CHAPTER 4

Pain throughout his body, it seemed like there was a marching band rehearsing inside Leonardo's muscles. He was editing a video, sitting in front of the computer with a neon blue light on in his room, he likes to use this light when he works, and sometimes, when he tries to sleep more than necessary, when one night alone is not enough to calm down what he feels inside, that he doesn't even know how to define. He was never very good at these emotional things, he liked to get excited by watching anime and reading Japanese manga until a certain age, but over the years he stopped doing that too. 

He watched the video he edited in a paused and fragmented way, he had to listen to the same sentence dozens of times, sometimes this caused a certain nausea, and over time he began to experience a certain amount of auditory sickness, but before the situation became more serious , the work was finished. 

Leonardo worked with a YouTuber called Chess_Jane, who generally talked about relationships, and answered some questions that the public asked, she wasn't that famous, but she was already able to earn some income from the channel, for her it was more than enough. 

"Everything great! my loves? In today's video I'm going to talk about Karina's case, she met a boy while running along the Copacabana coast, and fell in love with him, now she wants to know if he's really the ideal guy" Jane said on video. 

"Karina doesn't talk much about herself, but she describes the boy well, dark, tall, with a high quiff and very thin, this guy Karina is very interesting, but let's investigate this case further" 

"Karina says that at first she watched him for a while, they were running at the same time, and was enchanted by his effort. Something very cinema-style, the girl enchanted by the mysterious corridor, I'm glad she sent this story to Guys, Karina, it's the kind of story I love to discuss. Last week we had the case of the couple who met boxing, now, a couple who met running together" Jane said. 

Leonardo was rarely interested in the content of Chess_Jane's videos, but this time he kept his ears open to the theme of the video. 

"Karina says she loves his perfume and his dedication, and how interested he is in the matters of her life, and how good he is at listening and giving advice, especially a little, and they both already have a common interest. This is super important in the beginning of the relationship, but it's good to separate, each one with their own goals so as not to mess up each other's lives, Karina loves the way he smiles, and it's softening her up too much and she thinks maybe she's losing her reason. Karina, I'm going to speak directly For you, this is absolutely common, letting ourselves be carried away by what our heart is saying, it's normal, don't be sad about it, but don't leave reason aside my friend! in every relationship the world becomes a rainbow in the first few months. You have to pay close attention to how he acts at home, with his family, and if he doesn't get distracted by watching other women sunbathing in Copacabana. I've been through this myself and commented on another video, I'll leave the video in the description if you want check it out" Jane said 

Among some more information, Leonardo was very thoughtful, especially what Jane was talking about, he didn't think much about relationships, but he was thoughtful about what Jonathan said, Isabela must have been interested, or Jonathan was just trying to find a boyfriend for his wife's friend Anyway, Leonardo was thoughtful. Isabela had a pretty face, high, well-marked cheeks, big eyes, and her glasses gave her an extra charm, but still, she didn't feel interested, but she would try, without any further expectations or without communicating to Fernanda or to Jonathan. 

The video continued, talking a little about the gym clothes that Karina's boyfriend wore all the time, and this left her disconcerted at times. He talked about how he seemed to be around the same topic all the time, but in terms of physical contact and companionship, they got along very well. 

"Karina, keep these tips I gave you and don't forget to update us here on the channel, commenting that we all want to know everything about your romance" Jane said. 

Leonardo had finished editing and sent the video to Jane to analyze, it was already past two in the morning, Leonardo's legs and back hurt, he threw some clothes on the bed aside and lay down in silence, in that neon blue room. 

Leonardo's mother had already gone to bed, normally she would arrive home very late and leave very early, sometimes she and Leonardo would not see each other for days. This was something that was already routine for him, he has an older brother, but he was already married and lived in another neighborhood of the city. After he left home, things got strange for Leonardo and his mother. She talked much more than necessary, and he talked much less than usual. It stressed him out, if he managed to go a little further than he thing, maybe things would be even better for him and his mother. 

