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We chatted some more – mostly about irrelevant things. I've informed Almoner about my plans to leave the next day. He eventually calmed down enough and fell asleep like a baby without single worry in his light head. In his defence, it was very comfortable. Even I passed out for few good hours.

I stuffed my face with groats and his grandma's sugary jam. I tried to go easy on it, but the kid hadn't lied. There's been an entire cellar full of it, ready to be consumed for years to come. The old lady has been prepared for this disaster and the next.

Didn't take any food with me. Starving was a norm and hauling ass with extra weight would become a problem eventually. However, I felt like I'd need some more mental aid during the trip, so I shamelessly stole tobacco rolled up in an old newspaper. They smelled reinforced with something extra. The kid was great with herbs.

Wrapped myself tight in the gifted coat and stepped into the damp chill. I was undecided about this little village. I didn't dislike it, but didn't feel right being here either. It was probably the people, but they were the problem everywhere. I was people.

I trotted down the path towards the wall, hoisted myself over and thread through the tall grass. Well-worn shoes got immediately soaked and I congratulated myself on a great start. Feeling of discomfort got heavier when I started having pinpricks of alarm at the back of my head too. Creature was being quiet, but I just knew he was creeping behind me. It was probably hard to miss an entire human clambering over an infirm structure in the morning stillness. I must have made enough noise to alert monsters in a village over. Might as well have shattered a window or two in the process.

There were noises of birds. Chirps, peeps and whistles. I was yet to see any. The trees were eerily still. Nothing jumped in the branches. Recently, the birds were strange even in the city. They stared lethargically and acted like they wanted to be eaten. Which wasn't a huge problem as monster meat had become big part of what's kept ravenous humanity fed these days.

I probably shouldn't be leading the way, I belatedly realised in the open fields. I only had vague direction and lifeless thicket ahead didn't look all that inviting. The ticking behind me was increasing in intensity and was audible even to my wanting ears. I was right then, something did lurk in the bush.

I needed to ask. Plead to be lead safely through. Didn't feel like talking to that lordly, invasive presence. There was a chance to stumble upon something nasty which would eat both of us in one gulp and if that didn't sound like a solution to an embarrassing mistake, I don't know what did.

From a slight elevation of dead stump I've spotted a road and changed direction. It went vaguely the right way and even narrowly avoided the brush. Good enough. I was sure I'd stumble upon a road sign sooner or later. I'll reorient myself then. Wasn't too worried – all roads had to lead to the regional capital, after all.

Hours passed, sun climbed to its zenith and glared down in full force. I glared back at it. I was drenched and beginning to feel tired. Monotonous marching was grating on my nerves. I wanted to move faster, but a jog would only exhaust me more in this trial of endurance. Car ride must have taken few hours tops. On foot it would be some two days if I'm lucky. And I never was.

Not to mention being stuck in my own company. Same three thoughts swirled round and round. I was forced to consider every possibility, however unlikely. There was nothing left to figure out on any of the annoying, irrelevant subjects. And yet…

I had to hurry and meet him before I've driven myself mad. I scrubbed sweat off my face and tripped over a stone. I needed to sit down. Roughly four hours ago. Didn't. Maybe I'd pass out tonight? That'd be glorious. But if I walked at night too, I would get there quicker.

Rationally, I understood I was making myself disservice. Irrationally, existence was pain anyway and this wasn't even that bad yet. Heels might be getting a little raw from the permanently borrowed shoes, but that beat going barefoot. I was entirely Mr Optimistic today.

I tripped over my own legs and fell. Didn't bother getting up. This felt good. I needed this. Nice, cool hug from the cracked up asphalt. I smooched it passionately, but that was far less rewarding than I've imagined. Didn't have the energy to wipe all the sand off my mouth, not to mention spitting the grains out. Boy am I parched… Hey, at least I've brought cigarettes! Turned over onto my back, flipped off the sun and lit one up with nearly emptied matchbox.

It… didn't really help with my thirst. But for few seconds I got to not feel any of my limbs and that was as close to heaven as I'd ever get. Well, there were hard drugs but Ruby beat any sweetness out of that candy. I need to get to him and dish out a slap so he'd lie down and heal. I sat up and my head swam. Felt like vomiting.

Horned monster stood several steps away and played a statue again. Blind fucker must be watching me, so I stared back at him too. Which turned out to be a mistake because it wasn't my synthetic fabric I wanted to run sweaty palms over. I rubbed my numb face to kick-start myself again.

"There's running water nearby," low growl informed me and I almost let a groan escape too. I've missed the timbre. Slapped my face. Universal cure for deliriousness. "Drink yourself or I'll do it for you," monster growled threateningly as if reading my intention to backtalk and be generally difficult.

