Chapter 85.5: Autobiography

You exist to hurt someone. That is an undeniable truth. No matter how good your character or how moral your life is, you have hurt someone.

Sorry, it sounds a bit extreme, but it is the truth. The world is never a rosy fairy tale. Even when the world is at peace, we still live by hurting each other.

Hurting each other is a necessary part of life. If I barked like that on the podium in public, I would get a lot of criticism.

But I will not change my opinion.

So let me, the selfish and apologetic person, teach you, the good and kind people, who want to throw the axe of public opinion at me and tell me to get off the stage and shut my stinking mouth:

"Sorry, hehe, but you good people are hurting me."

Let me say this, even the simplest life forms like microorganisms or insects will hurt each other to survive. And hurting each other is almost natural in the life of animals and plants.

That's how the ecosystem works anyway, hurting each other is a necessary activity to maintain the balance of mother nature.

Alas, you can't be self-sufficient unless you're immortal, haha. Look, plants need nutrients from the soil, herbivores need plants, carnivores need meat, plants need animal carcasses for fertilizer, etc. The cycle of life teaches us that everything is necessary, and so is pain.

What, you mean that humans are intelligent beings who will not fall into that vicious cycle?

Stop making me laugh, what the hell are those things you put in your mouth. Humans are the most accurate embodiment of the fact that we live to bring pain to the world.

Well, I'll let you off the pain of other life forms, because we need to eat to live. I'm not going to pretend to be a Buddhist monk and talk nonsense about not killing, because that's boring.

Although they still need to hurt plants to survive ~~Laugh~~

I'm telling the truth, the only thing you can get for free in this world without hurting any life form is rainwater.

Or even if I am more lenient with you indiscriminately killing small microorganisms (bullying the weak), what you put in your mouth is only rainwater, river water or mud.

So we will not discuss what you eat here. If you want to eat delicacies, that's your business, if you want to eat insects, that's your business, because that's not my business.

Let's stop talking about what we eat, because I also need to eat to live.

Talking too much makes me tired and you also find it annoying, so let's get back to the main topic.

Putting aside all other forms of life, let's talk about the mutual harm between people.

So that the wise men, the benevolent people, and the honorable soldiers who are listening to my nonsense will not feel offended, I will admit it - I, Yumeji Satsuki, am a bastard, wait a minute, that's like blaming the main character, okay - I, the author/I, the main character of the series (the author's incarnation) - Admit that we are a bunch of bastards who talk nonsense while pretending to be brilliant philosophers. So, ah, if anyone is not pleased, you can stop reading this chapter here, but if you are interested, you can scroll down and continue reading.

Enough of that, the more I talk, the more I feel like I'm crazy, I might be at a disadvantage. But never mind, we are a bunch of masochistic bastards anyway, the more you curse me, the more I like it, the more you hate me, the more I like you, so hate me more.

Be loved? Come on, come on, a selfish guy who only does what he wants, have I done anything to make you think I want to be loved? If I wanted to be loved, I wouldn't be hanging around Kiana, who hates me openly. It's so much fun to tease someone you hate while they hate you too.

Disgusting, right? Asshole, right? So "I" will only show that my main character's love life is related to girls who hate him or want to take advantage of him, there are no good girls who don't have problems near him.

And "I" will whisper this, although he likes to be hated and try hard, he also likes flashy and frivolous things. What a double standard.

(From now on, the author's narration will be "I"/Boku. The main character's will be I /Ore)

I seriously can't believe how mean you are. What's the big deal? "I" knows full well you're allergic to kind-hearted people. Who do you think gave birth to you, huh?

My mom.

Oi, you little…! —ah, whatever, back to the point.

Yeah yeah, let's get back on topic, but first...

"Get the hell out of my head, you bastard of an author!!!"

I kicked the so-called author off the makeshift stage in my mind, grabbed the nonexistent mic, and began my nonsense monologue to fill out my chapter.

Ahem, right, let me continue. Humans hurting each other? That's almost boring at this point. I mean, even ignoring the terrifying bloodbaths of war—where kill counts are tallied in the thousands, hundreds of thousands, or sometimes even millions—none of it's even surprising anymore. And yeah, someone like me, born with both parents and—well, whether there was love or not is a whole other story, but at least Nee-san cared about me, so that's enough.

