12. Crash! Boom! Bang!

The cramped bedroom felt suffocating, amplifying the weight of my loaded state. I took a deep breath, but the stale air offered no relief. Desperation consumed me; I needed Adam and Charles right now. Gripping the dagger tightly, a relic left by number two after a blissful month together, my hatred burned, knowing I would have to sever that bond. The pain would be excruciating, but it had to be done, just not yet. I was determined to make every Salvatore despise me.

It was the twisted irony of my life - I couldn't find anyone in my corner. Adam and Charles, my closest allies, would undoubtedly see this as a betrayal, a sign of my distrust. But in order to rid myself of Damien, I had to take this path. As I prepared myself, I hastily dressed, though I knew my clothes wouldn't stay on for long. I had secured a room, nothing extravagant, a space where the power couple had once indulged.

But I had meticulously cleansed it, marked it with my own pheromones, and now it was ready for the hunt. The weight of the dagger in my hand felt reassuring as I ventured into the corridor, inhaling deeply. The scent of apple and pear lingered in the air. Ah, there it was, the tantalizing aroma of the pear. Perfect. He would make a suitable victim. Adam lacked the self-restraint that Charles possessed. If necessary, Charles could subdue me, preventing me from fully expressing myself. But once I had Adam in the right mindset, it would be an effortless task. He had pushed me to my limits, leaving Charles no choice but to comply.

As I sauntered down the corridor, lost in my thoughts, Mimosa appeared and caught sight of my dagger. Panic surged through me as I tried to conceal it.

She halted, her gaze fixed on me, and she spoke softly. "I know about your vortex. Don't worry, we'll let you have those two. There are plenty of Salvatores to go around. I sense you're plotting something against Damien, though I can't quite see what it is. Care to share?"

I shook my head, a mixture of gratitude and apprehension. "No, it's better that you don't know. It's going to get rough, and I might find myself in a dark place. I hope you won't hate me then. But thank you, I need Adam and Charles."

Mimosa's eyes met mine, understanding and compassion evident. "If you ever need to confide in someone, I'm here for you. You know I won't utter a word. Sometimes, it's good to have a friend."

I smiled, my heart heavy with the knowledge that having support would jeopardize my plan. "For now, it's crucial that I don't have any allies. I promise, when it's all over, I'll explain why. But not yet. Thank you, anyway."

As she walked on, her wolf form moved with a regal grace, commanding attention. The sight of her was truly magnificent. Just as I rounded the corner, I nearly collided with number five. His powerful arms swiftly caught me, and I could feel the firmness of his grip. My eyes met his, and I noticed a dangerous glint as he observed the dagger in my hand.

With a chilling smile, he released me, his voice dripping with darkness, "So, number two and you had a month together, and that little dagger was part of it. Care for another month, baby? I'm free, and I can show you what I'm capable of."

The conflicting emotions within me waged a fierce battle. A part of me longed to plunge the dagger into his gut, twisting it mercilessly, making him regret crossing me. Make him retaliate, push me over the threshold. But a desperate, restrained part of me resisted, refusing to give in to this tempting urge. Just as the tension escalated, relief flooded over me as Mimosa silently appeared behind him, sinking her teeth into his thigh and injecting something that diverted his attention. In my mind, I thanked Mimosa, unsure if she had witnessed something or if her instincts guided her towards this particular target.

Continuing my journey, I realized that my vortex had never been so chaotic. Finally, I spotted Adam in a room, engrossed in a magazine. It was the perfect opportunity to disrupt his little ritual. Charles sat beside him, absorbed in a medical journal. Concealing my dagger, I approached unnoticed. Neither of them even glanced my way. It dawned on me that they were sulking, upset about my past month with number two. Well, let's hope I can improve their moods. It was poetic justice that the ice queen would bring an ice age upon them. But fine.

Quietly, I positioned myself behind Adam's chair, retrieved my dagger, and pressed it against his neck, my voice a menacing hiss in his ear, "How about it, little boy? Do you want to play? I have an intense need for release."

The dagger dug deeper, drawing blood. Adam tossed the magazine onto the table, seizing my wrist and forcefully wrenching the dagger from my grasp.

Meanwhile, Charles set his magazine aside and, in an irritated tone, surprised me, saying, "Not now, Mimi. Go be with Damon. He seems to be the flavor of the month."

Adam teleported my dagger somewhere unknown and resumed reading. I couldn't believe it. They refused to help me.

Fine. I directed my words to Adam, "You promised me you would help, but fine, read away. Don't come crawling back with an apology anytime soon."

Walking away, I made my way to a room, contemplating how to handle this situation.

Suddenly, number one approached me with a smug, cold smile and said, "What's the matter, Mimi? Can't seem to get those two? A little compulsion and some dental work, and good luck getting any men in your bed."

With that, he walked away. 

I walked into the special bedroom, the soft glow of the lamp casting shadows on the walls. Wearily, I sank onto the plush bed, feeling its comforting embrace. It was a struggle, but I knew I had to push through. With a determined sigh, I closed the heavy wooden door, shutting out the world.

