30

I was about to reply when suddenly a storefront window behind me exploded. The troopers instantly lost their lax posture and took up a defensive position around their van, while Amar and I did the same by the park bench. Unfortunately our defensive preparations didn't do anything to stop a man from appearing in a burst of smoke squatting on the head of the bench behind us. He dropped what looked like a rock on the ground beforre crumbling to ash. As I looked down I saw that it wasn't a rock but a fucking grenade with no pin. FUCK! I pulled in desperation while scrambling back as fast as my legs could take me. POP

Spoiler: 19

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1966_Australian_Championships_-_Men's_Singles

Thinker power, can visualize arcs of thrown objects.

Instantly my vision exploded in all the different places I could throw my gloves if I swung my arms fast enough to undo or overpower the straps. Wow, that would be useful if I lived through this! I braced myself for a horrible death, but nothing came. "Ahem." I looked over to the empty bubble where Dastan was standing nearby. "Looking for this?" He asked, stepping aside to show the grenade frozen mid-explosion behind him. That fucking drama queen really risked our lives to look cool, didn't he? "By the way, all the other bubble people are saved. I got bored waiting for you." But on the other hand, I guess he was busy.

"Thank you, Dastan." Apparently it was okay if I called him without his title because I wasn't a citizen of LEGO Persia like his friends were.

Suddenly Oni Lee was back again, with an entire bouquet of grenades. Right. Capefights don't just end just because you've foiled the villain's first attack, this was real life, not some cartoon. I was about to shout a warning when Dastan just stabbed him. Fun fact I learned just now: Dastan can freeze people in time by stabbing them. "Dastan, you can't just-" A plastic hand tapped my face in an awkward 'shush' gesture. It kind of hurt.

"Hold on a minute, that wasn't actually him." What? How can he tell? Dastan is suddenly four feet to the left with his dagger poised to strike, Oni Lee appears next to him and throws a grenade where Dastan used to be standing. The villain is visibly confused even through his demon mask right as Dastan freezes him in place. "Okay, now we can talk. Man, that guy was tricky." I blinked and looked back at the grenades that Oni Lee just dropped, they're all in the time bubble.

With the clear and present danger now actually passed, I rightfully blew up at him. "Dastan! I already told you, you can't just kill people like that! He didn't have a Kill Order, you're going to get us all in trouble!"

"And I told you, it's fine. With me around they're not actually de-" POP Fuck. I stare at the space my summons were before turning back to the frozen form of Oni Lee, the criminal didn't even have a chance to realize that he'd been stabbed before it was over. I was so screwed.

Another voice cuts in, "Don't worry so much about it, we had enough Thinkers study our interviews with Mr. Clemens to know that you probably don't have fine enough Master control over them to be held accountable for that." The PRT were still here, of course. The one speaking was the same trooper I was chatting with before we were interrupted by Oni Lee. "Plus, you didn't hear it from me, but word on the grapevine is that the ABB capes are all looking at Kill Orders for this situation. So uh, do you know if this is a Clockblocker freeze or a Gray Boy freeze?" I helplessly shrugged my shoulders in response and the trooper just nods like he was expecting it.As it turned out, the PRT had met up with me in the first place to let me know that the heroes were rallying down at the Docks, close to where an anonymous tip had said Bakuda the Bomb Tinker was hiding a stash of Tinkertech explosives for Oni Lee to restock at. They were originally planning on ambushing him there. With Oni Lee now effectively dead, it was only a matter of time before someone else came to collect the stash, hopefully someone high up in the ABB hierarchy. Or maybe I just indirectly screwed our only lead by trying to help. The PRT weren't voicing any opinions one way or the other, but to me that was more telling.

Since my trusty plastic avian steed was no longer existent, Captain Simmons- the PRT officer I'd been speaking with- offered to let me ride along with them in the van. He even let me take a pit stop at the Boat Graveyard to try and get more powers and/or teammates, after they set up a weird technological doohickey to watch. I just didn't feel comfortable with just two minor Thinker powers, a Manton-limited deleting touch, and apparently Mark Twain. Not that I had any intention of throwing the classic author to the wolves.

Wait. My new power! I could have just deleted the grenades that Oni Lee threw down and then maybe Dastan wouldn't have felt the need to stab him. I'm such an idiot. A man is practically dead because of my scatterbrainedness. I- Fuck. I need to be better than this. POP

Spoiler: 6

Master Roshi - Wikipedia Master Roshi was at one point the mightiest mortal fighter on Earth 7, he taught Son Goku how to perform the Kamehameha technique after spending his entire life perfecting it, he's probably immortal from eating grass.

"Heya! I'm Master Roshi!" Despite being bent over with age, or possibly just the turtle shell, his greeting was super energetic. I didn't really know either of my grandfathers, but I like to imagine they'd be like him. "Say sonny, you mind introducing me to that hot piece of ass over there?" Nevermind, I hate him.

"Yeeeeaaaah. Probably not. Master Yoshi was it?"

"Roshi."

