Closure for These Lifelong Rivals!
1
Yunyun came back as dawn broke, looking exhausted. The sounds of magic we'd heard echoing through the air all night long testified to the brutality of the trial. Yunyun would take refuge inside Aigis when her MP ran low; then, when she had even a few magic points regenerated, she would rejoin the fray.
Typically, the final trial would be tackled by two Crimson Magic wizards—one fighting while the other slept—so that lots of MP and plenty of attacking would win the day. That's what the difficulty of the trial was balanced for.
Yunyun told us that she could also use intermediate magic, so she'd conserved her MP by dealing with weaker enemies using less demanding spells.
That was how she had managed her amazing survival. And since Aigis had no offensive abilities, Yunyun had effectively completed the trial on her own… "Chief! Chief!"
"We all knew you would do it one day, Thunder Bearer Yunyun!"
"Hey, Yunyun, we're friends, aren't we? Let's go hunting in Crimson Magic Forest sometime!"
"What a joyous occasion! The strongest chief has burst onto the scene!"
It was the evening of the day Yunyun had become chief of the Crimson Magic Clan. After sleeping like a log, Yunyun opened her eyes to discover the entire village gathered in the town square, throwing a huge party.
"Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Kazuma, look! Look at all the Megumins!" Aqua, already wasted, pointed at Megumin and laughed.
"There is only one of me and no more! You've had too much to drink, Aqua!
Darkness, stop her…!"
Megumin, the only sober one there, turned to Darkness for help, but— "House Dustiness never surrenders! I can endure poison as well as anything, and I'll never run from a challenge!"
"Yes, that's it! Come now, my dear Darkness, drink with me! If you can outdrink me, I'll stop trying to get Kazuma and my daughter together!"
Darkness was red in the face, Yuiyui plying her with alcohol. Darkness must have already had quite a bit, because even though she didn't look as bad as Aqua, she was clearly pretty drunk. Tonight was the last night I would be spending with Megumin. Yuiyui obviously wanted to get Darkness out of the way so there would be no one to interfere with us crossing the final frontier.
"Why don't you have a drink?" I asked Megumin. "Even Darkness is three sheets to the wind, and you know how she feels about drinking."
"Hrm… I certainly want to, but…" Darkness usually stopped Megumin from drinking on account of her age, but today Megumin seemed strangely less than eager. Even though normally, the only thing she wanted more than to grow taller was to have a drink… That was when it happened.
"So here you are, Megumin! You're coming with us!"
Funifura and Dodonko suddenly appeared and launched themselves at Megumin.
"Wh-what are you doing?! Are you both drunk?! I have hunted many great adversaries, and my level is higher than both of yours! Have at me, if you are prepared to suffer a humiliating defeat!"
"Just come with us for a bit. You're gonna tell us exactly what you and that guy have been getting up to!"
"That's right—you're always so evasive! Trying to act all maidenly!! You never had the slightest interest in guys, and somehow you landed a boyfriend!"
I guess the two of them were curious about the relationship between Megumin and me.
"It is bad enough when you're both sober, but I won't be talked about in such terms when you're drunk! Look, Nerimaki and Arue are over there. Go play with them!"
"You're the worst! You're never around the village! You could at least spare a few minutes for us!"
"She's right, and you should introduce us to some of your guy friends, too!
We can't ask Yunyun to do it—that would be mean!"
"You two are the most troublesome drunks! Yunyun would cry if she heard you!"
While Megumin was busy with Funifura and Dodonko, there was another girl in the town square who had it even rougher.
"Chief! Hey, chief!"
"Chief! Chief!"
"N-now, just a moment! I'm still only the chief-to-be! You'll hurt my dad's feelings!" Yunyun, blushing, still couldn't hide her happiness as the Crimson Magic Clansfolk swarmed her. And right there beside the chief-to-be…
"Mr. Aigis, please don't put it that way! I only got inside you!"
"Daddy, what are you saying?! And, Mr. Aigis, I told you not to talk like that…!"
Yunyun could fume all she wanted; Aigis was on a roll.
<'Fraid I'm invulnerable to magic. But I get it, Pops. I know why you're all upset! Go ahead and beat me with your fists; I can take it!> "D-d-don't you dare call me 'Pops'!" The chief, now completely enraged, started bashing Aigis with his fists, but of course he was punching a suit of armor. "Agh! My h-hand…!" He fell to his knees, rubbing his knuckles.
"Mr. Aigis, please stop teasing my father!"
Funifura and Dodonko had been busy with Megumin, but they looked up when they heard Yunyun and the chief shouting.
"Hold on, Dodonko—doesn't Yunyun look like she's got a good vibe going with that armored guy?!"
"You've got to be kidding! Megumin was bad enough, but now Yunyun's got a man, too?!"
Before I could point out that the armor was actually empty, the two of them went charging off after Yunyun.
"Hey, what's going on here?! You act all demure, but look at you go!"
"You complain about not having any friends, but it looks like you don't have any trouble picking up guys! Come on, Yunyun! We're friends, aren't we?!
Introduce us to some awesome guys, pleeeease?!"
Despite all the teasing by various people and suits of armor, Yunyun nonetheless seemed to be (bashfully) basking in the celebration.
"Aqua, Darkness, you will catch cold if you fall asleep here… And, Mother, wake up. If you're going to sleep, do it at home." Megumin, whose experience as an older sister had taught her a thing or two about taking care of people, tried to wrangle her drunken friends and family. Komekko had curled up by the bonfire. "Komekko, are you sleepy from eating so much? I'm sorry, but maybe you could help me get our mother back to the house."
"Too hard. Let's just leave her here. We can tell Daddy to come pick her up…" "Komekko, no matter how much trouble it may be, you mustn't abandon a parent and go home!" Megumin sighed at her little sister but then started laying blankets over the drunkards, having apparently given up on getting them back to the house. Finally, she looked down at them, breathing peacefully under their covers, and flashed a wry smile before she turned to Yunyun, who was even now suffering Aigis's teasing.
I went over to Megumin and said, "Don't want to go say hi to Yunyun?"
"If I went over there now, I would certainly find myself compared with her.
