Chapter 15 – Farewell

Selena

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a heart feeling as heavy as an anvil in my chest. After tossing and turning most of the night, I had finally resolved that I needed to go back to Enzo - my partner, the light that led me out of Blaze's darkness all those years ago.

But even as I felt that undeniable pull, that knowledge that a core piece of me would eternally belong to the man who showed me I was worth loving and fighting for, something else gnawed incessantly.

The primal part of my soul, that side which had first been bound to Blaze as my fated mate, was rebelling more intensely than ever before.

Perhaps it was his resurfacing, or perhaps it was simply that maternal instincts had been fiercely reawakened by being around the twins so intimately these past days. Whatever the catalyst, I could no longer delude myself that I could outrun or bury this wolfish yearning forever.

With a resigned sigh, I hauled myself out of bed and began packing a small bag, my movements feeling automatonic and distant as my mind whirred. I had to confront this - not necessarily giving in to the animalistic compulsions, but somehow staring them down directly until their grip over me was finally severed once and for all. Only then could I hope to return to my life with Enzo fully present.

I tried not to dwell too heavily on the look that would surely etch itself across his striking features when I told him I needed space...time to resolve this inner war before I could commit myself completely again. The thought of seeing that adoring gaze shutter with hurt and betrayal lanced a spike of nausea through my gut.

But I would face that anguish head-on if it meant emerging victorious - free to embrace the light without lingering shadows constantly threatening to drag me back under. For my children's sake if nothing else.

Speaking of...as I finished lashing my duffel bag shut, I heard the approaching stampede of little feet that always served as my wake-up call. I had just turned towards the door when it burst open, Ciro and Talia tumbling through in a whirlwind of giggles.

"Mama! Mama, you're finally awake!" Talia exclaimed happily, dashing over to fling her little arms around my legs in a tight hug. "We were waiting for you to wake up so we could go play princess castle!"

"Yeah, and I'm gonna be the brave knight who rescues you both!" Ciro chimed in, bouncing on his toes as he gazed up at me adoringly.

I felt my throat constrict almost unbearably as I stooped to enfold them in my arms, breathing in their sweet, clean scent. Logically, I knew this wouldn't be a permanent separation - I would never be able to stay away from them for long, my cherished rays of light in this dark world.

But even a temporary parting felt like my very soul was being cleaved in two as I drank in every nuance of their features, searing the memory indelibly in my mind's eye. From Talia's crystalline laugh to the chocolate shavings of Ciro's irises, so reminiscent of Enzo's smoldering gaze.

"I'm...I'm not going to be able to play for a little while, principessa," I managed in a carefully level tone, not wanting to upset them. "I have to go take care of some important grown-up matters for a few days."

Immediately, Ciro's sunny expression crumpled into one of crestfallen dismay. "No, Mommy! You just got here! I don't want you to leave again..."

The naked anguish in his eyes was like a dagger piercing straight through my heart. As much as it killed me, though, I knew I couldn't stay trapped here - not until I cut out this poisonous yearning lodged in my soul, one way or another. Only then could I embrace the wholesome joys of motherhood fully.

"I know, I know, piccolino. And I'm so sorry, you'll never understand how much." Blinking back hot tears, I pressed lingering kisses to both their brows. "But this is something I have to do so I can put certain...monsters behind me once and for all."

Talia frowned, her brows furrowing in an expression much too knowing for her tender years. "Is...is it about that scary man you told us about? The bad man from before?"

I felt my breath catch at her perceptive words. Mother must have shared more about Blaze and my history than I realized.

Swallowing hard, I simply nodded. "Sort of, yes. He's still...haunting me in some ways. And until I can exorcise those demons, I'll never really be free in here." I tapped my chest over my heart. "You two - my whole family - deserve a mother who is fully present."

"Then we'll come help you defeat the bad man!" Ciro piped up valiantly, his eyes going comically wide and serious. "We can use our cannons and swords and cutlasses to-"

"No!" The denial burst from my lips far too forcefully, making them both flinch back in surprise.

Instantly, I gentled my tone again, cradling Ciro's cheek. "No, bambino. This is a battle I must face alone, I'm afraid. The two of you need to stay here where it's safe, with Gram-Gram to protect you."

The thought of leaving them here bring, pricking fresh tears from my eyes. But no matter what Enzo can't know about them, no matter how he feels towards me.

"But we don't want you to go, Mama," Talia whispered, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Her tiny hand fisted in my shirt as if to keep me anchored there. "We just got you back, and now you're leaving us again..."

A broken whimper escaped my lips as I crushed her to me, rocking gently. "And it breaks my heart more than I can say to leave you two for even a moment, principessa. You and your brother are my entire world - the reason this struggle is so important for me to win."

Over Talia's dark curls, I saw Mother appear in the bedroom doorway, regal features composed in that poker face she deployed so naturally. Our eyes met and held, her lips pressed in a grim line as she took in the scene before giving a minute nod of acknowledgment.

