54

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR:

It was Sansa's own nightmares that woke her before dawn's first light. She lay on her sleeping mat, breath short and sharp, the memory of blood thick in her mouth; she wondered if she'd ever forget the horror of how it felt to tear out a throat with her teeth. She wondered if she even deserved to.

Protector, Mito had called her, and Sansa clung to that now with desperate need; she didn't feel like a protector, she felt like a murderer, a monster, and even though she believed those deaths to be justified, even though she did not regret the lives she had taken in defence of herself and her team, she could not help but hate Konoha for ever putting her in such a position where it had become necessary.

Sansa forced herself to breathe evenly, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill. Protector, she repeated to herself, over and over with each breath that she took, until she'd calmed enough that she didn't feel as if she would fall into a fit of panic.

Finally sitting up, she looked over at the two boys beside her. Naruto was curled up and calm, his chakra at ease, but Sasuke was sleeping fitfully, restless and shallow. Sansa couldn't help but question if she'd made the right choice in telling him the truth of the Uchiha Massacre. He was so young and the trauma of the massacre so fresh. Yet the thought of the lies the Sandaime had fed the boy was worse. She refused to be complicit in the vile deception, not when she remembered the tears of blood trailing down Itachi's pale cheeks, not when the memory of his lost look made her heart ache with grief for him. No, she couldn't quite bring herself to regret telling Sasuke the truth.

Sighing quietly, Sansa stood, careful not to wake the boys as she turned to her oldest comfort in times of stress– a piece of fabric, a needle and a thread– and lost herself in her sewing, using the light of the moon until it was replaced by the greying pre-dawn skies.

She'd been sewing for hours by the time the boys started to stir. Naruto was first to wake, accustomed to early mornings, and he was loud enough as he sat up and yawned that it woke Sasuke too.

Sansa could see the moment Sasuke remembered, the moment his face shuttered, his chakra heavy with his grief. Naruto nudged against him, leaning over to rub his cheek against Sasuke, who seemed startled by the show of affection.

"I'll make breakfast," her brother said decisively, standing and stretching before wandering over to the fridge, leaving Sasuke blinking after him, still startled. Sansa bit back a smile at his wide-eyed expression.

"Don't worry," she said lightly, "Naruto's a much better cook then me."

"Momo-neesan taught me lotsa stuff," Naruto said proudly.

"Lots of stuff," Sansa corrected and Naruto obediently repeated,

"Lots of stuff."

Sansa thought it was probably a lost cause, trying to teach Naruto to speak without the street slang he'd picked up, but her brother was a prince of Uzushio and she had sworn that one day he would be Uzukage; she at least had to try.

Sasuke stayed silent as Naruto prepared the small bowls of steamed rice, cups of miso, yakizakana– pan-cooked fish– and a small salad of finely sliced daikon and cucumber. While it was quite normal breakfast fare for the Elemental Nations, it was more than they usually bothered with and Sansa knew that Naruto had made the extra effort for Sasuke and she was proud of him.

She was relieved to see that Sasuke did eat his breakfast after skipping his dinner– the Old Gods knew she'd missed enough meals during her time as hostage in the Red Keep out of grief for her family.

"Sasuke," she said, once they'd finished the meal and Naruto had carefully carried the dishes to the sink while she'd checked the privacy seal was still activated, "I apologise, but we need to talk."

Sasuke looked pale and drawn, but he nodded. Sansa wasn't quite sure how to start, and in the end she decided not to blunt her words, but to give the boy the truth, one no child deserved and yet it was possible all their lives depended on.

"No one can know you are aware of the truth of what happened to your clan," she said quietly. "If the Hokage even suspects… we could all be killed." For she did not doubt one moment that the Hokage would see them all dead to preserve the lie. "You must understand– Shimura Danzo's known actions have already shaken the trust of both the civilians and the clans in the village leadership. If it becomes known that Danzo ordered the execution of an entire clan and the Hokage did nothing…" Sansa shook her head. "I cannot even begin to imagine the consequences–the Hokage knows that he cannot allow the truth to get out. I am not saying that we can never speak the truth of what happened, but we are not yet strong enough. We would not survive the fall-out."

