God’s Blessing on This Beautiful Bride!

1

The town had been one big party for several days now. The normally stingy Lord Alderp had spread a little wealth around the city, hoping to create some excitement about his upcoming wedding. It was like he was trying to make it that much harder for anyone involved to change their minds.

The date was set and had already been announced: The ceremony was to take place in a week. I guess he really couldn't wait. I was sure he was busy getting all hot and bothered at the thought of the day he could finally marry Darkness.

"Kazuma, I ask you again—are you sure you can live with this? Are you sure?

Are you sure?!"

I was in the living room, busily working on various prototype items. Megumin was in the living room, too, busily getting in my face with questions.

I was trying to develop a new product based on blending the sap of the tar plant with extract of Slime. Mix them together and you got a sort of half-dry vinyl.

I didn't stop working as I replied, "And I tell you again, Darkness is being too stubborn for me to do anything. We still have a whole week. If she comes crying back, I'll do something. And if she doesn't, I'll let it go."

As I spoke, I used a dropper to inject a burst of air into the vinyl-like substance. This stuff wasn't easy to manufacture. There had to be some way to mass-produce it, but at the prototype stage, I would just have to suck it up and do it by hand.

Aqua was lounging on the sofa nearby, humming to her egg, completely ignoring Megumin and me. It was about the most annoying thing I could think of, but it was still better than having her get in the way while I tried to do delicate R&D.

For some reason, it makes me sort of angry to realize she's actually a pretty good singer… That was when Megumin grabbed my prototype. "Don't waste your time with this; think of a plan! I refuse to let you do this! If you sit around until the day of the wedding arrives, let me just say I have a few ideas of my own!"

She started to squeeze my prototype.

"Hey, don't cause a fuss, okay? You could make things worse for Darkness if you pull some dumb trick. In fact, she specifically asked me to keep you and Aqua from doing anything stupid. Come on, give that back. I've spent all day on it." I held out a hand in a gimme gesture.

"What is this anyway?" Megumin asked, inspecting the thing in her hand.

"I'm trying to re-create something we had in my country. It was called Bubble Wrap. I don't have the right materials or manufacturing processes, so it's not exactly the same, but I'm pretty pleased with my progress."

"What's it for?" Megumin said.

"You crush it, and it goes pop-pop. It's kind of a game. It makes you feel better."

"...That's it?"

"That's it."

... Megumin gave my Bubble Wrap a great squeeze like she was ringing out a dishrag.

"Yaaaaah!"

"Aaaaaah?!"

Megumin let out a contented breath and tossed the ruined Bubble Wrap at me. "You're right. I do feel better," she said. "That was rather pleasant." Then she pattered outside, and I slumped to my knees.

A-all that work…!

Beside me, Aqua kept singing, as though the entire commotion had just passed her by.

"Stiiir, stiiir the se-sa-me mi-so, stiiir…" "Pipe down already!" I spat at her. I didn't mean to, and it only made me hate myself.

...Damn it all!

There was no call to be mean to Aqua. What was I so upset about anyway?!

2

Six days until Darkness's wedding.

"A thousand pardons, but is Mr. Kazuma Satou here?" A butler in the first flush of old age was standing at the door of the mansion, where I had locked myself away.

"If you'll excuse my asking, who are you?" I said. But then I added, "Wait… Haven't I seen you before?"

That's right. I know this guy. He's a servant at Darkness's house.

"Yes, sir, and may I say it's a pleasure to see you again. My name is Hagen, head butler at the Dustiness household. I've come to beg you for your advice, Mr. Satou."

My advice? Had Darkness finally caved? Was she going to ask me for my help?

But of course, that was too much to hope for. Hagen, head bowed, held out an envelope. "Er, truth be told, letters such as this one have been arriving at the household on a daily basis…" "Sorry! I'm very sorry. I'll take that idiot to task, believe me."

"N-not at all, sir. But I'm rather concerned she may escalate this and start sending them to Lord Alderp himself, which would be no small problem. I wanted to confer with you before that happened."

I crumpled the letter in my hand and threw myself apologetically to the ground in front of Hagen. I saw him off—apparently, this was all he'd wanted to say—and then glanced again at the letter in my hand.

To House Dustiness:

I have it on good authority that a general of the Demon King is threatening a terrorist attack against the Eris Church in Axel. The intended date of the attack is the day of the ceremony. If you do not call off the wedding immediately, this general will blow up the church. I implore you to take this warning seriously.

Signed, A concerned mage "Megumiiiin! I need to talk to you! Open up!" I shouted through the door of her room.

Four days until Darkness's wedding.

"All right! For my next trick, I'm going to pull a huge Beginner's Bane out of this tiny bag!"

"What are you talking about?! Don't pull out a man-eating monster! What are you doing? Come here!"

I grabbed Aqua, who was standing in the middle of a crowd smack in front of the Dustiness mansion.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing, Kazuma? Let me go! I posted a quest at the Adventurers Guild to get this Bane! And just look at how many people are here for a look at my amazing tricks!"

"I told you, the family summoned me here to stop you because you were making a scene right outside their house! What are you doing out here anyway?!"

Aqua was surrounded by curious onlookers, some of them tossing her the occasional coin.

"Oh, no tips, please," Aqua said. "I'm not a street entertainer, and I can't accept them." She turned back to me and whispered, "Kazuma, this is all part of my plan for getting Darkness to come out of the house!"

Wait, is she…?

"You're doing these dumb tricks here hoping Darkness will notice you?"

"Exactly! Don't tell me you don't know the story of the Celestial Cave. The goddess Amaterasu hid herself away in the cave in anger, so the other gods held a big, noisy party just outside. When she came out to see what all the fuss was about, they blocked the cave so she couldn't go back in!"

"Of course I know that story. Is partying something gods like in every world?

Please tell me all goddesses aren't like you."

Aqua ignored my jab, gesturing at the mansion with her bag. "The curtain in that room has been rustling all day. I just know it's Darkness, trying to sneak peeks to find out what's going on. Heeey! Darkness, I know you can hear me!

Come on out, now! Believe me, you'll want to see the next one up close! I'm going to do my specialest, most amazing trick! …Hey, Kazuma, what are you doing? Let go!"

"I told you, they came to the mansion begging me to stop you. Come on, we're going home!"

"Uh-uh! I'm going to be here every day until I see Darkness! Leave me alone!

Get out of here! Go on, get!"

Aqua showed no interest in listening to me. By the time I had dragged her back to the house, the sun was setting.

Two days until Darkness's wedding.

"I'm back…" "Welcome home. You aren't going to do anything else stupid, are you?"

Megumin walked through the front door, but then stood dumbly in the foyer.

She had ignored my lecture, sent one of her little threats to Lord Alderp, and consequently spent the last several days in jail.

"Darkness's family interceded for me and got me an early release…" "So you set out to rescue her but ended up being rescued? That's pathetic. I understand how you feel, but just be an adult about this, all right? You and Aqua both are just causing trouble for them at this point."

Once again, I was trying my hand at a new product, but I took a break long enough to drive the point home with Megumin. Aqua, for her part, appeared to have gone to Darkness's house again today. Some vendors had set up shop out front, and the place had become a minor tourist attraction.

"I admit that it seems Aqua and I can do nothing on our own. Kazuma, will you at least help us crash this wedding?"

Megumin settled on the sofa, but apparently she wasn't done trying to convince me to get involved. After a moment, I said, "If Darkness comes and asks for help."