"Right, sorry Master Roshi. Look, we're kind of on a time crunch here, so is there anything you can do in a fight?" Please say no, please say no.

"Absolutely, I'll have you know that back in my prime I was the greatest hero on Earth!" How long ago was your prime? "In fact it was my Chi technique that blew up the Moon!" Buh? It took me a while for the words to really click, it wasn't a sentence I ever expected to hear. Oh god I've summoned a geriatric String Theory, please forgive me.

"Okay, well Master Roshi, I'd like for you to go and wait by Captain Simmons, he's the one furthest to the left. And please don't blow up any of our astronomic objects too." Hopefully that's nonspecific enough to keep him from doing anything too drastic while I summon more stuff. POP

Spoiler: 17

Set in Stone (Lord album) - Wikipedia +5 to all active rolls before this one. To be clear, this does not affect anything rolled after this point. Anyone in the comments saying otherwise is mistaken.

Huh. Didn't seem to do anything. POP

Spoiler: 8

Timeline of Saint-Étienne - Wikipedia Thinker power, postcognition of nearby objects. Clarity of scenes increases the longer an object is stationary.

I was suddenly aware of how much history this exact spot on the beach had seen. Every stone that every grain of sand had weathered off of going back decades. This would be great for figuring out where Bakuda was making her bombs. I was ready.

--

03/02/11

PARAHUMAN REPORT #0396234US: "PRINCE DASTAN"​

APPEARANCE:

Prince Dastan is a 5'3" plastic humanoid CASE94 resembling LEGO brand toys. He wears apparently painted on white robes and carries a jeweled short sword with an hourglass on the pommel.

POWERS:

TINKER 1: While he had not demonstrated any Tinkering ability himself, Prince Dastan is equipped with a Tinkertech sword, the proprieties it grants him are listed below.

SHAKER/THINKER 10*: Prince Dastan has the ability to travel through time and violate causality. This power did not seem to be restricted to any number of uses but instead by what he could accomplish himself in 1 minute increments. In combat he uses this as a form of precogition, and was able to predict and subvert Oni Lee's movements before he made them.

MOVER 7*: Prince Dastan has been confirmed by both Haphazard and PRT personnel to teleport over 50 feet without line of sight. Haphazard's supposition is that he did this by traveling back in time while walking normally, thus only experiencing the travel time subjectively.

STRIKER 7*: Prince Dastan demonstrated an ability to freeze living people and their clothing in time by stabbing them, as demonstrated by Oni Lee who as of this writing remains frozen.

AFFILIATIONS:

Haphazard - Projected by the heroic rogue over the course of her assistance with EVENT "JAN15-11 BAKUDA BOMBING", Haphazard maintains little direct control over her projections but like the others Prince Dastan instantly complied with verbal requests from her.

LEGO Persia - Reportedly a prince of the LEGO Sassanid dynasty, Protectorate Thinkers specializing in information verification confirmed from reviewing video evidence that there is such a place and Dastan is indeed a Prince of the region.

WHAT FOLLOWS IS LEVEL 2 CLASSIFIED: PRT DEPARTMENT HEAD AND PROTECTORATE EYES ONLY​

Additionally, Haphazard reported that his associate Sheik Amar claimed to be acquaintances with LEGO Mouse Protector. Further collaboration between the Think Tank, Toy Box, and Scry is ongoing to determine where exactly this Earth is, and what exactly the link is between the alternate Earth and the LEGO toy company.

WHAT FOLLOWS IS LEVEL 3 CLASSIFIED: PRT DIRECTOR AND PROTECTORATE BRANCH LEADER EYES ONLY​

Chief Director Rebecca Costa-Brown hereby orders the confiscation of Prince Dastan's Tinkertech weapon by any means necessary for the purpose of national security.I ended up being the youngest hero at the informal meeting where we discussed battle plans, though Master Roshi was easily the oldest hero I've ever even heard of, so I guess it balanced out. I was young enough though that none of the recon team were willing to let me join them, and I had to hang back with Glory Girl on a nearby roof as 'backup'. Glory Girl talked. A lot. I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

"So who was that old guy you brought with you?"

"Oh um. Right, that was-"

"Was that a super-powered version of Mark Twain from an alternate universe?"

"Ah. I don't think-"

"I heard you projected him from Assault. Apparently they're friends or something."

"Oh, uh. That's nice."

"Mark Twain's a lot older than I thought he'd be."

"I don't think he's-"

"I guess it makes sense though. He has been dead on Earth Bet a while."

"Um, actually-"

"Hey where'd you buy that cute shirt?"

"I summoned-"

"It's so out of place with your 'business-hobo-casual' look, but somehow you just make it work."

"Thank you?"

"I'm so jealous, honestly. You know what would happen if I tried to wear a suit with something cute? The tabloids would never let me hear the end of it, they'd be calling me a slut on one page and an uptight granny on the next. It's unreal how-" Glory Girl's radio went off, I was annoyed at first that the Protectorate didn't bring one for me but a few minutes and several thousand words ago Glory Girl informed me that they're somewhat underfunded here. New Wave actually bought their own from the same manufacturer.