He observed the blue light covering everything in his room, and now, even the walls reflected the blue tone. Lying in silence, a phrase jumped into his mind, "Karina loves the way he smiles" Jane's voice came clear in his mind, and that part of the video, then, with a jump from the bed, Leonardo stood up and faced your friend, mirror. He looked at his own face in bluish tones, at first a tired face, dark circles under his eyes, he had woken up early. He wasn't used to getting out of bed so early, and after running, he had still spent a lot of time on the beach, feeling the sea water. 

He looked seriously at his reflection in the mirror, he seemed to wait for a response, a message, for his own reflection to say something, and after a short while in silence waiting for that message that never arrived. Leonardo started to smile, he opened his lips wide and could see his teeth, he tried three different smiles, and he observed and felt them well. 

He made one smile, then another, and checked without saying anything, the best way to smile, the one that best fit his face, that fit as beautifully as he could, that would give him joy just by shaping his face in that way, and he chose one. A somewhat shy smile, showing a bit of teeth, raised cheeks, slightly twitched eyebrows, was something close to ideal, and it pleased him, he felt more comfortable, and he smiled for a while longer in front of the friendly mirror. 

Leonardo received a message, Jane asked to make a few changes, it's common, sometimes she didn't feel good about how the camera captured her face and asked to change some things. It was like this this time, she asked to remove an excerpt that according to Jane "wasn't good", and taking advantage of the opportunity, Leonardo decided to review the video from the beginning. 

"Karina says that when they are together she feels very well cared for by him. Oh guys, I also love being pampered in this way, feeling a touch, a hug, it's all good, this Karina saying these things just shows how similar we are. Let's go continue focusing on the channel that we will rediscover ourselves together, Karina says that he spends a lot of time hugging her, massaging her hands, looking into her eyes, all of this makes a strong impression on her, and on me too" Jane said, in another part of the video . 

Leonardo finished the work, he did the posting himself, left everything the way Jane asked, and after a long day, he turned off the blue neon light, and went to sleep. Trying to dream of something new this time. 

The sun was already some distance away in the sky. It was around 11:00 am. When Leonardo got up, he stretched for a few minutes, and decided to go eat something outside, on the street, took a hot shower and left with the simplest clothes possible, which were clean, and walked a little around the Flamengo neighborhood. Looking at the old white buildings, he felt young, in an old place. I wasn't that hungry, I ate some cheese bread and an açaí, I watched people a little, I was wearing sunglasses, and I could see some people walking down the street, going into stores, holding hands, laughing on the phone. Soon he remembered why he hardly left the house, and after eating the cheese bread with açaí, he left, without exchanging a single word with anyone, he left, walked a few streets, realized that he didn't have much else to do, he sat down Sitting on a bench in a square, he took his cell phone out of his pocket and listened to a little of Silverchair, the first album. 

The metallic sound of the guitar and double bass cause a certain different emotion, and brought a lot of contrast when observing the nature of the streets of Flamengo. Humanity always brave, standing amidst the buildings and the gray asphalt. The midday sky was right above Leonardo, who caused a great internal impact, along with the explosions of the drums and the almost melodic vocals with a great emphasis on revolt. 

The heat made Leonardo leave, as fate would have it, he was far from alcohol, he drank every month, he didn't even feel the desire. Despite looking at those people already with their beer in their hands and talking casually, he wanted to take his beer and join those people, but he knew he was just looking for company. The beer was just an excuse, he sighs wistfully and continues walking through the streets of his own neighborhood. 

He arrived in front of a perfumery, by chance, that store caught his attention, and he soon remembered Jane's video, and how the boy's smell attracted Karina. He had already heard this in other videos, it seemed to be common, something natural. Leonardo had a few perfumes at home, which he received as a gift, he hardly used them, some were still sealed, but, without thinking much about it, he decided to go into the store and buy a new perfume. 

A distinctive store, he wasn't used to going into stores like that, the lights were very bright and warm, everything was very well organized, everyone was smiling, and he was wearing shorts "to stay home", a gray tank top with a cartoon drawing of a green dinosaur, and brown sunglasses. He was completely out of his own habitat, but it was already late, he had already entered the store and felt scents and looks in the air. 

He chatted a little with the saleswoman, explained his own case and personal tastes, and she taught him what she could with the little time that Leonardo's patience demonstrated. A citrus perfume, a strong smell, ideal for the day, and he said he identified himself, which is the main thing, and came across something that was new to him, soaps and shampoos with the same essence as the perfume. He ended up taking the entire set. 