As I lay there, I closed my eyes and focused on the task at hand. The room was silent, save for the distant hum of the air conditioner. I could feel the weight of the power inside me, slowly stirring, like a slumbering beast. Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead, drenching my body. It was a physical exertion, draining me both mentally and physically. I pulled it within me. Deep inside me.

My mind was a whirlwind of emotions, my rage threatening to consume me. I fought to maintain control, to direct that anger towards Damien. He was the one who had turned my life into a living nightmare, and I had to hold on to that feeling of hatred. It was a challenge, for I had always blamed myself by default, searching for reasons within me. But not anymore. I had to learn to place blame where it truly belonged.

It took two grueling days for me to finally harness that power, to bring it under my control. I emerged from the shower, feeling refreshed and renewed. Dressed and ready, I grabbed my car keys, the cool metal pressing against my palm. I ventured out into the bustling city, the sounds of honking cars and chatter filling the air.

I made my way to the café where I had arranged to meet Jarod. The familiar aroma of freshly brewed coffee greeted me as I took a seat across from him. The waitress, recognizing my idiosyncrasies, brought my favorite dish without me even having to order. I leaned in, speaking softly to Jarod, the words heavy with exhaustion.

"I'm not sure what's left of me after all of this. It's been incredibly tough, and Damon isn't making it any easier. He's manipulated and drugged Adam and Charles, turning them against me. Some of the Salvatores still support me, but Mariella's jealousy holds sway. She always gets what she wants. I may be losing too much, but there's no turning back now."

Jarod looked at me, his eyes filled with understanding. "Hey, you've got me. You've got Magnum, and there are plenty of other people out there who care about you. You're not alone. I know you've already lost something precious, but things will get better. Maybe he'll divorce you, setting you free to find happiness."

I let out a weary sigh, a tired smile tugging at my lips. "You're right, as always. I just need to gather my strength and see this through. Then I'll assess what remains of my life, my love, and what lies ahead."

Jarod's smile widened. "You can always start fresh, find new opportunities, or even become a doctor. The world is your oyster, and you have the time to find someone and be happy."

We drank quite a few cups of coffee while I gave Jarod a fresh supply of my blood. I handed him several bags so he could keep going. As we talked, the topic of conversation turned to what comes next.

I told him, "At some point, I have to snatch Damien, Sark, and maybe Krycheck. But first, I need to get information about that book from Damien, so Constantine knows which book we're after. Then, I'll 'accidentally' let my pleasure in torturing them seep into our pack bonds. That way, the pack will come and see me at my worst, as a beast, further eroding our relationship. No love, maybe fear. Mimosa knows I'm up to something, but she can't see it. So, I'm guessing that this is something that upstairs is aware of. I believe I'm going in the right direction." 

Jarod nodded in agreement and said, "I could come and see you torture them. I want to see that side of you. It's fascinating."

I pondered his offer for a moment and realized it could be useful. "Fine," I replied. "I'll let you know once I get it done. I won't blame you if you're afraid of me then. I can be pretty nasty."

Jarod smiled and said, "Nope, I want to delve deeper into your mind when I see all of you. It's not easy to figure you out, but maybe this will give me a glimpse of your raw, exposed side."

I couldn't help but shake my head. It was true, we pretenders had this need to figure everyone out, to understand them on a deeper level. I wasn't irritated because I had no idea who Jarod really was, but maybe it was because I felt he was so much like me.

I thought to myself that my journey would continue. I wasn't interested in being cooped up, listening to people fucking in every room. My feline side was starting to get restless. Jarod and I talked for five hours before he had to leave and go back home. I got into my car and took the scenic route home. I wasn't in a hurry, and although my life was imperfect, it was mine, and I could make it better, eventually.

Now wasn't the time to be a victim or wallow in self-pity. Maybe that time would come at some point, but not now. What was clear was that this would change everything. It had already changed everything. This was a journey for me too, to learn not to blame myself, and to be selfish. It was a hard way to learn, but then again, I was stubborn as hell, so maybe less wouldn't suffice, not at all. 

After returning home, I quickly realized that my shelf in the fridge was nearly empty. While Mariella's shelf was fully stocked, I didn't pay it any mind. I prepared my food and devoured it, then decided to go for a walk. As I ventured out, I stumbled upon a tempting forest and fields, beckoning me to have some fun.

This was the perfect opportunity for me to embrace my feline side. The perks of transforming into a feline form were clear–it cleared my mind of clutter, allowing me to focus on the present moment. It satisfied my primal need for hunting, chasing, and killing, distracting me from thoughts of love or its absence, the emptiness in my soul. Being a feline was so much easier. I believed I deserved every ounce of happiness, regardless of the form it came in.

While my love for Damon may have been reduced to ashes, perhaps something new would eventually rise from those remains. As I sat in a room, my playlist filled the air. Pink's song "Try" played, its lyrics perfectly capturing my current mood. I sighed, allowing the music to soothe my frayed nerves. Soon, it would be time for my feline side to revel in the joy of the moment, to indulge without care for Salvatore, not at all.