"Glory Girl? Is Haphazard still there? Over." Did people actually do that? I thought that was a TV thing.

"Yeah, she's here. Over."

"We've finished disarming the traps and the guards, you two are free to move in. Over and out." I was starting to hate cooperating with the authorities, in what way was sitting around twiddling our thumbs helpful? Right now I could be helping bomb clean-up elsewhere in the city like I was before! My internal disgruntlement was cut off as Glory Girl grabbed me and flew back down to the front door of the apartment complex. I refuse to admit if I squeaked, even to myself.

The inside wasn't what I was expecting; no ABB tags, no Asian dragon motifs, there wasn't even any dirt. I'd never have suspected this place to be controlled by the second largest gang in the city. On a table by Armsmaster and Master Roshi lay three Tinkertech devices, presumably bombs. "We need you to tell us where and how long ago these were assembled." Armsmaster stated, all business.

I touch the green one on the left and concentrate. Where before my past sense was all forests and farms- the history of the floorboards- with the bomb it was decidedly more industrial. The copper was the newest component, having been contained in a greenish ore just over two years ago. There was a part I couldn't even make sense of, it was like several holes layered over eachother in my awareness. Some of the circuitry had once been in phones, and before that they sat in a box for several years waiting to be made into something useful. But most of this thing had been in one car or another for practically my entire awareness of it. I focused harder, none of that was important right now.

Just a few days ago, while I was grounded, someone was hunched over this piece. I couldn't make out details like faces or words or even the room's paint, but my power's impression was that this could be none other than a Tinker. I hope nobody asks me to explain how I could be certain of that, I don't know the words for it.

Bakuda- because how many other Tinkers could the ABB have working for them? Bakuda had seemed melancholic about something, and while it didn't seem to bother her outwardly, I could tell it was making her work somewhat worse than the overall quality of the other components. A Thinker stepped in the room and said something, when did the ABB get a Thinker? Bakuda is upset at what the Thinker says but reigns herself in and says something back, over the course of the conversation she just gets more and more angry, and then just resigned, or is that resolved? She's decided something, and they both leave the room. The scene lasts long enough that I can feel where it happened relative to myself with almost as much clarity as I know that copper mine. "We need to go south." See Armsmaster? I am also a competent hero, you should let me have a more active role.

Hello Now4SomthingCompleteyDifferent! You have 43 unread notifications!

Forum -- Active Stream -- Past Streams -- Highlight Compilations -- Hero Blooper ReelsNow viewing: Episode 584: Bomberman

Man, quarantine really sucks but I'd take it if it meant I could watch prime entertainment like this all day. I always used to miss the livestreams due to my day job as a bank teller. With the exception of that one time when they robbed the bank, I got an autograph that day. But now? Now I could finally enjoy the fruits of being one of L33t&Uber's actual fans in real time. This was going to be amazing.

I took a few minutes to mute everyone in the chat who just logged in to troll poor L33t, I didn't need their negativity in my life or my eyeballs. Rumor has it L33t added that feature for basically the same reason, he's got way too many hecklers for how small-time and harmless they are as villainous entertainers. Finally, I'd narrowed the visible peanut gallery to just four people, myself included. My clicker-finger was sore, but it was worth it to really enjoy this grade-A entertainment. I just hoped that the show didn't get interruped by whatever the ABB were pulling.

3Fast3Furious: Nice save!

Polyglot: Im just saying there's no way that's actual fire, tinkertec or not It's probably a bull**** lazer or smthn

3Fast3Furious: Ha, did you see the look on his face!

Now4SomthingCompletelyDifferent: Hey all, what I miss?

SanicDaHedgehog: Are you even listening to youself? "It can't be bull**** fire, obvs its bull**** lasers' ru stupid?

3FastFurious: Hey Monty, No othr capes yet. So howr things 4u?Click to expand...

I chatted a bit more while waiting for something to happen on screen. It was becoming increasingly obvious that Uber was waiting on something, but only because of how nervous L33t was getting in his studio cam footage. As a true L33t&Uber fan and a premium subscriber, I had access to the webcam in his office, as well as the Snitch stream made available to the unwashed masses. Uber, for his part, just rolled with it demonstrating almost supernatural improv skills that I couldn't be sure were all based on his power. He was always really evasive about how exactly it worked, even in dedicated Q&A threads.

An alarm began sounding, much louder on L33t's end than Uber's. Did L33t make a mistake with the sound effects? "Oh uh, is it time for the Sudden Death round already?" Uber soldiered through his surprise. "Hope I get those powerups soon, or Black Bomber might be a problem!"

The darkness of L33t's room was now rhythmically being interrupted by a bright red light. That's right! This was the warning klaxon from the second Star Fox episode. I always did like how they recycle props like that. Though judging by L33t's panicked expression, I don't think this plot twist was planned. God it wasn't the ABB was it? I'd hate to think that I jinxed myself.

