Still Like This

It wasn't a daily occurrence to hear something about Younghee on campus, no she wasn't that famous, she was on a similar level to a guy in the business department that girls fawned over, but it had happened enough for Ari's patience to run out. Sometimes it was mumbles that she couldn't hear very well unless stood extremely close to the culprits, other times it was as if news were being broadcasted with how loud the chatting was; this time it was the latter. Before she could take another step towards them however, another figure approached from behind the corners and shooed them away, as if chasing away door to door salesmen, after successfully doing so, she walked up to Ari and met her surprised gaze.

"Oh hey, what are you doing here?" Ari asked as her friend shot her a conflicted look.

"...What's with you and Seo Younghee?"

"Huh?"

"The others have heard you've been defending her from well, those people. You do remember what we told you before right? With her and Eunjoo?"

Ari paused. Of course she remembered, that was what was making things difficult. She's aware that the Younghee she knows is different from how others see her but when it's not just baseless rumours, Ari didn't know which side was right, or if there even is a such a thing as a 'right' side.

If she stood by Younghee, she would lose her friends but if she distanced herself from her...

Would she eventually lose her?

Ari bit the inner corner of her lips. "Yeah, about that.."

Ari made an impulsive decision. One that she made very often, so in that sense it wasn't that impulsive. Sat in her room was her friend Kim Eunjoo who had known Younghee at the start of the year and ended up meeting the same fate as most people who knew her met.

Eunjoo had a shy and reserved personality and didn't talk much so when she had told their friend group about what happened, they had took it seriously immediately. So there was too much pressure and eyes on Ari for her to pretend she didn't know.

Still, that didn't exactly keep her focused and listen to Eunjoo's small rant until it had ended. 

"...and it just feels kind of, you know, weird."

Ari sighed. What did she even say? "Well, I'm sure she didn't mean it. Younghee's not—"

…

That kind of person? Was that what she was going to say?

But she is.

Who was Ari kidding? How many times had she tried to defend Younghee for being a bad person whilst Younghee herself didn't even seem to deny any of the rumours? How many times had she apologised for her behaviour when Younghee never seemed sorry? And how many times, had she found herself in this kind of situation, where the person in-front of her, looked just like her?

As that settled in, Ari finally realised she had been too hopeful.

Ah, no, she's still like this.

Her eyes that were filled with understanding and pity just a few seconds ago now had a strange look in them as she looked at her friend. The same hair colour, the same eye colour, even the same face shape, I mean, they weren't identical but they were still a little too alike.

Younghee, what are you trying to do?

For the majority of the time Younghee came home, she'd see the light from Ari's room that shone into the living room through the door she always left cracked open, but today not only was that door shut, her room seemed to be noisier than usual. At first she'd assumed Ari was on a call but after a while, Younghee realised the other voice was coming from inside the room too, not through a speaker. Though she didn't want to interrupt, a part of her felt the desire to barge into the room to see who it was. That wasn't going to be necessary as the conversation took a pause and footsteps came closer to her, before the door handle bent down and opened the barrier. 

"Younghee, you're back."

"Oh yeah," she nodded quickly, "sorry, I didn't know you had a friend over, did I…" Her eyes trailed over to the suitcase set by the closet, huh?, "..interrupt…?"

"No, she actually came over to talk to you."

"Me?"

You're not getting the easy way out anymore.

Ari smiled, "you remember her right? Kim Eunjoo."

Truth be told, the name did not ring a single bell but the moment Younghee saw the girl, she knew what was going on and that was enough to throw her off her fake calm demeanour.

The girl awkwardly pressed her lips together as Younghee gritted her teeth. She gently tapped Ari's arm and whispered she was going to go instead. Surprisingly, Ari had no objections and apologised for asking her to do this. Quiet and rapid footsteps took a small break as she changed into her shoes followed by the sound of the automatic lock in the door resetting, echoing in the tense and uneasy air as the two were left facing each other.

Younghee looked at Ari with a guilty face, not from being caught, not from treating a friend of hers badly, but with heartfelt apologies she would never convey with words. If that was never an issue between them, maybe something like this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

She spoke with a small voice, "why would you do that? Why would you bring her here?"

"Because I thought you changed, but you're still.."

"It's not what you think—"

"How is it not?"

"It was before we met again."