That caused Megumin to jump up again. "You faithless creature! They may call you Cad-zuma and Kaz-scum-ma around town, but I still saw you as someone who came through when it counted—and especially as someone who would never abandon a friend in need!"

I was still trying to work on my new item. "Hey, tell me who calls me that. I'd like to go straighten them out."

Megumin collapsed back on the sofa.

"At a time like this, the person I love might whine and complain at first, but he would ultimately say, Well, nothing to it but to do it and then figure something out, no matter what. That's just the kind of person he is. He is definitely not someone who just sits and sulks forever!"

"Wh-whatever. Don't think you can get me to help you just by suddenly being all, I love you. I'm not that soft."

The truth was, her words had caused my heart rate to spike. To cover for myself, and to try to placate Megumin, I pointed to the object I was working on.

"Instead of getting prickly, how about you try this out?" I suggested. "This is called a sandbag. It helps get rid of stress. And this one's real leather. It was kind of the only material that seemed suitable."

I pointed to the stress ball, a sewn leather pouch filled with sand, big enough to sit on the floor.

The idea of a stress buster seemed to get Megumin's attention. "How do you use it?" she asked.

"It's simple. Just attack it. You can punch it, kick it. Magic's off-limits, though, all right? I assume that goes without saying." I tried to sound joking as I left off my work and went to get some nice relaxing tea… "Nnnggrraahhhhh!"

"Huh?!"

I whipped around at the sound of Megumin's shout, a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Hmm. Yes, I do feel a bit relieved. If you don't mind, could you make another one for me?"

"Why would you use a sword?! I said punch or kick it!"

Megumin was holding my katana. She stood over my stress ball, now a sandy pile of garbage, looking just a tiny bit pleased with herself.

3

I had been experimenting with new products to pass the time until Darkness showed up. I had been so sure she would.

And yet here we were: Darkness's wedding day. We had arrived at the day of her matrimony, and Darkness had never come back to us.

"Kazuma, let's go! Let's go and ruin that ceremony! Heh-heh-heh! How easily a little magic can go awry and destroy a wedding hall—or a lord's mansion!"

"Hey, stop that. Seriously. It would be bad enough if we wound up back in debt, but they'd throw you in jail for real this time." I was organizing the items I wanted to show Vanir on the table in the living area. I had been hard at work coming up with new stuff, and I was almost done.

I mean really done. I couldn't think of one more idea. I had come up with blueprints of every possibility I could imagine for the efficient production of these items. Farming and stuff, too. I was no specialist, but I had the same basic familiarity as any Japanese person would, and I had written down everything I could think of.

The wedding ceremony was supposed to be that afternoon, but I had no intention of attending. If she wasn't going to come ask me for help, then I sure wasn't going to stick my neck out.

It was just stupid, stubborn pride. I knew that, and yet… Megumin looked at me, clutching her staff with a distraught look on her face.

Her voice grew harsh as she said, "The person I love is not someone who would remain so awful and unfeeling forever! Kazuma! How can you bear to know that Darkness is going to be married to that lord?! Can you abide the thought of him having his way with her?!"

"Of course I can't!" I found myself shouting back at her.

My unexpected reaction set Megumin back on her heels.

"Of course I can't," I repeated. "I hate the thought of letting him take her away! He isn't just ugly—everyone knows he's a terrible person! You may not know it, but I've heard that he'll do anything and everything to get his hands on whatever cute thing catches his eye. And when he's tired of her, he just gives her a little bit of cash and then dumps her. He's awful, and he does all these awful things, but for some reason no one has ever been able to prove it!"

Megumin stood there looking at the ground and sniffling as she absorbed all this.

"Sorry," I said. "I decided to investigate this guy she was getting married to…" When I did, I found out the guy in question was even worse than rumor told.

I'm no private eye, and even I was able to dig up an endless supply of terrible stories about him. Exploitation, bribery—the list went on and on. Yet, strangely, there was never any physical proof. The women he victimized were forcibly silenced, and supposedly he had enough people in his pocket, even at the national level, to keep evidence of his deeds from ever getting out.

Darkness's dad had been sent here, apparently, to find that evidence and to keep an eye on Alderp.

Megumin's grip on her staff tightened. "Then that's all the more reason we can't let this go on, isn't it? Kazuma, surely you have some dirty trick in mind?

Surely this will be just as it's always been—Aqua and I have tried and failed, but now you'll step up and succeed. Won't you?"

Dirty trick? Who did she think I was?

"This time, Megumin… This time, I can't do anything. For starters, Darkness wouldn't tell me how much the debt was. Next, even if I could come up with the money, I wouldn't be able to convince Darkness to accept it. She's too stubborn; she'd never take it. And finally…" Megumin cocked her head. "Yes? Finally what?"

"This is a marriage between noble houses. Security's going to be tight. I don't think we could get close if we wanted to. Honestly, that's part of why I've been waiting for Darkness to come to us. I'm sure they upped the guard at the Dustiness mansion after I broke in. I don't think I could get in there a second time."

I had never paid much attention to the social difference between us, but then, it had never hurt this much before. Megumin stood silently, watching me. I turned my back to her, unable to meet her gaze any longer. I probably looked like some guy who was sulking about having his girl stolen from him… "Darkness's dad is really sick. I don't think they would let us see him if we asked. And I don't have any noble connections I could use to score an invitation to the wedding… I'm just a commoner, after all."

I had thought of the friends I made in the capital, and maybe I could have leaned on Iris—but if Darkness and Alderp both wanted this marriage to go ahead, then there really wasn't anything to be done.

A difference in social position. That's all this was. The simple fact that we had been able to go adventuring with Darkness for so long, despite inhabiting such different worlds, was a miracle in itself.

I informed Megumin of all this as offhandedly as I could.

"I understand," she said. "Knowing that you investigated the other party, that you did try to do something, is enough for me." As hard as I was trying not to look at her, she managed to gaze into my eyes. She smiled; she seemed somehow at peace. "I will think of something myself and travel a path that will leave me without regret. Kazuma… I hope you'll do the same."

What had she had in her breakfast that morning? She sounded so serious.

And…wise. Almost like an honest-to-goodness mage.

I sat, slightly openmouthed, as Megumin pattered out of the mansion.

Should I stop her?

It doesn't matter… I could stop her, but we can't stop this wedding.

I watched Megumin leave, and then I was all alone in the living room. It suddenly felt huge.

Aqua, oddly enough, had a visitor. Right then they were talking in her room on the second floor. It sounded like some kind of urgent business, but today of all days, I just couldn't work myself up to help Aqua with whatever it was.

This was the room where we all got together and lazed around when we didn't have anything better to do. Being there by myself made me realize how big this house was, and how lonely.

There's nothing I can do… Going adventuring with the daughter of a noble family? Back in Japan, I could never have imagined it.

Reality was never so convenient.

I sank into the sofa and heaved a sigh.

A violent slam from the front door popped the bubble of my melancholy. And who should be standing there but—?

"Good day to you all! The all-seeing demon has come to your collective aid, excepting your miserable excuse for a goddess. You would do well to weep and dance with joy at my arrival. Now then, show me the many fruits of your knowledge!"

4

"Go away! Bring me that beautiful shopkeeper instead! I wanna trade! Why do I have to talk business with you when I'm so stressed? I wish I could change you into that beautiful shopkeeper! Wiz! I want Wiz!"

