2

Chapter 2

Waking up in the morning with Ino went much the same as it always did. With her breathing softly into my ear as she untangled herself from me, her favorite teddy bear. Tired groans. Me giving her a pinch to hurry her up when it came to letting me go so that we could get on with our day.

Neither of us were morning people. I understood how she felt. If it were up to me, I'd have stayed in bed until the afternoon. But it wasn't up to me. It was up to our command structure now. We were soldiers. Calling in sick wouldn't work as it had used to. Not that I'd ever done that, of course.

Really. I was serious. Of course, I've never done that. What kind of fool skipped class in a school that was meant to teach you to stay alive in a hostile world?

That was an easy answer to give. But Naruto didn't count. He never counted. He could walk out of the academy right this instant and save a nation from certain doom. That was just Naruto. And Sasuke, I suppose. Except he'd probably blow it up instead.

Second verse, same as the first.

The rest of us weren't as lucky as they were. Destiny didn't bend over backward to shine the spotlight on the mortals. The characters were cast. The script, set. We were in the background and I was a tree in Idaho.

It could make one weep.

"Hey," Ino said, pinching me right back. Right on the left cheek of my butt. "It's too early." Her eyes were bleary, her hair a mess. "Quit it. Stop brooding. Wipe yourself down. Get dressed. We don't want to be late."

How dare she turn this around on me.

… Five more minutes.

I grunted and swung my legs out over the edge. Took a moment to hang my head, a water bubble from a nearby glass of water that I'd just upended over myself soon sliding over and around my body while Ino took her own advice, grabbing a towel and vanishing into the hallway.

I'd have preferred to go with her but, well…her father was home. Neither of us was so arrogant as to think that he didn't know about us, but we preferred not to rub it in his face. Inoichi had opinions about his little girl. Mostly that she was a little girl. One that he only held back on because I was a girl and he didn't have to see it.

If he ever learned about the jutsu I'd shown Ino last night, I had little doubt I'd wake up to see Ibiki's face hovering over mine in due time. I doubted they'd actually hurt me. Ino wouldn't be happy about it and I was a loyal ninja of Konoha, but it would be very inconvenient. I preferred it when life was the opposite of that.

Like any normal person, I didn't want any trouble if I could avoid it. It was only sensible.

Like keeping a change of clothes in your friend's house for any occasion. And vice versa.

Soon, I was done with my shower. The water bubble went out the window and onto the streets; I was elbow deep in Ino's closet in short order. Through the lavender everything. Through the piles of bandages and fishnets. To the second drawer at the back, second from the bottom. Socks, shorts, dresses. Bras, panties, makeup, and every other thing a young woman would ever need when in a bind, neatly folded and pressed. Just like always.

"Rosewater." I sniffed the qipao in the crook of my arm. "My favorite brand too. She remembered."

That was sweet of her, helping me start the day fresh. There was that.

I had the idea I was going to run out of things to be happy about today.

Just a hunch.

==========

I was right. Not that that was hard for me to be, right.

Ino running off as soon as we entered the classroom to fawn over Sasuke after a nice, calm jog to school was just the start. The expected start. Honestly, I didn't even mind that she was trying to get his attention. I wasn't jealous. Why would I be? The boy wouldn't even give her the time of day, let alone date her. And it wasn't like I owned her.

"Sasuke-kuuuuun~!" Ino just about squealed into Sasuke's ear. The steeple he'd made of his fingers in front of his face couldn't hide his cringe. "Do you want to go on a date later? I know a place we can go to~."

What got to me is that, when he was involved, her personal capacity for self-respect went down the drain. It was embarrassing. It was painful to look at. He was just not into her and he hadn't been shy about telling her that she annoyed him.

"Go away, Yamanaka. You're annoying."

He told her that every day. Explicitly. And sometimes worse. He must have been in a good mood today.

Anyway. Second-hand embarrassment was not something I enjoyed feeling...but she wouldn't listen to me when I tried. Or to anyone else for that matter. So, whatever. She'd grow up. Or she wouldn't. I'd be here when she came crawling back to the seat next to mine, depressed and with a gallon of ice cream in her future either way.

That was just part of being Ino's best friend. Ino's best, very disappointed, friend.

… Maybe I needed to try pushing her harder? What motivated her? Sunk cost fallacy? Some form of pathology? This was starting to get kind of sad to look at.

"What does she even see in the bastard anyway?"