"Uh, Wh- White Bomber, I think you need to come back to base pl-please." L33t was now frantically pressing buttons on his dashboard, every time he looked down at something to the upper left of the feed he nearly burst into tears. What was happening in there?

The alarm petered out right as a hidden door behind L33t slammed open, revealing Armsmaster! And Assault! And Battery! And- and the entirity of the Protectorate plus New Wave! Hax! This was hax! Fucking Tinker-Hax, no way is that fair! L33t took one look at the assembled heroes and in one smooth motion slammed a button on his dashboard, dropping his entire gaming chair down a trapdoor. Armsmaster reached over to the camera and then behind it. Both streams cut out. Aww man, now what was I gonna watch? Maybe Bombina? She updates on Saturdays, right?

--

Dude I think I got us a new gig.

What kind of gig?​Picture it: Bomberman

Dude you know I burned out on explosives.

At least on the kinds that won't get us thrown in the Birdcage.​That's the beauty of this gig man.

The ABB will be paying US with tinker bombs.

Since when do the ABB have a tinker?​I dunno, I didn't ask. But basically they'll pay us in generic bombs

just to show up and take their request.

And if we prepare a list of others we want they'll pay that out for a trade.

Huh. You thinkin what I'm thinkin?​LoZ, Halo, Half Life 3, Metroid 2, Megaman...

so many opportunities opened back up.

What do you think they'll want in exchange?​Dude I don't know, but it couldn't hurt to see right?

My past sense- or 'postcognition' as Armsmaster called it- ended up leading us to an abandoned building on the outside of town before popping away. If I had to guess, I'd say that it was some kind of factory or meat packing plant. But it was hard to tell much about the surroundings at all due to the weirdly dense fog, forested surroundings, and the total lack of signage. It was such a stereotypically evil lair that even the Protectorate members were weirdly on edge at the scene. This time there wasn't any obviously safer area to designate as the 'kiddie table' so Glory Girl and I actually got to do some heroics by guarding the rear. Though that also meant that I had to reprimand Master Roshi for his joke about whose rear he'd like to be guarding, while Battery did the same to Assault for laughing. Why were all of my summons hell bent on embarrassing me?

On the outside it resembled one of the many condemned buildings that were common in the Docks and Trainyards, with a rusty boarded up exterior that was half-eaten by various plants. But passing through an invisible line in the decrepit lobby area and it was suddenly sleek and clean. "Probably the best use of cloaking tech I've seen." Wow, that sounded like high praise from Armsmaster. "Outside of a Protectorate Tinker like FX's work, anyway." Nevermind. "Stay close together and be on guard for hidden traps, there's a high chance we won't see them activating until it's too late."

Against the back concrete wall that might have lead to production lines at some point there was a gigantic vault door. The center of the door was painted with a yellow number- a one-hundred-eight, whatever the significance of that was. It was probably nothing, the metal looked old enough and weathered enough to just be salvage from the Boat Graveyard. While I was content to just sort of stare at it for a while- still not quite believing that I was present in a heroic raid on the ABB- the more veteran members of the group set about trying to crack the thing open.

Velocity was doing laps around the building looking for alternate routes while Armsmaster fiddled what I had to assume was some kind of Tinkertech scanner over the rusted out console attached to the door, meanwhile Glory Girl and Manpower struggled to shift the door aside. This is when it occurred to me that we didn't really need the door. I simply walked up and marked the wall next to it. The concrete fizzled away harmlessly over the course of a minute, leaving a hole that was a few inches deep and just wide enough to squeeze through if it had actually gone anywhere. There was more concrete behind it, so I marked that too.

"Good idea," Miss Militia congratulated me in the awkward silence that followed my initiative. "a stealthy approach is always best when assaulting a Tinker's lair. The less likely Bakuda knows we're here, the less likely it is that she'll activate a remote explosive on our position." It took a while, but I eventually managed to dig a hole through the bunker wall large enough that even Master Roshi's turtle shell could fit through without bumping the rough walls. Naturally, this is when the alarm started to go off. So much for the stealthy approach.

Fuck this place. Just fuck this place so hard. A minute after the alarm started sounding- while we were still in the process of filtering everyone into the massive factory floor behind the vault door- pipes sprouted out of the walls from unseen compartments and started pumping the fog from outside. Something about it combined with the greenish lighting made it near impossible to see or hear the others even though they couldn't be more than thirty feet away. That would have just been annoying, I could have found my way back to the rest of the task force given a little time to work out where they were all clustering. "Gary?" But then these fucking robots came out of nowhere and attacked me en masse!

Fortunately they didn't seem to count as being alive, because my deleting touch power worked on them just as easily as it did the concrete. But there were so fucking many, and using my power at its maximum power took more time then I could reliably fit in a punch, and they just kept saying- "Gaaaaarrryyyyyyy..." -That. I whirled around to face the humanoid robot with its stupid fake skin and stupid blue and yellow jumpsuit but there wasn't anything there, it was just being a creeper in the fog. Fuck it, I refused to stand around waiting for help. I moved deeper into the fog, keeping the outer wall on my right to make sure I didn't get completely lost. We could regroup later when the fog and these robots were gone.