Vanir simply sat down at the living room table across from me. "Your pretty little friend is presently working the floor, although she is weeping all the while that she wanted to sleep in a little more. It's had a surprising effect. People find a tearful shopkeeper adorable, or they think she's shedding tears of joy from the sheer pleasure of salesmanship and buy more to indulge her. Anyway, do you honestly think that debt machine could hold a decent business meeting?

Yesterday, when I relaxed enough to give her some time off—well, I took my eyes off her for one second, and when I looked back, she had ordered this pendant. 'Adventuring couples will love it!' she says!"

He showed me a piece of jewelry.

"And what does the pendant do?" I asked.

"When the person wearing it is on the edge of death, the pendant utilizes their last breath of life to explode. 'Protect your loved ones to the bitter end,' that's the idea. Very romantic, isn't it? That's what she thinks anyway. But the power of the explosion would blow away your loved ones along with your enemies. It makes me doubt whether she has any sense for business at all.

Want to buy one?"

"I-I'll pass, thanks. So what's this about you coming here to help us?"

Vanir, however, said, "We will come to that later. First, bring out your prospective wares. My all-seeing eye shall quickly discern which are viable.

Although—ahem—I've taken the liberty of bringing with me a sum of money that I don't think you'll refuse."

He placed a small black bag on the table with a heavy thump. Being all-seeing certainly did make one more efficient.

"Hey now, you can't be sure I'll accept," I said. "This stuff represents all the ideas I had left after last time. I'm not going to let them go for cheap, you know."

And if it couldn't help me to help Darkness, then there was no point in selling anyway.

Vanir, as if to emphasize his omniscience, said, "O young man who so wishes to go help the armored girl but fears being rejected by her if he does so. I, the all-seeing demon Vanir, hereby declare: You will desire to take the contents of this bag in exchange for your intellectual property rights to all these items."

Man…having an all-seeing demon around was no joke.

Vanir hardly looked at my blueprints and prototypes, let alone the intellectual property contracts, as he stuffed them all into a giant bag. I guess he probably didn't need to look at them.

Hang on. I didn't say I would sell yet… Oh yeah… All-seeing demon.

"Hey, Vanir… You know a lot of stuff, right?" I tried to sound nonchalant, as if we were going to discuss the weather.

Vanir didn't look at me but continued stuffing paperwork into his bag. "Mm, indeed. Not precisely all things, but a great many. For example, I know of course what you intend to ask next. Why, you want to know, is the armored girl's family in such crushing debt to that lord? Is there no way to help her? Why has there never been any proof despite all the crimes that lord has committed?"

I swallowed hard.

"Tell me… Why are you—?"

"Helping you despite being a demon? You wonder if I'm planning something and so on and so forth. Of course I am. I am a demon, after all. But in this particular case, my interests align with yours. Hence why I'm so helpful.

Perhaps, for example, I will ask you to sell to me your seemingly quite valuable intellectual property rights at a deep discount." He closed his bag and smirked at me.

Grr. What a jerk… "But if I say I won't sell, then it's game over, isn't it? If the answers to my questions are so obvious to you, then why don't you just come out and tell me?"

"Good! Very well. I shall inform you, then, of what you wish to know! The color and pattern of the underwear the shopkeeper is wearing today are— Hmm? What's this? I sense none of your usual delicious negativity."

"Because I do want to know that, but later."

"I—I see. In that case, I shall inform you of what you truly wish to know! The reason that girl is in debt is—" "Sacred Exorcism!"

Aqua's spell interrupted Vanir before he could finish, surrounding him in a pillar of light. When it finally faded, there was a clatter as Vanir's mask fell to the ground.

"No! Vanir! You're a big-deal demon, right?! Speak to me! You can't be finished just because the goddess of toilets attacked you! Come on, man, come on!"

"Ahhh! Kazuma! I take my eyes off you for one second, and you go and get brainwashed by a demon? Why are you acting like he's your friend?! And I'm the goddess of water!"

Aqua had spotted Vanir as she was coming down from the second floor and had let fly with her magic. She was still poised to cast as she shouted at me. She really had just the worst possible timing!

Behind her stood a man in early old age—a man I recognized. It was Darkness's butler, who had shown up here to complain on an almost daily basis.

I didn't know what he had been asking Aqua for, but now the man—Hagen was his name—stood blinking in surprise.

As we watched, Vanir's mask rose up into the air, supported by a body that grew out of nothing.

Awfully convenient how it came with clothes and everything… Or maybe the clothes were actually part of his body? That would explain why they were destroyed by Aqua's magic.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha. A surprise attack? Nice try—are you a goddess or a street goon? I think there's more demon in you than you would like to admit! Behold:

A crack has appeared in my awesome mask!"

"Ewww! I have nothing to do with demons! Don't you pretend I have anything to do with demons! If you expect me to ask for permission every time I crush a bug or exorcise a demon, you're going to be disappointed. How stupid can you be? Pfft, hee-hee-hee!"

The staring contest between the two supernaturals was looking more and more dangerous, so I hurriedly jumped in. "Okay, all right, save it! Aqua, I really want to hear what Vanir is saying right now, so butt out!"

She backed down a little at that. Hagen seemed to sense the dangerous mood and said, "I-it appears you're in the middle of something. I'll show myself out.

Lady Arch-priest, we're scheduled to begin at noon, remember. I'll see you shortly…" He slipped between Aqua and Vanir, making himself as small as possible, and darted out the door. I was curious what exactly he had wanted from Aqua, but right now, Vanir was more important.

The demon looked at Aqua, and the corners of his mouth turned up triumphantly. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha! O impotent goddess who is unable to be of any help in this instance! See now how useful and worthy of gratitude I am and tear up a handkerchief or something in frustration!"

Then he stuck out his tongue at her. I guess being a demon didn't necessarily make you a grown-up.

Aqua's eyebrows shot up, but we were in danger of this conversation never getting anywhere. Aqua came over and sat in between where I was on the sofa and where Vanir was on the other side of the table, clutching her egg protectively. Maybe she just wanted to listen in on our conversation, but in fact she was sitting practically nose to nose with Vanir, staring him down.

"I'm finding this highly difficult," Vanir said. "But all the same. Young man who fails to petition the gods in prayer even though a goddess is living in his own house. It's the story of that armored girl's debt that you're interested in, isn't it? It began back when you adventurers vanquished Mobile Fortress Destroyer." He sounded as relaxed as if he were discussing his plans for the afternoon.

... What did he just say?

"Hey. Details."

Vanir smiled at that. He didn't bother to act self-important but went on easily.

"Details? You know Destroyer trampled over all the other towns it encountered.

Those lords lost their domains. The populace was out of house and home, and without any land to their names, those lords were relieved of their governing responsibilities—as well as their noble titles. Each and every one of them wound up wandering the streets. For you no-account adventurers, it might even have been the better outcome. But regardless, in your case, it was not to be."

But that's…good, isn't it?

Vanir smiled as if he could read this thought, too. "Yes, your town was saved.

Those who work here suffered nothing, nor did most of those who live here.

And the Mobile Fortress itself collapsed just outside the city. That led to a good deal of destruction, including of the grain-producing areas immediately nearby and the flood works within them."

…Well, sure. But we had kept the damage to a minimum, hadn't we?