They may call me a parlor-trick practitioner or whatever they want, but I will not deliberately put myself in the line of fire. Anyway, it's quite a sight to see, that lonely girl surrounded by the entire village. It looks like all her hard work finally paid off." She made it sound like it hardly concerned her, but she was obviously happy as she looked at Yunyun. "I'm afraid she's far beyond me now."
She said it lightly, but there was a hint of sadness behind it.
"…So this pretty much settles things between you guys, huh?"
"Oh, hardly. It merely means the distance between us two rivals has grown a little greater. In due course, I will succeed in a way that everyone in the Crimson Magic Clan shall envy. Say, for example…when our party defeats the Demon King."
"I'm not going along with that—you hear me? You can beg, you can plead, but I absolutely will not change my mind." I thought I was driving the last nail in the coffin of that idea. But Megumin turned to me and said:
"Very well. When we defeat the Demon King, I'll do anything you want."
...… "You mean, like…" "Exactly what I said. Anything means anything, does it not?"
Why did she always have to pitch these ridiculous fastballs? Were straights the only thing she had?
"I know you're a soft touch, Megumin. I don't think I have to defeat the Demon King to get you to do whatever I want."
"Do not call me 'a soft touch.' I am somewhat sensitive. I used to be a much pricklier person; I don't know what happened…" She was red up to her ears even though she was the one who had started this conversation.
"Listen, you haven't done your daily thing yet today, have you?"
"That's true. I had been considering saving it for when the celebrations began to die down, then firing it off in the sky to scare the people who weren't paying attention."
She came up with the most obnoxious pranks. "It's Yunyun's special night. Let her have this one."
"It's my rival's special night; that's exactly why I was going to do it…" But it would probably bring the festivities to a halt, and then Yunyun would cry, right?
"No choice, I suppose," Megumin whispered and shrugged. Then she looked again at her rival standing there in the center of town.
"Hey," I said, "you wanna get out of here? Just the two of us?"
"…Are you that eager to get filthy? I swear, this man…" "N-no, not what I had in mind!" Bah, I guess this was what I got for how I behaved all the time. More fool me, thinking a little bit of that stuff was okay.
"So what did you have in mind after we slipped away? If we disappear now, I guarantee the talk will have started by morning…" Megumin looked a little uncomfortable with the idea. But she was smiling, too.
…Okay, so I didn't think I could manage the Demon King.
But I thought maybe I could help close the gap between these rivals just a little.
"…?" Megumin looked at me curiously when I didn't say anything. Finally, I replied, "Let's go do your thing. Right now," and smiled.
2
The area around Crimson Magic Village was crawling with powerful monsters.
And everyone knew that the monsters that came out at night were the most powerful of all. You might wonder why I was thinking about that right at that moment… "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at that, Megumin! Look at all the One-Punch Bears!"
"There's no more of them than there were before! Kazuma, don't tell me you've actually had a lot to drink!"
Megumin and I were being chased by a monster through the woods near the village.
"Yeah, I've been drinking, but I'm not drunk! Don't worry! I'm fine!"
"You don't look the least bit fine! The Kazuma I know would scream in terror if he saw a One-Punch Bear!"
Holding Megumin's hand, while using Second Sight to let me see in the dark and Flee to help us escape, I easily got us away from the monster. "Hey there, li'l bear, did I give you a scare?! My name's Kazuma! Try to catch me, if you dare!"
"You are drunk! You are completely plastered!!"
"Brrrooooarrrrrr!!"
I turned toward the fur ball rushing at us from behind. "Deadeye!"
"Broaaarrrr?!"
I fired backward, through the dark, while running. Not an easy shot, lemme tell ya. "See that, Megumin? That's your hero Kazuma at work! Whatcha think?
Pretty cool, huh?"
"It's cool! It's very cool; just please keep running! Where did you hit that bear? It's angrier than ever!" Megumin was the picture of high-level prowess, hardly threatened at all.
"That's a boy bear! And I hit him right in his big bear balls!"
"Don't sound so proud of yourself! What were you thinking?!" I heard Megumin start to mumble an incantation. I guess she was going to do her "daily thing" on the One-Punch Bear. But I put my finger to her lips and said, "Whoops, it's a little early for that. Ha, you impatient li'l thing."
"Hrgh?! Hgh! Why would you interfere with my chant?! It's going to catch us!
Let me drop it on the stupid bear! He will be a perfect opponent for my daily practice!" She was outraged.
"That shrimp isn't worthy of your power. Explosion is the strongest magic around. You have to make sure you use it at exactly the right moment!"
"What is wrong with you tonight, Kazuma?! Has running caused the alcohol to move through your bloodstream even faster than usual?! You're always urging me to take care of every problem with my explosions!! Look, that shrimp is going to kill us if I don't do this!"
I wagged a finger at her as we ran along. "Have you forgotten who I am? I'm Kazuma Ambush Haver!"
"It already knows we're here! I'm begging you, Kazuma, go back to your normal self!"
Like Megumin said, Ambush didn't serve any purpose if the enemy already knew you were there. But in that case… "Create Earth!" In the dark night woods, magic that produced a flash would attract enemies. I grabbed a handful of dust and then… "Wind Breath!"
"?!?!"
…I blew it right in the face of the charging bear. Ah, it felt good to go back to the classics. And while it couldn't see us…!
"N-no, Kazuma…! Wait—!"
We held each other close in the darkness, shivering each time we felt each other's breath.
"Huh!" I whispered. "You were just saying you'd do anything, but look at you, frightened as a little girl!"
"Of course I'm scared! What are you, crazy?! Are you a complete and utter fool?! I am afraid for my life!"
"Hrrrf, snrrrf…!" The One-Punch Bear had lost sight of us but was sniffing around industriously.
"So, Megumin, has our little nighttime date sent your heart racing?"
"Yes, my heart is racing! It's beating harder than ever before in my life! Now please, would you just shut up?!"
The bear passed close by, sniffing. But Ambush worked on the sense of smell, too. We stayed completely still, hugging each other, and finally the bear left the area.
"In the end, it was just a wild animal… No match for me."
"If you had that sort of confidence more often, we might have had more adventures by now…" I ended Ambush and swept the area with Sense Foe. "All right, this way, Megumin. There's something big over here."
"It doesn't have to be big! What has gotten into you tonight? You're acting strange, drunk or not!"