Exactly, my other sort of friend. That was the question I asked myself every day. Exactly.

"I don't know, Naruto. You tell me."

I leaned back in my seat, braid coiling in my lap to see the only other blond I knew, his face wrinkled and lips curled in ugly disgust. That was a good face. "And congratulations on passing."

"O-oh?" He blinked, his face smoothing out in surprise; I guessed no one had told him that today. The wide smile he made, his deep blue eyes closing tight as he rubbed the back of his head with a flush to his cheeks said as much. "Ah, thanks, Sakura! Congratulations to you too! I mean - I'm not surprised you passed." He fidgeted in his seat. "You're the kunoichi of the year and that's pretty awesome!"

"Uh-huh. That I am." My title, useless as it was, was a statement of fact. "And I guess it's alright." I gave him a nod. He fidgeted some more. We didn't talk much and it showed. "We're going to be on a team together."

"Eh? We are?"

"You sound certain of that. Where did you get that information?" A very tired-looking Shikamaru rose off of his desk like the freshly risen dead, just behind a confused Naruto's head. "And how did you get a headband, Naruto? We were all there yesterday and you didn't have one then."

Choji, right beside him, ate a chip. Loudly. And then he chewed. Once.

His curiosity was palpable. How he managed to make those two actions a demand for gossip, we may never know.

"Ah…" Naruto chuckled nervously as he turned to look. "Well, you see, there was this secret exam."

"A secret exam?"

"That I passed." If Naruto hadn't been sweating before, he sure was now. He couldn't lie to save his life. "And that's why I'm here."

He was blowing it. "Just say it's classified, Naruto."

Shikamaru's eyes flickered towards me at my words, sharp as obsidian. I nodded back at him and he relaxed. More. He relaxed more. "Alright."

Talks between sensible, intelligent people were wonderful things. A word here. A word there. A whole conversation, done in a few sentences. The world would have been a better place if everyone did this. But they didn't. And that was why we were all here. In a ninja school. Learning how to kill people for a living.

And working with otherwise intelligent people that thought that Shogi was a good game.

He'd never forgiven me entirely for saying that.

Facts.

Naruto sagged in his seat in relief. "It's classified."

"There we go. You should use the c-word more, Naruto. It'll save you a lot of heartaches" I twirled a finger in the air. "And come on, Shikamaru. You know better. The teams were set from the start."

He shifted his head from one arm to the other, looking as if he was about to fall asleep again. "Are they?"

"Ino-Shika-Cho."

Choji let out a bark of laughter and shoved a whole handful of chips into his mouth. "She's got you there, Shika. Damn, that's funny."

Their fathers' had been the best capture and interrogation team Konoha had had in generations. They were damn near legends. Why mess with a good thing when you had it?

I didn't see why that was funny.

"That was an easy answer." Nara waved a hand. And he wasn't wrong. "You, Naruto and Sasuke?"

"Hinata, Shino and Kiba."

"Well, what about-"

The door slammed open before we could get into talking about if I was going to be honest, the fresh new career genin pool. People like Ami and Tohru who didn't have the ambition or talent or any combination of the above to go further. Not that there was anything wrong with that. My own mother was part of the AMF.

The village needed skilled workers. Sometimes, the big names weren't around and you had to deal with invasions. The Allied Mother's Force (it was a terrible name but I didn't pick it), was an example of the many groups that filled that role, giving work to people that didn't want to do the paperwork for a living but wanted to be useful. Like a union, but not. Unofficially.

Either way, we needed people like that because, well, where would we get teachers? Speaking of, Iruka-sensei was looking pretty decent. He didn't look like he'd gotten stabbed in the back. No bandages wrapped around him, no wincing when he moved. He was missing his headband though and that sort of filled in the picture for me. What there was of it.

Mizuki had been 'retired'. Great. Letting him continue existing around decent people had stuck in my craw. I gave Naruto a blind thumbs up and I could feel him lock up.

"Alright! Settle down, all of you!" Iruka called out. What little noise there had been shut off like someone had turned a valve. Everyone sat down behind their desks and opened their ears. "Your sensei is going to be here to pick you up and you need to make a good impression as a ninja!"

He really did care. And it wasn't long before Shikamaru's and my guesses turned out to be the right ones as he called them out. Everything was as it was supposed to be. My beliefs that this had been rigged by man or fate were cemented.