In the meantime, that stupid siren was giving me a headache, when I found whatever was making it I was going to- "Garyffff!" -probably melt the shit out of it like all I was melting all these stupid fucking robots. Tinkertech or not, I'm pretty sure I wasn't obligated to preserve Bakuda's toys. Probably. I'd claim ignorance if anybody brought it up with me.

After a few minutes of tracing the wall and melting robots, I came across a door. Not an ostentatious vault door or anything, just the sort of thing I could find at Winslow. Actually I think it was nicer-looking than Winslow's doors, though Winslow's doors don't typically have blinking red lights behind them. Naturally I went through it, where else was I going to go?

"Gaaaarrrrryyy...." Fuck, that came from behind me. I turned around to face the ambush but the tackle actually came from the way I was facing before. Normally my body sense would have let me stay upright, but from the multiple increases in weight after I went down to one knee they were dogpiling on me from every side. Whatever. This wouldn't, couldn't stop me. I marked as many of them as I could, the rush of cool gases against my arms and hair was almost refreshing until I realized that probably meant my costume was also dissolving. The mask falling off my face into the pile of robot clutter confirmed it, as did my armor on the ground, blocking with my arms was suddenly a worse idea than it was with tin cans for protection.

At least they were all destroyed, and some of the 'corpses' still had blue and yellow rags on them, so I wrapped my face in those as a makeshift mask with multiple knots to hold it all together. Speaking of makeshift things, I forgot to check up on my headquarters. Maybe after we captured Bakuda, Master Roshi and I could head down there to fix it up a bit more. For now though, I just stuffed a few more rags into my pockets for later projects, kicking myself for not thinking of it before. I needed all the loot I could get my hands on, I wasn't raking in a lawyer's salary like New Wave or collecting government funding like the Protectorate. I was literally headquartered in an abandoned warehouse.

Once I was done salvaging what I could of the body pile, I made my way closer to the flashing red light, and as I did I noted that the siren got louder. Found you, you bastard siren! It petered out almost painfully slow after I marked it with my power, but it was worth it. Silence! Finally! I took a few moments to enjoy- A loud bang jerked me out of my relief. Now what? Wait, is that gunfire? I ran back out the door to investigate, trampling the pile of broken Tinkertech as I did.

--

Man that was some wild improv. I knew you had it in you.

What time did OL say he was dropping off the stuff again?

Dude?

GTFO​

Uh

Seriously. Pack up everything you can think of and go, we've been made.

I'm packing all our small and lighweight gear into the Bag of Holding while the

Protectorate are still busy chewing through the Garys.​

Shit. You think the ABB turned us in?

I can't think of any other way for the whitehats to figure out where our

base is. We've been too careful.​

Well I've got the Snitch at least. I'm gonna get a gettaway van and meet up with

you at the escape tunnel exit.

So you know, no pressure. Grab everything you can and don't worry about

the BoH's time limit.

Sounds good.

Okay I'm here.

Dude?

Oh god please pick up, I can hear the fighting from here!​

Sorry about that. My first pick had a sleeping kid in the back so I

had to turn around and get a different ride. I'll be there in 5 mins

What kind of terrible parent leaves their kid unattended in a car?​

Right?? Some people dude. And somehow WE'RE the bad guys.

As it turned out, that noise was gunfire. Specifically the ABB in a firefight with the PRT parked outside. A eight foot tall animalistic cape who could only be Lung was also outside, wreathed in flames but otherwise just standing there. I was more scared of the guns if it came down to a choice, but it wasn't like I was fireproof either. I also probably couldn't use my power on his metal scales since he was alive, and the delayed effect meant bullets definitely moved too fast for me to mark them before they murdered me. I wasn't about to just run away but as it was I was pretty useless to the team unless I managed to summon somebody who could contribute to the situation. POP

Spoiler: 1

Power Company - Wikipedia Corporate cape hero team from the DC multiverse.

"Who are you?" They were all dressed in various combinations of suits, spandex, and power armor. Did I luck out and summon another entire team of capes? Could one of them hardcounter Lung? Master Roshi vanished before I even got to see what he did so this was a great change of pace.

"We're the Power Company, superheroes for hire." Yes I did. Forget all that robot nonsense, this is the greatest day! "I'm Josiah Power, Founder and team leader." An open identity like New Wave? "To my left is our team's air-support, Skyrocket, to my right is Witchfire the sorceress, Manhunter here specializes in hand to hand combat, and the big guy behind us is Bo-" POP Oh. Behind me someone coughed and I turned around to see a range of expressions on what I could see of the rest of the taskforce's faces, most were just as disappointed as I was but Assault looked like he was trying really hard not to laugh at me. Like I get that was kind of funny in principle but could you not look so tickled while I'm standing here?

"Haphazard, you should- I won't tell you how to use your power, but could you please refrain from projecting again until after we've cleared out of the building? Mr. Clemens told us about the (3) ball lightning you created immediately after bringing him to Earth Bet. If something similar had happened indoors while we were all standing here, even Panacea would have trouble healing us in time to stop the ABB from completing whatever they're planning." Ah right, I forgot about that. Yeah, burning down the Tinker lab around us would probably be bad.