It wasn't me who was behaving strangely; it was Megumin. "You're always after the biggest target you can find."
"Of course! I love big targets! But that's when everyone is with us and you're acting sane!"
That was when we heard it: ragged breath coming toward us from among the trees. Two glinting blue eyes came with it.
"Well, well, we got another playmate. Think this opponent can satisfy me?"
"Stop this ridiculous talk and run! Those blue eyes that shine in the night! It's the lone wolf, the scourge of the forest, a Fenrir!"
The big silver wolf stalked closer, its breath fogging in the dark. It didn't look the least bit intimidated by us.
"Normally, I'd hunt you for pocket change, but tonight you aren't even a part of this show. You're one lucky dog. I'm going to let you go this time…" "Seriously, where is this confidence coming from?! That's a Fenrir! The strongest form of the already dangerous white wolf, a creature so powerful, it can wipe out parties of even veteran adventurers!"
The Fenrir snorted; maybe it knew I was provoking it. The grass froze under its feet as it charged toward us.
"Huh, so you're all about that ice, huh? What a coincidence. I can control water and ice, too. Wanna see which of us is better at it?"
"Your puny Freeze is completely outclassed here, Kazuma! Forget it—this time I will do something about this enemy, so try to buy me a minute…" Megumin started to chant again, but I slapped my hand down on her head.
"This isn't your moment yet. Save the big boom. C'mon, Fido—welcome to the midnight ball! Let's dance!"
"You never talk like that! Tell me what's going on! I especially hate that it actually does sound a little bit cool!"
I was relaxed and ready to go, but the Fenrir was even more relaxed than I was.
"Kazuma, it's not taking you seriously. It's not taking you seriously at all!"
The Fenrir was actually scratching its neck with its back leg. That didn't seem like the sort of thing you would do during a deadly battle… "No, you've got it all wrong. It's trying to get me to let my guard down. Too bad that won't work on me! Create Water!" I decided to introduce myself to the cunning Fenrir with a blast of magic. But the wolf didn't even try to avoid it… "Kazuma, it seems to be enjoying it! Fenrir are elementally partial to ice and water! Look at it just splashing around!"
"Heh… If it likes it so much, how about a little more? Create Water! Create Water!!" I heaped on the spells. The Fenrir still made no move to dodge, just squinted and let itself get doused… Then a change came over the wolf. Its paws started to intertwine with the frozen water. It might still be able to move a bit, but it was too late now.
"Underestimate me, pooch? Too bad for you—this fight is already over.
Create Earth!"
"…?!"
The Fenrir, which had been enjoying the water so much, jumped backward, desperate to avoid the ball of dirt I flung at it. About what I expected: The wolf could easily avoid a conventional shot of magic. But I wasn't conventional…!
"I told you this fight was over! Wind Breath!" I flung the cape I'd been wearing at the monster and intoned my magic. The wind blew the cape along, blocking the wolf's vision. The creature must have noticed how hard it was to move when it had avoided my magic, because it didn't bother trying to dodge the cape. Instead…! "Munch!"
"Bind!" When the cape settled on the creature's forelegs, I used Bind to tangle them up.
"Arf! Howwwl! Frrrr!" The Fenrir, finally realizing I was dangerous, tried to intimidate me, but it was tangled up in my special wire.
"O-oh my goodness… Kazuma, I c-c-can't believe you incapacitated a Fenrir so casually…!" I heard Megumin say, shivering, as I advanced on the immobilized monster at a leisurely pace.
"Well, hey, it's been fun. But I think it's time to say good-bye…" I approached the wolf to deal the final blow.
"So cool! You are so darn cool tonight, Kazuma…! But Fenrir can be dangerous even when they're unable to move! You should finish this one off safely at range, with your bow!" Despite how moved she was by my performance, Megumin still tried to warn me… "Nah, I don't like to torment weaker opponents. It did its best. It just picked the wrong guy to mess with, that's all…" "I—I thought you'd gone crazy this evening, but I'm starting to think I might fall in love with you all over again…! However, Kazuma, you don't have your sword!"
That's right. Since I'd assumed we'd be running through the woods tonight, I'd come armed only with my bow. But… "If you don't have a sword, just make one. Create Water!" Water spouted from my right palm. "I'll at least do you the favor of finishing you off with your favorite element. Freeze…!"
"Ah… Ahhh… Ahhhh…" The water dribbling from my hand tinkled as it turned into ice. Exactly the shape I'd been hoping for… "Doggo, this is how you use ice magic."
"S-s-so cool! So cool! Kazuma, you're cool beyond belief tonight!" Megumin was looking at me with a kind of admiration she'd previously reserved for my incarnation as a member of the Silver-Haired Thief Brigade. I positioned myself to deliver the killing blow to the Fenrir.
"Looks like my magic beat yours, buddy. Requiescat in pace…!"
We raced through the woods, my Ambush skill active.
"Give it back! Give back all my praise of your coolness tonight!"
Turned out you couldn't scratch a Fenrir with an ice sword. Guess that's a high-level monster for you.
"I suppose it makes sense. Ice is ice, magical or not. Silly to think it would hurt a boss monster."
"Stop jabbering and run faster! Wolf-type monsters have excellent senses of smell; it might find us even with Ambush active!"
After my attack had bounced off it, the Fenrir started to look like it was very close to getting out of my Bind, so we made ourselves scarce. Given the howling I could hear from behind us, I guessed it was looking for us.
"Well, it was a moral victory," I said. "Anyway, before I fought it, I told it I would let it go for today, so it wouldn't have been very fair of me to kill it."
"How can you put such a positive spin on this?! Let's go home—you're not the only one acting strange tonight. The whole forest seems off! Fenrir should be deeper in…" Huh—so that was it. Now I understood. "They sensed a powerful opponent— namely me—and decided to show up."
"You lush!" Megumin exclaimed, but I was busy looking for another big score with Sense Foe.
"I've found something even bigger than that Fenrir. Jackpot this time?"
"Forget it! Just do what you want! I'll be with you till the bitter end! A Fenrir, a dragon, or even the Mad Bomber…!"
