40

Chapter 40: thirty-nine: white noiseSummary:

The bigger they are, the harder they fall - and, oh, how she falls.

Notes:

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own Chiyuki, any original characters, and this story's plot.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

TRIGGER WARNINGS: blood, gore, disturbing imagery, severely depressing thoughts, self-harm.

Becoming Hokage 101

.

Section Seven

.

Chapter Thirty Nine

.

Everything is too much.

The colors are too vivid. The lines are too sharp.

The light is too bright.

The shadows are too dark.

Chiyuki lies there and wonders why her body is so incredibly heavy and unresponsive, why does it seem like her head is about to split in two from the pain, and why does it feel like there's a physical weight pressing down on her chest, which cuts off her air supply and makes her light-headed.

Is she dead?

'No, you're not dead.'

The voice that answers her unvoiced question is Yahiko's, rough and gruff despite not being said out loud. His rinnegan looks straight at hers, and she feels as if she's fallen into arctic waters, freezing and dark.

'Where's Nagato-sensei? What happened? And why do you have the rinnegan?'

'You do, too.'

She's drowning.

Struggling against the violent current of the glacial waters, not being able to keep her head above water, limbs fighting just to keep her afloat.

Through eyes that are not hers, she sees it - her unconscious, bleeding body; Nagato's own mauled body, kind rinnegan eyes looking at her with affection and protectiveness.

'Give her the left eye.'

'No.' Both present Chiyuki and past Yahiko cry, refusing to accept such a thing.

'Give it back to him.' She wails, looking at the exhausted, sorrowful mismatched gaze of the orange-haired man. 'I don't want it. Give it back to him.'

The man starts crying and so does she. Hot, salty tears drop from her eyes, hiccups escaping from her dry throat, as they both cry without saying a word out loud.

Because if they're both here with the rinnegan, it means Nagato is-

"Give it back to him." Her voice cracks and gives out at the last word, but not even breaking the silence can change reality.

'Please. Give it back to him. Tell him I don't want it.'

Yahiko continues to cry silently, unable to open his mouth to even deny reality, let alone offer any words of support. Yet, he does not leave, because they both need this.

'Tell him I want to see him again.' She implores, sobbing desperately in her hospital bed, butterflies fluttering around her head in a desperate attempt to console their summoner.

"Me too. I want to see him again, too." The man croaks out, staring at his lover's student with the same gaze she stares at him with.

The world is far too vivid.

Between one blink and the other, Uchiha Madara is behind the Ame shinobi. The blonde girl opens her mouth to yell, but it all happens far too quickly.

Before her brain can try to process what's going on, Yahiko's limbs lie on thin slices on the hospital floor, and it rains red-

Madara's mangekyou sharingan stares at her, unforgiving, daunting, threatening, and she screams until the skin on her throat feels raw. A river of deep red blood floods the room, and for a few moments, she does not breathe.

A silent, horrified gasp leaves her mouth when she sees the Uchiha's mauled body float to the surface, almost lazily. On the bottom, as if weighed down by anchors, is Nagato's body. His rinnegan-

-dead,dead-

-eyes stare unblinkingly at her, full of love, full of kindness, full of protectiveness, and if she could, she'd rip her own heart out because feeling numbness is much better than feeling this kind of acidic, burning pain in her chest.

'He's not dead. He's not dead, he isn't, he isn't-'

She breaks the surface of the river of blood, and glorious air fills her lungs. The sky is pitch black, and the only thing within sight is a small island, where hundreds of butterflies flutter about.

The girl clenches her jaw and swims towards it, ignoring the red liquid as it glides over her skin, and before she can make sense of the odd shape of the mass of land, the butterflies swarm around her. They pick at her clothes and hair, and somehow, they manage to lift her up and bring her drenched body to the top of the island.

They lie her down gently on a surface she can't quite identify, and individually bring a sweet liquid to her dry lips. She opens her mouth and greedily drinks on what seems to be honey as it fills her up with chakra and energy, watching with half-open lids as the insects dance around her, filling her vision with blurs of orange, pink, blue, red-

Her eyes fly open and she sits up in one sudden movement. As she looks down, she understands why she'd thought the island was odd shaped-

Thousands, perhaps millions of bleeding, mauled bodies are haphazardly arranged under her. Some have their eyes open, and some do not, but all of them have butterflies fluttering in and out of their open wounds, bringing someone else's blood to her, and she'd been drinking it, she'd been drinking it-!

'Wake up.'

She obeys the command and opens her eyes to the sight of a hospital room ceiling.

.

.

The first thing Chiyuki notices is the lack of light.

The room she's in drowns in silence as the hush of the night makes everything seem bigger, scarier, more mysterious. She's in Konoha - she can tell this much by the sheer familiarity of the chakra surrounding the building - but the fact doesn't bring much comfort, surprisingly enough.

