43

Chapter 43: Part XLIIINotes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing for a while.

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"And another thing. Why did you all look at me when he said, 'Smart people don't come up here looking for the dead'?"

Lancel Lannister – 305 AC

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The Red Keep - King's Landing – 299 AC

Sat at his desk Tywin Lannister skimmed the latest petitions which had arrived for his attention and was unsurprised to find that not one was worthy of consideration. Indeed, most barely even qualified for a polite refusal instead of summary dismissal and a warning not to send such dross in his direction in future.

As usual what some minor lording with a ramshackle keep in the middle of nowhere considered a matter of great import, one worthy of attention by the Small Council, was actually an utter triviality that should have been dealt with locally.

"Perhaps the boy is right that we need political and legal reforms" Tywin muttered to himself, standing up. "The inefficiency goes beyond stupidity to madness at times" he had to admit knowing full well that his grandson's occasionally remarked-upon utopian vision of a properly administered centralised state would come to naught. The Great Houses would never accept the necessary loss of power and authority required to make it function in reality.

Tywin yawned and stretched before heading out the door. Fortunately thanks to some careful scheduling most of the rest of his day was free and he planned to go fishing later. He would have to work practically from dawn to dusk the next day in order not to fall behind in paperwork but that was worth it for the opportunity to relax for a while he decided, striding along the corridors and following the staircase down to ground level.

Before he could think about baiting a hook and casting a line he had one more important task of government to carry out that day however, one that was also a family matter and had been put aside too long he knew, heading out of the Tower of the Hand in the direction of his destination elsewhere in the Red Keep.

The pathway leading to the small tower underneath which could be found the dungeons was informally known as the 'Traitor's Walk', though as he walked along it Tywin Lannister suspected that when Maegor Targaryen had the place built his definition of traitor was rather broad.

Making his way at a brisk pace for a man his age Tywin recalled the many, many times he had made the same journey during his time as Hand-of-the-King to Aerys II Targaryen. Going to see the latest poor unfortunate who had somehow incurred the Mad King's displeasure, and whose family had begged the Hand to intercede on their behalf, had become an all too frequent occurrence in the period leading right up to Tywin's resignation, although his influence over his old friend was greatly diminished by then.

As Aerys reign had progressed the number of prisoners stuffed in the cells had grown ever higher, whilst the proportion who were guilty of what they were accused of of fell lower and lower. Still, better to rot in an overcrowded dungeon than be doused in wildfire for the king's amusement, in the latter years of Targaryen rule rule merciful beheadings were a rarity alas.

Under Robert Baratheon's considerably less insane, if not generally more competent rule, as well as the dearth of executions by immolation the dungeons had also been badly overstaffed, with more gaolers and turnkeys than actual prisoners. This had changed recently however as the increasingly professional, and substantially less corrupt City Watch under King Joffrey's command started putting ever greater numbers of actual criminals behind bars.

Having a king who was neither a drunk nor a lunatic worked wonders for efficient public administration.

As he arrived at the heavy iron door that secured the tower it was swung open by the guards that warded it and Tywin was met by Rennifer Longwaters, the Chief Undergaoler, who apologised that the Chief Gaoler himself was unavailable to greet him due to be stricken with some kind of malady.

Longwaters was clearly getting old, though not before his time. Tywin remembered him from when his back was still straight and his hair had yet to turn white, although he knew the man was wont to blame his hair colour on his ancestry these days rather than his advanced years. An impoverished Knightly House of the Crownlands the Longwaters were descended from a bastard son of a Velaryon Lord and a Targaryen Princess and rarely failed to mention that despite the illegitimacy they were blood-of-the-dragon nonetheless.

The ground floor of the tower held apartments for the Chief Gaoler himself, Longwaters as his deputy and Ser Ilyn Payne the King's Justice. Four levels of dungeons below held most of the prisoners, including any unfortunate enough to be imprisoned in the infamous 'Black Cells' on the third level down while the torture chamber was to be found at the bottom. Fortunately for the individual Tywin was there to visit there were also a number of less inhospitable cells situated above ground at the top of the tower, these intended for wealthy or influential highborns, and that was where they were being held.

Climbing the staircases leading to the top of the tower took considerably longer than it would have with a less doddery guide and Tywin made a mental note to suggest to Lord Renly that he look into replacing Rennifer with a sprightlier man. The Chief Undergaoler might still have his wits, or at least he maintained what limited wits he had ever possessed, but if he ever had to get from the lowest level of the dungeon to the top of the tower quickly someone would have to carry him.

"No need to wait for me. I'll call out for the turnkey on this floor when I'm ready to leave" Tywin told Longwaters when they finally reached the top floor and then made their way to the cell in question.

"As you wish, My Lord Hand" Rennifer responded with a bow made a little redundant by his stoop.

After the key for the door was turned and an additional heavy bolt slid aside Tywin pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Uncle Tywin!" an extremely surprised Lancel Lannister greeted him from where he had been lying on his cot. "I mean, Lord Tywin" he corrected himself, scrambling to his feet. "I mean My Lord Hand" he finally got it right.

"Nephew" Tywin responded in a less than amiable tone, turning to push the cell door closed behind him. "You look as well as can be expected."

Lancel nodded. "At least I have a window and blankets for my bed which is more than I did for my first couple of months here" he replied. "Thank you for arranging that."

"If you weren't my brother's eldest son I'd have left you in less salubrious accommodations" Tywin told him flatly. "It took me asking a personal favour of the Master of Laws for you to be here not down in the Black Cells and I prefer not to owe debts."

Lancel looked suitably abashed. "I imagine Lord Renly was difficult to persuade."