Megumin was sounding pretty put out, but I gave her a thumbs-up and grinned. "Attagirl! Our target tonight is the Mad Bomber Mogunin. Anything with a name that stupid deserves to be blown away!"
"Please do not abbreviate its name as Mogunin—that somehow makes it sound like my name! And I know I am not one to talk, but are you insane?!"
Insane? She was asking if I was insane? She should know better by now.
"Sorry to say, I have a companion who keeps telling me that I am!"
"There you go! Fine, let us do it! Yes, let us go ahead!! I finally understand what you're after. You should have just said so from the start!"
The condition for becoming chief was to either pass the trials or complete a big-game hunt.
No one necessarily had to find out what we were up to tonight.
Megumin and I would know she hadn't been beaten.
True, the Demon King might be out of reach, but still…!
"Gah, this is why I love you!"
"I knew that already! I've shown you I can beat a Fenrir! Now it's your turn to show me what you've got!"
"Very well! I shall show you, Kazuma, that I am the one who deserves the title of Mad Bomber!"
A smile exploded onto Megumin's face.
Sense Foe was going nuts.
"Hold up. They're close." I raised my hand to indicate to Megumin to stop.
"…Kazuma, you're supposed to be able to see in the dark, aren't you? Then why is it that every time you spot an enemy, your hand goes right to my chest?"
"Hey, no one's perfect. You can't blame me for the occasional mix-up. More importantly, look over there…" I pointed to a clearing ahead of us. And there… "I get it. That's the Ninnin, for sure." I'd thought the name was really stupid, but now that I saw it, I sort of understood where they were coming from.
"Do you have some problem with the Ninnin? Anyway, Kazuma, look at that!
Look at the sparkling luster, the unique shape! I wish I could take it home after we defeat it."
Ahead of us was a two-legged robot. Simply put, it looked like a ninja. It seemed nimble, like it was adapted to spy work. Its gleaming red eye shone eerily, and I started to fret about whether Ambush would work on it. Then… "I understand now. The Fenrir was running away from that. Let us do it, then!
You've gotten me this far, Kazuma. I promise you I will finish it off!"
Megumin was getting all hyped up. "…Hey, you sure you don't want to go home for today, maybe tackle this tomorrow?"
"And then I will be the Mad… What did you say?"
I was starting to wonder what I was doing out here in the woods in the middle of the night. "All that running… I don't feel so good. I want to head home and get some sleep."
"Curse you! After we've come this far?! Where has all your vigor and motivation gone?! Don't tell me you've sobered up?! You haven't gone back to your non-drunk, sensible self, have you?!" Megumin was shaking me by both shoulders.
"Whoa, calm down. We're talking about something so badass, even the Crimson Magic Clan is afraid of it. We should make some preparations for this fight…" "I know what a major foe this is! I have been thoroughly warned! And preparations should be made before you start! Now you have me all excited— this is beyond the pale!"
I was feeling worse and worse from all the shaking… "Hey, now you know how I feel. You always get me excited; then it's like, 'Eh, maybe later.'" "Yes, it is! Allow me to apologize for that! I see how painful it is, and I'm very sorry!"
We looked at the Mad Bomber. Could the robot, allegedly produced in the mysterious facility, have originally been intended to protect the Crimson Magic Clan? I didn't get the whole thing about attacking guys with black hair and dark eyes in particular; maybe there'd been some kind of trouble with people from Japan.
None of that really mattered now, though. What mattered was that the robot didn't attack Crimson Magic Clan members. In other words, Megumin alone could present herself proudly and unleash her Explosion, allowing us to safely dispatch the creature.
"Look, you can see scratches all over it. I wonder if that's damage from my Explosion the other day."
Now that Megumin mentioned it, I did notice little cracks all over the robot. It didn't seem to be in very good shape. But I could also see the damage slowly disappearing with a sort of sizzling sound, so I guess the thing was programmed to repair itself.
So we were dealing with a robot that couldn't be taken out with a single Explosion and that was programmed to run and lick its wounds if it got hurt. I couldn't help thinking about the fact that the Ninnin had never been destroyed despite living right next door to Crimson Magic Village all this time.
"Okay, let's blow that thing up and go home, get some sleep. Here's the plan.
Megumin, you go out there, do your chant, then blast that thing away. Done."
"That's the least thoughtful plan I've ever heard! And what will you be doing, Kazu—?" But before Megumin could finish… "Blurrrrp."
"...…Ah, all the running around has upset your drunken stomach. Just wait there quietly. I will be counting on you to get me home!" Megumin pointedly avoided looking at me; unable to hold it in anymore, I'd deposited the contents of my stomach among the bushes. "I'll be on my way, then. Wait until you see how cool I can be."
Then she set off toward the Mad Bomber.
"Mad Bomber Moguninnin. I've come to take your title from you…" She only needed to say the chant and do the deed, but Megumin was bent on doing it all properly. This was supposed to be a serious moment, but that ridiculous name, presumably bestowed by the Crimson Magic Clan, sort of undermined it.
"My name is Megumin! Wielder of Explosion and greatest magic-user in all of Axel!" The Mad Bomber didn't attack members of the Crimson Magic Clan, so Megumin probably felt comfortable putting on a show. I could tell because she kept glancing in my direction. She wanted to be sure I was watching. "You've been called the guardian of the Crimson Magic Clan, but we can't have you attacking tourists. If you'd only led a quiet life here in the woods, I could have let you be, but now I'm afraid—" That was as far as she got.
The Mad Bomber suddenly disappeared.
The forest fell quiet, but there in the trees above… …it appeared, dropping silently down at me.
"Huh? Hrgh!"
"K-Kazuma!!"
I'd thought I was hidden with Ambush, but the Ninnin dropped to the ground and came straight at me. And man, was it fast! This thing was definitely designed by a Japanese person, no question! It was, like, the quintessential ninja!
"Pretty good trick, seeing through my Ambush! But you're outta luck, pal— against a robot, I'm invincible! Steaaaal!!"
If my opponent was an automaton, then all I had to do was steal whatever made it tick! I thrust out one hand, but the Ninnin expertly backflipped through the air. It left only a red trail of light from its monocular behind it. Seeing how awesome it looked, I felt even worse about its name. As for my outstretched hand… "Kazuma, this is no time to be playing around! If you're that desperate for panties, I can give you some later. Thoroughly washed, of course!"