"Do you really think that's a good reason? What, just because I'm not here you can do whatever you want?"

"That's not what I meant. I know it might seem bad but can't you see I'm trying to make this work now?"

Ari snapped, "you don't get to say that when you're the one who left in the first place!"

"Ari."

"Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep trying to find someone like me? I'm still here, aren't I?"

"And how long is that going to last when you out of all people know how bad of a person I am?"

But Younghee didn't say that.

She thought it, she wanted to say it but she knew she shouldn't. So instead, she took a deep breath and apologized, because that's all she needed to do in the moment.

She shouldn't be impulsive and say something too honest, not if she wanted to prove she'd changed.

"I'm sorry."

She could tell something changed in how Ari looked at her then, for just that brief moment, Seo Younghee felt like everything was going to be fine. 

Ari's tensed brows relaxed and a heavy sigh followed. She raised her arms and smiled as Younghee stepped into the hug. This would be the last time she felt her warmth for a while but if she managed two years without her, a semester is nothing. But Ari was still scared - what if Younghee changes in these three months, what if, like when they met again, she comes back to a person she no longer recognised?

Clinging onto the her in her memories, she could do that, but for how long?

There was only one way for her to not be hurt again. 

I hope you feel exactly how I felt.

During her attempt to turn off the last alarm, Younghee had accidentally knocked a book onto the floor and something had fallen onto the floor along with it. She groaned as she rolled over to pick them up but paused as she saw the ticket for Mina's fashion show. 

"Oh... it's tonight." Younghee mumbled, squinting with a hazy vision that could barely make out the date printed on the bottom.

Should I go?

She thought over it as she got dressed but paused as she opened the door. The apartment felt quiet today. Ari's door was shut but her shoes were no longer by the entrance so Younghee had assumed she'd gone out. Even though they lived together, not seeing each other much over the weekend was normal as Ari had usually used the time to hang out with friends she weren't in classes with and Younghee always had left over reading or work that she'd put off during the week to do. It was normal but for some reason, she couldn't shake off the feeling something was wrong.

Leaning against the counter, Younghee was scrolling on her phone as she waited for the water to boil and smiled as she came across Mina's recent post; a picture of some behind the scenes work for the show. She pressed the like button and a message popped up almost immediately after.

Park Mina: You're coming to see the show right?

Park Mina: Pleasee, I think you'll really like it

Younghee chuckled at the cute emoticon Mina had sent of a rabbit pleading before typing out her reply.

The university's fashion building had went through reconstruction a few years ago and now had an auditorium on the ground floor that was originally used for students to show their final pieces before graduation. Due to how popular those shows became, both within the student body and out, the department had decided to make it a regular thing, even then, tickets were always hard to get.

Luckily, Younghee already had one and so did some people she knew.

"I can't believe you left me to die.."

"What?"

"Does our friendship mean nothing to you?" Doyoung sobbed, covering his face with his hands as he shook his head dramatically.

"What's wrong with him?" Minju asked, giving Sooah's hair a small tidy up as she fixed her make-up.

"Apparently it was the end of the world when I left him to get food yesterday."

"We could've won if you just waited like another 10 minutes!"

"We would've lost Hajoon's team anyway."

Realising they were talking about games, Minju quickly lost interest. She gave Sooah an encouraging smile as she headed backstage, her expression quickly turning frosty as she saw Younghee.

What happened to truce?

Seeing them however made Younghee realise someone was missing.

Is she not with them?

Younghee felt a gentle tap on her shoulder and turned around as an arm linked onto her's.

"Why are you here?" 

Her voice was stable as she asked but Younghee could tell Nari was feeling nervous as her eyes wandered around them.

"A friend gave me a ticket."

"Hm..."

"Why are you here? I didn't know you were into this sort of stuff."

"Sooah's modelling so we're here to cheer her on."

"Sooah?"

"The girl from the festival."

"Oh."

Nari looked at her then tilted her head. "What?"

"Nothing."

I didn't think they were actually friends..

"Ah, what are you doing? Younghee," Nari groaned as Younghee sudden put a hand over her eyes and began leading them into the auditorium. The playful whining quickly turned into a small giggle and relieve as she realised things were back to normal.

As everyone prepared for the opening of the show, somewhere in London, a flight from Seoul had finally arrived.