Ino cursed but thankfully didn't cry when she found out that she wouldn't be on a team with Sasuke. Just with the other two young men that she'd known all her life. So terrible. I was going to have to deal with the aftermath that was me being assigned to work with him instead though.

She was going to want to know about how many breaths he took every minute, then go from there. I exaggerated, but not by much. Her fascination with the boy was just unhealthy. And, as the class started to empty out, leaving Naruto, Sasuke, and I alone, I settled in for the long haul.

We'd gotten Kakashi. As expected. He was the only guy with the Sharingan in all of Konoha that could teach Sasuke how to use it when he got it. Naruto was his last connection to his teacher. It was just obvious.

We were going to be here a while.

"Your sensei should be here soon," Iruka said as he stepped out from behind his podium. He didn't sound like he believed it, personally, but that's what he said. I didn't believe it either. "Don't leave until he shows up, alright?" He turned to Naruto with a bright smile and got one back in return. "Good luck, all of you."

"Thank you, sensei," Sasuke and I said back with varying levels of enthusiasm as he made to leave.

"Good luck, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto called back, his lack of social boundaries showing. Not that Iruka seemed to mind as he gave Naruto a fond nod. Then, he was gone. The door opened.

The door closed.

There was silence.

The book in my pocket came out. Anatomy, again. This time, something on acupuncture and its effects on the human body, positive and otherwise.

I was sure that Ino wouldn't mind letting me try it out on her. She hadn't hated that time I'd learned massage. And chiropractic methods. This was nearly the same.

Sasuke's eyes unfocused and he stared at the blackboard like it had the secrets to killing his brother on it.

Within five minutes, Naruto was jittering so fast he was a blur and would have licked the room's doorknob if it meant he wouldn't be bored anymore.

It didn't though. It was one of those sliding doors. Also, I was just kidding. Naruto wasn't that dumb. Naruto had a lot of growing up to do but he wasn't a toddler.

"I'm going to trap the door," he informed the both of us confidently.

And I might have been wrong in my assessment. Naruto wasn't going to stop. Once he got an idea in his head he wouldn't let it go till he saw it through.

He needed observation. Guidance.

"He's a jounin. And one of the best that Konoha has ever produced. An eraser on top of the door will only hit if he's humoring you." I pointed out as I stood up from my seat and walked towards the nearest wall. "Bring your A-game. Impress. Just don't blow anything up."

Considering who we were talking about? This was harmless. And another learning experience. Naruto's trap-making skills among his peers were unmatched.

Curious is the trapmaker's art - his efficacy often unwitnessed by his own eyes… Witnessing it with my own eyes might help. There were no real downsides. It was a win-win all around.

"He is?" Naruto asked skeptically as I began climbing up the wall. Sasuke sat up in his seat, his eyes now following me. "He's twenty minutes late!"

"Being punctual doesn't mean you aren't a badass. We're going to be here for at least another few hours." Near the top of the wall, I stopped. Spun on my heels to stand sideways, yes, sideways, on the wall, book in hand. It was hell on my legs and stomach, thanks to gravity. Very distracting. But that was the point. "And it isn't hard to find out who he is. Get a bingo book or something. You can pick one up at the library for ten ryo."

"Hours!?" Naruto gaped up at me.

"That just means you have plenty of time to surprise him with, Naruto."

"... How are you doing that?" Sasuke spoke to me for the first time that month. Literally. His voice ground with disuse. "We were never taught how to do that."

"I know. And that's a shame. It's not like it's a particularly dangerous skill to learn. Even a child can pick it up." I turned a page in my book as he bristled. I hadn't meant it as it had sounded, but I wouldn't apologize. "I'd teach you but the learning process can be destructive."

He looked up at me for a long while. Grunted, scowled, but accepted what I'd said. I had a reputation, carefully crafted and cultivated over the years for blunt honesty. If I said something, I meant it. "How would I learn?"

"We'd have to find a strong tree. One that no one would care about." Another page flipped while Naruto tinkered with several disparate bits and pieces he'd pulled out of his pockets and the inside of his jacket. "I'll explain then. And I'll be bringing Naruto along."

Naruto jolted, fumbling a box of balloons and other random things. "Me?"

"We're on a team. I'm not going to let you fall behind."

Naruto clearly didn't know what to say to that. Again, we didn't talk much. This much support must have been overwhelming.

He was going to have to get used to it. Having Ninja Jesus on my side during the end times was important.