"Sorry Miss Militia." The hero's patriotic face covering shifted slightly, implying that she was about to respond. But Armsmaster talked over her to dispense his own wisdom.

"Don't be sorry, be better." I wasn't talking to you Armsmaster. Were all Tinkers this frustrating to deal with? Because between him, Squealer, and Bakuda I was seeing a pattern. Though maybe it's unfair to build a pattern that's two thirds villainous.

A few minutes later I was crouched in the bushes to quietly make some summons while the Protectorate and New Wave had both waded into the fight proper. With any luck I'd get another hero to deal with this situation, maybe somebody who could make shield to block bullets with like Narwhal or Shielder. POP

Spoiler: 19

Don't Be Happy... Just Worry - Wikipedia Shaker effect, fear aura on L&U's base, exacerbated by the already present Silent Hill fog.

Nothing? That can't be good. POP

Spoiler: 17

Borg (cluster manager) - Wikipedia Shaker Effect: Mental controls used by shards to encourage power use magnified based on proximity to other parahumans

That didn't seem to do anything either! Maybe another few summons, what could go wrong?

POP

Spoiler: 3

Counting Stars (album) - Wikipedia Thinker power, instant comprehension of arbitrarily large numbers of objects.

There are exactly ninety-five PRT troopers and two-hundred-twenty-four ABB thugs present in the battle, the ABB had presumably arrived in the thirty-four pickup trucks blockading the only exit from the parkinglot that they were taking cover behind. As is my custom, I quickly wrote this information down in my Thinker-notebook just in case- POP -just in case that happened. That was a good pull, but I'm still mostly unarmed so it was time for another POP

Spoiler: 11

Windows Live Mail - Wikipedia Thinker power, Read-only Access to Queen Administrator's Minion-Managing UI.

Another Thinker power, this one was kind of sensory? Sort of? It was like having a third eye facing a computer screen, not messing with my depth perception or anything, just adding vision to something that didn't otherwise exist anywhere in real life. There was a short list of- What the?

UNIT_MARK_TWAIN : STATUS_DRUNK/AMUSEMENT : ENERGY_56%

UNIT_SIGNIFYING_MONKEY : STATUS_SMUG/PLOTTING : ENERGY_98%

UNIT_MASTER_ROSHI : STATUS_AROUSAL/MEDITATION : ENERGY_#^#$^*^(#^%

Click to shrink...

My battle capable summons were still alive?! Why the fuck weren't they out here helping me? Why haven't I seen Signal since the night I summoned him? Hey, get out here right now! But no, no matter how loud I yelled in my thoughts, none of the information changed except for Twain's energy going down one percent. Speaking of energy though, what was up with Master Roshi's? Was it because he's the only one with a power? Was energy in general a reference to how long they have before they popped? I'll figure that out later, for now it was time to write this down and pull POP

Spoiler: 2

1976–77 Romanian Hockey League season - Wikipedia Surrounding area covered with ice sheet.

Suddenly the air got very cold, and there was a series of thumps and angry shouting to go with the constant drone of gunfire. I peeked out of the bushes to see that while the bush itself is just covered with a light dusting of snow, the parking lot outside was covered with ice, and several fighters on both sides had fallen over. The PRT were mostly fine from it, but almost none of the ABB were wearing helmets. I might have just caused some massive head trauma. Then as soon as it appeared POP it was gone. Though still a bit chilly. I mean, it is the middle of January, but I could have sworn it was warmer this morning. POP

Spoiler: 3

Nannippus - Wikipedia 2 prehistoric horses.

This one was a pair of some kind of mutant horses, I told them to gallop into the ABB at random and kept summoning. No point in riding them into battle if I'm still not bulletproof. POP Didn't matter anyway.

The lack of useful results was starting to get to me right about then. Lung was over fifteen feet tall by that point and all I managed was taking a few of the something-hundred ABB gangsters out of the fight with that mini-winter thing. No matter, and no time to freak out though. I pulled POP

Spoiler: 17

Tin soldier - Wikipedia Nameless Tin Soldier. Mostly composed of Tinkertech alloy, he can absorb small pieces of metal to increase his mass (about the size of a bullet), and uses his own mass as ammunition for his rifle.

Finally! My summon was a silvery man about six feet tall with some kind of rifle slung across his back, his equally silvery clothing resembled a Civil War uniform. "Hi, what's your name?" He frowned, did I offend him somehow?

"Don't have a name. Never needed one." What kind of horrible apocalyptic Earth was he from that people didn't need names? He seemed to sense my horror at his situation. "I guess you can call me Rifleman Five-eighty-two? That's what the previous general called my whole unit. But you only have one of me, so I can reasonably say that I am the whole unit like the survivor of Artillery Team Eight-zero-zero did after that last assault from the Urals."