"Those who relied on farming for their livelihood, in effect, lost their business and all their assets. A devastated field doesn't grow back overnight. So they went to the local lord for help."

…I didn't like where this was going. I frowned.

"Precisely—it is exactly as you imagine! The lord said to them, 'Don't be ridiculous. Isn't it enough to have escaped with your lives? If you want to complain, complain to the adventurers who couldn't protect your fields. They're swimming in cash from their reward right now. Go claim a bit of it for yourselves…'" …Yikes. How much more of a stereotypical villain could you be?

"Indeed. It may be that there is no blame in this case besides that of the greedy governor who abandoned his responsibilities. You adventurers performed above and beyond the call of duty; there's no question of that. But that didn't change anything for the handful of victims. They still had nowhere to go. Can you blame them for being upset? What would you tell them? That this was akin to an act of God, and they should forget about it? Hardly."

Vanir gave a truly demonic smirk.

Then he said something I couldn't ignore—and he said it as casually as if it was nothing at all.

"The aggrieved citizens went crying to… Yes, you guessed it. Your dear Dustinesses! 'Oh, Dustiness family!' they said. 'When some pitiful adventurers destroyed the town with a flood, you paid for the vast majority of the reconstruction. Now we ask you to find it in your hearts to have mercy on us as well…'" ... "Wait just a second. What did you say? What was that about destroying the town with a flood?"

Now Vanir seemed to be getting proper demonic enjoyment out of this conversation.

"Did you really think a few hundred million eris would cover destruction of that magnitude? Perhaps you recall that when the Guild asked you for restitution, they requested you pay 'at least a part' of the full amount."

That woman!

"The Dustinesses put the vast majority of their assets, with the exception of their mansion, into paying for the damaged buildings. And when Destroyer happened, the heavily armored daughter of the family saw that her house was now without any resources yet still wished to help the needy townspeople. And so she went to that very lord, the one who had shirked his duty, and begged him to let her borrow money."

That woman, doing all that without even asking anyone!

"He was disinclined to help but agreed to lend the funds on the condition that if anything should happen to the head of the Dustiness family and his repayment be imperiled, guarantee would be made in the form of 'her body'—" Vanir was interrupted by the sound of my fist hitting the table. Aqua flinched.

I stuck my hand out at her.

"Hey… Hey, Kazuma, that must have hurt when you hit the table all angry like that. It hurt, didn't it?"

Now it all made sense. That jerk butler who had come to the house must have been a messenger from Alderp. He knew that Darkness's dad was in ill health, and he was demanding repayment of the debt. Darkness had come up with the ridiculous idea of defeating the hydra in order to earn the money. But then she saw all the adventurers I had gotten together to help her and decided she couldn't worry us with this problem anymore… "And how much is Darkness's debt?" I asked Vanir quietly.

I guess Vanir had expected even that question, because he simply took the bag he had brought and slid it toward me. "Exactly as much as your own holdings plus what's in this bag. Now, shall we talk business?"

Dammit! He's a demon, all right!

5

"Beautiful! You're so beautiful, milady! After the ceremony, you must go to your honored father's room so he can see you!"

The new maid smiled with pleasure to see me in my dress.

A pained grin was the only reply I could manage. This girl was new to our house; she didn't know our family history, and she didn't know the story of this wedding. If I were to let Father see me like this, it could only bring him sadness.

I knew full well that this wedding would make no one happy. This was about my own self-satisfaction.

There was a commotion from the hallway. I could hear someone shouting on the other side of the door.

"What do you mean, I can't see the bride?! Out of my way! I can't wait! I can't wait any longer! Lalatina will be mine in just a matter of hours! Now or later, who cares? Move, I told you! Lalatina! Lalatinaaaa!"

…Heh. So he was done pretending to be a decent human being.

A member of my family's staff replied as gently as he could, "Sir, you mustn't.

This is the waiting room of House Dustiness. And until the ceremony is over, only members of the Dustiness family may enter. Please, sir, step back."

"You damnable fools! Know this: When this ceremony is over, I will be your master. Let that sink in for a moment, and then decide whether or not you want to let me through that door."

The man didn't sound flustered by this outrageous statement. "I cannot let you through, sir. You are not my master."

After a moment, the cruel voice replied, "…Don't think I'll forget this. After the wedding—and after I've enjoyed your precious young lady to my heart's content—I'll deal with you. Just you wait."

Then I heard my husband-to-be stomping away.

"…Could you call the man by the door?" I said. "I'd like to thank him."

The maid nodded quietly and summoned the staff member posted outside.

"Young Lady! How truly lovely you look…" He sounded at once overjoyed and just a little bit sad.

He was one of the guards who had been in the service of our house for a very long time. He was not one to bend; I remembered being a child and begging him to let me out of the house, but he never gave in. I would try to sneak over the fence, but he would always find me out.

At one point in my life, I entertained elaborate fantasies of outfoxing him and escaping. Once, I tossed a ball over the fence and then begged him to go get it for me. While he was off fetching it, I snuck out. He found me almost immediately and dragged me back home—but I enjoyed the experience so much that I started throwing a ball over the fence every day. Every day, he would let me convince him to go get it. Looking back on it now, I realize that this was just after my mother died and I had no one to play with; in his own way, this man was being a playmate for me.

"I'm sorry about that…," I said. "You could have let him through. It doesn't matter what happens to me now. But rest assured, I'll guarantee he doesn't punish you."

"You need not worry, Young Lady," the guard said. "It was my intention to resign after your marriage in any event. I serve House Dustiness—although I could be moved to serve a man who had won your respect."

I gave him a sad smile. A man who had won my respect? An image flitted through my mind: a certain boy who had snuck into my room at night, been chased off, offered a parting shot as he jumped out a window, and then lay rolling on the ground in pain. I couldn't keep the corners of my lips from creeping up at the memory.

"Your smile is so beautiful, Miss, but all too rare these days. It warms my heart to have seen that expression on my last day of service to you." The guard gave me a beatific smile of his own, then turned away. "…A-ahem. If I may be so forward, the beauty of your innocence is your loveliest trait. Er…so…perhaps you could satisfy yourself without letting your little games become too violent…" With these embarrassed words, he vanished to the other side of the door.

"?!"

The two maids both averted their gazes. Ohhh! What I wouldn't give to get my hands on the guy who started these awful rumors with his impressions!

He's foul-mouthed, rude, and totally lacks what you would assume to be common knowledge despite a head full of obscure trivia. He's conservative and a coward, yet given to sudden bursts of outrageous behavior; he just doesn't make sense. He's of the weakest class, has totally average stats besides his Luck, and has managed to defeat generals of the Demon King, major bounty heads, and every kind of monster using nothing but his plethora of skills and a little opportunism. He's a mystery. When I revealed to him that I was a noble, he was less interested in my status than he was amused by my name.

And then… I was the one who offered to cross the uncrossable line with him. I must be one messed-up person.

I thought back on all our adventures, all the fun times we had. It's very unusual for a noble to ever get to follow her own heart, including in the matter of marriage. And yet I had been permitted to spend my entire life up to this point with my own friends, doing what I wanted.

…That was enough. It would be greedy for a noble like me to hope for any more. Now it was my turn to repay the people of this town. No longer would I let that lord do whatever he wanted. While he was busying himself with my body, I would learn his secrets. It might take years, but with the memory of my friends to sustain me, I could endure.