"So we'll get stronger," Sasuke said, his dark eyes burning. "We'll get stronger and we'll burn down everything that bastard ever cared about."

Sansa smiled back at him, soft lips pulled back to bare sharp teeth as Naruto grinned, all fox-sly and cunning.

"Yes," she said, "yes, we will."

~

Sansa left the boys in the apartment as she went to buy new fabric. She had a seamstress to impress, after all, now that she had fulfilled her half of the deal she'd made with the Hokage and she was free to seek out the apprenticeship she had been denied now over three and a half years ago.Sansa didn't know if Inaba Shiori, the seamstress, would still be interested in offering the apprenticeship now or if she'd forgotten Sansa entirely after she'd disappeared and never returned, but she hoped if she could create something truly spectacular and unique then Shiori would, perhaps, give her a chance.

She made sure to seek out the stores over which the Haruno circle was stamped to make her purchases, knowing they would not dare reject her, even when they burned with resentment at having to sell to her.

She had just exited one of the stores where she had selected from a beautiful swatch of fabrics when Haruno Ayaka made her appearance. Breathtaking in her pale green layered kimono with its soft-pink cherry blossom embroidery, her amber-orange hair piled elegantly above her head, Sansa wondered which of the Haruno stores had sent a messenger off to alert Ayaka to Sansa's reappearance in the village– and why Ayaka had decided to take the time out of her day to greet her.

Ayaka had a beautiful smile on her lovely face as she stopped beside Sansa. "Uzumaki-sama," she said, "I am delighted to see you."

"Haruno-san," Sansa smiled back at her. "The pleasure is mine." It wasn't even a lie, not truly. She did enjoy the company of the Haruno council representative, a civilian who stood her ground against the shinobi who could kill her easier than they breathed.

"Please," Ayaka said, "won't you walk with me? It's such a beautiful day."

Sansa agreed.

"I truly am delighted to see you," Ayaka said, as they walked. The sun had truly risen now, high and bright where it shone above them in the clear sky. The streets had started to fill, yet nobody stood in their path as they moved along the cobblestones. "I was quite concerned."

"I appreciate your concern," Sansa said, meaning it. "The Exams were… an experience, certainly, but I am glad to have returned to my brother."

She did not say she was glad to return to Konoha. The shine of laughter in Ayaka's sea-glass green eyes said that the other woman had noticed, though she did not say anything.

"News of your promotion has already begun to spread, as you can imagine," Ayaka said.

"Yes," Sansa said dryly, thinking of her rather spectacular final match and managing not to wince, "I imagine it did."

"Such news does not remain quiet," Ayaka agreed. "Did you know the Haruno Merchant Clan once had a branch in Uzushio?"

"I'm afraid I didn't," Sansa said, startled. Ayaka was still smiling, but her eyes had sharpened, sea-glass splintering to reveal its razor-edges.

"Yes, Konoha does not care to educate her youth on her greatest shame, does she?" she murmured, just loud enough for Sansa to hear, but no one else, before returning to her normal volume. "That branch of our family was slaughtered along with all of Uzushio's civilians."

"You have my sincerest condolences," Sansa told her, quite honestly, and Ayaka nodded her head gracefully.

"What do you plan to do now?" the other woman asked her.

"As part of my deal with the Hokage, once I achieved the rank of chūnin I am permitted to seek an apprenticeship with a seamstress," Sansa said and she could see the surprise on Ayaka's face. "When I was younger, before I was taken by Elder Shimura, I used to do quite a bit of the sewing at the orphanage and eventually the head of the orphanage helped me to get an apprenticeship with the seamstress Inaba Shiori," she explained. "I'm hoping that Inaba-san will still be interested. I plan to create several pieces that display my talents."

"The dresses you wear to the council meetings," Ayaka said thoughtfully, something sharp and interested in her eyes, "you tailored them yourself?"

"I did," Sansa confirmed and Ayaka nodded.