"You publicly admitted to involvement in a plot to kill his brother" Tywin retorted. "Of course he was difficult to persuade. You're just lucky it was all too easy to portray it as a hair-brained scheme, one that was unlikely to have ever succeeded because my foolish daughter relied upon an idiot to implement it."

"He accepted that?" Lancel queried.

Tywin rolled his eyes. "That you're an idiot? Of course he did, he's met you."

Lancel really wished people would stop saying that about him. "I thought they'd have taken my head by now" he said. "I did poison King Robert."

"Someone else had King Robert poisoned, you were just the means of getting the poison to him, in that sense you're about as guilty as the cup" Tywin corrected him. "If the Lord Regent believed for a moment that you actually knew what was in the wine when you handed it to Robert your head would have been on a spike that very evening, but even he was shrewd enough to grasp there was something more nefarious afoot than the clumsy machinations of my daughter and nephew."

On occasion being regarded as not the sharpest sword in the armoury was a good thing though, Lancel reluctantly had to admit to himself. "How is Queen Cersei?" he asked with genuine concern for her situation.

"Embittered and sending me constant letters of complaint about her circumstances. Frankly I have even less sympathy for her than I do for you" Tywin replied. "The person I do feel sorry for is your father because he didn't deserve being stuck dealing with her in my absence, particularly while he worried about you" he told his nephew, looking around the cell. "I assume the books over there are from Tyrion? I was informed he had visited you on occasion."

"Yes. I told him I was bored" Lancel confirmed. "It was very nice of him."

"I don't know if I'm more surprised that you can read well enough to handle Remnants of the Dragonlords or that he didn't bring you wine instead" Tywin told him.

"He does bring wine. He usually ends up drinking most of it himself though" Lancel replied.

Tywin looked less than shocked. "Well that's certainly no surprise" he said quietly to himself. "My son Jaime was never one for reading, except for treatises on swordplay, and those come with pictures" he remarked more loudly. "What did you think about the book?"

"It made me want to go to Volantis to see if Archmaester Gramyon is telling the truth that the Temple of the Lord of Light there is really that much larger than the Sept of Baelor" Lancel replied. "It's difficult to visualise something that large."

"I'm sorry to say that I cannot arrange for you to go to Volantis, nephew or no, but the opportunity to see another example of monumental architecture beckons" Tywin told him.

Lancel sighed. "You're sending me to the Wall to join the Night's Watch" he surmised. "Tyrion warned me it would be the block or the black eventually."

"Yes" Tywin confirmed, mildly amazed that Lancel hadn't needed more of a clue. Perhaps cousin Orson was the greatest lackwit in the family's history after all, he wondered. "If you would prefer I can arrange for Ser Ilyn downstairs to take your head instead. That would be the normal punishment meted out to the guilty party in a case of attempted regicide."

Lancel wisely decided not to comment that it was strange how that didn't seem to apply to his cousin Cersei and in Jaime's case actual regicide was apparently forgivable. "The Night's Watch seems the better option" he agreed unenthusiastically. "But why now?" he queried.

"The political situation has changed such that speculation regarding who was responsible for King Roberts demise is hardly going to be the major topic of conversation in the Great Halls of Westeros" Tywin explained. "Moreover the Lord Regent and the Master of Laws are less inclined to see you joining the Night's Watch as getting off lightly for plotting against their best friend and brother respectively."

"They think sending me to face Mance Rayder's army of wildlings is death sentence enough" Lancel said gloomily.

Tywin looked amused, or at least as amused as he ever looked. It was said even his wife, who he loved dearly, had failed to elicit a warm smile from him more than half-a-dozen times. "It seems the rumours haven't gotten as far as the dungeons then" he responded. "The reason why the wildlings are moving against the Wall is because a vast army of White Walkers and Wights are forcing them southwards" he told his nephew. "In these changed circumstances Eddard Stark and Renly Baratheon are only too happy to have you Take the Black."

If his uncle had been any other man Lancel would have assumed he was joking but he knew him far too well for that. "The Long Night returns?!" he exclaimed, recalling the old stories and fairy tales of his childhood.

"Apparently so" Tywin confirmed. "You are being given the opportunity to restore your honour, and earn the name Lannister, by helping to beat back the darkness that will soon be encroaching on our northern border" he said before his expression changed to an earnest one. "Make your father proud Lancel, make your brothers and your sister proud" he continued. "Make the family proud."

By which he meant die in a politically and socially acceptable fashion, Tyrion explained to Lancel later.

Lancel considered his options. "When do I leave?" he asked eventually.

"There's a ship heading to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea in three days, you'll be on it" Tywin told him. "I'll see about getting you some armour that fits properly to take with you" he said. "I'll also make sure you have a good sword and an obsidian dagger."

"Obsidian?"

"Dragonglass" Tywin explained. "It kills White Walkers. If you could see fit to killing one of them it would go a long way towards redeeming yourself."

"Enough to earn me a Royal Pardon from King Joffrey?" Lancel asked hopefully.

"I suppose we'll see" Tywin replied without commitment either way. "I'll give you one additional word of warning nephew. They have Stannis Baratheon training new recruits to the Night's Watch I'm told. He may be holding a grudge against you for trying to get his brother killed."

Lancel considered that. "No. All things considered I'm still far more worried about the White Walkers than I am Stannis" he decided eventually. "More worried about Stannis than the Wildling's though" he added after more thought.

That confirmed it, Tywin decided. He was cleverer than Orson.

Notes:

Note from the Author:

The long-awaited return of Lancel Lannister. Well at least the Night's Watch won't carve their insignia into his forehead like the Faith Militant.

Orson Lannister, the Beetleslayer retains his title as the greatest lackwit in the family (but he did have the excuse of being dropped on his head as a baby).