That just won't do, calling your minions by numbers is a villain thing to do. I'm pretty sure there was a Bond villain who did that. "It'll work for now, but we are finding you a real name as soon as this battle is over alright? Until then, go fight those guys in the red and green. Everyone else is an ally. Except the dragon man, he's with the enemy." Five-eighty-two looks briefly confused, but he crisply salutes and marches towards the closest PRT van, seemingly uncaring of crossfire in his way. POP

Spoiler: 10

Gimjang - Wikipedia Terrain transmuted into edible Kimshi.

The ground beneath me turns soggy and as I look down I am relieved to find that I did not summon another water feature. The ground might be vegetables now, but nobody knows that I'm Triton yet. I try some of the ground out of curiosity, it's pretty good. Kind of salty. There's more shouting from the battlefield, but it's more confused than angry. They'll get used to it. POP

Spoiler: 7

MCEM 2 submachine gun - Wikipedia MCEM 2 Submachinegun as an object.

Hmm. Is it worth shouting to my new soldier and giving away my position? After thinking abut the problem for a minute I decided against it, and kept the weapon slung around my shoulder just in case some ABB wandered over to my bush while trying to flank us.

"Gary?" Oh god no. A tide of the humanoid robots stream out of Bakuda's lab, thankfully they don't notice me, but they're heading straight for Lung and that can't be good for anybody. The man slash dragon is already close to thirty feet tall and lighting trees on fire with his sheer proximity. Both the PRT and his own forces have abandoned that part of the battlefield out of necessity and he's just, why is he digging around that exploded van? No time to dwell, the more I summon, the better our chances to stop him anyway! POP

Spoiler: 9

Flag of Norte de Santander Department - Wikipedia Terrain coated in gasoline, all fighters who consider themselves "heroic" gain a buff to all stats.

Suddenly the vegetable ground is soaked in a thin film of gasoline, which would be absolutely awful if not for the fact that Lung doesn't seem to have noticed and all the vegetables near him burst into ashes a while ago. The Protectorate are also glowing as brightly as New Wave, which is interesting. I didn't believe that this is really a Thinker power, but I marked it down anyway, because this is the first summon I've seen with two different effects. I was about to pull again when a shadow falls over my bush, oh god is it Lung?!

"Don't worry sonny, I've got it from here." How the fuck did Master Roshi get so tall?

--

Topic: Haphazard

In: Boards->Capes->America->Brockton Bay

Glory Girl (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (New Wave)

Posted on January 20th, 2011

Well if nobody else is going to do this, I guess I will!

Haphazard is an independant Master/Trump/Shaker cape who mainly patrols in the Docks. Her power is the ability to "pull" stuff out of the multiverse, including powers, people, and this super cute shirt that she graciously let me borrow for my date yesterday. She has no control over what comes out or how long it lasts. (At one point she did this Hail Mary play thing and actually pulled out another entire team of corporate capes, but they disappeared before they finished introducing themselves. She didn't seem all that shocked, just disappointed.)

She was an indispensable aid to us with the Bombings because she had postcognition for like, an hour and that let us track a bomb right back to Leet and Uber's workshop where it was made. We're totally BFFs now, even though our patrol zones don't overlap much and she's kind of quiet.

She is frequently seen with her summoned buddy, Amalgam, who is kind of hansome in a made of metal way. But you absolutely shouldn't insinuate that they'd make a cute couple because she thinks it's creepy.

(Showing page 6 of 15)

->Dogfather

Replied on January 21st, 2011

Okay but like, just because she could be Triton, doesn't mean that she is. You understand that, right?

->CocaColacanth

Replied on January 21st, 2011

Yeah, plus, she's friends with Glory Girl. Why would GG be friends with the villain that flooded the hospital?

->Somesay

Replied on January 21st, 2011

I heard she summoned an alternate universe version of Mark Twain, is that true?

->Glory Girl (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (New Wave)

Replied on January 21st, 2011

Not just one, but 2 Mark Twains, one of them is a Brute/Blaster!

->Haphazard (Verified Cape)

Replied on January 21st, 2011

GG, no. I keep telling you his name was Master Roshi, he was a retired cape who spent most of his time meditating and training younger capes in "Chi", which is apparently a type of Breaker energy.

Also, I don't know how anyone could have possibly decided that I'm Triton, but I'd like it to stop please.

->Triton (Unverifed Cape)

Replied on January 21st, 2011

Just kidding, I am absolutly Hapazard. Mwahaha

->Helmets4Lyfe

Replied on January 22nd, 2011

@ Haphazard: Do you feel any shame at all for what you've done to me? I can't even wear hats now!

->Haphazard (Verified Cape)

Replied on January 22nd, 2011

@ Helmets4Lyfe: ???

EDIT: Wait, are you that guy who started crying when your hardhat melted? I said I was sorry then and there! At least you're still alive. Besides, you can just wash it off with spit after a day or two.

->MagictheBlathering (Verified Cape)

Replied on January 22nd, 2011

AAAYYYYY Welcome to the Trump Club, Haphazard!

USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST

Mod -_thunder_-: Rule 8.