"I will join you when you speak to Inaba-san," she said. "She purchases her materials from the Harunos and my presence will ensure she gives you a fair chance. I do not doubt you will impress her."

"Thank you," Sansa said sincerely and Ayaka smiled, surprisingly warm.

"You are very interesting, Uzumaki-sama," she said. "I don't believe I've ever met someone quite like you. You truly do live to defy expectations."

Sansa laughed. "That is not the first time I've heard that," she said.

"And I would wager it will not be the last," Ayaka said, with good humour.

Having finished her shopping, the sun's height indicating that it was near midday, Sansa felt she had given the boys the time they needed and returned to the apartment, only to find Jiraiya waiting outside the apartment building.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coolly, pretending that her heart wasn't speeding in her chest, thoughts of being summoned by the Hokage, of having been found out for revealing the truth to Sasuke, flooding her mind.

Her hands felt numb.

Jiraiya looked uncomfortable and his chakra reflected that, doing nothing to ease her discomfort.

"I have to leave," he said and Sansa wanted to sigh in relief, though she kept her expression fixed.

"Duty calls, I presume," she said. She hadn't been expecting him to stay past the Chūnin Exams. She wasn't sure why he was here, telling her what they both knew.

Jiraiya nodded, his expression strained. "Yeah," he said quietly, "yeah, it does. But… I was hoping I could write to you. My summons can deliver the letters."

Sansa looked at him, confused. "Why?" she asked. Jiraiya looked exhausted.

"Because you're my goddaughter?" he said. "Because I'm an idiot and I regret not keeping in touch with you until now and I don't want to lose touch with you and Naruto again?"

Sansa thinned her mouth as she wondered what was behind this sudden urge to keep in contact. Was the Hokage suspicious, perhaps, and wished to keep a closer eye on her, however he could?

"You may write," she said. "I cannot guarantee I will always write back." Here she smiled, sharp and mean. "I may be busy, after all. So much to do, so little time for keeping in contact."

Jiraiya winced at her reference to his earlier abandonment of them but he still nodded. "Thank you," he said and Sansa nodded shortly before walking past him, with all the grace and poise that her small form could manage. She did not look backwards.

~

Sasuke… didn't know how he felt.

Empty. Hollow. Like all his ribs had been cracked open and his insides had been clawed out, leaving only weeping wounds behind, wounds that cut so deep there was no feeling. Just numbness.

Itachi had killed his clan. If Sasuke wanted to avenge his clan, he had to kill Itachi.

This was what he had known, what he had built himself up around after his entire world had come crashing down and he had been stripped of everything that made him who he was– loving brother, loyal son, second-born to the clan head.

Except it was wrong.

Itachi had killed his clan, that hadn't changed. But the responsibility had changed. Itachi had been the kunai, but not the wielder. No, it was Shimura Danzo who had wielded the kunai that took the lives of his clan. And the Hokage had done nothing but nod and approve Shimura's actions. Had let Itachi be branded as a clan-killer, a kin-slayer, a missing-nin. A traitor, disloyal, cold-blooded.

Fuck. That.

A visceral hate boiled inside Sasuke, like molten fire in his veins, an inferno burning in his chest, and he choked on the ashes, hands fisted at his sides, nails cutting so deep into pale flesh that droplets of his blood stained the floor of the apartment.

"Hey," Naruto nudged him, jolting him from his rapidly darkening thoughts, "c'mon, we can't stay here– Iruka-sensei'll find us too easy. Unless you wanna go ta the Academy today?"

Sasuke shuddered at the very thought; dealing with the Academy was trying at the best of times. His whole body cringed at the thought of having to face all those girls in his class when feeling this raw, all that screeching and clinging, the same girls who would steal his things, break into his closet and touch his body, not caring how he felt. He hated them. It was one of the best parts about staying with Naruto– they didn't know where to find his clothes anymore.

None of the senseis at the Academy did anything about it either. They all thought it was 'cute', that it was just a phase the girls were going through– apparently being 'broody' after his brother slaughtered the majority of his kin made him 'cool' and that was attractive to prepubescent female children. Sasuke didn't care if it was a phase– he just cared that nobody seemed to care how they violated his space, his privacy, his belongings, his body.