…It was the strangest thing, though: I once thought it wouldn't be half-bad to be his wife, but now I felt no attraction to him at all. Was this all his fault, too?

Every time I thought back to our fights, I found myself starting to smile.

"Er, Y-Young Lady?" My sudden smile had confused the maid who was doing my makeup; she stopped her work.

"Oh. Pardon me. It's nothing."

I told her to keep working, and then I let my thoughts wander back to my friends and their quirks.

What would they do if they knew why I was in debt? Megumin would probably get angry. Aqua might start to cry even though she didn't understand what was going on.

And him? He would maybe say, How could you do something so stupid?! Then he would find out the thing that annoyed me most and immediately do it.

But after I found out that lord's secrets and put an end to all this… Would my friends still accept me? Would they take me back?

"You look brilliant, milady! Please, if you'll come to the mirror…" I obediently followed the maid to the looking glass, where I saw myself in a white dress. I gave myself the faintest of smiles. What a disappointment that I was doing all this dressing up for that lord.

The ceremony was closed to the common people, but outside the church at the reception, anyone and everyone would be able to see me. Would he be there?

…No. No, of course not. I knew him. I was sure he was shut up in his room alone, sulking. The thought of him pouting made me smile again.

"It's time. Let's go, milady. The priest who will be officiating this most joyous occasion is the most powerful cleric in all of Axel. You'll have the most wonderful wedding ceremony, I'm sure…" The man saying these words, ushering me out with a gesture, was none other than my family's longest-serving butler, Hagen.

I made to go, grateful to this town and all the people who had given me such freedom until this day.

Ah… It's been fun.

Every day of the last year had been a joy.

The smallest of smiles crept over my lips, and I took Hagen's outstretched hand…

6

This was the holiest place in all of Axel.

The center of the cult of Axis and their crazy— Er, obviously not.

Naturally, we were in the Eris Church building.

Most of those in attendance were people of power and influence in the town or nobles from nearby areas. All of them knew this wedding was a farce. They chatted in their seats, with none of the anxious anticipation that usually accompanies a wedding ceremony about to start.

Guards serving "that lord" were posted outside the church, holding back the hangers-on who were trying to get a glimpse of the bride. The majority of said hangers-on were adventurers. Since Darkness's marriage had recently become public knowledge, they were probably trying to see what their usually armor-clad acquaintance looked like in a dress. They were going nuts trying to get a peek. Well, maybe curiosity was what had driven them to become adventurers in the first place.

Finally, the buzz died down, and silence descended over the church.

Two small rooms had been prepared to the left and right of the building's entrance, one for the groom and one for the bride.

Now, out of the bride's room, Hagen led the wife-to-be in a brilliant white dress. The butler was probably there as a fill-in for Darkness's father, who was too sick to attend. A veil hid Darkness's face, yet even so, she possessed a beauty that captivated onlookers.

Next, the lord appeared from the other room. A white tuxedo hugged his corpulent frame, and like everyone else in the church, he couldn't take his eyes off Darkness. No, he couldn't take his eyes off her, his mouth hanging half-open, staring stupidly… He started to drift toward her, but Hagen gave a discreet cough, and the lord came to his senses. But it was almost as if no one noticed his pathetic behavior, because they were all too fixated on the bride.

At last, the church's pipe organ struck up a dignified march, and the bride and groom began walking down the aisle together. The groom didn't have his eyes on where he was going but was looking entirely at Darkness.

Darkness, for her part, never looked up but kept her eyes on the ground.

Seeing her like that, I felt a tremendous rage well up in me.

"Do you think he might starve me? Refuse to give me food or water? It's enough to make my heart pound…!" Whatever!

What happened to the pervert I knew? The one who would blush at the thought of the monsters we were fighting? The one who could make impromptu declarations that brought even a general of the Demon King up short?

This was her wedding, yet Darkness didn't look the least bit happy. She looked sad, lonely. At long last, all eyes still on her, she arrived at the altar, where they would exchange their vows.

Right in front of me.

That's right: I was standing beside the altar.

In this world, it seemed, any cleric could administer wedding vows. You didn't have to follow a specific religion. Say, for example, that you were the only Arch-priest in a whole town full of novices.

The person Hagen had asked to do the blessing of the vows, the person who was now standing smack at the center of the altar, was the Arch-priest—and therefore most highly ranked cleric in Axel—Lady Aqua herself.

And me? I stood proudly beside her as her assistant.

Even when they arrived at the front of the church, the groom was too busy looking at his soon-to-be wife to notice us, and the blushing bride continued to stare at the ground.

The solemn march stopped, and a voice began speaking. But it wasn't half as reverent as the music that had just been playing.

"Darkness. You are here today to marry this man who appears to be the offspring of a bear and a pig, in contravention of orders from me, a goddess, and allowed yourself to be swept along by events. Do you swear to take this old fart in sickness and in health, in happiness and in sadness, for richer or for poorer? Do you swear to love this old fart, respect him, comfort and help him, and to protect your chastity with your life? You can't do it, can you? I'd sure like to just go home with you, Darkness. We could pick at Kazuma's cooking and toss back a drink…" Wait, that wasn't how wedding vows went, was it? The attention of everyone in the church instantly switched to Aqua. Even Alderp managed to bring himself to look at her.

(Image)

"…?! What? I—I know you! You're that woman who showed up at my house and caused me all kinds of trouble! What is this? What in the world are you doing here?!"

His shouting caused Darkness to notice us at last, and she stared at us, her mouth working open and closed with shock.

I took the opportunity to grab her by the arm.

Mom, Dad?

I know you did your best to raise a normal child. But your beloved son has given up any hope of a normal life and is about to pick a fight with the biggest fish around. He's going to kidnap a noblewoman.

Darkness went pale as she registered what was happening, tears springing to her eyes.

"Wh-what is this? Aqua… K-Kazuma! Kazuma, let go! Let go of me! What in Eris's name do you think you're doing?! This isn't fun and games anymore!

Crashing a noble wedding ceremony? You'll be lucky if execution is the worst you get! How could you be so stupid? How could you be so, so stupid?"

I didn't let her get carried away any further.

"Shut it, you moron! Running off on your own to play some idiot game!

Deciding to take on my debt without so much as a word to me! Who do you think you are, my wife?! I told you—if you love me, you should have said something!"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! I'm sure I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about, you big idiot!"

So maybe a church wasn't the best place for this argument, but we didn't care. The would-be groom, however, finally collected himself.

"Th-the boy! Arrest the boy! And that fraud of a priest! They're peasants!

Commoners! They don't belong here! Arrest them!"

He tried to grab Darkness back from me, but I gave her a tug and hid her behind my back. That made Alderp angry.

"Blast it all! You've got nothing to do with this—so butt out! Your beloved Lalatina owes me a debt, one so large that a worthless creature like you couldn't repay it if you slaved your entire life! If you want your woman back, go save up your allowance and then talk to me—as if you have a chance!"

The opportunity was just too perfect. I picked up the bag I had set beside the altar.

"I'll take that offer, old man," I said. "Get a load of this: two billion eris, Darkness's entire debt! Two thousand magic silver coins worth a million eris each. So I'll be taking Darkness, thank you! And just for the record, she's not my beloved! She's j-just my friend! A very important friend—but just a friend!"

My diligent corrections were almost drowned out by the clatter as I dumped all two thousand coins right at Alderp's feet.

And why would I do that, you ask…?

