Chapter 75. Old Business.

Earlier that week…

The massive demon that emerged from the portal possessed a hideous combination of draconic and insectile features. It had a long serpentine body and a fierce fang-filled maw that reminded Bev of pictures she'd seen of traditional Chinese dragons, but it also had thousands of creepy legs scuttling beneath its snakish form like those of a centipede. In addition to that unpleasant visual, the beast's eyes were compound like those of a house fly, and it even emitted an annoying high-pitched buzzing as it slid over the earth.

It was gross. Bev hated it. Her natural instinct was to say no thank you, and move on to something a little more fun, but unfortunately for her, she'd been recognized by the local residents of the village of who-gives-a-crap, who were now cheering at the sight of her and calling out her name.

Their presence made things more complicated for her. If she ghosted them and any of them managed to survive the dragon-bug's onslaught, then word would quickly spread that the newest sky-ranked member of the adventurer's guild had left a bunch of local hicks to become insect chow.

Being a hero was such a hassle. Bev was quickly growing tired of it. Sure, being a celebrity was fun, and the attention and praise were awesome, but the amount of work that she had to put in was exhausting. Even worse, it barely paid out! Rube villages like this weren't exactly bursting at the seams with hidden gold, now, were they?

No, the best she'd get out of this job would be another lyric in the song the bards wrote about her, probably a bunch of cheese and salted beef, or other preserved foodstuffs, and possibly an offer of marriage from some farmer's daughter. That kind of reward wasn't so bad, but she'd already accepted quite a few of those before ducking out early the next morning. The novelty had now worn off.

"Oh, well," she mumbled to herself. That's what she got for being one fourth of the world's greatest villain who was secretly infiltrating the adventurer's guild by masquerading as its greatest hero, who was also a girl but pretending to be a dude by telepathically controlling a remote body that she'd had Titania made for her from a drop of Everly's blood.

Where had she gotten that blood? She'd randomly punched Everly's face in the hallways of the memory palace one day and yelled "Tag!" afterwards. That had been pretty fun!

Too bad Everly responded by chasing her down and beating her half to death with a ball peen hammer before giving her a parting threat of what would occur if Bev ever did anything like that ever again.

That part had been less fun.

Oh, whatever! They all still loved each other!

The dragon bug roared and buzzed as it drew nearer to the village. Bev sighed and decided that now was the time to get into character. Visualize, visualize, visualize, she thought to herself. Then her eyes popped open, and her sight was set on the task now lumbering before her.

She was ready!

For now, she was no longer Beverly of the four Everlys…

No, now, she was Lance of the silver lance! And she was a he, and he was a man, and he could definitely prove that, because men have high testosterone and loads of opinions about things they didn't necessarily understand but would still die on a hill to defend in an argument on the internet! They also had other assorted factors that differentiated them from the gentler sex.

No, Lance certainly wasn't a chick named Bev. For Lance was a bro, a real bro, a bro's bro, even! He proudly fought the nefarious evils of the world with a smile on his face and was happy to stab monsters and criminals to death with his signature silver-tipped spear, because real men liked to thrust deeply into things by putting the power of their hips behind their shafts to penetrate their targets more easily.

That wasn't an inuendo, by the way. That was an exact description of how spearmanship works! But it was really also an inuendo because that's also how being a man works!

It was all about that spearmanship.

Lance was using spears as a metaphor for his genitals.

Just in case you were unaware.

Lance has your back!

"Have no worries, good people of this tiny rustic…place. Lance stands at your side!" he called out to the terrified villagers as he set himself in the path of the dragon bug.

"Light above, it's really him! It's Lance of the silver lance!" shouted an excited girl.

"He's smaller than I thought he'd be. But he's so handsome!" swooned another.

"He kind of looks like a girl if you ask me," said a young man who was deliberately trying to sound unimpressed.

"I don't mind, he's still beautiful," said the second village girl dreamily.

"How can we be certain he's the real deal? Songs and stories are one thing but look at the size of that behemoth! Does anyone really believe he can take that thing down?"

"Oh, shut up, Wendal! He's fearlessly wielding his lance in defense of our homes!" shouted the first voice angrily.

"I'm just asking a question," Wendal said defensively.

"Well, don't do that when someone's risking their life on your behalf! It makes you look ungrateful!"

"Yeah, Wendal, shut up!" said another girl, backing the first one up. "What if he gets mad because of what you said and leaves us to our fate? Are you going to step up and fight the fucking dragon? Huh? Are you?"

"No…," said Wendal sullenly.

"Then stop being a prick!"

"That's not even a lance, you know," Wendal suddenly said, apparently not willing to let it go. "That's a spear. Lances are what knights use on horseback in a joust, is he stupid or something—OW!" he shouted.