It was such a shame that Konoha frowned on their shinobi killing their comrades.

…well, they were supposed to, anyway. Apparently if a clan was considering a coup, it was fine to slaughter all the shinobi, shinobi-in-training, children of shinobi, husbands and wives of shinobi, relatives of shinobi, and elders.

"Let's go," he said abruptly. It didn't take long for him and Naruto to change. Not a moment too soon, apparently, as Naruto suddenly tilted his head.

"Shit," the blond swore, "I can feel sensei on the stairs."

Feel?

Sasuke didn't have time to be confused– not when Naruto was opening the window of the third story apartment and climbing out of it, as if that was something even approaching normal!

Sasuke rushed after him, eyes widening as he saw how Naruto was clinging to a drainage pipe, using it to scale up the side of the building. Gritting his teeth, he awkwardly clambered out the window, fingers digging into the crumbling concrete that bordered the window sill even as he slid the glass shut.

He refused to look down as he reached for the drainage pipe, his entire stomach plummeting as he had to jump over from the window sill to grab it. His heart thudded against his ribs as he clawed his way up the metal, fiercely ignoring how it scraped and shifted with his movements. Apparently the Academy had been good for something, though, because he managed to climb the pipe all the way to the roof, an entire two stories, and Naruto greeted him there, eyes bright and gleaming, teeth white and sharp as he bared them in a foxy grin.

"You're insane," Sasuke told him flatly and Naruto laughed.

"Sensei never thinks ta look up," he said smugly.

"Insane," Sasuke repeated, but it wasn't like he didn't already know that about Naruto. Naruto's eyes flashed with mischief.

"Ready ta jump?" he asked and Sasuke felt his own eyes widen as Naruto gestured to the roof of the next building, just over a meter from this one.

"I'm going to die," he said weakly.

"Nah," Naruto laughed, endlessly cheerful in a way that should annoy Sasuke – except he couldn't deny that if Naruto had meant to distract him from his earlier dark thoughts, it was certainly working. "ANBU'll catch us if we fall," the blond said confidently.

Sasuke felt his stomach lurch and he had to stop himself from automatically looking around, searching for the shinobi in animal masks apparently lurking around, watching them.

(Watching to see if Fuyuko had told him)

(Watching to see if they needed to slit his throat, to let him bleed out in the dirty streets of the Yūkaku, just another forgotten corpse, another unsolved murder)

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," he said, mostly to distract himself before his thoughts spiralled even further, already imagining the empty condolences the Hokage would pass on to his surviving clan.

(Would they even pretend to grieve? Would they even bother to hide their relief?)

"Yup," Naruto agreed, not even ashamed.

Of course he wasn't. Sasuke didn't think Naruto even knew what 'shame' was.

"You fell off a roof," he said flatly.

"Jumped off," Naruto corrected, as if that made it any better.

It didn't.

"And it ain't like I fell," Naruto continued, "I caught the other side – but I was kinda jus' danglin' there," he scratched a whiskered cheek, looking sheepish.

Sasuke honestly just didn't even have words.

"'S easy now, though," Naruto 'reassured' him, before literally bolting for the edge of the roof of the apartment building. Sasuke thought he might throw up from sheer nerves as he watched Naruto hurl himself over the edge, only to easily clear the distance between the two buildings.

"What am I even thinking?" he whispered to himself as he angled his body, ready to follow.

The answer? He wasn't. He definitely wasn't thinking.

But as he watched Naruto, bright and cheerful and waving for him, he couldn't stop himself from steeling his nerves and running after his blond classmate– taking a flying leap of faith.

~

A/N: Hey guys! I know I don't technically owe an explanation, as this is fanfiction, not a paid book or anything, but you've all been so supportive so I want to let you know that the reason for the massive delay is a combination of the fact I've had placements at uni and I was put on a new medication that basically made me feel like a vegetable. I lost all creativity. I could sit at a keyboard for hours and literally not write a thing, or it would all be shit. I'm off it now, so here's hoping that my brain starts working again! xx