"Whaaa—?! What do you mean, two billion?! Argh, wait! Lalatina! My Lalatina! Ahh—my money! Quickly, pick that up!"

He started scrambling to grab the cash—as did everyone else in attendance.

Hey, it wasn't my fault if some unscrupulous bystander picked up some of the coins.

While they were all busy with that, I took Darkness by the hand—she showed no sign of moving on her own—and tried to get away from the advancing group of what appeared to be Alderp's goons.

Darkness, though, shoved my hand away and shouted, "How—how could you?! Nobody asked you to do this! Do you have no respect for my personal resolve?! And this money! Where in the whole wide world did you come up with this much money?!" Darkness had been so stalwart until this moment, but now she was truly upset.

"I did some selling," I said. "Specifically, I sold all my knowledge of and rights to any idea I might ever have, in perpetuity. The money I got from doing that, plus every speck of reward money I'd saved up, came to exactly two billion eris.

So I'm back to having to do honest work. I already made the sale. No use crying over it. I can't go back on the deal now. Get it? So let's go!"

Darkness looked at me with a flurry of emotions—astonishment, sadness, and joy. But apparently she still had more to say.

"You did all that? You— How could you—? When I— We—?"

Alderp's guys were rushing at us, and I was out of patience. I grabbed Darkness by the shoulders and shook her as hard as I could. "Cut the chitchat already! You don't have any right to say no, and I won't take any more back talk from you! I bought you back from that old-fart lord, so you're my property now!

I'm going to work you like a dog, and don't you forget it! Get ready, because you're gonna use that body of yours to recover everything I spent on you, you perverted, masochistic Crusader! You got that?! If you get it, then lemme hear it!!"

"Y-yesh, shirrr!"

The shaking, the shouting, and the being called a pervert in front of a whole crowd caused tears to spring to Darkness's eyes but also sent her into a sort of ecstatic trance; she answered me in a mesmerized slur.

I still had Darkness by the shoulders when she pitched forward. Apparently, my little speech had tugged on her heartstrings—or, more to the point, scored a critical hit on her hopeless masochism.

Why did I always end up having to drag her along at the most crucial moments?! I swept her up in my arms like I was rescuing a damsel in distress and made for the church door.

Now, remember, all kinds of noble and influential people from around town were attending this ceremony. The kinds of people who didn't deal well with crisis or with any sort of immediate physical danger. None of them tried to stop me; other than the crew grabbing money off the ground, they just watched me go.

Darkness, writhing in my arms, was blushing harder than I had ever seen her, and her breath was growing dangerously harsh.

"Hff… Hff… B-bought…! A noble like me, bought! By this man! P-pay you back with my body? Unbelievable! And look—look at the situation we're in! Carried off from my own wedding like a captive princess, like a—like a—" "H-hey, watch the drool! Watch out, you're drooling on me! You sure you're all right?! I mean, are you even sane?!"

For some reason, Aqua, making up the tail of our little train, seemed pleased about all this; her eyes were shining as she said, "Ah, Kazuma the cur strikes again! All Darkness did was take on your debt, and all you did was pay it back again, but you manage to act as if you've bought her! Hey, Kazuma, I think when Megumin hears about this pay-with-your-body business, she's gonna hit you with a major explosion. If she manages to totally vaporize you, I won't be able to bring you back, okay?"

"St-stop that! You need to stop making everything sound so bad! You're twisting my words! I meant she would have to use her body like, like work! As a Crusader! As an adventurer!"

Even as I spoke, I could see Alderp's men gathering in the aisle to block our exit. And my arms were still full with Darkness, who was still blushing and melting.

"Damn! Hey, Darkness, how long do you plan to keep up the crazy-in-love act? Get on your own two feet and start running! And by the way, all those muscles make you awfully heavy!"

"Y-you bastard! How could you spoil the mood by saying something like that?!" Darkness, tears in her eyes once again, tore the train off her dress so she could move more easily, then jumped out of my arms. "Well, we've come too far to stop now! I'm sick and tired of all this! You, Alderp's dogs! Get out of my way or die where you stand!"

Next, she lost the veil, her golden hair streaming behind her as she threw herself at the goons. They caught hold of her, trying to stop her; she didn't even attempt to dodge them but only stretched out her hands. Person after person grabbed her shoulders, her arms, but it didn't matter; she dragged them all along, and with each hand she reached out and grabbed the guys clinging to her by the face.

Ah, the ol' Iron Talon. The thugs could only make pathetic squeaking sounds.

"For crying out loud, we came all this way to rescue you, and you throw yourself right at them?! Aqua, back her up! Get on it, now!"

"Leave it to me! You want my entertainer magic, by any chance?"

"Just what the doctor ordered! I love that spell!"

Behind us, Alderp was still desperately sweeping up money, as were a few of the guests. Now equipped with Aqua's special spell, I covered my mouth and then shouted: "You lot! Forget about them—we'll deal with them another day.

Get over here and help me collect my money!"

I was imitating Alderp's voice, naturally. It worked.

"Huh?" the thugs said, interrupting their duel with Darkness. "Y-yes, sir! Right away, sir!"

They rushed past us and over to where their lord was trying to claim his debt.

"You idiots!" he exclaimed. "Why are you over here?! Go bring back my Lalatina!"

"?!"

They came rushing back toward us. Now we had close to a dozen of them on both sides. Their arms and armor weren't anything noteworthy, but even with Aqua's buffs, it was an open question whether we would be able to push past them.

This was it. Time for me to get serious again, just like I'd done at the castle. I had stolen back my friend, and I was starting to feel pretty heroic. That was when— "Light of Saber!!"

A familiar voice rang from the door, and a bright light carved through the bricks of the church wall.

This was a spell favored by the Crimson Magic Clan, one that allowed them to imbue a knife with light magic that could cut through anything.

After a moment, the door, and the entire wall around it, simply fell over.

Bright daylight streamed in, silhouetting two figures. The adventurers who had been gathered around outside were giving them a wide berth, a nice, respectful distance… They also appeared to be very eager to see what would happen next.

"Megumin, I did it! I—I did it! Because we're friends, right? F-for a friend like you, I would do anything, even commit what's basically a crime, like this! I mean, you were all, 'I beg you to help me, my friend!' and how could I say no?"

"Yes, yes, fine work, Yunyun. That is my friend for you. You can go back to your inn now."

"Whaaat?!"

Two girls with crimson eyes stood before us. Megumin took a step forward, and that was enough to send the lord's servants scuttling back. Their collective gaze was fixed on the glowing tip of Megumin's staff.

Geez, look at this… It was obvious her reputation as the girl who wouldn't hesitate to blow up anything and everything in pursuit of her goals was now complete.

Megumin raised up her staff, looking more serious than I had ever seen her.

The red of her eyes seemed to glow. She gave a dramatic flap of her cape.

That was when I heard a quiet murmur run through the assembled crowd.

"The evil wizard has come. The evil wizard is here to steal away the bride."

To be fair, I had stolen Darkness first. But standing there in the church entryway, framed by the sunlight, Megumin looked more heroic than I ever had.

…And this was supposed to be my moment!

7

Each person in the church, noble and goon alike, was watching every move of the "evil wizard" with an emotion akin to panic.

"You are all acquainted with my nickname, I presume? Then you must know what magic brims at the end of this staff. I warn you, it takes a great deal of focus to control this spell… If I were to be surprised and my concentration suddenly broken, it would be bang! Good-bye! If you have any intention of trying to stop me, do so with that in mind."