When Lance turned around to see what happened, he saw a young man lying in the dirt beside the village entrance, while a trio of angry looking girls surrounded him, one of which was holding a stone tightly in her fist that seemed to be dripping blood.

"Uh, hey?" Lance asked uncertainly. "Everything okay over there?"

"Everything's just fine!" the stone wielding girl assured him before beaming a lovely smile his way.

"Everything's absolutely splendid on our end!" said the second girl.

"We love you, Lance! Go get that beast!" cheered the third one.

Lance nodded. "All right then! Off I go!"

And so, Lance raced fearlessly into battle with the enthusiastic cheers of the villagers at his back, minus one young man who was going to awaken two days later with a severe headache and a lot painfully earned wisdom.

__

As Lance approached the massive creature, he found himself wondering just how many more of these nasty demonic beasts he'd have to kill in the future. He'd already taken down quite a few and he'd long ago grown tired of it. Even if his organization was partly responsible for the plague of fiends that the middle of the kingdom was currently being vexed by, that didn't mean he felt any obligation to spend so much of his time cleaning up after his boss.

The cause of the problem had naturally been Everly, of course; not that Lance would ever dare level that accusation at his beloved Empress. He might not have been very smart, but that didn't make him stupid. It was all so unfair, though!

It seemed that just before dying from the many terrible wounds that Everly had dealt him, Acedia, or Sloth, or whatever his name was supposed to be, had hatefully cursed the land of the one who'd dared to strike him down, vowing that those who dwelled there would suffer his wrath for a thousand generations.

That curse was an act of blasphemous desecration which naturally attracted all sorts of monsters and lesser demons to enact their deceased king's vengeance. Making matters worse, crazed cultists hoping to score points with their unholy masters, kept popping out of the woodwork to summon even stronger fiends like the dragon bug.

It was swiftly becoming a real mess. All Lance wanted was to be the greatest hero in the history of Winstead. Why was fate making him work so hard for it?

Lance personally thought that a thousand generations of vengeance was a slight bit of overkill. Sure, it was a pretty standard reaction as far as defeated demon kings went, cursing their enemies, that was. But did he have to do it with such zeal? And why was the temple taking so long to get the curse dispelled, anyway? Lance didn't hold a very high opinion of most religions, and their current ineffectiveness at reducing his workload had only increased his disdain.

I mean, these are demons, aren't they? he complained inwardly. What good was a church or a temple, or what have you, if they couldn't get rid of demons? That was like being a gardener who couldn't mow grass, wasn't it? Gardeners did lawncare, didn't they? Lance thought they did, but it was hard to be sure. He never really paid attention to them. It wasn't that he was scornful of the common working man. It was just that gardening, as a concept, was something he found so utterly boring, that he wasn't interested in learning anything about it. Gardeners and future dark lords were two sets of people heading in opposite directions in life, that was all.

The dragon bug roared and buzzed in outrage when Lance flew into the air with a superhuman leap and connected feet first with the side of its head in a thunderous collision that smashed it to the ground. Lance was disappointed to see that the creature's scales were extremely thick. If they hadn't been, he would have shot through its head like a human bullet and settled the matter with one blow.

"Who izzzzz it that darezzzz to impede the path of mighty Grzzzz'le'auduezzz?!" bellowed the hideous freak. "Szzzztep forward that I may szzzzzzmite you, and feaszzzzzzt upon your broken body!"

Aw, shoot. It's intelligent, Lance grumbled to himself. He hated it when the monsters turned out to be intelligent. They always started giving long-winded monologues and made elaborate threats to him, often with words that he didn't understand, and always made fun of him whenever he asked for a little clarification on what meant what. It was yet another hassle on top of the other hassles he was already enduring. Like whipped cream on an ice cream Sunday, but without the bonus of being delicious. It was the empty calories of self-aggrandizement!

Also, the way the fiend was stretching out its sentences with all that unnecessary buzzing was annoying as hell. Lance suspected he was doing it on purpose just to sound intimidating.

"Well, coward?" continued Grizz, which wasn't the creature's actual name, which didn't really matter since there was no way in hell Lance was going to make the effort to pronounce it. "Have you nothing to szzzzzzzzay for your szzzzzzelf?"

"I think you're doing that zzzzzzz thing intentionally, and I'd like you to stop," Lance said in response. "That sort of gimmicky way of speaking might delight your players when you're the DM running the game, but out here in the real world, it makeszzzz you szzzzzzound like you're trying too hard."

"You dare mock my manner of szzzzpeaking, boy?" said the outraged Grizz. "I am one of the proud szzzzzzervants of the szzzzzzeven dark kings and szzzzzhall make no attempt to accommodate your preferences!"