"The affairs you must attend to soon...will they be dangerous?" she asked, tone deceptively light and casual - the way she would discuss picking up dry cleaning.

In a strange way, her blasé query about the perilous errand ahead soothed my turbulent emotions, allowing some of the frenzied anxiety to bleed away. My mother always cut straight to the heart of matters without prevaricating or excessive emotional displays. It was a grounding presence I sorely needed.

"Potentially very," I replied with a weary sigh, hugging Ciro closer as he burrowed into my side. "Which is why you must promise me both of you will mind mom and the guards without question while I'm away. Do as they tell you - no sneaking off on adventures or anything potentially dangerous. Can you promise me that?"

Talia gave a tiny, resolute nod, chin quivering even as she tried to emulate her grandmother's stoicism. "I promise, Mama. No exploring or trouble until you get back safe to us again."

Beside her, Ciro echoed the vow through his sniffles. "Promise, Mommy. We'll be brave warriors and g-guard the kingdom m-myself!"

Exhaling a shuddering breath, I allowed the sound of their voices to sear into my memory one final time before meeting my mother's gaze again over their tousled heads. As always, her dark irises seemed to bore straight through to my soul.

"You will take care of them like your own children?" I asked lowly, not needing to specify.

Regardless of her reputation for ruthless brutality, I knew there was an unbreakable, lioness' ferocity when it came to protecting our bloodline. My twins wouldn't want for anything while under her sphere of influence.

Mother's expression didn't so much as flicker, though her regal shoulders drew back ever so slightly. "Of course. Though I could remind you to forget the ghost chasing you and live the life you deserve."

A faint smirk ghosted across Mother's lips. "Need I point out again that this 'ghost' you're chasing likely no longer poses any real threat? That you deserve better than being consumed by ancient phantoms?"

I shook my head, pulling back just enough to look into her piercing eyes. "My happiness, my world, revolves around them, Mom. As long as Blaze or Enzo has no hold over me or the twins. When I'm free with my kids."

Though her expression didn't outwardly shift, I saw the faintest softening around her obsidian irises - the only window to glimpsing her soul. A silent acknowledgment that she understood the driving compulsion, even if she didn't agree with my chosen method of dealing with it.

"Very well," she said at last, straightening up imperiously. "Let's get these munchkins fed, then you can be on your way to slay your demons."

Nodding gratefully, I rose with Ciro and Talia still clinging to me like adorable limpets. We made our way to the cheery breakfast nook just off the manor's industrial kitchen, the twins babbling and peppering me with a million questions that I did my best to answer patiently.

All too soon, the hands of the eclectically tiled mosaic clock were inching towards the designated hour for their daily lessons with Rosario. As the children's beloved caretaker arrived, I felt a fresh lump form in my throat.

"Alright, principessa, piccolino," I said in a tone much lighter than I felt. "It's time for your lessons with Miss Rosie now. Give Mama extra-squeeze hugs, and I'll see you both very soon, si?"

Immediately, their cherubic features crumpled in dismay, tiny bodies flinging themselves against me in almost frantic embraces. Blinking back tears, I simply held them close and breathed in their warmth and softness as long as I possibly could.

"I love you, Mommy! Please hurry back soon!" Talia cried, voice muffled against my shoulder.

Ciro simply clung on wordlessly, his little shoulders shaking with the force of his quiet sobs. The sight lanced straight through me like a rusty blade being twisted.

"And I love you both more than you could ever comprehend," I rasped, placing a fervent kiss on each of their brows. "Which is why I have to do this. So I can come back to you as the mother you deserve - confident, fearless, and fully present."

At last, with effort that felt almost Herculean, I managed to disentangle myself and hand them off to the waiting Rosario. The twins had to be practically pried away, still reaching for me with reddened eyes and heartbroken wails.

It took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to gather them back up and lock us away where no force on Earth could part us again. Only Mother's steadying hand on my arm kept me grounded.

"Go," she murmured, almost too softly for me to hear over the sobs. "While your convictions hold. This pain is temporary, any true mother would tell you."

Nodding jerkily, I permitted myself one last searing look at my anguished angels before turning on my heel and striding for the exit with a harsh determination. If I allowed even a moment's hesitation, I knew I would crumble completely.

"Let's get you underway," Mother said in a brusque tone, matching my clipped stride effortlessly as we cut through the manor's lavish hallways and out the arched portico.

A sleek black town car idled in the circular drive, engine purring impatiently. As Marco held the rear passenger door open and I prepared to slide inside, Mother caught my arm in a vise-like grip, her hooded gaze boring into mine intensely.

"Do not allow this mate bond poison to lure you back down that path again, Selena," she warned lowly. "You did not claw my way from the pits of hell to risk it. Kill it for good and return to the peaceful life you live 5 years ago with him. Without Blaze!"

I nodded to mother and entered the car nit before Marco greeting me. But as I entered my phone buzzed with and unknown number. And the message from it make my eyes oped in Shocked!