So basically, if anyone so much as tried to lay a hand on her, she would "lose control" and blow the place to smithereens.

Whoever the "evil wizard" was, they would be proud of this performance.

Alderp's people formed a circle around Megumin, but they didn't look very happy about it; they carefully kept their distance. All of them—the ones Darkness had charged at and the ones I had sent back in the other direction— seemed none too eager to get their hands on us.

Yunyun, standing beside Megumin, took a glance around the church.

"Wait…what? Look, Megumin, Mr. Kazuma is already here…" Finally, Megumin noticed Aqua and me, along with Darkness in her torn dress.

She seemed to grasp immediately what had happened, because a broad smile came over her face. Then she pointed her staff at us. She was giving us a way out: At the mere gesture, the goons in front of us scuttled away and hid among the pews.

The three of us took the opportunity to head for Megumin and Yunyun, but Alderp, still collecting his money, shouted: "Wh-what are you fools doing, letting her intimidate you? She's bluffing; she has to be! Who would use explosion magic in a place like this? It's obvious what would happen! Stop them!"

That, however, was all it took.

(Image)

"Oh-ho! Intimidate? Bluff? Do you truly believe that I would ever mention explosion magic with anything less than total sincerity? Well! Very well! I accept your challenge!"

This sent our antagonists into a panic.

"Stop! We won't get anywhere near you, so please, stop!"

"We swear not to attack you, so please don't do it!"

"Lord Alderp! I beg you not to provoke her!"

Just how gruesome was her reputation? I mean, even Megumin wouldn't set off an explosion right in the middle of town.

…Would…she…?

With the goons shaking in their boots, the three of us managed to link up with Megumin and Yunyun.

"I was about to do something really cool!" I shouted. "And you had to go and steal the spotlight! But you did save our necks, so thanks."

Megumin laughed. "Crimson Magic Clan members have a sixth sense for dramatic opportunities. Given all your jabbering, Kazuma, I assumed you would do something eventually. But I admit I didn't expect you to show up here before I did!" She actually seemed a little bit pleased.

"Megumin! And Yunyun, they got you, too—? When we get home… We can talk when… I'll thank you after we—" Maybe Darkness was overwhelmed with gratitude, or maybe the excitement of earlier hadn't quite worn off. Whatever the case, she seemed unable to produce an entire sentence.

"Why so distant?" Megumin said, almost a little shy. "We're…party members, aren't we? Friends. Surely you didn't think we would let such a f-fine Crusader go so easily!" She seemed to hope her emphatic finish would conceal how awkward she felt about admitting her friendship.

"Friends," Yunyun breathed. "That has such a nice ring to it, Megumin! And if —if a dear personal acquaintance like me were to be in this same situation, you would have come to help me, right?"

"No. A close personal acquaintance you may be, but you're also my self-proclaimed rival… We aren't exactly friends in the way party members are."

"?!"

Gosh, and Yunyun was leaning into the friendship thing so much. You're merciless, Megumin.

"Hey, I'm sorry, but I don't think this is the time for cute banter!" Aqua interjected. "We need to do something about this!"

Alderp's lackeys were slowly encircling us where we stood at the entrance to the church. I didn't think they would attack us while Megumin was there; she was the most dangerous person in the room, and her notoriously short fuse was lit.

The local lord, however, had evidently had enough of his subordinates' reluctance. "All of you out there!" he shouted. "I can tell by the look of you that you're adventurers. These people are criminals! Take my bride back from them!

A rich reward awaits her rescuer, I assure you. For starters, I'll hire you as a guard at my mansion! You need never grub about on another adventure again!

Now, bring her to me! Bring me Lalatina!"

The onlooking adventurers, who had been watching all this develop with no small interest, now exchanged a collective look. Nobody moved. In fact, they spontaneously began to look in the other direction or yawn and pretend they hadn't heard anything… "…? All of you! Do you not hear me? I'm offering you riches! Name your price!"

I guess they were going to let us get away with this. Thank you, everyone!

Sometimes all good needed to triumph was for…well, for other good people to stand by and do nothing.

"Hey, Darkness. Remember when you stupidly tried to go beat the hydra by yourself, and how stupid that was? Well, running off to make a bride of yourself was even stupider, but all these people forgive you and are trying to help. Take a good look and see if you can get that through your rock-solid skull."

Happiness tinged Darkness's cheeks red; she looked down at the ground with just a hint of tears in her eyes.

What a happy ending. I decided not to ridicule Darkness any further, because I knew what those adventurers were thinking. All of them had big grins on their faces… I had no doubt that for a long time, whenever Darkness showed up at the Guild, it was going to be, "Why, young Miss Lalatina! Aren't you going to wear one of your lovely dresses today?"

Everyone in town already knew that Darkness was actually the daughter of nobility. Axel's adventurers were shameless enough, and had known Darkness long enough, that I couldn't imagine they would treat her any differently at this point.

It was going to take a while for Darkness to live this one down, and I thought maybe I would keep my distance from her until she did.

…But as for the present moment? The guards outside the church, and the thugs inside it, had converged on us, resulting in something of a stalemate.

These guys weren't idiots, and they weren't amateurs. They didn't look like they were going to do us the favor of being pushovers. On top of all that, they had numbers on their side. I didn't think we were going to get away without a fight.

I didn't want to pull a weapon; doing that right here in town would for sure make me a criminal. Of course, I sort of got the sense that I was already a criminal… "Hrrgh…! Kazuma, my ability to hold back this magic is reaching its limit! Can I fire it already? Whatever we do, we're already lawbreakers! I'm ticked off, and I want to just drop an explosion on these clowns!"

Megumin's sudden outburst caused everyone around us to blanch. Me included, of course.

"Arrrgh! It's no good! I can't control it! Get away from me, everyone!"

No way! This was the moment when she lost control?!

If it had been anyone other than Megumin, I would have taken it for a bluff.

But everyone there knew her too well. Faces pale, they all scrambled away. I made myself scarce, too, as— "Explosion!!!"

Megumin let rip with a magical blast aimed straight at the sky. There was an immense noise and a blinding light above us. The shock wave shattered glass all over town and sent everyone in the vicinity diving for the ground, covering their ears.

"Now… Go now…" Aqua lifted up Megumin, who was drained of all her MP;

for some reason, her voice trailed off, and finally she just fell silent and looked at me. Her cold stare eventually made me aware of my own situation.

Specifically, the fact that I was currently crouched right behind Darkness, trying to stay hidden… "Hey, Kazuma, hiding behind the person you're here to rescue is pretty low even for you," Aqua said.

"True," Megumin added. "I thought Kazuma looked awfully cool today, so cool that I was starting to worry I was seeing things. Thank goodness it was just my imagination."

"M-Mr. Kazuma… You're the worst…" It was this last remark of Yunyun's that was hardest to bear.

For that matter, the other attendees were all looking at me from their places on the ground like I was human garbage.

But that wasn't important. What was important was that Megumin's explosion had shaken our opponents enough to give us a chance to escape. We broke through their blockade and set off running…or tried to.

"She can only use Explosion once per day! Get her! Get her now!"

I guess the shock just lasted a second, because the goons didn't show any hesitation this time.

Megumin shouted from Aqua's back, "Yunyun! I leave this to you—we will go on ahead! Whatever should happen to me, don't look back!"