…I was looking right at Megumin's black underwear clutched in my fingers.
"Hey, there's no point if you wash them… I mean, that thing was just too fast!
Dammit, and I used my Bind wire on the Fenrir…" No, wait, that was it! "The panties, that's the answer! Megumin, give me your bra, too! I can tie them together into an improvised rope…" "Are you still drunk?! There is no way you can tie it up with those! Kazuma, behind you!"
I threw myself to the side and saw a flash where my head had been an instant before. The Ninnin had gotten behind me without me even realizing it and aimed a knife-hand strike right at my neck.
"Damn you! Don't start thinking ninjas get to have all the fun in a dark forest!
The NEETs come out at night, you know. You're not the only one who gets stronger this time of the day!"
As soon as I turned around, the Ninnin was already gone again. Did it have the Ambush skill, too? It turned out that having a spy (of sorts) like myself for an enemy was no fun at all.
"I know you think you look really good, but you aren't very cool! I knew you'd sobered up! You've lost all your flair from earlier!"
"Sh-shut up and chant! I want a do-over! My name is Kazuma Satou. The man who sees in the dark, hides in the shadows, and makes off with the treasure!
And my work shakes the world!"
"That's a little better, but the thing you're holding makes it worse!"
Ignoring Megumin's chatter, I worked Sense Foe as hard as I could.
"Found youuuu!"
"…?!"
The Ninnin appeared behind me, but its hand stopped before it reached me. I might not have had a sword, but I did have… "You are the worst! For the life of me, I can't tell if you're incredibly awesome or absolutely despicable tonight, Kazuma!"
"Pipe down—I'm at the end of my rope here! I'll do whatever I have to!"
Okay, so it wasn't exactly catching a bare blade between the palms of my hands, but the Crimson Magic Panty Parry would have to do. Apparently, the Ninnin's commitment to not harming the Crimson Magic Clan extended to their possessions. When it saw the black underwear I'd held up, it stopped moving… "Hrrrgh?!"
Metal hands and feet hit me in the stomach in a blinding flurry of kicks and punches.
"Kazuma?! The Ninnin really is a deadly opponent! It moves too fast to target, and it won't get away from you, so I can't target it anyway!"
I spat something bitter in the Ninnin's direction. Maybe it had every robot's fear of acid attacks, because it backed up just a little. "N-not bad, kid. I'm impressed that even in the middle of the night, you managed to— Marrrghhh!"
"I think it's time we gave up on the cool act!"
It's okay; I hardly feel this attack… I'm only throwing up because I drank a bunch and then we ran all over…!
"Nope… Sorry, it turns out I can feel it… Megumin, don't use your spell. I won't be able to move for a while, so you need to get back to town… It should let you go, so go wake Aqua and get the rest of the village…" "I'm not going to leave you here! And I'm not good at doing the reasonable thing!" Maybe she was hitting that rebellious age, even if it was a little late.
Megumin readied her staff. The Ninnin paid no attention to her but advanced on me where I had collapsed to my knees, clutching my chest. Then it stuck out a hand toward me… Megumin threw her staff as hard as she could and flung herself in front of me to cover me.
"First Aqua, now you. Why doesn't anyone think around here?! A wizard shouldn't throw away their staff!"
"The Ninnin is preparing to use its special explosion magic! If it hits you, Kazuma, you won't survive! There won't even be a body left!"
Ah, now I got it. She was counting on the Ninnin's refusal to attack her to protect me.
…It happened at that moment. The Ninnin, its hand still outstretched, turned its red mechanical eye on us and spoke. "Type confirmed: Japanese riajuu with cheat—harem. Upon departure of augmented subject: Crimson Magic Clan member, Explosion will be executed."
"Hey, I heard that! Cheat? Harem? Cheat harem?! So the bastard who cooked you up wanted to destroy all the cheaters and harem havers! In that case, targeting me was a huuuge mistake!"
"I don't know what has touched such a nerve with you, Kazuma, but please hold still!" Megumin was trying desperately to cover my flailing form with her little body.
My body temperature felt a little bit high as I tried to figure out how to break this stalemate. Honestly, my chest hurt. I suspected I had some fractured bones in there. Ah, the ol' cracked rib.
Why was that thing so hell-bent on using Explosion to off me, though? I knew it couldn't harm Crimson Magic Clan members, but if it just shoved Megumin aside, it could have easily finished me some other way.
"Megumin, you notice how that thing isn't moving? Even though it could kill me easily if it just jumped at us?"
"The Mad Bomber blows things up; that's why they call it that. It's a terrifying monster who targets those with black hair and dark eyes whose parties are composed entirely of women, telling them to explode!"
"It's just a riajuu hunter? That's bullshit! Megumin, cover me! I'll use Steal to pick out every component that thing has!"
"That's all well and good, but don't get careless and use it on me instead, all right?! I'm not wearing panties anymore, so I don't know what might be next! If you steal my robe, I'll be naked from the waist down!"
"If that happens, I'll take responsibility! Here we gooooo! Steal! Steal! Steal!
Steal!!!"
The Ninnin reacted immediately to my shouting: It disappeared. But I had something nice and heavy in my hand…!
"Did I do it?!"
"Oh, you did it all right! Give me my bra back! If you hit me with that again, I really will be in dire straits!"
In my right hand was a black bra and some kind of mechanical component. As I felt something pressed up against my back become a little softer, there was a whooshing noise. I guess I'd managed to steal a part of its body. The Ninnin was kneeling on the ground among the trees a short distance away, staring at us.
"Still moving, huh…? Damn, my stomach and chest really hurt… I don't know if I can carry you all the way back to the village like this…" Megumin, ignoring my blubbering, grabbed her staff and held it aloft, beginning her incantation. The Mad Bomber started backward as if running away.
"This village is one hell of a place. I swear I'm never coming back here. Hey, Megumin, stay close. Without you right next to me, the Mad Bomber's gonna blow me up."
From directly behind me, Megumin finished her chant and exhaled. "You were so cool for so much of tonight, but now here you are, using a girl like a shield… I swear, I have no idea why I fell in love with a man such as you…" She was talking to me, but she didn't actually sound that unhappy.
