Chapter 15 - Samantha

He's gone. I don't know where and I don't know when he will be back. I trudge to the shower deciding it's time to let the warm water wash away some of the pain. 

Holding a warm cup of tea in my hands, I sit on my sofa in one of Simon's hoodies. He swore he lost it but really, I just tucked it away in my drawer while it still smelt like him. Taking a sip of tea I turn on the TV, deciding that something trashy will distract me from my misery. Before I can find the worst and most awful episode of Jersey Shore, a really loud forceful knock at my door startles me from my melancholy. 

Opening the door, one of the youngest recruits, Private Smith, stands at the door trying to juggle a giant cardboard box. Looking to his left in disbelief, a large Belgian Malanois sits at his side, the dog's large tongue laying, well flopping, out of his mouth. 

"This is Riley, he's Ghost's dog, he just got back from the mainland vet. I've been asked to deliver him and all this stuff to you," he says, looking around me to the infirmary behind me. 

"Oh ok, yeah come in, set the box wherever you can," I say, ushering Smith inside. 

Riley sits at the doorstep looking up to me with a big smile, well as much of a smile that a dog can have. I lean down patting him on the head and his tail wags immediately. He stands on his hind legs and licks me across the face. Looks like we are going to be friends. 

"You can come in to you silly doggy, I guess this is your home now while your Daddy is away huh?" Riley runs past me, diving through the door and slipping on the cold concrete as he runs from room to room. 

Smith laughs as he drops the box on one of the gurneys, taking out a tennis ball and throwing it to me. 

"What's so funny huh?" I say to him, my hand resting on my hip as I watch Riley move through the rooms, sweeping the space and checking every single corner, nook and cranny. 

"He may look like a 'silly doggy' but I've heard stories of that dog taking down snipers from hidden positions, ripping limbs off terrorists and saving children from stepping on landmines, that dogs a hero," he looks at me with uncomfortable seriousness. 

"Oh and Sam, I was given this by Ghost, he said that it was important that you got this and if I failed to do so, he'd kill me and I know he wasn't joking," Smith hands me a piece of paper, crudely folded in half, my name scribbled across the front. 

"See ya Riley," Smith calls out as he heads to the door, shutting it behind him. 

The paper in my hands feels heavy. 

Riley comes back from his sweep of the infirmary, planting himself on my feet and looking up at me. His goofy lopsided ears hang down across his face as I scratch his head trying to take in the events of the past 24 hours. Riley walks to the door and scratches against the wood. Sitting in front of it, he turns to me and cocks his head. 

"Alright, I'll take you for a walk but your Dad isn't here ok, you can't run off to search for him, he's had to leave us for a little while," I say, turning to grab my shoes and coat. Rifling through the box of Riley's belongings, I can't find a lead for him and something niggles at me to open the letter from Simon. 

Unfolding the note, the few words scribbled across the paper have tears spilling over my lashes. 

Go to our spot, take Riley. He knows the way. He doesn't need a leash either, he won't leave your side. 

Looking to the door, Riley looks up at me, dribble creeping from the corner of his mouth as he pants in anticipation. Taking a deep breath, I open the door, the warm sunshine drying the tears on my cheeks. 

Riley leads the way just as Simon said he would, turning back and waiting for me every so often. Walking through the gates of Stoneybreck it doesn't take us long to get to the willow tree. Riley runs through the grass like a lunatic, sniffing everything and finally coming to a stop at the base of the tree. Waiting for us at the tree's entrance is a dog bowl, water bottle and a new tennis ball with Riley written across it. 

Smiling to myself, I pour the water for Riley and pick up the ball. His attention immediately turns to me as I launch the ball through the field and he runs after it like a giant goofball. 

Sitting in the nook of the tree roots, my mind can't help but wander to the night I spent here with Simon. I miss him so much already and it hasn't even been a day. Leaning back against the tree, a white envelope catches my eye as it rests in the hollow of the tree, off the ground and tucked away. Taking the envelope with my name across it in Simon's messy handwriting, I notice a small box sitting behind the note. Setting the box on my lap, Riley comes to rest next to me, his heavy head laying across my knees leaving a trail of dribble across my trousers. 

Opening the note, my tears fall onto the paper immediately and blurr the words as I struggle to take a deep enough breath. 

Sam, baby, I'm glad you've got my letter but I know that probably means I didn't get to say goodbye properly. We have been told that this will be a quick mission whatever that actually means. We won't have any external comms but baby if I get any chance, I'll send you something, anything, to let you know I'm ok. 

I can't promise I'll be back in one piece but what I can promise you is that I love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible and I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to say it to you sooner. That the first time you hear it from me is in writing. But baby, when I come home to you I'll say it a thousand times over. I didn't ever think a monster like me deserved happiness but you came and changed that for me. You shook my world upside down and now I can't picture a life without you in it. You are mine and I am yours. 

Make sure you look after Riley. I told him all about you and he may not be as house trained as I am but I'm sure you'll find him cute anyway. 

Yours forever and always, 

Ghost x

Oh, and P.S Marry me? 

And P.S.S Get that stupid implant taken out while I'm gone ok? 

Taking the box in my shaking hands, I lift the lid and sob. A beautiful tear shaped diamond ring sits in the box. It's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, the large diamond adorned by tiny diamonds moving around the band of the ring. I've never held anything so beautiful in my life, I never thought I'd mean that much to anyone. It glistens in the sunlight as I take it out and slide it onto my ring finger. Looking down at the ring in all its glory, it sits perfectly on my finger, glistening and decorating my hand. I've never felt so overwhelmingly sad and euphoric at the same time. He should be here, asking me to marry him. I should be leaping into his arms and kissing him a thousand times, saying yes over and over. We should be falling into the long grass high on the way we feel for each other. 

Riley lifts his head, looking at me with sad eyes. I scratch his head, my ring catching the sunlight and shining bright. 

"I know boy, I miss him too, but he'll come back to us, I know he will, he promised." and with that, the tears burn my cheeks and lodge in my throat.