Sasuke grunted, clearly unhappy but didn't fight me on that either. I had something he wanted and Naruto wasn't enough to stop him from getting it, it seems.

Interesting. That was something I was going to have to use.

"That's probably not going to happen today," I informed them both. "An hour is me lowballing this. He could decide to show up just before the sun starts going down."

"You can't be serious," Sasuke said flatly.

"You'll learn," was my dark reply as I continued to read. "You'll learn."

Some things needed to be experienced to be believed; The next three hours were fraught with the dangers of boredom. Even I wasn't above it. Important as learning was, learning about the art of acupuncture out of a book wasn't a particularly engrossing subject. My attention had limits.

Discussing the merits of a flash tag versus a sound tag in a prank was more interesting. And somewhat fascinating in its own way.

If anyone ever asked, I'd tell them outright that I had no training in the use of seals. None. I could attach them to a kunai. Set them off from a distance away. That was about it but anyone could do that. Working with seals was dangerous and my policy when making them was 'don't fuck around, don't find out'. Sensible.

I might have been hard-working but, no matter how hard you worked, there were only so many minutes in a day… If we were talking about my deficiencies, genjutsu was something else that I'd neglected. All I knew were the basics once again. Even something as relatively simple as a Hell Viewing Technique was beyond me.

I'd figure those out. Later.

Either way, watching Naruto attach a paperclip, a tag, and a single, easily breakable thread to a goldbergian monstrosity was a great deal more interesting than most of the things I read these days. My thighs and core continued to burn while I held my ground on the wall and time flew on past. Even Sasuke eventually stopped brooding and joined the rest of us in hovering over the surreal madness that was...whatever Naruto was making.

I didn't know. It was beyond me. And I'm pretty sure Sasuke didn't know either.

"What is that supposed to do?" Sasuke pointed at a wad of plastic.

He definitely didn't know. I'd been worried I was the only one.

That would have been embarrassing.

"Trigger this when you trigger that." Naruto pointed absentmindedly at an actual mousetrap and a kunai under tension by a clump of rubber bands. Tension that, if it were to suddenly break, would end up throwing it into the blond's eye. Not that he seemed to care as he pounded a stake into a block of wood that made the kunai quiver and bounce. "It'll set off the firecrackers."

Sasuke squatted down, brow furrowed. The mention of explosives had gotten his attention. I found that worked on everyone. "Why do you need firecrackers?"

Naruto scoffed at the layman. "To set off the glue and feather balloons. That's easy!"

Easy, huh?

I looked it over with a critical eye, moving to the ceiling to look from an entirely new direction even. It didn't help. It actually looked more complicated than before. And where were the balloons? "Hm."

"Is that itching powder?"

"Uh-huh. The good stuff. Washes off easy but lasts a while if you don't get it off quick."

"I see, I see. Good job in getting decent materials; My first impression of you three is that you're a bunch of delinquents."

I nearly fell off the ceiling from shock. Sasuke backflipped away from the man that had just appeared in our midst and Naruto let out a yell as he scooted away on his butt.

The white-haired man that had just knocked a year off my life raised a hand in greeting. "Yo. I'm your new sensei." He put that hand in his pocket and continued to stand where he was. "I was planning on taking you up to the roof for some fresh air, but I think we can introduce ourselves where we are." His single, half-lidded eye slid over Naruto's project. "Then we'll have a refresher on trap disarmament."

So… This was Kakashi… I had to say that, if I didn't know who he was, I wouldn't have been impressed.

The man looked like a slob. Had he never heard of a hairbrush?

"You're our new sensei?" Naruto jumped up onto his feet, finger extended to point at a very unimpressed jounin's face. "You're late!"

How cliche.

"I'm sorry. I got lost on the road of life. We all do that from time-to-time. Some of us more than others." He shrugged, his only visible eye narrowed to emote a smile. "Just like some of us have to give our new teammates instructions on how to disarm a…" He peered closer. Hummed. "Actually, I'm not sure what this is. How exciting for you Sasuke, Sakura. We're all going to learn something new today."

And this was how we met Hatake Kakashi, the Copycat nin.

"And, Naruto, you'll be giving them instructions. Just instructions." His eye narrowed even further as he patted the suddenly pale blond on the back. "Their lives, and this classroom's beautiful paint job, are in your hands."

Sasuke glared.

I sighed. At least there was one thing that was still the same.

He was kind of an asshole.

"And, for incentive, I've got these bells…"

That motherfucker.