Then she said softly to the Mad Bomber: "What's wrong? I know this isn't you. I know you took my Explosion, but even so, were your movements not somewhat hesitant tonight?" Here I'd been about to die, and that thing hadn't even been completely serious? You've got to be kidding me. "…You're a fellow lover of Explosion, so I can't hate you. But if you're going to target my friend, then I can't leave you be, either." Megumin, her staff at the ready, gazed at the Ninnin that had protected Crimson Magic Village for so long, and a small, pained smile flitted across her face.
The Ninnin seemed to be listening to her. It blinked its monocular and stopped moving. "Most powerful Crimson Magic Clan spell detected. An individual with greater than expected magical power has appeared:
augmentation project to be deemed successful. This will be the final data transmitted to headquarters in the Kingdom of Noise. Headquarters, request response. The project is successful. Let my master know of this triumph…" That definitely got my attention, but I didn't have long to think about it.
"Exploooosionnnn!!!"
By the hand of the greatest loser in the Crimson Magic Clan, someone with the same color eyes as it, the Mad Bomber was sent to its maker from the long-vanished country of Noise…
3
"I'm amazed, Megumin. You never cease to amaze us."
"Hush. NEETs should be seen and not heard. This was my way of celebrating the appointment of our next chief. You should be thanking me."
We were in a holding cell at a very familiar detention center of the Crimson Magic Village community watch. Bukkororii was there, too, arguing with Megumin. "Shut up about NEETs already! I'm not a NEET; I'm part of the community watch! I wish you would get that through your head! Anyway, I can't believe that even you, her guardian, would let yourself get involved in this sort of thing… I was just starting to think you seemed like someone I might possibly be able to become friends with. What a shame." He turned a pitying gaze on the other occupant of the cell, namely me.
"I'm real sorry, Bukkororii. I thought we could be friends, too… By way of apology, let me teach you a great way to kill time. You make ice with Freeze;
then you watch it melt. Before you know it, the day's over."
"Hey, that's good advice. I'll try it out right away. I've got nothing but time to kill every day."
"Enough with the mutual admiration society, you two! This is why no one likes NEETs! You should use your time for something more productive!"
Megumin was interrupting our very productive NEET conversation. Bukkororii turned to her and said, "Geez, I get being upset that your rival pulled ahead of you, but really… No matter how frustrated you were, dropping an explosion right on her big day…" He gave Megumin a reproachful look and sighed.
Megumin didn't tell anyone that she'd defeated the Mad Bomber. She stuck to her story that she'd unleashed her Explosion the night before because she was so upset that Yunyun had beaten her to the chiefship. Even though if she'd told the truth, she could have gotten everyone to stop calling her a loser parlor-trick practitioner… "If you insist on continuing to lecture me, I know what I'll do. I'll go to your dear Soketto and tell her you sexually harassed me, claiming it was a punishment."
"What a thing to say! I knew Soketto was acting funny recently. She said she would tell my fortune, but then she just sat there in front of her crystal ball, shaking her head, and then chased me out. And when I asked if I should help her train when we were on patrol around the village recently, she attacked me."
Bukkororii was looking his most pathetic when a visitor appeared at the detention hall. Believe it or not, it was… "If it isn't our next chief. Have you come to laugh at me? Go ahead—indulge your hilarity at seeing me rot in jail!"
"Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Megumin's in jail!"
"You actually laughed! Very well, let us settle this here and now! Bukkororii, open this cell! Otherwise, I will unleash an explosion!"
Yunyun, who had been pointing and laughing triumphantly at Megumin, let out a long sigh. "Haaah… Seriously, what are you doing? Um, Bukkororii… Could Megumin and I have a few minutes to talk? I'll keep an eye on her."
"Fine by me. I know I don't look busy, but I've got lots to do."
"Yes, like stalking Soketto under the guise of protecting her or taking a walk with her and calling it patrol."
"Oh, quiet. You'd be amazed at the smarts it takes to patrol around the village! The Demon King's army has been acting weird lately. Heck, just the other day, there were red-eyed zombies and golems lurking around…" Bukkororii passed Yunyun the key. She checked that there were no other members of the community watch nearby, then came and stood in front of our cell.
"…So what happened last night?"
"I was angry that you had pulled ahead of me, so I went to make myself feel better," Megumin said sullenly.
Yunyun crouched down and looked at her through the bars. "Hmmmm."
"What does that mean? If there's something you wish to say, then I shall hear it."
A strange expression came over Yunyun's face: a little annoyed, maybe, but also kind of happy. "It doesn't really mean anything, I guess. Maybe it's just because we've known each other for so long, but I know. I know you have a special quality, Megumin, that I don't think anyone else in this village has. When you tell a lie, your eyes turn blue. Did you know I'd noticed?"
"What, really?! Just a moment—I have never heard such a thing before! Does this mean I truly am the chosen one, specially made among all the Crimson Magic Clan?!" Megumin shook the bars violently; Yunyun opened the cell and came in.
"One thing you could improve about yourself: You're normally so smart, but once in a while, you do really stupid things."
"Why do I have to be called stupid by you, Yunyun? You entrapped me!
Hoodwinked me! Kazuma, look at my eyes, please!"
"Yeah, what's up? I mean, sure, I'll look…" Yunyun listened to us.
"Kazuma," Megumin said, "Crimson Magic Clansfolk have a striped mark on their bodies called a bar code. For your information, Yunyun's is in a most compromising location on her inner thigh… How about it? Are my eyes red? Or blue?"
"Where did that come from?! Normally, you would tell a lie to check that, right?!"
"Red, just like normal. So it's true, huh?"
Yunyun, promptly repaid for her laughter, covered her bright red face.
Apparently, Megumin was at her best when inspired by an argument, friendly or otherwise.
"There, I feel slightly better now. But what has brought you to this place?
Don't tell me that in a single night, you shed your transformation and returned to being a lonely girl, after which everyone abandoned you?"
"What a thing to say! I th-think it's okay still… Probably… I hope… No, that's not what I'm here about!" Yunyun came over to Megumin and sat beside her, hugging her knees. She wouldn't look Megumin in the eye—I wondered where the mature, confident Yunyun I knew had gone. "Show me your Adventurer's Card," she said meekly and held out her hand.
