25

Chapter 25Chapter Text

The last two weeks have been great fun. Wonderful.

Truly.

And, no, that wasn't sarcasm. There was nothing to be sarcastic about.

I was happy. It wasn't hard to be when the conditions were right, which they were.

Or close enough.

That my parents wouldn't be back till the start of the Chunin Exams (I missed them), or that Kakashi's paranoia was reaching new heights (as well as the other teachers), or that Hinata's panic attacks had returned (I'd thought she'd gotten better) mattered little. It didn't change anything.

Things were good.

Good food. Good friends. My bed. My stuffies. The love of my life, who loved me back with all her heart.

I had it all.

Things were good.

I hummed, leaning on the railing of the river bridge my team and I hung out at when Kakashi was taking his time (more than usual) picking out today's mission; Looking out and around, enjoying the sunlight and nature as fish swam beneath and the boys practiced water walking in difficult conditions.

…I had no words to explain how that acknowledgment of what we had made me feel. Nothing that my dreams could offer me or anything I could think of at the moment that didn't fall short.

Embarrassing. It was embarrassing.

But that was love, wasn't it? It was embarrassing.

Bubbly little chemicals. The spontaneous lightening of your chakra, your soul changing to match…or vice versa. What caused what? What came first? Were they related at all? Or were the body and the soul working independently of each other to make me feel like I was going insane?

Serious questions. For serious people. Of the sort that I don't think anyone would be able to answer anytime soon.

I leaned forward on the railing, putting my chin on my crossed arms with another hum.

…I didn't dislike it.

With a moment of inattention and a wobble, Sasuke fell into the running water with a yell to scare away all the fish.

Naruto, pointing a finger to laugh, immediately lost his attention and joined him to start flailing and drifting downstream.

Things were good. And it was alright…no. It was necessary to be happy when they were. Because, if not then…when?

When would I be allowed to be happy?

Exactly.

Something to keep in mind when darker thoughts hit.

Be happy.

The fish returned to swim and nibble at the underwater flora they'd been nibbling at before. Their short memories were a blessing as what had terrified them tried to drag their sodden carcasses back onto the land.

Lucky them.

"Hello, Sakura," a weary voice interrupted my thoughts on life and the nature of love and happiness with a distinct lack of care. "Not joining in on the fun, I see."

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei," I returned politely, some fish looking up at me to beg for bread in their way… they may have been lucky, but they weren't that lucky. I'd already had lunch. Maybe next time. "And no. I know how to water walk."

I didn't often get a chance to wear a swimsuit with friends. So that had been fun.

"... Of course you do," Kakashi muttered as he joined me at the railing, crossing his arms to watch and wait as Sasuke and Naruto wrung out their clothing and cussed each other out. "So. You may be wondering why I'm here so late."

Not really. It wasn't as if I'd get an honest answer, right?

"It's three." I looked up at the sun. Then down again to continue looking at the fish. "Going on four."

But I played along anyway. Because the social contract demanded it. And Kakashi could be funny when he tried. Or when he didn't.

Especially when he didn't.

… The trauma I'd inflicted on him and Inoichi, before Ino had banished me to the couch for a couple of days, would never cease to be funny to me.

And I wasn't sorry.

"There were no more D-ranks," Kakashi explained, shockingly enough, as the boys began to loudly plod their way towards us with squishes and squelches with every step. "None at all."

That was hard to believe. There was always something to do.

Babysitting (difficult, if enjoyable). Grocery shopping (easy). Gardening (very easy). Fence painting (familiar). And the list went on and on. Someone always needed something done.

I raised a brow, my next hum coming out with a clear note of skepticism. "None?"

"Well…" Kakashi drawled. And shrugged. "One. I should have been clearer as to what I meant," Kakashi admitted as the boys neared, and a fish jumped for a strand of my hair that moved out of the way just in time. "It's not your average D-rank. And it came in just as I was about to leave."

"Is that so?"

Kakashi didn't respond. He waited.

Waited.

