy with it, I don't mind how expensive the present is."

"Ah, don't worry about that, the present isn't an expensive one this time. Anyway, I'm hungry. What's it for dinner, mom?"

"Beef stew. I'll prepare it after Rocky finishes his dinner, so wait a little longer, okay?"

"'Kay~"

After giving Rocky a light pat, I went to my room. Maybe it was because I had been out since noon, as soon as I dove into the bed, a wave of exhaustion came over me.

"…Will Maki-kun feel happy after receiving this present?"

I thought as I absentmindedly looked at the bag sitting on my desk.

Somehow, it felt unsatisfactory. The present should be fine, but it still felt like there was something lacking.

Maki-kun will be spending his birthday with Umi this time, so the rest of the group won't visit his house tomorrow. The plan was for me to give the present to him at school, but I couldn't stay around with him for too long while doing it because the stares of the other classmates might bother him.

However, there were a lot of things that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to thank him for fixing my strained relationship with Umi, for helping me with the matters concerning Nagisa-chan and for helping my studies as well.

I really wanted to take this opportunity to thank him properly.

"Oh right, letters! I should give him one! He'll be able to read it and it's common for presents to come with one! …Alright, let's write it now!"

Since I wouldn't be able to think straight with a full belly, I decided to write the letter now. I moved the present away and took out a large piece of notepaper that was tucked inside my drawer. It was a peach-colored paper with floral patterns around the edges. If I were to fold it neatly, it'd make a good letter.

"Let's see… First thing first…"

I began to write the sentences that came to my head quickly.

—

Dear Maki-kun.

Happy 17th birthday! I wanted to celebrate your previous birthday too, but we weren't friends back then, so I couldn't. Let's just treat this letter as my second celebration, okay? Happy birthday!! Two '!' for two greetings! Hehe~

Maki-kun, thank you for always caring about me. Of course I know that from your view, you're only doing it because of Umi. Nevertheless, I still feel thankful to you.

Honestly, back when we first changed classes, I thought that it would be hard for me to get along well with you. But over time, I came to know how kind of a person you were, how much care and attention you gave to the people around you. If we didn't become friends and hung out together often, I would never have come to know that.

If only I came to know that earlier, I would probably have tried to befriend you sooner. But in the end, Umi got there first. Sorry about that.

Oops, sorry for talking about this kind of thing even though you're supposed to be celebrating your birthday.

Anyway, thank you, Maki-kun. I know that we've only known each other for a year, but it feels like we've been friends for years already. Is it because you're Umi's boyfriend? Or am I just acting like a weirdo again?

Or maybe it's because you're always spoiling me? Hehe, just kidding~

Anyway, that's the thing that I like about you, Maki-kun. Not only that you're kind and caring, you're also sincere. That's why everyone likes hanging out with you.

You always said that 'Everyone is here because of Umi, I'm just tagging along', but in truth, I—

—

"No, wait, I can't write something like this…"

As I was lost in thought while writing, I suddenly came to myself and scribbled out the last part of the letter with my pen.

I wrote it myself, but even I think that it was too much. A letter like this should be more concise instead of something like this… It was no good.

Besides, Maki-kun wouldn't be the only one reading the letter. Umi, who was always by his side, would also join in to read it. 

It wasn't a bad thing, of course. I was the one who wrote this kind of dumb letter, so it was completely my fault if she were to find out.

"…If Maki-kun sees this…"

No, not him.

Let's take a few steps back.

If Umi were to see this…

Imagining what would happen, I could feel a chill running down my spine.

'Yuu?~ The dinner is ready~ Hurry up and eat before it gets cold~'

"Y-Yes! I-I'm coming!"

My mom's call snapped me out of it. I crumpled the letter I had just written. I was about to throw it into the trash can, but…

For some reason, the letter just refused to leave my hand.

'Yuu?~ If you don't hurry, Rocky will get his saliva all over your dinner!'

"I know! I'll go down soon! Please hold Rocky back for me, mom!"

In the end, I uncrumpled the letter, folded it neatly and threw it into the back of my drawer where it would never see the light of day again. 

"…I'll rewrite it later."

I should just get rid of that letter, throw it into the trash can so that it could be burned along with the rest of the trash so that no one would be able to see it.

I should do that, but…

"I'll think about it after dinner…"

Having written down my true feelings toward him made me realize the existence of those feelings again.

I knew that I should shred the letter and throw it out, but I couldn't do it. Hiding it away was the best I could do.