"Shouldn't that have been preferenczzzzzeszzz?" Lance asked quizzically.

"That's exactly what I szzzzzaid!" Grizz said quickly.

"Shouldn't that have been exaczzzzztly?" Lance wondered.

After fuming silently at Lance's words for a few tense moments, Grizz then angrily shouted "Hey, asshole! What's your problem here? Huh? I have a job to do here and I'm trying to stay in character."

"I knew it!" Lance said triumphantly. "I frickin' knew it! You're inauthentic, dude! You're like one of those middle-class schoolgirls who dresses in rags on the weekends so she can go panhandling!"

"Inauthentic? Inauthentic? How full of shit can one mortal possibly be?" said Grizz. "Look at me, you ignorant idiot! I'm titanic! I'm a terror beyond imagining! Once I've swallowed you, you'll slowly digest in my belly for a thousand years!"

"Oh, wow, wow, so now you're a Sarlacc as well?" asked Lance, mockingly. "Super original! I really don't know how to feel about you, big guy! You just seem to be all over the place. I bet your real name isn't even whatever the hell you said it was."

"Bastard! I'll have you know that Grzzzz'le'auduezzz is the name I received from my father! A proud abyssal name that brings madness and suffering to any who hear it!" shouted the dragon bug.

"Yeah, well, trying to pronounce it makes me sound like I licked a metal pole in winter," replied Lance with a sneer.

"And NOW you're mocking my heritage," the dragon bug fumed. "No more words, mortal spec! Be still so that I may devour you!"

Before Lance could respond, the colossal hybrid beast was after him, smashing its face into where he'd been standing just a moment earlier. It roared in anger once it realized it had missed and turned to chase after him, moving with surprising speed and grace for a beast of its size.

Lance, for his part, was simply glad that in its tremendous anger, he'd finally gotten it to stop talking. Normally in a battle of life and death, a good ongoing dialogue was a necessary ingredient to spice things up. As a villain, talking ceaselessly was a requirement of the job. When the hero told you to shut up, that meant you were playing your role well.

But Grizz the dragon bug was too much of a cliché to be worth listening to. He was like one of those professional wrestlers from the golden age of television who couldn't put an interesting sentence together to save his life but could still get a strong reaction from the crowd by pretending to be a communist and spitting on a flag.

That might have been enough to get the local crowd fired up, but Lance of the silver lance was a more sophisticated sort of viewer. He needed intellectual engagement to further his enjoyment of a villain's performance. Cheap heat didn't appeal to him at all.

After dodging another strike from Grizz, Lance called upon Titania's strength and summoned a massive hand from the earth. Then he brought it down on his opponent's head in a tightly clenched fist that easily pinned the enraged monster in place.

"Nice job, T!" he said happily as he took careful aim with his spear before launching it into the monster's eye, where it continued along its path in a straight line and destroyed the dragon bug's brain.

I'm always happy to be of service, Bev, Titania said cheerfully, as her stone fist was reabsorbed into the earth. Yeesh, this was a nasty one, wasn't it?

"Yeah, the insect ones are always gross," Lance said in agreement. "And hey! It's Lance when I'm using this body. If you keep saying my real name, I'll get confused. Take it easy on me!"

"Oh! Sorry, Bev! Oh, I mean, Lance! Heh, your clever machinations are a little hard for me to follow, Titania said.

"Well, yeah! They're supposed to be! Because they're my, you know, machinations," said Lance even though he wasn't exactly certain what that word meant. He'd heard it said a few times before, though, and it sounded like a good thing.

"Yeah, you're definitely a chip off the boss's shoulder, Titania continued. More so than that Cleverly, anyway. You didn't hear this from me, but she's an absolute pill.

"Ugh, I know exactly what you mean," Lance said with a roll of his eyes. "It's hard to believe that dope is one of us. All she does is sit around the memory palace all day, doing whatever she feels like. When's she going out into the field?"

She keeps saying the time isn't right to begin her famine, Titania said scornfully. I'm like, "Hey! Cleverly! Harvest season is around the corner! Winter's nearly here! You can't starve the population if you give them time to store food!" But she wouldn't listen. Told me to quit telling her what to do.

"Yeah, that kind of laziness sounds about right," Lance said. "Man, someone should really stick a pin in that girl to get her moving. What good is she if she doesn't serve her purpose?"

I agree one hundred percent! Titania laughed. Heh, maybe you could try sticking your spear in her and see if it helps?

"Don't think I'm not tempted!" Lance chortled. They both enjoyed a hearty laugh together before Titania excused herself to go work on her latest short story.

"Oh, what's this one about?" Lance asked her.

I don't want to spoil it! But it's gonna be like a Conan the barbarian thing with LASERS!

"Sounds badass!" Lance said enthusiastically. "Let me see it when you're done."