Waited until the boys finally made it to the bridge, looking sour and miserable as they joined us at the railing to dry under the summer sun, and my hair continued to tease the koi.

And then he waited a little longer, head tilted back as he watched a cloud float on by and the boys' features begin to darken.

Someone was in a good mood.

Ass.

"We're going on a cat-catching mission. Or you are. Not me. And, no, it isn't Tora this time. And it won't be for a while." Kakashi scratched his chin, still looking at the clouds as he spoke. "That's a C-rank mission now. Oddly enough."

Not that odd. In my opinion.

My expression didn't change from its soft smile as the fish continued to try to catch my hair.

"A C-rank!? For a shitty housecat?!" Naruto quickly exclaimed as Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "You're shitting me! Why!?"

Yes. Why?

That was the question. Why would that happen?

"Someone taught Tora ninjutsu when no one was looking." Kakashi sighed. "That's why."

Sasuke's hands went up to his temples to soothe his sudden debilitating headache as a wide-eyed Naruto, for once, was struck dumb with horror.

And the unspoken answer was that every living thing deserved to be happy and free if they wanted to be…but that was just my opinion.

And no one was interested in that right now, were they? No. Of course not.

Best to keep it to myself in that case. I didn't want to be rude.

Yes.

"So, until I think we, or you three honestly, are all ready to capture a politically sensitive target that can fight back by spitting mud in your face hard enough to strip the bark off of trees and knows Konoha like the back of its paws, Tora isn't our problem." Kakashi kicked off the rail to face us. "Nekomata is." He paused as Sasuke flinched, and my brow furrowed in confusion. "And his paw print."

… What?

I stopped playing with the fish, my jaw going slack before coming back together with the click of teeth as I turned my head to look at Kakashi.

What?

I looked at Sasuke, my fellow genin staring unblinkingly into the middle distance as his nails dug into his palms.

Ah. I see.

Catharsis.

==========

…Sasuke had almost forgotten about it.

He took a breath.

Sasuke hadn't thought about that thing in years. The Pawprint encyclopedia.That old childhood game he'd been so obsessed with when everything was - better.

When he'd still had a family.

When he'd had dreams.

"We have to catch another cat? What the hell, sensei?" Naruto whined and stomped his foot, making Sasuke twitch and remember to loosen his fists before he started bleeding. Again. "We're not kids anymore!"

Sasuke barely resisted the urge to punch him.

Naruto didn't understand what was at stake here or what it meant. And getting into a fight just before Sasuke left on a mission didn't sound like the greatest idea he could have.

"What kind of loser wants a cat's pawprint anyway?"

Sasuke no longer felt like resisting the urge to make the other boy eat his teeth. "Now look here, dipshi-"

"I think it sounds like fun. Like something to do on a slow day. Like today." Sakura interrupted the encroaching violence as she pushed off the rail, making Naruto choke on his words. And Sasuke aborted his swing to double-take at the girl as her hair wrapped around her shoulders. "And there's nothing wrong with being childish every once in a while."

Sasuke looked at Naruto.

Naruto looked at Sasuke.

They both looked at Sakura, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she fingered the ribbon on the end of her hair.

Strangely.

…Sakura was strange these days, in a different way than she normally was, and Sasuke still wasn't sure how to feel about that.

It hadn't exactly stopped her from kicking his ass during their taijutsu matches, that was for sure.

So maybe it didn't matter?

"Well, I don't know about that. I didn't do childish things when I was younger and turned out fine," Kakashi did his share of interrupting and rubbed his cheek with a thumb, ignoring the skeptical looks that anecdote got him…and still looked no less strange without his still missing book. "I'm famous, you know?"

Silence. Today's longest, most awkward silence as Naruto's face twisted between pity and disgust.

And Sakura giggled into her hand, eyes overly bright.

And that was enough for today. This conversation was going nowhere.

"...I know where we're going," Sasuke started walking, Kakashi's lack of response to this as the man continued to cloud watch all the excuses Sasuke needed to keep doing so. "If you aren't at the gates in thirty minutes, I'm leaving without you."