Rather, she finds that she can't feel much of anything.

As if the blonde were checking things off a list, her mind starts to notice more things about herself and the situation, but she somehow can't exactly tell if things are good or bad right now.

She's drenched in sweat and her throat screams for a drop of water, but it's not enough to make her want to move just yet.

She's hungry, yes, but nauseous at the same time.

She's alone in the hospital room, save for the ANBU guarding her near the windowsill. It's the same one as always, but she neither likes nor dislikes that fact.

She's the only patient in the entire floor, and aside from one medical staff two doors down, there's no one else on the floor.

Having figured out she's safe for now, her body relaxes somewhat. There's a distant discomfort in her abdomen, and for some reason she refuses to look sideways, but she's alive, although-

'Is that a good thing?'

The teenager's mind wanders for a while. She thinks about many, many nothings, and despite the sheer oddity she feels being inside of her own skin, she's relatively okay.

'Chiyuki.' Chou calls out from inside her mind, something hesitant and cautious in their tone. It's also the first time the insect has addressed her by name, but she can't comprehend the significance behind that. 'Perhaps you should go back to sleep.'

'I'm wide awake now, though.'

The butterfly seems to sigh, heavy and worried, just as they did before-

'Chou.' She starts, heart suddenly thundering in her chest. The discomfort in her abdomen turns to dull pain, and her hands and feet tingle. 'What happened?'

There's a tense moment of silence in her head, and a part of her brain registers the hum of iron flowing in the ANBU guard as it starts to pick up pace, if only slightly.

'After you passed out-'

'No. Show me.'

The quiet inside her mind is stiff, unnatural.

'Child-'

'I know you had an eye on Nagato-sensei's fight all that time. Show me.'

Yet, she can't tell why it is so.

'...'

'Please.'

'...very well.'

The fourteen year old closes her eyes, and although her body is still lying down on a hospital bed, her mind is back in Ame, to that dark, dark-

-red?-

-cloudy day, when suddenly everything went wrong.

She sees it with eyes that are not hers, but are, at the same time. The fact that Chou's chakra system is linked to hers isn't publicly known, and logically speaking, it would be extremely advantageous to keep it that way. For one, it was what allowed the peacock butterfly to snap her out of the genjutsu, which basically means foreign chakra will have a very hard time getting into her system ever again.

It also allows for Chiyuki to be able to see for herself what the butterfly saw in previous moments - at the cost of a hefty chakra drain, and at this moment, the price is more than fair.

Perched on a nearby tree branch, she watches with detached wonder as Uchiha Madara attempts to keep the fight as long-ranged as possible. Age may have slowed down his movements quite a bit, but the old man is still a formidable opponent, and by no means Nagato has an easy time with his battle.

Yet, not even the Ghost of the Uchiha is a match for the King of Hell, and just as it seems as if the rinnegan user is about to win-

Madara poofs out of existence, and in his place, a screeching Black Zetsu falls on his back, blood spurting from the two stumps where his legs were moments ago.

The scenery changes.

There's an absurdly long sword in the Uchiha's hand, one that pierces three people in one attack. It first goes through Takuto's head cleanly, swiftly-

The man dies instantly.

It pierces through Ensui's chest, right where his heart is-

-was-

-he dies after six agonizing seconds.

Chiyuki blinks for a second too long, and in less than fifteen seconds, Black Zetsu is nowhere to be found. Nagato stands over a slowly dying Madara, body mauled beyond recognition as his blood paints the ground red.

There's nothing else for kilometers. All the surrounding trees and buildings have been utterly destroyed by the combined, enraged power of the Six Paths, and yet, the rain stops.

The sky starts to clear. Clouds drift away into the vast nothingness, until the shifting colors of the sunset play with the scenery.

Her teacher wobbles over to her fallen-

-bleeding, broken, nearly lifeless-

-body, and cautiously cradles it in his shaking arms.

Frantic, crazed eyes look at the wound on her abdomen, watch as it never stops painting his clothes red, and before he can think better of it, a fire jutsu lights up his hand and scorches his student's skin.

There's no more blood coming out from the wound, but the body-

-her, it's her, it's her body-

-hasn't so much as twitched since he picked her up, and that makes him grit his teeth.

(In worry? Frustration? Desperation?)

From the white seal on her neck, hundreds of butterflies fly out, colors nearly mixing with the slowly darkening sky, until they land on the Ghost of the Uchiha's still body.

He's not dead-

-not yet.

The butterflies land on him, and as the stars start to twinkle in the sky, their wings slowly become red.

Chiyuki watches, mystified, as if she were watching a play, as the winged insects feed off Madara's blood. It paints their wings a dark red, and as they fly back into the seal on her neck, some color starts to come back to her cheeks.