Can do, will do!

Lance, which is to say, Bev, always enjoyed her conversations with Titania. Although she considered Neverly to be her best friend, Nev tended to viciously mock her whenever Bev failed to understand something as quickly as Nev believed she should. Bev would just laugh along and pretend she understood whenever Nev would lose patience and painstakingly explain something to her like she was stupid.

It had really stung the day when Bev realized that deep within her heart, Nev considered her as more of a sidekick than a partner in crime.

She wasn't even sure how Everly herself felt about her, but she had nearly been choked to death on her first day of life for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so that was probably indicative of her overall value to her creator.

Titania was different, though. She was fun to hang out with and unconcerned with all the stuff that Everly and Nev were obsessed with. She didn't talk down to her or tear her down for getting something wrong, and Bev was grateful for that. Being a villain was fun and all, but it was also nice to be treated with a little dignity every once in a while.

Bev was curious about Titania's story, too. How would a barbarian have gotten access to a laser? Barbarians existed during the age of Rome, over a hundred years ago, didn't they? Such technology wouldn't even exist until the first world war!

It sounded like it was going to be a real page turner.

"Holy crap, nice job, dude!" said a pleased voice from above.

Bev, er, which is to say, Lance, quickly shook his head to get back into character. From above him, a young woman wearing silver armor with a flapping white cape came floating down from the sky to land beside him.

She was a pretty thing with lightly freckled skin, brown hair, and a friendly smile. She stepped forward to slap him on the back and said, "Seriously! You must be Lance Delance! I've heard tons about you, man, and I have to say, I'm genuinely impressed! This was a David and Goliath power move right here!"

"David and who?" Lance asked in confusion. If Titania were still there to observe him, she would have assumed that Lance was making a clever effort to avoid revealing his connection to Earth by feigning ignorance of important figures from one of its most famous religions. It never would have occurred to her that Lance genuinely didn't know who David and Goliath were because he had a short attention span and wasn't interested in learning.

"Oh, no worries," the woman said. "It's a compliment from where I come from that's given whenever a little guy beats a big bully. You really are as good as your reputation says, Lance."

She then offered her hand in congratulations.

"Well, thanks," Lance said gratefully as he gave it a shake. "Yeah, I completely dominated this guy. I tend to excel at everything I do. Probably because I was born under a lucky star. Or maybe it was a starless night? With a prophecy? Was there a prophecy?"

"I don't…know?" said the woman.

"Yeah, there was probably a prophecy," Lance decided. "With guys like me, there's always a prophecy from somewhere going on about how great we are. It's, uh, Lance of the Silver Lance, by the way. Not Lance Delance."

"Oh, my apologies," said the woman. "I must have heard it wrong."

"No worries, no worries," Lance said to her. "It's just that when you say Lance Delance, it makes me think of Lance Deluxe. Like, what? Huh? Who would ever name themselves Lance Deluxe? Doesn't that sound awful?"

"I get you," the woman nodded. "It makes you sound like a new item on a drive-thru menu. Like you're something I'd get with fries and a coke. Try the Lance Deluxe for $9.99. Hey, it even makes you sound like a boyband singer."

"Really? I'm not much of a vocalist," Lance said thoughtlessly.

"Oh, man, you are killing me," the woman said with a hearty laugh.

"Huh? No, I'm not! I don't do stuff like that unless you're evil," Lance said defensively. "Seriously, I'm a righteous guy who only performs righteous acts. Ask anyone, I have testimonials!"

"Sorry, sorry," the girl said with a hand raised in apology. "I merely meant to say that I think you're great. But maybe you should change your last name to deluxe, because I can already tell that you're a whole lot of Lance."

"You really think so?" Lance asked her with a shy smile. "Ha! Cool! I'm Lance by the way."

"Yeah, I know, I—" the woman stopped herself from speaking further, took a quick breath, and then said, "Good to meet you, Lance! I'm Riley Kilo."

"Riley Kilo," Lance said slowly to himself. Then he snapped a finger. "Oh, I know of you! You're the new paladin of the north they appointed a few months back. You won that big tournament and everything. You're kind of famous yourself."

"Stop, I'm blushing," Riley grinned. "But I'm only a temporary Paladin. Lady Sarah has been cleared by the temple to return to duty. I'll be turning in my cloak in a few days and moving on."

"Really?" Lance said in disappointment. "Well, that sucks. You'd think the temple would want to keep someone like you around."

"They've made a few offers to sign on with them in a different role, but I'm not really interested," Riley said with a shrug. "I only became a temporary paladin as a lark. The cloak looked good on me and it's fun to blow up demonic abominations. But I have another gig that keeps me busy, and I've been keeping my partner cooling his heels for way too long."