"Where?" I croaked out, throat completely dry. I could have tried our patience, but I wasn't about that life anymore. Also I was very thirsty. Planning for excursions has never been my strong suit, but in my defence nobody has ever died from not drinking a little. Meanwhile tons did from inability to haul ass.

In a mockery of human gestures monster raised an arm and pointed. I peeled eyes off the display to look at a vast meadow. It could be anywhere from few steps to all the way to the horizon. How close was nearby to a tireless monster? Hopefully not any further than that high voltage line. A massive shadow loomed right behind it.

I got up and slunk out into the grass. It was slopping and horrible and I groaned. People invented roads for a reason. Something hopped around. Whether they were real frogs, I had no willpower to find out. I was devastated to find out the monster apocalypse did nothing to the bugs. There were clouds of gnats. Well, at least the fake frog population was probably happy. Or not. It didn't seem like anything was eating all these winged nuisances.

There indeed was a quietly gurgling spring mere minutes into the detour. However, after the slow and careful slog through the bog, my muscles stiffened up and I felt like sitting down and resting. For the entire remaining day.

If only I hadn't wasted all that time trying to escape and had gone straight back to the monster's town. I'd probably be back home now.

I got back onto the old road and kept on trudging. Head bent, stared at the slowly passing ground under my feet. Both fear and wonder have lost their lustre a while ago. I didn't have spare energy to watch the noisy apparitions or even dodge them if they decided on a late dinner. Not like I could have done anything if they came anyway. I was already doing my very the best. 

Nothing approached, perhaps the sight of a heavy-horned monster stopped some of the trouble before it began.

I stepped over a shiny coin. Odd, but weirder things have happened. I was extremely tired, but my economic status made me halt and go back for it. It was a coin. Nobody made steel coins, so silver? That's impossibly rare and valuable. Lucky! Which made me immediately suspicious but a coin was a coin.

"Don't," monster growled so strongly I froze bent over. I glowered whilst staring down at it, then schooled my expression. Fine. Monster's dinner probably didn't need money anymore anyway.

My new master walked closer and stopped, one giant claw atop of the coin. His entire body immediately erupted in glassy spikes – up the leg, skewered the coat, the thin branches stuck out from beneath and atop the hoodie. Horns all the way to the tips gleamed as though iced over.

I barely had time to hang open my jaw. This looked beyond bad. Each moment more of the spikes skewered surface, turning my companion into a massive wintery bush.

"Oh, shit!" I reached forward to start breaking them off – if the creature still could be helped at all. He was so fucked.

"Don't," another, grittier strong growl rooted me in place.

"Are you… What do we do?" I asked just slightly bit worried. Perhaps his death would be my salvation, but this particular end was supposed to be mine. And it did not look pleasant.

"Nothing," monster shrugged and cracked his neck, then then rest of the spine and started walking. His knees sounded like broken glass, as if crystal structures were breaking underneath. The spikes started falling. He seemed fine. Probably was. Demon wouldn't have stepped on a clear trap knowing that was detrimental to him. I sighed tiredly. Priest was right, he was a fucking show off. I did not need this right now.

"So, that was one of you guys?" I asked and got no reply. Huffed. I suppose it was only obvious.

"Why the fuck did it look like a coin?" There weren't even any people around. What a ridiculous camouflage. I chose to wilfully ignore my falling for it.

"It did not," snarl replied and before I could argue that it really did, he explained, "It tricked your brain to think it was."

"What did it look like to you?" Just like that I descended into casual conversation with my oppressive captor. Again. I decided it wasn't insolent or even entertaining – probably painfully basic and therefore annoying to the monster – so was permissible. Beat rehashing same thee things in my mind over and over again, too.

"It didn't, because I've no eyes."

I groaned inwardly. I forgot how painful to me it was to be trying to pry information out of this creature. Plan backfired, retreat!

Still walking in front of me, he outstretched his human hand backwards to me. I was confused, but innate nature of the gesture made me reach for it with palm up. A coin plopped down. Metal. Shiny. Engravings and everything. Contours smudged and uneven. Looked fake as fuck.

"Are you making me hold something gross to make fun of my awesome human perception?" I did not hold back my scepticism. Not falling for that shit twice in a span of fifteen minutes.

"I guess we'll never know," monster rasped and my upper lip curled in a scowl. I should just chuck it at his head, but that's not what obedient slaves did. Also he had proverbial eyes at the back of his head so I should stop grimacing every chance I got. Pocketed the gift like a good boy and rubbed my tired face.