"You moron!" Yunyun exclaimed. "We're friends now, aren't we? How could I ever leave you to— Hold on, what did you say? Megumin… Do you remember in Crimson Magic Village…? Doesn't this feel awfully familiar?!"

"I will trust you to buy us time, dear companion!" Megumin said. "Then from this day forth, I shall introduce you as my friend!"

"Fine, leave it to me! I'll do anything for a friend…!"

Yunyun seemed all too happy to run interference for us, and she gave our pursuers pause.

Dear, sweet Yunyun! I'd be your friend, if only you'd let me…!

We left her there and started running. Behind us, we heard someone shout, "She may be Crimson Magic Clan, but she's just one girl! Grab her before she finishes her spell!"

It was more than I could stand. Fine! I would stay behind, too, to give Darkness the chance to escape…!

I was just turning around when… "Eeeyowch! He shoved me! Grr! My bones! It's breaking my bones! Dust, help meeeee!"

I heard a guy cry out and saw him rolling around on the floor.

"Hey, Keith, are you okay?! Yikes, that's nasty… I'm gonna knock you down and grind your bones to butter!"

That name… That voice… They sounded familiar.

"What's that?! I hardly touched him; why's he making such a racket? He's the one who threw himself at me! And then threw himself on the ground! If his bones are so broken, how is he holding on to my foot like that? Let go!"

That voice belonged to one of Alderp's goons.

I heard someone punkish behind us even as we ran. "Hey, hey, hey! Don't tell me you're gonna leave him paralyzed on the ground and try to run away without even saying you're sorry! I don't care if you work for the governor or God; you can't get away with that!"

The lackeys sounded more annoyed than anything else. "First his bones were broken; now he's paralyzed?! Forget it—you're in our way! Move! Get back or you'll regret it!"

I assumed that next, the goons tried to push the punk away.

"Eeeyowch! Here I was being all polite, and you had to go and get violent! You all saw it; he made the first move! Perfect, just what I wanted! Oh, you're gonna get it now! A certain noble gave me an awful lot of trouble just recently, and I didn't like nobles to begin with. You're the perfect way to work off a little steam!"

"Huh?! Hey, stop tha—!"

"Get him!"

"Get him! Get him!"

"Hey, let me have a piece of that!"

"I never did like that governor!"

"Ack! No! It's broken! I told you, it's broken!"

I took a glance back as we ran. The crowd of adventurers had turned Alderp's lackeys into punching bags. When all this had blown over, I would have to treat them to another round at the bar.

From what seemed like a great distance, I could hear a pained cry: "Lalatina!

Don't go, Lalatina! Lalatinaaaaa!"

8

"Y-Young Lady?! What in the world happened to you? A-anyway, get inside!"

We had successfully escaped our pursuers and returned to Darkness's mansion. One of the guards hurriedly let us in. Between the fact that we had run out on the wedding ceremony and the tattered remains of Darkness's dress, everyone in the house was pretty shocked, but Darkness ignored them. She just started walking through the mansion.

The three of us followed her, not really sure where she was going.

Darkness ended up in front of one particular room.

"Father? I'm coming in."

Father? Ah. When I snuck into the house that one time, I'd shattered the window of his sickroom getting out. They must have moved him somewhere else.

Darkness didn't wait for an answer before entering. I thought maybe that was a little untoward for a noble maiden, but it turned out I was wrong: Her father was no longer in a state to answer her.

He was even thinner than he had been when I saw him last. There were dark bags under his eyes, and he was asleep, breathing deeply. The noise of our entry must have awakened him, because his eyes fluttered open.

One by one, Darkness and then the rest of us came to his bedside.

When he saw his daughter, he said, "…Ah…Lalatina. You look so beautiful. Just like your mother…" Then he smiled, kind but weak.

Darkness hid her face, unable to meet his gaze. "…Honored Father… I can only apologize to you. I know I was the one who pushed to go ahead with this wedding, but…I've broken the engagement, in the most humiliating way possible."

At that, her father's eyes crinkled in real happiness. "Is that so?! I'm so glad.

You have nothing to worry about and nothing to apologize for." Then he turned to me. "Young Kazuma. Could you come here for a moment?"

I took a step closer to the bed.

Sensing the mood in the room, Megumin said, "…I believe I'll step out for some fresh air," and went into the hallway.

My other party member, on the other hand, who couldn't sense a mood to save her life, also stepped up to the bedside. I decided to let it go; even by my standards, it would be brutish to yell at someone right in front of a sick person.

Darkness's dad looked me in the face and smiled broadly. "…You've done well. Thank you. You have my gratitude."

All this thankfulness seemed a little sudden. "Me, sir? I only repaid my debt to your daughter."

That merely caused his smile to widen. Then he had to go and say something completely outrageous, considering Darkness was there and all.

"Young Kazuma. Please take my daughter for yourself. Please be so kind."

"Huh?!" Darkness said, shocked.

"Forget it! What kind of twisted game is this?"

"Huh?!" Darkness said, even more shocked. Then she looked at me as if she was about to shoot something back, but she didn't immediately say anything.

Her father watched us with palpable amusement.

…Crap. How had I gotten myself into this mess? The kingdom's confidant had apparently seen right through me.

Fine. If she has to go to somebody weird… Well, I'll look after her.

As if he had read my thoughts, Darkness's father's face relaxed and he exhaled.

…It didn't look like he had much time left.

He closed his eyes and whispered, "Lalatina. Do you enjoy the life you've been leading? So much that you could throw everything away for it?"

Darkness answered without a moment's hesitation. "I've loved it. I would give up everything I have to protect my friends."

Her father nodded once, as if satisfied to hear this, then murmured, "I see" very softly.

"Lalatina," he went on. "You must take the path you desire in life. Leave all the rest to me. I'm sure I have the strength left to write one last letter."

Darkness leaned in toward her father, took his hand.

"I love you, Father. Thank you for spending all these years raising me… Someday, when you're better, tell me stories of my dearly departed mother until I fall asleep, like you used to…" "I love you, too, my sweet daughter. Yes, I'll be happy to tell you all about your mother, whom you so loved…" Darkness's eyes brimmed.

"Yes… Sometime…," her father whispered, and then with a blissful smile he squeezed his daughter's hand.

Suddenly, a magic circle surrounded him and his whole bed.

"Sacred Dispel!"

The incantation came from the one person in the room who had a special gift for spoiling the moment.

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"Ahhh!"

"F-Father?!"

Father and daughter both cried out at the sudden burst of light. When the flash faded, the bags had vanished from under his eyes, and although he was still thin, his skin had regained a certain glow.

...Um.

As we all stood staring, Aqua, sounding altogether too pleased with herself, exclaimed, "It was a curse! The old guy had a curse put on him by a pretty powerful demon. But it was no match for my strength!"

Darkness's dad lay healed by the power of this oblivious goddess, still holding his daughter's hand. They looked at each other.

""..."" Slowly, Darkness pulled her hand away. She glanced out the window, red up to her ears. Her father drew up his blanket, hiding his face in embarrassment.

The little bit of his cheeks that I could see poking out from under the covers was bright red.

…Like father, like daughter.

"Now everything's fine! Yay, Darkness! Now your dad can tell you about your mom anytime!"

Aqua was genuinely thrilled. There was no malice in her at all.

Darkness, however, covered her face and slumped to her knees.

What a happy ending…

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