One of their foes has disappeared into the earth, and his current status is unknown. The other has been left as dry as a mummy, bones visible through terribly dry skin and shriveled muscle.

Another blink and Jiraya is there.

He approaches Nagato like one would a fearful, injured animal. Ringed purple eyes are wide and lost, looking at the newcomer as if he doesn't know whether he's an enemy or an ally.

The Toad Sage glances at the bodies of the two other Konoha ninja and closes his eyes for a pained second. Then, he speaks softly, gently, stopping a few meters short of his former student.

"Nagato." The white-haired man says slowly, not daring to take a step closer. "Chiyuki's severely injured. We need to take her to the hospital now, or else-"

The Ame shinobi continues to grip his student's limp, barely breathing body tightly, not giving any indication of having heard the older man.

A rumble in the distance. A furious presence that makes the earth tremble and the young man grip her tighter to his chest.

Tsunade arrives, and the Chiyuki that watches the scene through Chou's eyes nearly flinches. The Slug Sage is absolutely, positively irate, even though she glances at the destruction around them with almost disinterested eyes.

Instead, her honey brown eyes zero in on the Sarutobi Princess' still body-

-her, it's her body-

-and walks decisively towards the Ame shinobi, not sparing her former teammate a glance.

"Nagato." The woman speaks, and the world stills. "You know me."

Rinnegan eyes look on with hesitance, doubt, fear.

"Look at me, boy. You know me."

The man's hold on her relaxes the slightest bit.

"We fought together. You know me."

The medic-nin's arms slowly extend towards him, and he gulps.

"You know me. That's why you need to give the little menace to me."

Nagato breathes out, as does the world.

"You know I'll make her better."

Slowly, gingerly, hesitantly, her unconscious body leaves the red-haired man's arms. As soon as Tsunade gets her hands on the girl, her hands start to glow green, and an intensive work begins.

Chiyuki blinks one more time, and she's back in the hospital room.

The tell-tale sign of a serious chakra drain comes in the form of a heavy, unresponsive body, but she doesn't mind staying right where she is. The sky outside is sluggishly lighting up, going from a dark blue to a light one, and she guesses it's between 5 and 6 am right now.

'You spent a week inside the Slug Realm.' Chou's voice sounds almost neutral, but there's a hint of something that she can't quite identify.

'Because of the genjutsu?'

'And the shock your body went through when the Uzumaki child sealed your wound with a fire technique.'

'Ah.'

Things seem so distant, so different.

'After arriving in Konoha, you spent three days in the hospital's intensive care unit.'

'And now?'

'You are on the hospital's high priority wing. Visits are extremely short and limited.'

'The ANBU?'

'Only leaves your side when you have visits.'

All in all, things are-

-how are things, exactly?

'So, Ensui and Takuto are…?'

'...the two died during battle.'

A pang of something vile and repulsive fills her chest and makes her nauseous, but she can't tell what exactly this emotion is. She feels the urge to scratch at her stomach, but keeps her arms firmly glued to the bed.

'Nagato-sensei?'

'Alive and well. He had damaged his chakra coils, but the Slug Sage healed him. Right now, however, he is asleep, and his partners have been told he is to remain like this for a while.'

Something eases in her chest, but the nausea doesn't go away.

'Black Zetsu?'

'Black Zetsu's status is unknown. We have been unable to determine whether he is alive or not.'

'Madara?'

'Dead.'

Chiyuki breathes out, and outside the hospital, the village slowly comes to life. It's supposed to be the end of summer, but she feels neither hot nor cold.

She feels many things, yet not.

Unhurriedly, she starts to sit up, ignoring Chou's murmur of concern and the slightly altered hum of iron of her ANBU bodyguard. A slow, cautious look shows that all her four limbs are attached and mostly unharmed, but they don't really feel like they're part of her body.

There are bandages wrapped firmly around her abdomen, and the smell of herbal medicine finally hits her nose. Gingerly, she touches the place where the wound is supposed to be, and feels nothing.

A kunai born of her own chakra forms easily on the palm of her hand without much thought.

If she doesn't feel, can she bleed?

Her right hand grips the weapon and aims at her thigh-

A flare of chakra and a screech of iron are her only warnings before there's an ANBU in front of her - her bodyguard. A small, barely conscious part of her brain recognizes the man as Zou, someone who was never seen Before without his mask, but who'd been loyal to her father until the very end.

Like all things, she doesn't know if that's good or bad.

He gently grabs her wrist, and her grip loosens. She can't see his eyes, but the blood in his veins nearly wails in agitation.

Why?

Before either can say anything, Tsunade flares her chakra outside the room just before she enters, and as the door opens and light from the corridor shines through, the ANBU is gone.

The teenager can't see the newcomer's expression, as she stands with her back to the artificial light, but her chakra betrays nothing as she steps inside the room with unhurried steps.