"Absolutely not. Why should I show my card to my rival? Anyway, there is such a thing as being too lonely; I don't think you should get in a jail cell with us just because you need a friend."
"I'm not that twisted, and that's not what I'm doing! Just show me the field for the monsters you've hunted; that would be enough. Show it to me if you don't have anything to hide." I guess Yunyun had the sort of insight into Megumin you can get only by being someone's friend for a lifetime. She seemed to know exactly what we'd been up to the night before.
"Of course I don't have anything to hide, but I still won't show it to you. I certainly didn't dispense with Bukkororii's lovingly raised Duxion just for the experience points, if that's what you're thinking."
"I don't believe I can overlook what you just said! Hey, did you really do that?!
Did you kill the Duxion Bukkororii has been turning to lately because Soketto won't give him the time of day?!"
Come to think of it, Megumin had been proudly proclaiming her level had gone up since we got here.
"Argh, fine! It doesn't even matter; just show me your card! Let me guess. The Mad Bomber really exists, right? And you and Kazuma hunted it together, right?!"
"I don't know where you would get such an idea. We certainly couldn't hunt the likes of it! You know it never attacks Crimson Magic Clan members, don't you? If I was going to go after the Ninnin, I would do so safely, with a fellow Crimson Magic Clan member for a partner."
Megumin was insistent, but Yunyun still looked unconvinced. "Even though you've been jabbering about the Mad Bomber every single day?"
"Precisely because it is I who has been jabbering about the Mad Bomber every single day."
Megumin stubbornly refused to admit to anything. Yunyun sighed and said, "…I passed the three trials and became our next chief before you did, so I refuse to feel like I lost, okay?"
"I do not know what you're talking about. Apparently, I am our village's biggest loser, so there was no contest to begin with. Aren't you lucky? Now everyone here will love you forever, right?"
Yunyun had already earned some recognition from the Crimson Magic Clan back when we'd defeated Sylvia, and now her stock would rise even further. I was sure that her future would be bright from here on out.
"...…Megumin, you're going back to Axel, right?"
"Yes, of course I am. I am the greatest magic-user in Axel, after all. Without me, how could the town go on?"
"You have an awfully high opinion of yourself for someone who just dubbed herself the biggest loser of the Crimson Magic Clan," I quipped almost before I knew what I was doing, but Megumin apparently decided to pretend she hadn't heard me.
"I presume you'll be learning how to run the village as our next chief, Yunyun?
I suppose that means this is good-bye for us."
…That's right; Yunyun had challenged Megumin in order to take the title of greatest magic-user and become the next chief. Now that her succession was secure, she had no reason to ever come back to Axel.
"...…Don't go around thinking I won, okay?" Yunyun said.
"...…How dense you are. Is it not you who has won?" Megumin replied. I didn't know why they were suddenly trying to foist victory on each other.
Megumin acted so rough toward everyone else, and Yunyun seemed so resigned. But when adversity struck, Megumin could be surprisingly vulnerable, and Yunyun sometimes braced herself and showed unexpected resolve. Their family situations, their personalities, even their body types—these two rivals seemed completely different in every way, and maybe that just made sense.
I couldn't suppress a smile at the thought.
"Though you are lonely, without party members or even a man, Yunyun, in the end I shall cede the victory to you."
Megumin leaned her head ostentatiously on my shoulder.
"…Hey, you don't plan to wave Kazuma in my face forever until I get a boyfriend, do you? To act all triumphant with him? You aren't pretending that it's secretly your victory just because you found a boyfriend first, are you?"
"Indeed, I am content to call this my loss. I will continue to cultivate my little happiness with this person, so, Yunyun, go forth along the path of the lone wizard. I gather being chief of the clan is quite a busy job. I hope you don't end up too far behind on the path of life." Megumin gave an innocent smile and pointedly took my arm.
"A lone wizard is what you wanted to be back in the day, Megumin! In fact, I seem to recall that whenever I started to talk about love, you called me sex-obsessed, didn't you?!" Yunyun's objectivity and composure had flown out the window. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"Kazuma, please don't hesitate to rest your head here on my knees. I've done you wrong, dragging you into a jail cell like this. The least I can do is offer you my knees to rest on, instead of this hard floor."
"Sure, sounds good."
"Wait, how do you make that look so natural?! You guys aren't that close, are you?!" Yunyun jumped to her feet when she saw me casually lean my head on Megumin's knees.
"What is it, O victorious Yunyun? You know, perhaps I could ask you not to intrude upon us now that we finally have a moment alone together. Aren't there any admirers of the chief around? Go chat with them if you must."
"Mm, these are smooth and comfy. I feel like all the trouble I went through yesterday was worth it."
"Megumin, you're blushing. You're blushing, aren't you?! You don't actually do this sort of thing all the time, do you?! You're just trying to put up with Kazuma's harassment, aren't you?!"
I decided this would be a good chance to stroke Megumin's knees, and with Yunyun right there, she didn't even look angry about it.
"This sort of thing is perfectly normal, is it not? …K-Kazuma, I don't think you should have your face pointed that way when your head is resting on my knees… It's n-not that I'm embarrassed; I'm just concerned it might be hard for you to breathe!"
"I'b fineg."
"I see! Yes, of course! Well, this is what it means to have a man resting his head on your knees!"
"You're struggling to keep a straight face, Megumin, and we both know it!
And, Kazuma, that's quite enough!"
4
Yunyun left, claiming she had to go see her parents. Not long after, we were safely out of jail… "I can't believe you, Kazuma! Or you, Megumin!! Are you never satisfied until you've caused some kind of trouble? You should take a page from my book! I didn't cause any problems at all this time, just behaved in a perfectly ladylike manner the entire visit!"
"Aqua's right, Kazuma. It's too late for Megumin, but you need to stop while you still can."
I couldn't believe we were being lectured by two people who had spent the entirety of last night in a drunken stupor.
"Aw, shut up, you two! Don't act all holier-than-thou because you managed to go one evening without causing trouble! Listen up! Megumin and me? While you guys were off in dreamland, we got some serious exercise in! All night long!"
"Please be mindful of how you phrase things! He doesn't mean that the way it sounds! We were being chased around the woods by monsters!" Megumin hastily clarified.
