Chapter 09: Addiction
God.
What is that? What makes one a "God"?
Is there even a God in this world?
If there is, then what kind of God is it?
Is it a she? Or a he?
Maybe both.
Maybe none.
There are countless gods in this world. Gods who can control the skies.
Gods whose screams can split the seas. Gods who control warriors to rage upon the land.
Countless gods exist. Both in fiction and in myth.
Some are revered, some are forgotten.
And some are used to control men and women alike.
But is there one true god?
One who is truly divine.
One whose grace saves the souls of the tormented.
Is there truly a god like that?
For years i have questioned the existence of such a god. For years i have searched.
Years i wasted drowning in sin, indulging in lust...
Just to find anything that could light up the darkness within my heart.
Back then, i didn't know what happened.
All i remembered was just a single cigarette, inside was the drugs that my friends sold me for a few dollars.
When i took the butt of the cigarette near my mouth, i felt "Heaven".
My problems were no more, everything was as fleeting as the wind for me. Nothing could affect me.
The first time became second.
Second became third.
Third became hundreds...
To thousands...
To immeasurable amounts.
Addiction was a terrifying thing. It's easy to enter, yet it's harder to exit.
Just like climbing up a mountain, the easiest part is climbing up. The hardest is climbing down.
The chilling sensation of your arms, all your muscles burning, your heart beating, pumping blood as you climb up to the top.
Once you reach the top, you feel good.
As if everything in the world was okay, as if nothing in this world can make you give up.
Then you come down.
The same way that you climbed up.
Now, everything changes. Every step you take, every crevice you hold, every blow of the wind....
Everything now feels dangerous. It becomes hard.
Trying to stop while having addiction is like that.
It's hard to stop when you began.
For years i have been addicted to consuming that drug, the drug that helped me forget my problems temporarily.
It was amazing.
The drug was fucking delicious!
Each time i use it, i crave more.
More, more, more, more!
More!!
I wanted more.
So much that my body started to detoriate from consuming the drug. Every day, every night.
Every single moment i had that drug, it was fascinatingly amazing.
So, when i looked at myself in the mirror.
I...
Was horrified at who i saw.
The person in front of me wasn't me anymore.
It was someone else....
Someone who is not me.
I am someone who sinned.
"..." The priest looked at the boy hiding in the bush.
The nozzle of the pistol aimed towards him, ready to fire at him the moment he stares at the boy with hostility.
The boy was huddled inside the bush, holding the pistol with a calm gaze, as if he was ready to shoot him at any moment's notice.
"Don't come."
The priest looked at him, he pursed his lips and held his arms up high in the air once more.
"I'm just trying to help you."
"Help me from what?"
"..."
From what exactly?
How did he even know that the boy needed help?
"I... felt that i had to help you."
The priest lied.
His eyes narrowed to a slit, the boy slowly backed away.
"Don't follow me." He muttered silently.
The priest stared at him when he saw that the boy was far in the forest, he sighed and shook his head.
"Help you from what exactly?" He chuckled and then turned around.
"I'm just a busybody, aren't i?"