The woman says nothing as she sits on the bed, giving the girl enough time to react. Chiyuki feels a burning gaze on her, and when she turns to look at Tsunade's expression, there's something-

-sad? Resigned? Worried?-

-and a slow nod.

Perhaps it's because the medic-nin herself knows what it feels like to feel, feel, and feel and feel until there's nothing else to feel and you just feel numb and you're not even sure if you're alive or dead-

- or if you even want to be alive -

-the fourteen year old stabs herself in the thigh.

Even as she watches blood immediately gush out of the wound and stain her clothes, even as she feels the ANBU's iron in his blood start to yell, even as she knows she should shy away from the pain she barely feels -

- it all seems small. Meaningless.

She is neither here nor there.

A heavy sigh, and Tsunade puts her to sleep.

.

.

Many people come to visit her at the hospital after she wakes up.

The first one is the Yondaime, and although he doesn't stay for long, his presence does ease something in her.

"Welcome back." The blonde whispers, a pinch between his eyebrows.

'He's worried.' Chou murmurs. 'They all are.'

"I'm back." Chiyuki answers, almost automatically. The Hokage slowly grabs one of her hands in his bigger ones, and carefully squeezes it.

"You've done a great job in Ame. Konoha's economy is flourishing, and it's in no small thanks to you."

The girl trusts him, trusts that he'll tell her the truth, always, and trusts that the leader of their village doesn't give out compliments like it's candy.

She nods, because there's nothing she feels like saying to that, and the man leaves.

Shikaku comes right after that.

He smells like woodsmoke and ink, just like he always has, and her body relaxes a little bit further. With more than enough time for her to avoid it, he leans towards her and softly kisses her forehead.

"I'm glad you're back, my little rascal." The Jounin Commander says, and there's something heavy in both his voice and his gaze she can't identify. She nods, because she doesn't know if she is glad to be back.

He stays for a while, but doesn't say anything else. He gives her a book on how to keep and care for deer, and sits down on the plastic chair next to her bed to do some paperwork.

It's not bad.

Fugaku comes the next day, after Tsunade's done with the daily check-up. Much like the Nara clan head, he doesn't say much either. He greets her, something hidden in his dark eyes, gives her a book on how to raise obedient cats, and settles down to do some paperwork.

Tooru comes by in the afternoon. Her eldest brother has an anguished (is that how they call it?) expression on his face, and cautiously hugs her against his chest.

"Oh, Chiyuki darling." He whispers against her hair, kissing her forehead and slowly tightening his grip on her. "You're home now. Niisan's got you."

Her arms remain limp at her sides, for some reason or another, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable - being trapped in her brother's arms, that is. It does make her feel quite safe, and she almost misses his warmth when he leaves.

Team Kakashi is there the next day. They gingerly pile up around her, quietly chatting amongst themselves, filling her in on everything that's happened in Konoha during the past year. She remains quiet throughout the conversation, brown eyes merely glancing between whoever seems to be speaking at the moment.

There's a thick web of woven chakra hanging over her, but it does not dare brush against hers.

Choza-sensei arrives with Gai and Genma not long after that. They bring food that's easy to eat, games, and blankets. The boys bicker in a small voice as their teacher laughs quietly, and again, she remains silent. Her teammates keep each of her hands in their hold during the entire visit, but it's not uncomfortable.

More people come. Mikoto, Yoshino, a few family members, Shizune, Mina-san, Sasakibe-oji, Yamato, Yugao-

Apparently, she's important to a lot of people, and although it is a bit burdensome, it's not an entirely bad feeling.

.

.

Tooru comes to take her home four days after she's woken up.

Since she's physically fine, the hospital has no choice but to discharge her, and under the Slug Sage's heavy gaze, Chiyuki goes back to the Sarutobi Compound with her eldest brother.

She's better, kind of.

Things still seem small and far away sometimes, but she's trying. She knows and understands things weren't like that-

-can't be like that-

-but she's trying, and begs for it to be enough for now.

Minato gives her two weeks of paid leave without saying much, as well as mandatory therapy sessions with Inoichi. She's not allowed to leave the Sarutobi Compound without an escort, but her eldest brother had been more than happy to provide one for her: a small tarsier named Enda who could not speak but listened to his summoner well.

Enda stays the whole time on her shoulder, and the girl's found out that he likes to hide behind her hair, only to pop out and stare at people when they come too close. His huge, golden eyes are more than enough to startle even shinobi, and even though he can't speak, she doesn't mind having him near.

It is, dare she say, quite nice.

The tarsier is also the only poisonous species of primate, but Chiyuki's been at the receiving end of Orochimaru's deadly concoctions of hell, so Tooru had thought Enda was the perfect fellow to keep her company.