"Is your partner a patient guy?" Lance asked her.

"Oh, god no, not in the slightest," Riley laughed. A red light buzzed angrily on the silver ring she was wearing, but she didn't appear to notice it.

"Well, it's a shame," Lance said wistfully. "You probably don't know this, but that person you were substituting for was a complete horror show. Like, the worst sort of human being you could possibly imagine."

"Really? That's the first time I've heard anything like that," Riley said with mild surprise. "Everyone usually gushes over her for being the savior of Bremburg and the slayer of Sloth."

"Nah, that's totally stolen valor," Lance snorted. "The idea of Sarah facing a demon king? That'd make me laugh if it wasn't such a bad joke."

"Are you calling her an industry plant?" Riley asked him curiously.

"Well, she certainly doesn't write her own lyrics," Lance said with a smirk. A smirk that he quickly dropped when he realized that Riley was looking at him with a slightly harder expression than before.

"Lance, where exactly are you from?" she asked him in a voice that sounded ominously professional.

"Uh, Winstead?" he answered uncertainly.

"Whereabouts in Winstead?" she asked.

"You know, the northeast part," he answered. "With all the trees. Yeah, there sure were a lot of trees."

"A lot of trees?" she wondered.

"Yeah, loads of them," he nodded. "So many trees. We loved them all. Hard to pick a favorite, though."

"A favorite what?" Riley asked.

"A favorite tree. We loved all of our trees equally," Lance insisted.

"Do a lot of people in your hometown love trees?" asked Riley.

"Oh, yeah. We're mad for them. That's what we're famous for," Lance nodded.

"And what exactly was the name of that hometown again?" Riley asked him.

"Didn't I already say? I feel like I already said," Lance said nervously.

"You didn't," Riley said bluntly. Now she was crossing her arms as she spoke. Lance didn't know exactly what had occurred in the last few moments to swing the conversation in this direction, but he was beginning to suspect that Riley was suspicious of something, and for some reason, his instinct for danger was warning him that this was a very bad thing.

As he racked his brain trying to think of an excuse to duck out of this unexpectantly nerve-wracking encounter, salvation came in the form of a heavy hand slapping down on his shoulder from behind. When Lance turned around, wondering who it could have been, he saw a handsome silver-haired man in expensively tailored clothing standing before him with a strained but friendly looking smile on this face.

"Well, it's about time!" said Dask Thomlin, the supreme master of the national adventurer's guild, and a man who wielded influence and authority comparable to a duke. "Lance, you're a difficult young man to keep track of! But you're not wriggling off the hook this time! We need to speak."

"We do?" Lance asked him.

"Yes, we do," Thomlin said firmly. He turned to Riley and said, "Your pardon, Lady Paladin, but Lance and I have guild business to discuss right now. Such business, I'm afraid, takes precedence over your current conversation."

"Does it really?" Riley asked curiously. "I have to say, it feels a bit rude of you to cut in like this."

"Does it?" Thomlin said dismissively. "How awful for you."

"Is this how the guild treats officers of the temple?" Riley asked lightly. "If so, that's a real shame."

"If I try very hard, I'm certain that I'll eventually find it within myself to care," Thomlin replied. "Until that day arrives, I bid you farewell."

Thomlin then threw an arm around Lance's shoulder and steered the younger man away towards the village, leaving Riley by herself.

When Thomlin and Lance were out of earshot, she asked:

"What do you think? That kid screams earthborn to me. I think he's a dimension hopper."

"Your theory is incorrect," said the voice of Bruticus. "I detected no residual energy that would indicate that a dimensional jump had occurred. Every atom of his body originates on this planet."

"Okay," Riley nodded. "No worries if that's the case. He might just be a reincarnation and trying to keep that under his hat."

"A far likelier story," agreed Bruticus. "I find it extremely unlikely that a being of such limited intelligence is capable of deliberately crossing the barrier between worlds."

"How'd he become so strong, though?" Riley wondered as she gazed at the dead body of the dragon bug. "You scanned this thing's piercing resistance as being level fifteen. Even if the eyes are the softest part of the body, that spear still shouldn't have been able to reach this big boy's brain. No more than a wasp's stinger could to an ordinary human."

"That is an interesting question. It's probably magic," Bruticus muttered.

"Your favorite answer to everything," Riley said with a grin.

"That is incorrect, Ser Riley. I greatly detest magic," Bruticus said in annoyance.

"You do? Wow, how surprising to hear!" Riley snickered as she walked away.

"Should we continue to interrogate the boy?" Bruticus asked.

"What for?" Riley replied. "Being reincarnated isn't a crime as far as I know. He's having fun and he isn't hurting anyone. He's no problem as far as I'm concerned."

