[FDJ]Chapter 121: Proving Existence

After Suzuki filled in three pages in English, Rider Eleanor insisted he take a rest, citing the need to care for her Master's health.

Long periods of reminiscing and thinking had indeed taken a toll on Suzuki's mental state. He wasn't even sure how much the three pages he wrote differed from the English translation and whether they covered the missing content.

After putting down his quill pen, Suzuki was hit by a powerful headache and exhaustion, nearly rendering him unable to stand. Time had unknowingly crept toward midnight as Eleanor brought him back to their temporary residence.

Eleanor, maintaining the unchanging smile she had since her summoning, covered Suzuki with a blanket. "With Assassin eliminated, Master, you can rest easy. Given tonight's progress, filling in the next four pages won't take much time."

"I have a feeling, Rider, you're hiding something again..." But before finishing his sentence, Suzuki was overtaken by sleepiness. Even if he dared to anger Eleanor, in her eyes, he was still like a mischievous child—innocent in his words.

Humming a lullaby, Eleanor used her queenly powers to effortlessly help Suzuki fall asleep. Her smile remained unchanged as if it was a fixed expression, the only one she showed to those she cherished.

"Hiding? Why do children think so much? It's nighttime; children should obediently go to bed. Master, wouldn't it be nice to be my child?"

Eleanor spoke her true feelings softly. She might be as terrifying as an Assassin to her enemies, but to her child, she aimed to be the perfect mother in her heart.

Affection, love, indulgence... With a constant gentle smile, Eleanor monitored Suzuki's steady breathing, ensuring he had no nightmares before retreating and turning into spirit form.

A doting mother would even chase away nightmares, adorning her child's dreams with sweetness and fantasy, making the love overflow uncontrollably. Everything was under the mother's control, ensuring the beloved child would never be lost.

Never.

But these were things Suzuki couldn't fully comprehend. His understanding of mothers wasn't much more than a brief dictionary definition.

The fatigue from trying to recall had brought back many irrelevant memories. Many of them were memories forced upon him after facing the Bubble Evil God last night, with similar events appearing from multiple perspectives, sometimes dozens.

Suzuki endured the overwhelming flood of memories with the help of "Jupiter's Amulet". These memories, overlapping and contradictory, seemed to belong to dozens of people rather than just Suzuki.

As he reviewed these similar perspectives again, he could even see a blurry version of himself. Without a mirror, seeing "himself" sitting in the next seat, listening to a lecture and flipping through a book, was nearly as shocking as a nightmare engulfed in flames.

Suzuki didn't avoid it again. He tried to find the truth within these overlapping, chaotic, and contradictory memories. From his observations, the vast number of memories that emerged from facing the Evil God had no obvious differences, as if they all were real, all memories Suzuki personally experienced.

Escaping would be simple: just define these memories as false. Since Suzuki is just one person, the truth must be singular. The similar memories with no clear differences must be false.

Suzuki didn't do that. Tonight, through one fuzzy memory, he managed to fill in the three blank pages of Don Quixote. By continually forcing himself to recall, that memory became increasingly clear until Suzuki wrote down the remembered text with pen and ink onto the book's pages.

The final written text was coherent and smooth. Even if Suzuki were to recall and rewrite it, he would produce the same result.

However, this was contrary to Suzuki's preferences. He respected every Heroic Spirit and perhaps enjoyed reading various books, but he would never be fond of reading one that satirized chivalry. He recalled his room in Chaldea—a sparsely furnished single living space with only teaching materials and no extra personal items. Now, his desk contained a copy of Sherlock Holmes given by Wodime. On his personal computer, he mostly stored...

There should have been content, but Suzuki distinctly remembered that when he checked his computer through the internal network before this departure, there were no conspicuous folders. Apart from the initial shortcut icons, there was nothing else—it was so clean that even the desktop was just the default polar landscape image from Chaldea. He remembered his average academic performance but serious attitude in class, later even receiving one-on-one tutoring from professors, so it was impossible that he saved no course materials or reports.

Even if he had no hobbies, he would have some personal items, like figurines of famous heroes or decorations. At the very least, he would change his computer desktop to an image of a library or world map and add shortcuts to important historical and mythological references. From Suzuki's current perspective, that's what he would do.

