Chapter 56: Lend me a Shoulder

On what was supposed to be the last day of our trip, I was left here all alone only to find Yukino's letter. I laid down on the floor for an hour not even moving an inch. I collected my thoughts and emotions to regain enough composure to stand back up on my feet.

I sat on the bed heavily and lit a cigarette. What I'm doing right now is against the rules and regulations of the hotel but I didn't have the time to think about that. Still in shock, I lit one cigarette after another. Counting the cigarettes on the floor, it was 6 cigarettes consumed in just a couple of minutes. There goes my progress of trying not to smoke. 

Being this far away from my apartment all alone made me want to puke. I feel nausea and dizzy. I guess I was caught off guard. Never have I imagined that Yukino would leave me in this manner, without any warning nor signs that she's about to break up with me. Or maybe she did give me signs but I failed to notice. 

I scratched my head out of frustration even starting to pull some hair out of my head. How could I not notice? It was really evident during the ride in the ferris wheel but I didn't notice until now. I was dumb, arrogant that she would be my girlfriend until her final remaining days. 

I lit my 7th cigarette and after smoking I felt calm. The situation finally sunk in me that made me understand that she already made up her mind on this matter. It must've been hard for her. Much harder than it is for me. After all, she left me against her will. I bet she would've wanted to spend more time with me but she decided to do this for the both of us. But I just can't fathom it. Keep writing? Like hell I'll be able to focus on doing that? Should I just drown myself in work to forget about her? What should I do? Yukino, why? 

I fell asleep on the bed for two hours due to the mental exhaustion I had. I woke up exactly at noon. I cleaned the room and packed my things preparing to check out of the hotel. 

I sat in the car and thought of where I should go. Should I just go home or go to lake Suwa by myself? I guess I'll just go, I've nothing to do right now anyway. I took a 3 day work leave just for this one after all.

I have a long drive ahead of me considering that it'll take a few hours just to go there even with smooth sailing traffic. I haven't eaten anything yet the entire day since I don't have any appetite right now. Instead of eating I went on smoking rolling down the window for the smoke to come out of the car's interior. 

The whole ride was quiet, really different from when Yukino was sitting by my side. I felt a sudden longing for company. This car used to be so lively where music and small conversations were present but now it was blank. No music, no conversations. It was just me and my cigarette. 

I took several stopovers just to rest from driving. I would stop for 10 minutes to regain my energy. I wonder how many cigarettes I've lit today alone. More than 10 or maybe more than 15. 

Few more hours of driving and I reached what should've been our final destination for this 3 day trip. But as you already knew, I was here, alone admiring the beauty of this place. 

I bet Yukino will love this place. She loves spectacles like this after all. What I'm confused about is how this play seemed gray. I bet the colors of this place would've been different if Yukino was here. My world would play around different vibrant colors and every place would sparkle whenever she's by my side. I guess her absence makes all of those colors go away. 

I parked the car by the side of the road which overlooked the spectacular view of lake Suwa. I sat there for hours just staring at the place and smoking. I'm glad I bought a beer earlier, this really came in handy and a perfect pair for my cigarettes. I may look like a delinquent to the people passing by me but I barely even care. 

I fell asleep inside the car after drinking three bottles of beer. When I came to, A female figure sitting by the hood greeted me. She was holding a cigarette on her left hand taking puffs after another. I wonder if this girl knew that I was inside. My eyes were still a bit hazy considering that I just woke up plus the three bottles of beer I drank earlier. I checked the clock and it was already 11:27 PM. I really did spend some time here huh? 

I felt a headache as soon as I tried getting up from the driver's seat. I opened the door and tried to stand but the headache was just getting the best of me which caused me to lean by the car door. Am I drunk? Probably not. Just a headache from the alcohol then. My vision started getting clearer as seconds passed by. I vomited on the asphalt trying to save the car from my own mess. It's not mine after all. 

"Done throwing up?" Said the girl, still not looking in my direction. 

I looked up and realized that this is the figure of someone I know. This girl would always show up whenever I least expect it. She threw the cigarette on the asphalt then stepped on it right after. 

"I always wonder why I would stumble upon you when I least expect it Hina." 

"Yeah, I wonder about that myself as well." 

"How long have you been here?" Asked I. Still struggling to pick myself up from the headache. 

"A few minutes. Considering your state and how Yukino isn't with you. Things probably went south along the way huh?" 

"Going south is an understatement you know?" Said I before vomiting once again. 

"Mind telling me about it then?" 

"Can we first find a place where I can sit comfortably? I can't stand here properly so I would really appreciate it if you would lend me a shoulder to lean on."

"Making a move on me?" 

"As if. I'm way over you." 

"That's good then." 

"Why are you even here?" 

"Just visiting my family. Don't even try to think that I'm following you." 

"If that's the case then I wouldn't have asked you to lend me a shoulder." 

"Yeah yeah, just making it all clear." Said Hina before lending me her shoulder as she helped me walk to a nearby bench.