"Pipe down and listen, okay? I was absolutely on my game last night. After I gave that One-Punch Bear the business, I put the fear of God into a scary beast called a Fenrir, although I let it off in the end. It's all true, right, Megumin?"
"…Erm, well, he isn't lying…" Darkness looked at Megumin suspiciously. "A One-Punch Bear is bad enough, but a Fenrir is supposed to be on par with a natural disaster. You're saying there was one in the woods near the village?"
Come to think of it, even the Mad Bomber was supposed to live deeper in the forest.
"I know—this has to be the Demon King's doing," Aqua said. "Some general with the ability to control monsters is trying to throw the world into chaos. I guarantee it. Goddess's intuition." She had absolutely no basis for saying any of that, but I grant it was all pretty weird, up to and including the weakened Ninnin. But anyway, we'd done what we came here to do. Now we just needed to get Yunyun to teleport us back to Axel.
"Are you sure you don't want to say good-bye to anyone else in the village, Megumin? Without Yunyun around, it won't be so easy to come back here, don't forget."
Megumin harrumphed at Darkness. "There is no need to say good-bye to those who call the foremost genius of their village a loser or a parlor-trick-doer or Explosion-mad. After we have defeated the Demon King, I shall return triumphantly and make them kiss the ground before my feet."
"I'd say 'Explosion-mad' sounds pretty accurate."
And for reference, I wasn't going to defeat any Demon King.
…Oh, come to think of it… "Yo, Aqua. What'd you do with your Leisure Girl sprout? I don't see the pot anywhere."
"I planted her. What else would I do with her?" Aqua said with exasperation.
When had she had time to do that?
"Maybe I'm not one to talk, having spent all last night running around those woods, but did you really go into that dangerous forest by yourself to plant that thing?"
"Of course not! That would be impossible. I planted it in the garden at Megumin's house."
"I cannot believe you did that!" Megumin interjected, and to be honest, I couldn't, either.
"Hey, hey, hear me out. Komekko's so sweet; she said she would take good care of the cute little thing until she got big. Komekko's a smart kid; she'll raise her right. I don't think there are any other girls Komekko's age in the village, either, so my plant will be a nice friend for her."
"Knowing her, she's probably planning to eat it when it gets big enough."
"What is wrong with your family, Megumin? I'm going to go get her back right now."
I grabbed Aqua before she could run off. "Megumin's just joking, obviously.
Yunyun will be here soon. Just hold still and wait."
"…That's right; it has to be a joke…yes? Gosh, Megumin, you kidder! Is it really that much fun to tease me? When we get back to Axel, I'm going to tell everyone all about your sister complex to pay you back… Hey, Megumin, you were joking, right? Why won't you look at me or say anything?" Aqua grabbed Megumin by the shoulders and shook her.
"Megumin!"
Yunyun was out of breath; she must have run as fast as she could to get here.
But she was smiling.
"What's the matter, Yunyun? Why are you running? I know you're happy to have friends in the village at last, but if you horse around too much, you'll trip and fall."
"That's not it at all! And you should have warned me sooner! I've been running around for two days now!" Yunyun got her breathing under control and then coughed a few times.
"I'm going back to Axel, too!"
Yunyun's eyes flashed a bright, clear crimson with emotion. "I'm going to defeat the Demon King—you'll see! I don't want you to just hand victory to me… Once I've defeated the Demon King, once I've done the hardest and most important thing you can do, then I'll be ready to be chief! I've already told my dad and everyone in the village!"
Megumin's rival, her sparring partner, and her best friend got a huge smile on her face.
"...…Is that so?" Megumin refused to look at Yunyun, trying to seem totally unmoved. "Seeing as you've finally begun to lead a real, fulfilling life, there's no need for you to make yourself lonely again… And anyway, it is I who shall defeat the Demon King."
But we all knew Megumin was a total tsundere for Yunyun. She could try to play it cool, but she couldn't hide how happy she was. Her ears were twitching.
"You can never just say how you really feel, can you, Megumin?" Aqua remarked. "Your eyes are bright red."
When a Crimson Magic Clan member is feeling a strong emotion, you can see it in their eyes.
"You are as oblivious as ever, Aqua! Very well, I shall go take that Leisure Girl you planted by my house and pull it up by the roots this very moment!" Aqua grabbed Megumin's waist to stop her from going, and Megumin, maybe to cover for her embarrassment, started talking faster than normal. "Well, come on, Yunyun. If you're going to head back to Axel, you'd better get ready! You don't seem to realize it, so in this one case, I will tell you, but the adventurers of that town seem to rely on you for some strange reason. If you were to ask someone to let you into their party, I think they would agree immediately!"
"Really? You mean it?! Hey, that's really important info! Why didn't you ever tell me before?!"
"If you had a great many friends in Axel, you would have fallen in love with that town, and then you would have given up on becoming chief, wouldn't you?!"
"Of course I would have!" Yunyun said without a moment's hesitation.
"You could at least sound conflicted! Come on—we are going back to our town!"
"F-fine, I know! Don't rush me! …That thing you said, though… Was it true? I mean, about Axel's adventurers relying on me…?"
"As I said, I cannot fathom why. Don't let it go to your head, or you'll end up lonely again."
Megumin sounded like it was all a lot of trouble, but Yunyun couldn't hide the grin starting on her face. "Huh… I was actually able to beat you this time, Megumin, and everyone in the village knows it. It's like a dream somehow…" "Look at you, acting as if you beat me! When you know perfectly well I will never let you win when we get to Axel!"
"Hey, it's a little late for that! I passed the Chief's Trials, and that means I win, right? You don't know when to give up!"
I'd thought the two girls were polar opposites, but I was starting to think they had more in common than I'd realized.
They squared off, bickering like children. Yunyun had her wand out. "Fine, Megumin, put your money where your mouth is! Next time, I'll make sure you have to acknowledge my victory!"
Megumin, in response, whipped out her Adventurer's Card.
"Ahem. My Adventurer's Card. I believe you wanted to see my Hunt List earlier. Well, observe the name of the Mad Bomber right here…" "How can you turn the tables so quickly?!"
The central square of Crimson Magic Village echoed with Yunyun's wail.