 . . . 

A few hours passed, and Leonardo followed his path, which little by little became part of his routine. He would go to Flamengo beach, cross the park and this time, he would try to practice some things or others. Even though he wasn't interested in a relationship at that moment and wasn't even that interested in Isabela, he would make some effort to see if he could change some things, maybe become closer to that group. 

A stronger running partner, he thought more about things like that, he didn't even imagine romantic dinners or weekends in another city, maybe he didn't care, or he still didn't have that same flavor in his own life and routine. 

As soon as Leonardo found the group, he saw Jonathan approaching him with a smile. 

"Damn, it smells good, you came prepared today" Jonathan said. 

"Yeah, I decided to use a different lotion today, but it's no big deal" Leonardo said. 

"I need to do this too, since my daughter was born I've barely taken care of myself, I've been left to my own devices" Jonathan said in a joking tone. 

"I'm like that too, I'm just taking advantage of the opportunity to change, and changing a little more" Leonardo said. 

"This husband of mine has always been relaxed about things, from what I've met, I think he needs to learn more from you, Leonardo" Fernanda said. 

"I almost don't care about these things either, I learn a little while I work, I edit videos from a YouTuber, Chess_Jane, she always talks about these self-care things" Leonardo said. 

"Chess_Jane? I love her videos, I watch them all, I can't believe you work with her" Fernanda said 

"I barely have contact with her. Only professional, I've never seen her in person, but she seems like a very calm and good person" Leonardo said. 

"I've been following you for a long time, Jonathan said you worked with videos, I didn't know it was like that, if I create a YouTube channel I'll hire you" Fernanda said, smiling. 

"He's very good, he makes this time at school, whenever you need to just talk to him. You too, Marcelle, Isabela, my great friend can help with everything, you can count on him for anything" Jonathan said. 

Marcelle and Isabela smiled, after a few more conversations, they stretched a little and started running, this day was hotter than the others, stuffy, as if they were inside an oven. 

No clouds in the sky, no sign of shadow, just the sun and the heat of the track, Leonardo and everyone else sweated more than normal, the sweat soon covered Leonardo's orange shirt, but this gave him more vigor, like a impulse. He ran more, was more energetic, breathed more eagerly, and not even that heat could make him lose heart. 

After a certain distance, what was usual happened, Fernanda and Isabela ran a little more than normal, then fell behind, walking and talking about something, laughing to themselves, they seemed happy. Leonardo held his own, he managed to keep up with Marcelle and Jonathan, at a pace he was already getting used to keeping up with. He ran steadily, he felt pain in his leg that came and went constantly, but he calmly tolerated this almost corporeal weight of pain. 

As he watched Jonathan concentrate, he remembered what they were like when they were younger. They thought they would be able to achieve everything they wanted, nothing would stop them or discourage them, they did everything they planned and didn't even think about being discouraged or leaving their plans behind. Seeing that Jonathan was so focused on this, he decided to stay equally focused. Just like the old days. Where nothing seemed impossible, where nothing seemed inadequate, where good memories, good smells, good things rested, as if they were kept in an old trunk. 

I had passed the three kilometer mark. Leonardo still stood firm with Jonathan and Marcelle, accompanied them, overcoming his own limits, he continued running despite his body constantly asking him to stop. He kept his breathing even. Inhale, exhale, inhale... he kept running alongside his friend, and that was enough to make him feel good. 

Sweat was even coming out of Leonardo's shins, but he managed it, reaching the four kilometer mark alongside Jonathan and Marcelle. It was something that left him impressed, having achieved this after such a short time of practice. Breathless, he smiled towards Jonathan, who sighed and soon returned the smile. 

"Man, that's really good, but this heat weighed us down a bit, the good thing is that it makes you lose more weight too" Jonathan said, and then he laughed. 

"If it was always like this, it would be good for me, I like pushing the limits" Marcelle said, she was trying to wipe some of the sweat off her face. 

"Good to you, I hope one day to become serious in running like you" Leonardo said. 

"Really? I'm still adapting, just like you, I still need to improve a lot" Marcelle said. 

"You already look like a professional, you really look like a competitor" Leonardo said. 