->RedHoodRider (Verified Cape)

Replied on January 23rd, 2011

Nobody click that link, it's a virus

In. Hold. Out. POP Breathing exercises were important to keep my transformed body's heat from disrupting my task. Ordinarily I would be having Oni Lee do this, for he is- was literally nothing without his extreme competence and obedience. In fact it should have been Oni Lee to bring me the item in the first place, with no need to challenge the PRT for it after they confiscated the device from our agreed upon dead drop site. But my servant was slain, presumably caught in a malfunction of one of Bakuda's bombs. That was disappointing, but at least it served to remind my servant that no single person can truly achieve perfection. Everyone has their limits, everyone falters, everyone dies. That's why I conquered all these gangs in the first place, to cover my only true weakness. For a time.

In. Hold. Out. POP There was that noise again, breaching into my awareness like a particularly insistent mosquito. I personally thought nothing of it, not even Armsmaster's trump card had done more than mildly numb my left foot today. He was a wily foe, who like myself only got stronger over time, though the scaling was different. What possible threat could be posed by a sound behind my mind? No Master cape had succeeded in bending me before, not even in the Yangban's prison. But my power felt differently, it seemed, always tightening, thickening, and sharpening in immediate response to the sound. It was no matter, I had long outgrown my only weakness for today, not even Leviathan was able to kill me like this, though the monster could say the same of me.

In. Hold. Out. POP I was skeptical at first when Bakuda and Wukong came to me with this new stratagem, but Bakuda had yet to fail at that time and Wukong had done his research as thoroughly as ever. I was intrigued by the possibilities they spoke of. The universal limitation of Tinkers is a well known one; while their works were decades or centuries ahead of contemporary science, they could not branch out to other fields without help from another Tinker in that specialty. On her own, Bakuda could never provide me with anything other than trigger mechanisms and single-use effects. But Bakuda was not the only Tinker in Brockton Bay willing to work for a villain.

In. Hold. Out. POP I languidly stretched out my new third pair of wings, though I would admit it to no one, the feeling was nice. This device would secure my place as an untouchable warlord, the second such unassailable ruler since walls first enclosed Ellisburg. Thanks to my loyal subordinates, my fear would outlive the Protectorate itself as they wasted resource after resource, life after life, on unwinnable battles. My domain alone would be safe from the monsters, for a time.

In. Hold. Out. POP Endbringer 'science', for all that it was merely educated guesswork, had correlated their attacks with periods of increased parahuman violence within the targeted cities. So the easiest way to make yourself a non-target, was to stop fighting, and who would start a fight with me after my victory today? According to Wukong, whose compulsion to speak only truth I had already confirmed with an anonymous third party Thinker from out of town, the device would indeed make fighting me never cross the minds of others.

In. Hold. Out. POP A third faction appears to enter the battle, they have eyes for none but me and seem to not care that they melt to nothing before reaching me. I pay them no further heed, though again, my power disagrees, and I grow even faster. Equally gone would be the poisons peddled by Merchants, the sicknesses of the Empire, and the delusions shared by Coil and the Protectorate. There will be only the Dragon and my direct subordinates, each granted a small fiefdom to do with what they will as a reward for their loyalty. Though I would not tolerate further violence in my domain.

In. Hold. Out. POP All the heroes began glowing, I wasn't sure why as I couldn't see any new additions to the Protectorate's roster. Perhaps a Stranger or a Trump? Ah. There was another hero still in Leet's workshop, he must be the mystery hero. I am not concerned, no one could possibly- PAIN

The Brute, and it could only be a Brute to punch me with such strength when I'm this big, cackles with glee at having gotten a sucker punch on me. I don't recognize him, a new trigger? No, from his face he must be the age of my late father. We began trading blows, admirably, he lasted a whole five minutes in melee before it became apparent that one cannot challenge a Dragon forever. I could see it on his face, the impending desperate measures he would take before giving up as all the others have. As I had to the day my home was destroyed by fate. The he backed off, muttering something. No? Perhaps this new hero is wiser than I thought. I've never fought someone so old, so my mistaken impression is excusable. Would Jack Frost or the Underguard also prove as wily?

I returned to my search, during our brief exhilarating fight I had spotted a green glint in the ash. Apparently the device was lighter than I had thought, and it flew even further away from the wreckage than where I was digging. Yes, here it is. I unwound the coiled device and wrapped it around my wrist as Bakuda had described. Now I was truly immort- "HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" I felt a thin outline of agony around the blast as the flesh was instantly flayed from my iron bones, starting at my core and moving up, stripping all sensation away. The beam reached my face and the world goes dark, cold, and silent.

Am I dead?

No. Dead men do not ask if they are dead. I still have no sensations, not even time. But I can only assume that the device is working, I have been kept alive in my weakest state. The coil is taking some of the energy released from my transformation and using it to sustain and regenerate me when it wears off.

Yes. I can feel warmth now. I am growing again.

I feel something more, peaceful.

The sunlight feels wonderful on my leaves.

Last edited: Jan 5, 2023

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