That isn't to say she's left to her own devices for long.

There's often at least one person with her, and for some reason that person is nearly always Obito. No matter who it is, however, they all treat her as if she's some fragile china that could break at any given moment; it does annoy her slightly, but not to the point she'll do something about it.

The fourteen year old also sends chakra waves to her black earrings multiple times a day, wondering when Nagato will wake up. Tsunade herself had assured her all the man needed was sleep, but something constricts her throat and refuses to let go whenever she thinks about him.

Well, she'd been a fool, and now she has to pay the price.

A complete, utter fool, who thought that they would be able to come out of this unscathed.

Laughable, really.

'Do not be so hard on yourself. You are not weak, by any means.' Chou scolds her in a murmur.

'It means nothing in the face of such power.'

The butterfly has nothing to say to that, because in the end, that had been it - power so raw it was difficult to even wrap her head around it.

Black Zetsu and Kaguya aside, Madara is absurdly, ridiculously overpowered, even without the rinnegan, and Chiyuki shudders to think of how strong the Shodaime must've been. How does it feel, she wonders, to be so powerful you're able to control tailed beasts, beings made of pure chakra and a special hatred for humans? How does it feel to be the reincarnation of the two direct descendants of Hagoromo, the very one who invented chakra?

'How does it feel to be untouchable?'

Everything has a limit, of course. Time, energy, chakra-

-life.

'Madara cheated his own death, but in the end, even he wasn't able to escape the impact the years had on him. Sure, the rinnegan revived him later on, but it's the only known method capable of doing so. Without a willing rinnegan user, no one can escape time.'

If she hadn't told Nagato anything, how different things would have been? She'd most certainly be alive, of course, since the three original members of the Akatsuki never had any intention of killing her, but what would become of Ame, then?

Would it be the same as Before? Would Konoha continue to not know Orochimaru was pretending to be Danzo to plot with Hanzo? What would the consequences of that be?

'There is no use in thinking about any of this now.' The peacock butterfly gently admonishes her, and there's a spark of something in her chest, something hot enough to burn, something that reminds her of pain-

-something that feels like anger, and it's the first thing she feels in a while.

It's weird, at first.

She was tired of feeling. She was okay with not feeling. Not feeling was good, safe, and painless.

The feeling burns acidic in her chest, hot lava obstructing her airways, and it leaves her breathless for a couple of seconds. A trembling hand grips her shirt, the soft cotton straining between her fingers, and she curses herself.

She was okay with not feeling - she was sick and tired of feeling so much, why must she feel this now?

'Why this? Why now?'

The realization comes like a strike of lightning, and she has no lightning rod to soften the blow - Chiyuki's angry at herself, and this is why it hurts so bad.

She's thinking about all the 'what ifs' because how can she not? She's the only Konoha ninja who came back alive, hundreds of Ame villagers suffered from an attack they had no relation with, Nagato damaged his chakra coils and remains asleep with no signs of waking up anytime soon-

'I should've never told Nagato anything.'

'He would have known you were not telling the truth.' Chou whispers, and her anger grows.

'I would've found a way around it.'

'Maybe, maybe not.'

'I should've gone to Ame alone.'

'No one in Konoha would have allowed that.'

'What was I supposed to do, then?!'

Her mind drowns in silence, and she feels so, so tired.

'You did your best. That is all that matters.'

Other emotions come slowly.

The blonde feels anger turn to grief when she remembers Takuto and Ensui. Thinking about the Uchiha inevitably gets her thinking about Madara, and then how alone, helpless, desperate, overwhelmed-

She's suffocating.

She's exhausted.

She's neither here nor there.

'Get over yourself, Chiyuki. There are things to be done.'

(There are many, many things to be done-

But she feels so, so tired.)

.

.

Eight days after she wakes up in Konoha, she goes to the flower shop.

Even though it's the end of summer, it's hot and humid enough to feel like they're right in the middle of it. A light breeze ruffles her hair and clothes, and the little tarsier sits tight on her right shoulder. By now, it's a common enough sight that people no longer stop and stare - neither at the small monkey nor at the purple bags that jump out of a pale face.

She's a bit of a ghost, and she finds that she's okay with it.

A short walk leads her to the Yamanaka Flower Shop, a quaint store painted a deep green, with bouquets and pots distributed neatly. It greatly appeases the eye, the color of the flower petals mixing well with the green of the leaves, and the smell of freshly cut grass feels soothing in the midst of the heat.

The glass door is open, and upon entering the store she immediately notices a blonde boy behind the counter. As his dark gray eyes recognize her, the hum of iron in his blood starts to jump in odd intervals and sing higher, almost in a shrill tone.

The boy is nervous to have her in the shop, but she doesn't really have the energy to try and make him more at ease.