This was an Uchiha matter—a chapter in his life that needed to be closed, one way or another.

And so it would be. After he got some dry clothes.

Sasuke pulled at his collar as he hopped onto the nearest roof to start his journey home; how heavy and unsettlingly moist his arm guards as he did so made him wince.

And it made him think.

It brought him to a decision that he'd been holding off for way too long as is.

…If this was when he was leaving his childhood behind, there was no point in half measures…

==========

Life was absurd—just one absurdity after another, after another, after another. Thousands of them. Millions. Billions. Then, even more in numbers that couldn't be imagined or had never been heard of.

Not even by me.

…My dreams had never been interested in math—more gathering surprisingly useful random trivia. And Konoha's curriculum didn't deal with numbers that high, so it was effectively the same thing.

Surprisingly useful trivia.

I didn't have the background to explain how those absurdities and seemingly random happenings made sense and weren't random at all. Not fully.

Not in a way that anyone would take me seriously.

I only knew what I knew. Every one thing led to another—the weather, what you ate this morning, and everything in between. Your experiences and the experiences of others all ran together in sync.

What you did and didn't do, made the world what it was—the same with everyone and everything else.

No one was ever truly alone in the world. Never. The headliners had their supporting cast, yes. We all had our parts to play. We all had our colors to add to the grand and awful tapestry that was existence, and, damn it all, it did matter. It did.

I didn't know how to explain this. So I didn't try.

"It's nice to see that your wardrobe has some variation. And, I must say, black is your color, if only you added some variation to it," I finally allowed myself to comment as we trundled into the 'Sky District'... The Sky District. The abandoned city that was ten minutes away from Konoha.

The place we kept around so that our deniable, non-ninja assets stayed deniable. That place.

"But are the bandages necessary, Sasuke?"

I didn't know how to explain this, so I just amused myself by making relevant comments.

He was wearing new work clothes, months ahead of schedule—case in point. I'd done something. And clearly, it had been me that had done it. I was the only variable here that had changed...and he'd reacted.

To a point.

His new clothes were rather - familiar.

Chunin exams familiar. Black and white, with those arm warmers of his vanishing in favor of elbow guards.

Wonderful.

"Forget the bandages, Sakura. Yeah, those are weird, but that's normal weird. We see that shit all the time," Naruto snidely interjected, as was his wont when Sasuke was involved, hands behind his head as he looked up at the sky and pretended that he hadn't been about to pick his nose. "Where did he get all the belts?"

Yes. Where did he get all the belts?

That was, indeed, a question. One of those questions that everyone wanted answered, but only some were brave or socially maladjusted enough to ask. Those leather bands Sasuke had decided to start wearing on his arms and legs were a choice… A choice that he'd decided to put on top of his bandages.

I hummed.

That explained the bandages then, I suppose. They weren't there as an aesthetic choice. Or not just as an aesthetic choice.

 Loose leather on bare skin chafed like nothing else.

How did I know this?

That wasn't important.

Other than as a lesson as to why one should consider picking clothing materials that wouldn't make you regret existence when moisture was introduced.

It wasn't important.

What was, was that Sasuke had figured out how to ameliorate that chafing. Good to know.

"They aren't belts. There aren't any buckles or buttons. I don't see any zippers, either. I think they're staying on through friction and self-reinforcement. Which is why there are so many, and they sometimes intersect." I corrected, making Naruto go 'ooh' while Sasuke continued to seethe…brood…whatever…and I paused to think. Not long. But I paused. "It isn't that weird."

People used stitches and medical staples as a fashion statement. I knew about that because I would eventually have to deal with them: piercings, wire, and stranger things were in my future; Sasuke's obsession with looking like someone who wrote dark poetry in their free time was comparatively tame.

"I am unsure how it would help him tactically, but it's alright."

That didn't mean I couldn't constructively pick at his choices anyway, as was my right as his teammate and the only one here with any taste.