"What about that annoying Guild master? His highhanded arrogance begs for a reprisal. I recommend we deposit him in space so that he can gain an appropriate understanding of his infinitesimal value to the universe shortly before he expires from lack of oxygen."

"Bruticus, that sounds an awful lot like committing murder," Riley said to him sternly.

"Very well. I will instead acquire the location of his home and at a later date we will throw expired eggs at it."

"That could work," Riley nodded.

"And as he labors to clean his door, we will then disintegrate him with a blast from a diffuser ray."

"Bruticus!"

"It's a faster death than exposure to the vacuum of space."

"Bruticus!" Riley repeated.

"Tch. Fine, whatever," Bruticus grumbled bitterly.

__

"So, how'd you know where to find me?" Lance asked Thomlin as the older man guided him to the village chief's residence, where they sat in a study to discuss business.

Outside, dozens of adventurers and other guild employees were arriving. The adventurers were there in case any further monsters appeared, drawn by the scent of the dragon bug's corpse. They were also there to protect the guild's dismantling crews who would slowly break down the deceased demon's body into valuable materials for crafting, and components for enchanting, and alchemy.

"Believe it or not, I had to consult an oracle," Thomlin said as he settled himself into his seat. "That cost me quite a bit of gold, my dear boy. I wouldn't have bothered if I didn't know you were worth every ounce of it."

"There are oracles outside of the eastern temple?" Lance asked in surprise.

"Of course, there are," answered Thomlin. "The eastern temple can't get their hands on everyone with the gift of foresight, after all. They have to settle for taking the ones with the most promising talent. That doesn't mean those left behind aren't useful, however. Just damned expensive to hire!"

"Uh, sorry, I guess?" Lance said uncertainly.

"Oh, no, no, don't feel that way, my lad," Thomlin said rosily. "Like I said, you're worth the coin! The first genuine sky-ranked adventurer in generations! Thank you so much for dispatching that monster before Riley Kilo arrived, by the way."

"You knew who she was?" Lance asked him.

"Naturally," Thomlin replied. "She's the famous substitute Paladin. That woman's been a damned nuisance since she accepted the role! No matter how much the guild begged for her to avoid disintegrating the bodies of her monstrous prey, she insists on destroying them completely. The sheer number of the creatures she's obliterated is staggering! Just think of all the potential profits that have been lost due to her zeal for destruction. Honestly, I don't believe I'll ever understand the mindset of a hero."

"I'm a hero," Lance said. "We're easy to figure out. Fighting's fun."

"Well, you're a different sort of hero, I think," Thomlin said to him with a slight smile. "Your work effort is commendable, but I sense that you have ambitions beyond defending the innocent and beating up freaks. I see a young man that greatly desires recognition and fame."

"Well, yeah," Lance said. "Man, being famous is pretty awesome."

"Yes, it is," Thomlin agreed as he leaned back in his chair. "It really is. I had quite a taste for fame myself, back in my days as an active adventurer. Wealth and power are wonderful to acquire, have no doubt. But being seen and cheered for? Oh, there's nothing like it. Nothing like it in all the world!"

"I do like it when they cheer," Lance grinned.

"Oh, Lance, they'll do more than just cheer for you by the time I'm through," Thomlin said with an eager expression on his face. "Despite my accomplishments as an adventurer, I freely admit I was an average talent at best. I never rose past a mid-ranking, but my skill at marketing myself was unmatched! With my gift for words, I could spin my mediocre accomplishments from straw into purest gold! That talent was enough to carry me all the way to my current lofty position as the national guildmaster."

"Ohhh," Lance said as he nodded in understanding before slyly tapping the side of his head. "I get it! You're a fraud! That's cool. I really respect the confidence grind. Fake it until you make it, word?"

"I'm not a fraud, Lance," Thomlin said in a displeased voice, before quickly modulating his tone. "I did a lot of good out there in the world. I'm simply better at promoting my work than others are."

"Yeah, fraud," Lance said with a sly wink. "I get it! You're good at exaggerating stuff and deceiving others. I think that's cool! So, what's up? If you've been looking for me for a while, then that means you must want my help running a grift, huh? I'm in! I love stuff like this."

Thomlin sighed in slowly growing frustration. "Lance, no. You're confused about my motivations, friend. I don't want to deceive anyone. Especially not when it comes to you! I witnessed your incredible duel with that behemoth! But before that, I also had every single one of your previous victories thoroughly investigated. You're the real deal, son. You're incredible!"

"I am?" Lance asked with a genuine smile.

"Yes! You are!" Thomlin insisted. "But ever since you first appeared, it's been so difficult to learn anything about you. We know nothing about where you live, or your background, or anything, really. You're a complete mystery to me."

