Chapter 43: A good conversation

Together with Haruto and Shin, we walked through the quiet streets lit by lamp posts as the cold breeze accompanied us. I kind of already have a gist of what Shin would want to talk to me about. I was walking behind the two of them just following their shadows as I looked down on the ground while walking. 

A few minutes later, we passed by a small local playground and we decided to stop by. It was dark and barely lit as a single lamp post lit the whole playground. There was a slide, a jungle gym, a swing, and a few benches on the side. 

I sat by the end of the slide as the two of them sat by the swing just a few meters in front of me. 

"How long have you known about this?" Asked Shin.

"A few months, on the 25th of December to be precise." 

"What? That was before the two of you started dating!" Said Haruto as he stood up from the swing and sat back after a few seconds of silence between the three of us. 

"So you dated her despite knowing all this. Then I guess there's no sense in asking what your future plans are." Added Shin.

"Yeah. That's the only answer I could arrive with." 

"I won't ask you why but I'll ask you how you're holding up Aoi." 

"I'm doing fine so you guys don't have to worry too much about me." As I let out a fake smile.

"You can be honest with me and Haruto Aoi." 

"I guess there's no point in lying when you can see through me. It feels like my world's crumbling, slowly. As days passed, I would see her in front of me and notice the changes. It's like everytime she becomes a little weaker, a heavy boulder is placed in my chest. It makes me frustrated that I won't be able to do anything about it. Everyday, everyday I'm hoping for a miracle that her disease would just vanish like a bubble but life isn't that easy. So I decided to be strong for the two of us. Today just gave me a shock considering it's the first time that she closed her eyes and didn't open it even when I called her name many times. But I'll manage so don't worry guys. The two of us aren't that weak." 

"Just know that we'll be here for the two of you okay?" Said Shin.

"I know that very well." 

A few minutes later, Haruto and I walked Shin back home. 

"Should we go and get your motorcycle?" Suggested Haruto.

"Shouldn't you be working though? It's already 11 PM." 

"Don't mind me, unlike you, I've already written a week's worth of chapters hehe." 

We went back to the arena and grabbed my motorcycle as the two of us went for a little ride. 

"So? Where to?" Asked I.

"Follow this." Haruto showed me a navigation guide from his phone leading to a pub.

"Do you even go to pubs?" 

"Bro, I'm a college student. Of course I do." 

"I don't think that's what college students would usually do." 

Amidst all the chaos inside of me, the wind blowing through my face as I rode this motorcycle gave me a moment of peace. The stars accompanied us as we made our way to the pub as if lighting up the sky to comfort us.

We arrived at the pub and made our way inside. There was nothing special about the place. Just what you would expect from a normal pub, almost as deserted as it can be. We sat by the bar counter and I noticed someone familiar sitting beside us. 

"Two Negronis please." Said Haruto to the bartender. 

"I haven't had one of these yet." 

"Me too. Just wanted to try saying that for once in my life. I saw it in a movie and it seemed really cool." Said Haruto as he took a sip. "Bleh."

"I guess there wouldn't be a second time for you ordering this huh Haruto?" 

"Yeah. I second that. Got the joke?" 

"Yeah yeah" As the two of us laughed.

A few minutes after drinking, I felt a finger poke my shoulder two times as if calling for my attention.

"Back to pub hopping kid?" 

Yep, I thought this old dude was familiar. It was the bartender I talked to when I met Hina at a pub.

"Nope, just having a good time with my friend here." 

"Well, old people are too sharp to know when someone is hiding their emotions in front of them." 

"Haha just a bit of a downfall but I can manage." 

Haruto was already lying face down on the bar counter so I guess talking to this guy came in handy to pass some time.

"Care to entertain this old man with a little conversation?" Said the old guy as he took a sip from his glass. 

I was expecting him to ask what happened but thankfully he didn't. 

"Fire away sir." 

"Well, I'm not the most reliable person to talk about life when I lived most of mine with regrets that cannot be turned back. I once had a lover, a pianist, she was perfect. Too much brightness that I couldn't handle because of my own insecurities." 

"Had? I guess it didn't end well." 

"Yes. It would've been a story with a happy ending but it didn't go that way. I indeed lived my life full of regrets but what I regret the most was not giving her my all when I could've." 

"Did she just let you go because of that?" 

"Rather the opposite young one. She didn't let go. I pushed her away." 

"What? Why?"

"Her friends and people around her would always tell her why she would date someone like me. She didn't mind but I did. Not because I don't want them talking bad about me, but because I didn't want her to stand on the same footing as me." 

"If you ask me, I wouldn't blame you. I know you only wanted what's best for her." 

"Yeah, that's what most people would say. But that wasn't the case. When we were turning 30, 6 years after we broke up, she died. It was suicide. I failed to notice how much she was suffering from the pressure of being a world renowned pianist. She fell into a slump and no one was there to lift her back up to where she belongs. After her death, a letter was sent to my mail. It was a long message, but the context was that she loved me, and that I was her sole happiness. I was the only one that could've been there for her and that I was the only one she could open up to. But I'm not there." 

The old man's eyes were teary but he didn't let a single tear fall from his face as he continued. 

"I don't know what situation you are in young one, but I hope you don't make the same mistake that I did. I suggest that you let go of the things you can't handle rather than dwelling on it. Go focus on the things that you can do to make it better." 

We both fell in silence as I felt his heartfelt words that struck me to my core. A few minutes later the old man stood up to leave the pub.

"Well then, thank you for entertaining this old soul. I hope things get better for you. I'll see you around." 

Just right when he was about to exit, I shouted to him.

"What's your name sir? 

"Akihiro." 

"I'm Aoi. I'll see you around sir!" Said I as he smiled at me one last time before making his way out of the pub. 

Akihiro-san huh? He's a cool dude.

"Oi wake up Haruto!"