"H-hello and welcome to the Yamanaka Flower Shop, Chiyuki-hime. How-how can I help you?"

He's a genin, no older than 12, and he looks so much like Ino he might be one of Inoichi's nephews. The fourteen year old gives him a nod and watches as Enda jumps from her shoulder to sniff curiously at the flowers.

"Hello. I'd like to order two small bouquets." Her own voice sounds alien to her ears. Perhaps because she doesn't speak much - what even is there to talk about? -, her throat feels almost dry whenever she opens her mouth.

(She remembers when she screamed and screamed and stared at a red sky and begged for it to end-)

"Of course. Are they for a specific occasion?" The young boy seems to have taken a deep breath, and something determined shines in his eyes.

Who is she for him to be looking at her with such shiny eyes?

What must she look like now?

"I'd like something simple to put on a grave."

To his credit, the Yamanaka boy nods firmly and immediately gets to work, not once questioning how or why she needs bouquets like that.

Then again, thanks to the gossip mill that runs in Konoha, he might have an idea already.

It takes a little while, but Chiyuki isn't in a hurry - rather, there's something in her that wants to run away from what she set out to do today, but a bigger, stronger part of her refuses to bend. This is the very least she could do, after all.

(Mamoru's face flashes in her mind. It morphs into Takuto's, until the man drowns in red-)

"I'm done, Chiyuki-hime!"

The bouquets are simple, just like she'd asked, but also very pretty. They're slightly different, but ultimately have the same flowers arranged in a similar disposition. The boy is certainly talented and meticulous enough, having expertly arranged the stems and leaves just so they add to the visually pleasing array of colors.

"What's your name again?" She finds herself asking, and feels what might be called amusement when pink colors the genin's cheeks.

"It-it's Keiji, Hime."

The girl would remember that name, and the boy who doesn't ask too many questions and does as he is told with precision.

(She'd also remember the dark gray eyes that shone upon recognizing her, and the determination to do a good job -

-for her.)

She nods, a pensive look on her face, and pays the genin for a job well done. Refusing to take the change, she turns around and exits the shop with her purchase, Enda immediately climbing her legs and back to reach her shoulders.

The pale green paper crinkles under her hands as she starts the short, familiar trek to the Uchiha Compound. Some people look with curiosity at the objects in her hands, and even though she can sense the tarsier getting ready to jump on whoever dares to come too close, Chiyuki doesn't really mind it.

The flowers are not for the passersby, anyhow.

The guards at the compound's gates immediately recognize her, and bow in respect when she gets closer. Neither glance at the bouquets, or at the small monkey. They wordlessly let her in, and she does thank her privileges as Sasuke's godmother when it grants her free entry into Uchiha lands, whenever she wants.

Obito is there waiting for her, because of course he is.

He's taller than her now, though not by much, and something in the way his gaze darkens the slightest bit reminds her of Fugaku. Whether through an order or by his own will, he'd taken upon himself to be her escort around the village more often than not, and ever since he'd seen her at the hospital, he'd started to behave strangely around her.

She's unable (and too fatigued) to put a finger on just what it is.

"Hey." The Uchiha mumbles in greeting, and receives a nod in return. "I sensed you were coming. Are you here to talk with my uncle?"

The blonde shakes her head, even though she has come to see Fugaku once or twice since she's left the hospital. "No. Can you take me to the graveyard?"

As one would expect, each of the clans in Konoha has their own cemetery, even the smallest ones. When the clan is known for having a kekkei genkai, in particular, there's another layer of worry besides simple body theft. It's the main reason why Uchiha cremate their deceased, and since Fugaku became clan head, it is forbidden to take the eyes of the dead out before cremating them.

An Uchiha with the sharingan shall die in possession of it. It's the least the living could do to honor the deceased.

"...sure." Obito turns around and waits for her to stand next to him before he starts to walk.

It's nearly two in the afternoon, and Chiyuki had chosen this exact time after some observation of the inhabitants of the Uchiha Compound, courtesy of the butterflies. During this time, all the students are still at the academy, the majority of the civilians are out either working or on errands, and most shinobi are on missions.

Even though she knows her actions will definitely have reached the ears of every single Uchiha by the end of the day, she certainly does not need an audience right now.

Neither of the two teenagers say anything as they walk, almost leisurely, until they reach the place where clan members are cremated and buried in. There are multiple, small graves scattered around a very well maintained patch of green grass, and some of them date back to the Warring Clans Era.

Only one urn is buried on each space, although immediate family members are buried next to one another as often as possible - which is why it's so easy to find the ones she's looking for.

That, and there's a woman standing in front of the newest one.

No one says anything as the Sarutobi Princess approaches two graves, and the woman doesn't look up. Obito stands back to give her some privacy, but still close enough he can easily reach her should he feel the need to. The girl kneels in front of the one that looks slightly older, and runs a finger on the writing.