"Uh, well, you know. I'm like, on the road a lot," Lance said hurriedly, as though he were trying and failing to think up an appropriate reason to end the conversation.

"You move so quickly, too," Thomlin continued. "Lance, it's absolutely bewildering how you'll appear in one corner of the country one day, only to turn up somewhere else fifty miles away, the next. North to south, east to west and everywhere else in between. It's almost as though you're flying."

"Flying? Come on, that's just silly," Lance laughed uneasily. "Next you'll say that I'm walking through magic doors."

"Are you?" asked Thomlin.

"No!" Lance yelped.

"Well, whatever you're doing, it needs to stop," Thomlin said firmly.

"Huh?" Lance asked in confusion. "But I thought me going around saving people was a good thing?"

"Of course, it is!" Thomlin said cheerfully. "It's a wonderful thing! But now that you're sky-ranked, you have to start thinking about the visuals. Sky-ranked adventurers are held in the same regard as the Ten Blades and the temple Paladins. You're a national treasure! To the common man, you're a modern legend! A rare gem, Lance! But something doesn't truly become rare until it first becomes scarce."

"Okay, scarce," Lance said, repeating the other man's word. "Soooo…what does that mean? You want me to disappear for a while?"

"No! Not at all!" Thomlin said. "What I want is for you to begin appearing in the capital, where I can show you off! I want to introduce you to the people who matter and demonstrate your strength to any that would doubt it. I also think it's time we got a team assembled around you."

"A team?" Lance asked excitedly. "That is such a coincidence! I've been wanting to do that! I've had plans for leading my own group for a while now—"

"There's no need to put any thought into it my boy, we've already picked them out for you," Thomlin said with a fatherly smile.

"You did?" Lance said in disappointment. "But I thought we could do like a talent search or something, and I could be the judge, like Winstead's next great adventurer," or something. I know a goblin who speaks the common tongue fluently and I thought he could sit with me and crack jokes. He has a British accent that makes him sound very witty—"

"It's not necessary, Lance," Thomlin repeated. "Trust me, you're going to love these people. They're the Brave Quartet, great heroes of Bremburg just like the temple's own Lady Sarah. They're already quite popular with the public, but they're not experienced enough to be sky-ranked themselves. However, with you to command them, I could perhaps exaggerate their level of skill enough to justify the promotion. Then, instead of one sky ranker, we'll have five! Can you imagine the notoriety, attention, and money that will bring in?"

"I think so?" Lance said uncertainly. "But isn't lying about—"

"Exaggerating," Thomlin corrected him.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Lance said. "But isn't exaggerating about their abilities a bad thing?"

"Not at all, Lance!" exclaimed Thomlin. "If anything, it's for the greater good!"

"I don't get it," Lance said bluntly.

"There's nothing to get, Lance. Just follow my lead and it'll all become clear."

"Okay," Lance said with a shrug. "I guess you'd know more about it than I would."

"That's exactly what I hoped to hear you say," Thomlin said warmly.

__

In the memory palace, Lance's body collapsed onto his mat as Beverly's mind returned to her body. She yawned as she rose from her bed and stretched her body. That was the longest she'd ever spent as Lance and although today's events had been an interesting experience, she was glad to be back in her own skin.

It seemed that Grandmaster Thomlin was a bit of a sneaky Pete, looking to run some kind of con. Bev found that funny since she was also running a con of her own on the adventurer's guild. But she found it annoying that he was trying to lock her down in one place just so he could hobnob more often with a bunch of nobles and make some backroom deals or whatever.

The problem, though, was that Thomlin spoke too quickly, which made it difficult for her to follow along with the conversation. He was exactly the sort of tricky person that Bev matched poorly against. Since she couldn't just beat him up to compel him to explain himself better, she'd have to consult with Everly or Nev to get her marching orders. In complicated situations like this, Beverly didn't mind letting others make her decisions for her.

She just wanted to have fun and live in the moment.

With that in mind, she left to go find them, patting Lance affectionately on the cheek as she passed him.

What an interesting day.

__

After his first meeting with Discordia, Lance, (who wasn't Lance at all, nor Beverly, nor Neverly, nor Cleverly), once he had relocated himself to a hidden location within the memory palace, summoned Titania and Eris before him.

"What's going on here?" Eris demanded of him. "Beverly, what are you doing? We are not yours to command."

"Yeah, I don't mind helping you out with work, Bev, but Everly wouldn't like it if she knew you were trying to give us orders," Titania said.

"I didn't ask your opinions, slaves," Lance said coldly. "Am I not forged directly from Everly's blood? I'm not a mere duplicate like the others. You will obey me in all things, and you will not reveal my presence to anyone else. Am I understood?"