Marcelle gave a smile, then said. "I'm just going to compete for fun, I already signed up for that race I told you about, but I'm just going to participate for fun." 

"Ah yes, I'll sign up later too, I think I can do these ten kilometers" Leonardo said. 

"yes, at least it's been decided, Fernanda and Isabela are still unsure whether to participate or not, with you on the team, I think they'll be more excited to participate" Marcelle said."There's still some time left for the competition, by then, they'll be flying on the track" Leonardo said, while laughing. 

"That's true, there's still time to prepare, and you're already looking like a professional too, you even worked up a sweat today" Marcelle said. 

"This heat had more of an effect than the race, maybe we'd better go drink some coconut water, today I'm thirsty" Leonardo said. 

Jonathan remained silent and observed most of the time, but followed Leonardo and Marcelle to the kiosk to drink some coconut water and hydrate. 

After hydrating themselves, Jonathan spoke something to Marcelle and Leonardo went to a bathroom. He wasn't necessarily tired, he felt kind of numb, tingly. He saw the heat reflect on the asphalt where the cars were passing, causing small mirages, and this took away some of the nervousness that Leonardo felt. 

It was a very simple and friendly conversation he had with Marcelle, but the nervousness he felt messed up his entire insides. His legs were shaking much more than they were shaking from tiredness, something natural for many, but, for Leonardo, it was like relearning how to walk, or like being in the first month of the gym, everything hurt. Every word was a step, a step in an open field full of land mines, it sometimes seems like he could say anything, but he knew well that it wasn't like that, he had already faced some frustrations, they weren't many, but enough to knocks him down completely. 

He breathed out his nervousness, tried to calm his innermost, deepest nerves, which still held the suffering of everything he had been through. He exhaled all that anguish and affliction, and returned, together with Jonathan and Marcelle. He felt calmer, more friendly with them, like he could talk a little more, express himself a little more. He needed to practice speaking, so he thought about what to say, and how to say some more. 

Jonathan and Marcelle were laughing about something, when Leonardo approached calmly and with a soft and warm smile like that summer day, he asked for another very cold coconut and spoke without feeling any tremors. 

"I think I've reached my limit today, even my legs are covered in sweat, I need a good shower" Leonardo said. 

"We have to take a day and dive into this ocean, today it is inviting us to cover ourselves in salt water, just like in the past" Jonathan said. 

"Oh, what a shame, I can't do it today, I'm going to get the whole car dirty, but we have to schedule a day to come to the beach and spend the whole day enjoying it" Marcelle said. 

"After the competition we can schedule a celebration, so you could bring your daughter, Jonathan" Leonardo said. 

"Giovanna would love it, my daughter only came to the beach twice, even though we live so close by, Fernanda is very neurotic about certain things, so we avoid going out to certain places" Jonathan said. 

"I think it would be good for her, to get a taste of the beach, this is where we grew up, she'll know who her father is right away" Leonardo said. 

"Bring her, silly her, talk to her nicely, Fernanda will love the idea" Marcelle said. 

"And I also need a shower urgently, I'm soaked in sweat" Marcelle continued. 

Leonardo held Marcelle's hand, which was on the kiosk counter, but it wasn't to attract attention, just to practice a little of what he had learned from Jane's video. And it was something really subtle, not even Marcelle seemed to notice, she just became more attentive to what Leonardo was saying. 

"But it's good to get tired, we all look like we're just starting out. It brings more harmony to our group, we can act more naturally, and together, overcome our own limits" Leonardo said. 

"I have to run like this for at least two times a week, I'm feeling great, amazed by this tiredness" Marcelle said. 

"Next week we can try to do five kilometers, and speaking of which, Leonardo, I forgot to mention, but we don't run on the weekends, as tomorrow is Saturday, we are going to spend the day at home with our daughter, now our group will only go meet again on Monday" Jonathan said. 

"Wow, this week has flown by, I can't believe it's already the weekend" Marcelle said. 

"It's good, rest is also important, spending time alone with the family is also important, there's a lot we need to do, and that's why it's good that we feel more comfortable" Jonathan said. 

"Ah yes, I understand you perfectly, it's really good to spend time with your family, that's why we'll only see each other on Monday, but take some time to really rest, you won't be dead tired on Monday" Marcelle said. 