But now, thinking back to his room in Chaldea, it seemed frighteningly empty—devoid of any uniqueness, as if he had no past and everything was in its initial state. Remembering it, even his wardrobe contained only the specially-made Mystic Code uniform and a few sets of uniform styles.

The past him existed only in memory, but recalling those memories made it increasingly hard for him to believe. Was his past self also false?

Suzuki "traversed" the vast, chaotic memories and immediately dismissed the doubts about himself. Like everyone else, he could eat, sleep, feel fear and pain, and have goals and a thirst for knowledge, so he existed.

"Who am I?"

Looking at the still chaotic and similar memories from different perspectives of "himself," Suzuki asked the only question he had after refining everything. Chaldea and Human History anchored his past and future, but now he was deeply confused by the indistinguishable memories, even doubting if he was truly Suzuki Yuki and which memory genuinely belonged to him. Thanks to this, filling in Don Quixote went exceptionally smoothly. Tonight, like recalling Servant information, Suzuki precisely and carefully found the needed parts from his memory.

But he couldn't truly accept the vast memories that surged after facing the Evil God. It's not a problem for a person to enjoy both detective novels and romance, and also love historical works. However, having completely different preferences for everything, even having a dozen different preferred colors for drinking cups, was something Suzuki couldn't accept. Through this abnormality, any ordinary thing seemed to appear with multiple chaotic illusions, seeing his shadow at every crossroads.

They were all failures...

The intense headache stopped Suzuki from sorting through his memories in the dream. The vast memory group before him collapsed and returned to a more chaotic state.

After enduring the headache, Suzuki finally found some order in the chaos. By using time as an axis, the emerging memories spread like lush branches in previous times. As the timeline moved forward, the chaotic memories became more orderly, converging from dozens of perspectives to about ten and eventually evolving to fewer than five.

Moreover, as the timeline progressed, the appearances of other people increased. From the initial few Chaldea staff and professors, it slowly included everyone he currently knew in Chaldea. This included meeting Wodime and Akuta Hinako and receiving weekly check-ups from Dr. Roman, the head of the medical institution, which were all more recent timeline content. Suzuki didn't understand what the pattern he summarized through the headache represented, but he felt he was close to the answer, yet couldn't grasp it alone. It was like trying to pull himself forward with his left hand holding his right hand—no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move himself forward.

"I am Suzuki Yuki! The only..."

The silent cry in his heart eased his headache, bringing him back from the vast chaos to a singular order. Having experienced the adventures of "Singularity F" and the "Battle of Châlons in 451," and reaching the "Kingdom of Jerusalem in 1187," these memories were ones Suzuki could guarantee were uniquely his, without any counterfeit elements. In these memories, everyone saw only one 16-year-old youth named "Suzuki Yuki," the sole Master of the future Chaldea.

Suzuki Yuki exists, and everyone Suzuki has met can prove it. Although this method of proof may seem unskilled, the results it yields are undeniable. For the self-confused Suzuki, this is enough.

Awakening suddenly from his sleep, Suzuki felt as though he had been running a long marathon. Not only was he drenched in sweat, but his body was even more fatigued than before he went to sleep. He took deep breaths to make himself feel better, only to suddenly realize that Rider Eleanor had materialized beside his bed.

"Only two hours of sleep and you're already awake, Master?"

Startled by Eleanor's sudden appearance, Suzuki had always summoned Eleanor himself after waking up, sometimes even failing to get a response.

"Master, did you have a nightmare? That shouldn't be possible; I gave you a suggestion before you slept so that fire-related dreams wouldn't occur for a while." Eleanor maintained her smile, gently stroked Suzuki's forehead, and conjured a silk handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his head.

"Were you here the whole time?" Suzuki asked respectfully, having calmed down from his fatigue and shock.

"Not exactly. I was guarding outside in my spirit form. I sensed you waking up, so I came in to check on you. Master, it's still a long time until dawn. You should rest well and stop overthinking things." Eleanor seemed to see right through Suzuki's thoughts. Leaving this advice, she dematerialized and disappeared from his sight.

Whether it was due to extreme fatigue or another suggestion-type spell from Eleanor, Suzuki's eyes had barely scanned the temporary quarters before he fell back asleep. This time, he was fortunate not to be disturbed by nightmares or memories.