Yup, so I've got no right to preach or pass judgment on the pain others carry from those wars.

But even if we take wars off the table, people still hurt each other all the time. One step down from global conflict, and we've got terrorists and serial killers with a chip on their shoulder against the world.

One step lower, and you've got gang violence, street fights, or underground syndicates going at it.

Not into physical violence? Great. Welcome to the world of selfish ambition—where those who live for profit spread misery everywhere in the name of money.

Or maybe you're into workplace exploitation at some shady black company. Who knows.

Alright then, onto the next category: psychological pain. Hehe, this one usually comes from keyboard heroes—of which I'm one. All of us, including myself, love chewing on other people's stories. You enjoy an interesting post, a funny video, or some juicy celebrity gossip, don't you? Trust me, whether you leave a kind comment or a venomous one, the fact that you're engaging at all means you want to consume someone else's life. You turn everything online into your entertainment. Even I am a victim of that.

Even if my life is written by some depressed, washed-up author, it still hurts when you read it and start picking it apart.

You heal yourself by picking at someone else's wounds. You hurt others for countless reasons, whether you mean to or not.

Even in something as basic as competition—be it in business or just exams—your success automatically means you stepped on someone else's head to get there.

Life is one big game of musical chairs, and if you're not fast or skilled enough, you get booted out and turned into background noise.

We live by hurting each other. We tear open someone else's dead scars just to patch up our own.

You think I'm depressed, and that's why I'm barking all this?

If you do, you're wrong. I'm not trying to argue what's right or wrong here. I know there are people who hurt others because they want the best for them. What I am saying is: it's a necessity.

People always want to look like the good guy. Everyone does. So we pin it on demons tempting us, on a burst of emotion, peer pressure, or just the situation at the time—whatever excuse works.

Even though we live by hurting others, no one wants to admit it.

Why? I can only say—everyone's different.

And no, this isn't some dark rallying cry to glorify violence or make everything sound hopeless.

Everyone has something they hold precious deep in their hearts. And to protect it, they end up hurting others.

Everyone wants to feel joy—so they hurt others.

Everyone wants to be happy—so they hurt others.

The wicked hurt the good, mock their pain, take pleasure in their suffering.

The good judge the wicked, break their claws, punish evil, destroy it.

But in the end, no matter what side you stand on, it's all still hurting each other. And standing in the middle, just watching? That's also a form of feeding on someone else's pain—a different kind of harm.

You can't dodge it. You can't escape it. All you can do is accept it.

Live with it. Struggle against it. And keep moving forward.

****

Humans are foolish.

One mistake after another—history is a chronicle of sorrow and loss, always from someone's side.

When you are happy, someone else is unhappy.

When you rejoice, someone else grieves.

A world that is far from perfect.

And so, some long for perfection—a desire to bestow happiness equally upon all things.

But is that truly the right path?

Would a place where everyone is happy really be a paradise?

Would a world where everyone smiles for no reason truly be a world full of hope and goodness?

Should we erase sadness, pain, evil, and suffering from this world?

Should we look only at one side and turn our backs on the other?

There is someone who wishes to bring happiness to all things.

Someone now hiding within the world of happiness they've built.

Someone is dreaming of seeing the unknown beyond his omniscience.

And someone else—still halfway down their path, searching for something they have yet to understand, longing to know it so they can continue moving forward.

This is not the story of a messianic hero, an ambitious villain, a righteous soul, or a god who bestows salvation.

This is a story retold by someone else, far in the future.

A time when we've grown just a little bit wiser.

To understand, to follow, to witness, to wander alongside him—laughing, stumbling, being reckless, making mistakes and learning from them. Boasting in misguided pride, then learning to understand and accept both others and oneself.

A winding, long-winded tale—not only of triumphs, but also of countless failures.

A story about someone just like anyone else.

This is the journey of a fool—not of foolish humans.

That title is not something determined by fate, power, or destiny. It will be proven by the story woven through the footsteps of those very people.

And even so...

As of now, there has been no salvation for this story.