"It's good, I think a rest will do me good. Now it seems like the tiredness is coming on all at once, I hope that I'll get better by Monday" Leonardo said. 

"Don't worry, we'll dominate this track on Monday" Jonathan said, enthusiastically. 

Fernanda and Isabela arrive at the kiosk, both tired and complaining about the heat, they had dejected expressions on their faces, they were sighing slowly. Leonardo was a little worried about these expressions on their faces. 

"Wow, it looks like they hit you with a bat, what happened here?" Leonardo asked. 

"This heat! It's all stuffy, I need to go home and put my feet on the ice and feel that cold running up my legs, I get goosebumps just thinking about it" Fernanda said. 

"I'm wondering if I don't do the same, we talked a little about going for a swim in the sea, but they thought it would be better to schedule a whole day just for that, just to enjoy ourselves on the beach and renew our tan" Leonardo said. 

"Today is really asking for it, some sea water and a cold beer, if it were earlier I would stop here on the beach to renew my energy, but tomorrow I still need to go to work, for me it's something impossible for today, I'm dead and sick" Isabela said. 

"Do you work on Saturdays too? That's really difficult, but we'll definitely schedule a day at the beach, I think we all deserve it" Leonardo said. 

"I don't think I'm even going to drink coconut water today, I want to go home urgently and put some ice on my feet, I'll leave Isabela with you Marcelle, on Monday we'll continue our training" Fernanda said. 

"Well, we better go then, or she'll turn into a beast with me later" Jonathan said, while laughing. 

"He always says that, but later he says he has back pain and asks me for a massage, almost every day" Fernanda said. 

"Leave that for another time, let's go home because you're starting to turn red like a pepper" Jonathan said. 

Fernanda and Jonathan went home, she seemed really tired. She laughed a little, saying something to her husband. She seemed a little like Leonardo in some aspects, and mainly, because she ran thinking about something more. She thought about conversations with Isabela, or about being able to do a different activity with her husband. Or maybe to see the sea, see the beach, feel the wind. She knew she needed to get in shape, lose a few pounds. In any case, for Fernanda things went far beyond racing, and Leonardo already saw that in her. He noticed that even though she didn't run as much as the others, she showed the greatest happiness among them. she was the one who seemed to be most happy with that situation, and Leonardo began to be a little inspired by that, by being happy in the most assertive things within himself. 

Isabela was drinking coconut water, she was drinking it very slowly, even though she was tired, she wasn't in a hurry, she savored each sip. Marcelle commented that she was about to start running five kilometers twice a week, Marcelle was very thin and slender, she looked like a real athlete, very tall and refined legs, thin but well defined thighs, short and tied up hair, small breasts, almost imperceptible over her running shirt, she was very introspective. She had an air all her own, as if she observed everything, as if she knew something about others and never said it, she was mysterious, through Leonardo's eyes. He barely understood her and remained silent while she talked to Isabela. 

Isabela was shy, but she wasn't introspective, it seemed like she could talk about any subject. After she felt more comfortable. and she actually talked about how she was dying to get home and be able to take off her running bra because it was tight. She also said that for some reason she didn't want to buy a bra that was a size larger, she liked that model. She had that for herself, liking that model that hugged her so much. 

Isabela was the shortest of the group, she had thick thighs that attracted a lot of attention, long hair thin and curly, but they were tied up. Maybe she only did it to run, when doing more everyday things she should leave her long curly hair looser, breathing in the atmosphere of Rio de Janeiro. Feeling the fresh wind, the blue sky like the ocean, she was able to show herself with just a few gestures, she said what needed to be said without thinking about the consequences. This caught Leonardo's attention a little. Some things about Isabela's personality really attracted Leonardo. He couldn't fit into that conversation, it was fascinating and intimate, and Leonardo felt intimidated. 

After a few minutes, and a strange silence on Leonardo's part, they said goodbye and each went to their own house. For your own home of rest and relaxation. Leonardo was thoughtful. He would have liked to have done something more, gone further, and he kept reviewing it in his own mind. On the way home he thought about the things he was leaving aside because he was always going over the same problems. Maybe it was time to change that a little.