'Mamoru.'

She sighs, low and heavy, and closes her eyes for a moment. She remembers dark but patient eyes, the kindness and the sacrifice she received, and slowly blinks brown eyes open. She puts one bouquet in front of his grave, and prays to the gods for his soul to be okay.

She hears the woman walk to stand next to Obito, but Chiyuki doesn't get up. Instead, she shuffles on the grass for a bit until she's standing in front of a new, shining grave, and an invisible hand clenches around her heart, making it harder to breathe for a brief moment.

'Takuto.'

Both his and Ensui's body had been brought back by Jiraya, and the girl is thankful for that. She doesn't know how she'd ever look Fugaku or Shikaku in the eye otherwise.

A trembling hand puts the remaining bouquet in front of the new grave, and both her hands come together in a silent prayer.

'Words are of little worth, but I'd still like to say I'm sorry, Takuto. I hope you're well and not in pain. I hope you're together with your dad, wherever you two may be, and that you don't resent me too much. I hope-'

Soft, warm chakra tentatively brushes against hers. It certainly doesn't feel like Obito's, so it can only belong to Takuto's mom and Mamoru's wife - the woman who'd been standing in front of their graves until their arrival, whom she learns is named Hanako after a whisper from Chou.

A pale, lightly calloused hand wraps around hers, and only then she realizes her whole body is shaking. None of them speak a word to each other, but their chakras caress one another gently, barely touching, and somehow, they understand each other.

Something weighs on her chest and burns in her eyes, but Chiyuki does not cry.

.

.

On that same day, a few hours after the sun has set and the night blankets the village, she leaves the Sarutobi Compound once again.

Enda is a faithful, constant presence on her shoulder, and the fact that he can't speak is more comforting than it should be. Nevertheless, it's thanks to the small primate that Tooru only makes a displeased face when she leaves their house at nearly 9 pm, and she sets out on a path she knows very, very well.

One single ninja stands guard in front of the Nara Compound, and she, too, wordlessly lets her in - ever since her nearly murder on the day of her tenth birthday, Shikaku had been very clear on the fact that Chiyuki is free to come and go from the compound as she pleases, and it had been that way ever since.

The path is poorly illuminated by the moonlight and some fireflies, but the blonde knows her way by heart. For better or for worse, there's no way she'd get lost inside the land of the Nara, not when it means so much to her and the clan head.

Yoshino is waiting for her at the front porch, the main house brightly lit in a sea of darkness. The teenager senses the hum of iron of her godson, relaxes as it sings to her in a familiar tune even when Shikamaru is asleep, and a small weight is lifted from her shoulders.

The Nara matriarch kisses her on the forehead, right where her seal is, and she nearly asks the retired kunoichi if she can stay for the night.

"He's waiting for you in the back." Yoshino murmurs, low and gentle, and she nods.

Shikaku is sitting on the same log they sat when they had that first secret meeting, all those years ago, and over a dozen deer surround him. The lake reflects the weak light of the moon, and as the insects dance around the clearing, a fawn clumsily makes its way towards her. He looks at her with yellow eyes that shine in the darkness and turns around, heading back to where the other deer are.

Almost as if in a trance, she follows the baby deer until she reaches the Nara patriarch. Wordlessly, he pats the space next to him, and she immediately knows he will not accept any apologies from her. Like she's unable to stand the weight of her own body, she sits next to him on the log, and a heavy, warm arm wraps around her shoulder.

As Chiyuki hides her face in his chest and inhales his comforting scent, his hold on her tightens slightly, bringing her closer to his warmth, to his safety, and the deer surround both of them. The fawn that had approached her first rests its head on her lap, and she briefly laments the fact that the Nara don't have graves for their dead.

Clansmen are buried deep into the Nara Woods, a dense forest where trees loom over one another, where they are guarded by the deer. There's a specific time of the year to honor their dead, during the Obon Festival, in which they light up paper lanterns for each deceased and let them float on the waters of the Naka River.

Ensui, like the rest of his family members, does not have a grave. His closest living relative is the Jounin Commander, and somehow the girl knows he'd never accept any apologies from her, or flowers, or incense, or anything of the sort.

She doesn't know if that's a blessing or a curse.

They stay like that for an indefinite amount of time, until Enda chirrups from her shoulder and she knows it's time to go home.

(Yes, she has a curfew, but for some reason she doesn't really mind it.)

Shikaku sighs and kisses her forehead tenderly, sweetly. It's a close call, but Chiyuki does not cry.

.

.

"What's first?" The tea in front of her has nearly gone cold, but she takes a sip of it anyway. She's sitting in the small kitchen with her brother, each nursing their own cup of tea, and even though they're supposed to be some good quality leaves, it doesn't matter much to her.

