Mental Block

Jun took Xavi to the training room to meet Daeho and Seth that night. After they listened to the two's singing, Jun spent a while thinking about his part. Ultimately, they separated after rehearsing an incomplete song, frustrated and worried.

The lyrics they were trying to write were, of course, not yet finished. Jun consulted with almost everyone, but only Sujin managed to give meaningful pieces of advice. 

First, focus on the topic, he said. What do you want to express? This was the obvious thing to do. Then, write after deciding on the beat and flow. 

The song was all about the struggles of an adult in the real world.

The narration talked about the reality where most working people had to wake up early, go to work, repeat mundane tasks, smile at colleagues, brag about their romantic partners or the gifts received from others, and socialize after work through drinking or eating sessions.

It did not matter whether they liked the routine or not. They would have headaches but still insist on drinking coffee so they could continue working on their never-ending tasks. These same people would talk about resigning the next day, yet they would immediately forget about it once they saw the faces of their family members at home who rely on their salary for survival. This was the kind of life featured in the song. 

"Uhm. Since we are not yet idols, we can talk about the struggles of a trainee in our rap instead." Xavi suggested. 

Jun hesitated but still nodded. Yet his hand refused to move when he tried to write down the first bar. On one hand, Xavi had already written a few words on his paper. 

"If we changed the meaning of the original song just to fit our circumstances, would the viewers understand?" When the question crossed his mind, a sigh involuntarily escaped his lips. 

This is the sorrow of people covering songs they do not own. There were just many things to consider, and they had to be wary of the opinions of the original creator and their fans. 

Jun stopped Xavi from writing. The boy was mostly scribbling in full English anyway. 

"On second thoughts, maybe we should first do more research." 

Xavi wore a confused look on his face. "How? We have already asked everyone's opinions. Outsiders are not allowed to give us any input."

Jun changed his stance, "Then we should examine and study the song more."

The other looked him in the eyes for a long while. "Jun, my Korean vocabulary is not great, but I can more than describe you right now. You are like a small, confused cat chasing your tail in a full circle."

"... You spoke your last sentence in English, you punk." 

Xavi crossed his arms and directly met his gaze. "If we cannot change the concept, then people will harshly criticize us if we fail to meet their expectations of the cover. I haven't received professional rap training, but I believe I am more enthusiastic about rap than anyone else here. It is not about flow, diction, and techniques only. Rappers, especially in the West, always face heavy criticism when people feel they are not being genuine in their lyrics. However, Jun, this song talks about adult working life that we don't know yet."

Ah, the conflict. Jun felt defeated for the first time since he woke up back to the past. What to do? What not to do? Maybe he should not rap at all and just beg Sujin to switch places with him. 

The young man sprawled his limbs on the floor like a sunfish. He scolded himself for having hideous thoughts and reminded himself to stay in rap to avoid deviating from past events. 

Last time, he was not in the dance and vocal groups. He was benched and had to pray for his fellow Inhabitants' victory to stay in the Greenhouse. This time, he would still not be in those two groups. Those meant to be there should stay there. But it didn't mean he should let the rap group become a laughingstock. 

But the problem remained. What to do?

'Why am I 18 again?' Jun mentally murmured.

Head empty and gaze covered in haze, he looked up at the ceiling for a long time. 

"Should we sleep?" Xavi hesitated before he asked. 

"You go ahead first." 

Jun stayed there. Xavi left after he gave the go-signal. The other boy had a simple mindset and believed that this day was not for them and it would just be meaningless to force inspiration to come to them. 

Minutes passed, and Jun eventually succumbed to the call of the warm bed and comforter. Of course, he could not sleep. 

At times like this, he badly missed his ear pods and phone, where he could listen to ETM's songs. He felt terrible and found it ridiculous that he could not even hum his favourite ones out of fear of copyright infringement on songs his group used to own.

...

Unsurprisingly, Jun did not get enough sleep, but being a K-pop idol meant getting used to it. A mild headache assaulted him when he woke up, but he was still not muddle-headed enough not to function. 

He thought about the mission a lot, and the best solution he came up with was to keep the original meaning without using themselves as examples. 

"All of us here gathered for the same reason. We all want to debut. But we only make it here through the support of those who love and support us." At the breakfast table, Jun talked to his group mates. The hot coffee before him let out hot smoke. 

"Okay?" With imaginary question marks above Xavi's head, he blinked at Jun. 

The rap leader added, "One more thing, unlike us who aspire to become idols, these people serving as our moral and spiritual supports are ordinary people. Of course, just because they settle for ordinary life doesn't mean they have nothing extraordinary about them. This cannot be farther from the truth."

Sujin was nearby and had an interested look on his face. 

Jun nodded and continued, "I'm considering talking about them in our rap. Chorus stays as it is." 

Daeho thought for a moment, then replied, "It is feasible. The message will remain, and the parts will not sound disjointed."

Xavi pouted, "Yet we are scrapping what we wrote beforehand."

"Sorry," Jun smiled wryly and gently shook his head. 

Xavi was depressed for a few moments, and the three quietly and tacitly decided to give him some time to get over it.