"He needs more orange," Naruto - agreed - making Sasuke flinch, and me chuckle. "You know, some fucking color that isn't blue or black or white that'll make him look like he's seen the sun before."

"Absolutely fucking not," Sasuke reasonably replied, appalled.

"Why the fuck not!?" Naruto said back just as reasonably.

…On one hand, Naruto wasn't wrong to say what he had.

Why the fuck not? Why the fuck not, indeed.

Sasuke had that odd pallor that some girls my age thought was attractive, but I found creepy at best. And the social skills of a damp, angry sponge… Some more color to his palette could only improve things, and would tickle that confrontational part of my brain that enjoyed small bumps in the road of life… But orange?

On the other hand, orange might be a step too far.

I couldn't imagine it.

And neither could Sasuke if that disgust on his face was any clue…not that that was saying much.

As I'd said. I was the only one here with any taste.

"No, no. Not orange. Not unless it's burnt. He's an autumn. Brown is what he needs. Golden brown, And touch it up with a flak jacket green. Tan too."

I added my ideas to the mix by ticking them off my fingers, the tap of my nails stunningly loud as whatever life was here decided it was time to go to ground, rush hour long over...but for the cats—they of the waving tails and the glittering eyes, and the odd ninja tools shaped for non-human digits.

They were waiting for us.

"Earthy colors that can look good in public with the right cut, especially with his skin and eyes, while blending in with the surrounding area." I continued without missing a beat. This was Sasuke's show, and it wouldn't have been sporting to do anything else. "Fashionable and functional, and something that he should seriously consider for the future."

Just some friendly advice.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Sasuke exclaimed after giving his arms a thoughtful look before he caught himself.

No.

"...As long as there's orange, I'm happy with it," Naruto groused, lowering his head to cross his arms and start walking normally while pretending Sasuke wasn't here…and it was good. Sasuke being angry at his reincarnated asshole of a brother, and his bitch of a teammate, instead of thinking back on his horrific trauma was good. "And where are we going again?"

Sasuke came to a stop, the treads of his sandals loudly scuffing the stone as he started massaging his temples.

Naruto and I, following closely behind, stopped as the black-haired boy resisted acting out some extremely violent urges in a public space.

I silently dared him to try.

And as he turned to look at us, you could see those urges drain out of him like someone had pulled a plug.

Oh well.

"We're going to see an old friend of the Uchiha clan. Someone that we trust…trusted to guard and replenish our armory. And I haven't seen her in a while." Sasuke grudgingly opened up, and my brows rose. "I would…" He scowled as Naruto looked at him. "Appreciate it if you didn't embarrass me."

Oh. Oh my.

Was he learning? Had he grown as a person?

Sasuke's eyes began to wander, looking anywhere else but into Naruto's or mine as he pulled up his collar to hide the red creeping up it.

I think he just might have. Or, at least, he had yet to have completely internalized the extremely problematic idea that senseless atrocities could solve all his problems if he did enough of them.

"That never even crossed my mind," I assured him, giving him a bright smile to reinforce it.

Sasuke's look at me as he pulled at his collar again was dubious.

Whichever it was, even if I had little faith that this state of affairs would continue for much longer, it was worth encouraging. Sasuke's sanity would be a rare commodity in the coming years, and it was something to be cherished while we had it.

This was something that every part of me agreed on without issue.

"Urrrghhh, damn iiiit. Sure. Fine. I won't embarrass you, even if it would be really funny." Naruto groaned as he dragged his hands down his face, a nearby trash can falling over with a bang and the dismayed yowl of a ninja cat genin. "I'll even pretend your clothes are cool while we're here, since you asked nicely."

"My clothes are fine, damn it!"

"Boys, boys. You're both beautiful." I tried, and mostly succeeded at, not laughing as I put a hand on both boys' shoulders to shut them up with a reminder that they had a spectator. "How about we talk about that on the road to wherever we go? Hmm?"

They would never truly get along, would they? Maybe.

"I'm handsome, damn it!" They both said at once.

Or maybe not.

... I didn't dislike this either.