Tooru shrugs, an action that's half embarrassment, half hopelessness. "Well, now that I've left ANBU and have officially taken over as the clan head, I need to take care of all the paperwork that's been pushed aside ever since father got sentenced to house arrest, first and foremost."

The Sarutobi Princess hums, but remains silent otherwise. Her eldest brother sighs and runs a hand through his dark brown hair, and the action shows just how stressed out he is.

"Luckily, I've got the support of the other clan heads, and the council isn't giving me too much trouble - for now. They haven't even started to nag at me to get married yet."

She nods, drinking the rest of her tea. The new clan head is only 21 years old, after all, and during times of peace, the clan elders have no plausible reason to push him to marry and have heirs so young.

"Kakashi is especially supportive, y'know. It's the first time I've seen him take such an active role in politics."

She nods once again, briefly wondering if she has energy to go make some more tea when Tooru suddenly gets up from his seat. In one single stride, he's standing next to her, and as he leans to peer down at her, she starts to feel incredibly small.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

Many, many things are wrong, but she can't tell a single one of them to her brother.

'Why not?' Chou asks, a soft murmur inside her mind. 'He's your eldest brother, and a full-fledged adult. Lean on him more. You are allowed to do so.'

She hesitates for another couple of seconds, but ultimately, the peacock butterfly has never steered her wrong, has never wanted anything bad to happen, has even taken her out of that terrible, nightmare-inducing genjutsu-

"Chiyuki?"

Even though she'd been drinking tea until only moments before, her throat feels as dry as the desert. Her brother's eyes, however, are clear and earnest, and her shoulders droop.

"I'm the only one who came back. Ensui and Takuto died because of me." She whispers, and when he doesn't say anything, she continues. "Ame had to deal with the consequences of an attack they had no business with. Nagato-sensei-"

Her voice breaks, and so does a little more of her heart.

"-Nagato-sensei isn't waking up, and I should've never gone there. I should've stayed put inside the village, should have never told him anything, I should've- I'm tired of feeling- I-"

Her sentence breaks off, and the energy evaporates from her body like small puddles on a hot day.

She's so, so tired-

Tooru puts his hands on each of her shoulders, expression serious like she's never seen him before.

"Did you kill them?" Before she can answer, he continues. "Did you cut off their heads?"

Chiyuki shakes her head weakly, mouth open to mumble something or another, but her brother beats her to it again.

"Did you bury them under an earth technique? Did you twist their neck? Did you pierce their flesh with a blade? Did you use your own hands to take their lives?"

She's unable to do anything else but shake her head to each question he fires at her. He seems unrelenting, and she's so tired, she's tired of feeling-

"Did you attack the villagers? Did you use your techniques against them? Did you tell Nagato to go overboard and stay asleep for days? Did you get closer to him only to use him as a meat shield?"

"N-no, no, I didn't, I didn't-"

"Then tell me, Chiyuki. Was it your fault?"

The dam breaks.

"No." It comes out as an ugly, loud sob, and suddenly she can't get enough air in her lungs. Tears run down her face like constant, heavy rain, and she pushes the heel of her palms into her eyes, trying to breathe through the sobs-

'Gods, it was better when I didn't feel. Feeling nothing was better than this-'

Tooru swiftly gathers his sister in his arms, and for a moment, she feels like a small toddler in her brother's hold again. He pays no mind to the fact that she's all of fourteen years old and 162 cm tall, but continues to cradle her in his arms as he rocks back and forth.

"That's my girl." He whispers into her hair, and the girl grips his shirt so tight her knuckles turn white. Her tears and snot quickly drench his shoulders, and every once in a while she nearly chokes on her loud sobs, but he merely continues to hold her tight against him.

"Niisan." She wails, face scrunched in pain. "It hurts, niisan. It hurts, I don't want it, I don't-"

"I know, Chiyuki darling, I know."

"I close my eyes and I see red, and sometimes my limbs don't feel like they're mine, and it'd hurt so bad, niisan, it'd hurt so bad."

The Sarutobi clan head closes his own eyes, grief and pain for what they took from his sister and that he could never bring back. He kneels on the kitchen floor and curves his back, as if he could form a shield between her and the world, and a single tear runs down his cheek.

"I know, Chiyuki darling. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The teenager cries and bawls in agony long into the night. Just as if a dam had been broken, Chiyuki feels the emotions she'd tried to suppress all at once, and as they nearly overwhelm her, her oldest brother is there every step of the way-

-even as she sobs and relives that day, even as she breaks multiple times, even when she feels and feels and nearly drowns in her own emotions, ice cold and burning hot and acidic and bitter and rotten at the same time.

"I've got you."

"Niisan-"

"Niisan's got you. You're going to be okay."

She weeps for all that happened, and throughout it all, Tooru is there.

"You're going to be okay."

.