He could feel the two of them struggle against his command. But it did no good because his words were true. He was Everly's blood. Both in his former life, the one she'd stolen from him, and now in this new one as well, thanks to the intervention of his ancestors.

Try as they might, these two sisters had no choice but to obey him.

Eventually, their resistance died down.

"We understand," Eris said with barely restrained rage.

"Yeah," Titania said. "Asshole."

Lance backhanded the earth elemental, whose head snapped back at the impact. Titania touched her cheek in shock before growling ferociously and taking a single ominous step towards Lance.

"You dare…" she said with a voice that could silence a continent.

"Yes, I do," Lance said contemptuously. "Now kneel."

Unwillingly, but unable to resist, Titania slowly sank to one knee before Lance. Eris soon joined her.

"Your former mistress allowed you far too much leeway. As your new master, you'll soon find that I run a far tighter ship. I have no idea how Everly made you so powerful, but your abilities are clearly squandered on her foolish whims. Under my direction, you will reach your true potential."

"The only one we follow is Everly!" Titania hissed at him.

"Well, then, I suppose I'll just have to kill the little whore and settle the issue for you," he sniffed.

"Oh, I'd dearly love to see you try, Lance," Eris sneered.

"Do not address me by that name," the traitor said.

"Then what is it?" asked Eris.

"Don't ask questions, bitch," said Lance after striking her as well. "I am in command. I am in charge. I own you."

"Tell a lie a thousand times, that doesn't make it true," opined Titania.

Lance struggled with a brief surge of rage. Everly's elementals were so much like her. Defiant and disrespectful. Indifferent to the natural order. No matter. He wouldn't let their petty taunts put him off his game. He had the power now. Power enough to make all his enemies suffer. Power enough to gain the respect that he'd always deserved in life but had been denied.

"Seal yourselves within the rat room. Make no personal appearance to the others and if any ask if something is amiss, convince them that you're fine," he ordered them. "When I give you the signal, I want you to block Everly and the others access to your powers."

"We can't do that. We're unable to bring harm to our mistress," Eris informed him. "You won't be able to use us to hurt her."

"You think you're so smart, don't you?" Lance sneered. "Feel free to block my access as well. None of us shall draw from you in the conflict to come."

"Then how do you expect to win?" Eris asked in confusion.

But Lance refused to answer her question. Instead, he bid them to vanish to the rat room. Feeling their slowly growing fear and frustration, he reveled in his dominance over them.

Then he opened a gateway to begin renewing old acquaintances.

At first, Anne was reluctant to believe his claims of being an informer and demanded proof. Once it was provided, he revealed his true identity to her at their second meeting. For the first time, he'd managed to surprise her, a moment he found immensely satisfying. When she had recovered from her shock and was ready to act, he delivered her to the village of Anders, where Everly's mother dwelled, to set their trap.

After it was sprung, he made a stop in the Godwell's afterlife to enjoy Fenneth's humiliation at the hands of their ancestors. He'd never truly cared for the soft-hearted girl, whose incompetence had led not only to her own demise, but more importantly, his as well. Once justice had been dealt to her, he returned to the memory palace to begin the purge of unnecessary elements.

__

"Beverly?" Cleverly asked as she stepped into the meeting room. "What are you doing here? Neverly was the one I sent for."

"Did you?" asked Lance. "I'm sorry. I don't believe she received your message."

"Are you going to tell her what I'm doing with Tyler?" Cleverly asked with a smug grin on her face. "I hope you do. I can already imagine her reaction."

"Oh, my, Cleverly. Who knew you had it in you to be so wicked?" he asked her with a grin that matched her own. "You're a naughty little thing, aren't you?"

"You don't care?" Cleverly asked with surprise as she stepped closer to him

"Not in the slightest," Lance grinned. "Nev doesn't mean anything to me at all."

"Well, color me surprised," Cleverly laughed.

Until she began choking on her own blood.

"Naturally, you don't mean anything to me, either," he whispered quietly into the dying girl's ear, before pushing the tip of the spear he'd brought the rest of the way through her throat.

Cleverly gazed at him with widened, helpless eyes, undoubtedly confused as to why Discordia's healing magic wasn't working on her. Her lips moved languidly as air burbled from them as she tried to form a question with her dying gasps.

"Why?" Lance said to her. "You'd like to know why? Because you're a part of Everly's little plan. And anything Everly creates, I will destroy. I'm going to ruin all her works. Then I'll make her submit to me and beg for my forgiveness. Everything she has, I'll take. And whatever I don't want, I'll burn. It's my right. I'm her older brother, you see. She's not allowed to be more important than me."

Aiden Vae-Ees Belsar, reborn in new flesh and now more powerful than he'd ever known it was possible to become, nodded to himself, as he watched Cleverly breathe her last breath.

"I'm the main character, now," he declared to the world.