Chapter 2

"What did you do with Kaoru?" ask Kaoru's sister to me, after I said that Kaoru was ever my girlfriend to her, Kaoru is one of Nicholas Saputra's fan. I don't know why her sister asked about that, confusing and sounds-like want to judging. I thought before this Kaoru's sister want to get my attention, after I post an Instagrams' feed-picture with Dewa 19 song, Bukan Cinta Manusia Biasa, with one of character cartoon movie that have Kaoru's sent to me by WhatsApp application after me and Kaoru divorce. Because the singer is called Virzha, the public figure with fanatical respond of Kaoru's sister, then the older sister send to me a picture of Nicholas Saputra, "This is my newest boyfriend," said Kaoru's sister.

Like scientist opinion, doctoral work's journals, and private-feelings, what is more important than organic-style in prose? There are mysteries or secret in original sounds, with nobody knows to copy and paste or imitate them. I'm on swim to the deep Wittgenstein's brain.

Then I told to Kaoru's sister, one of evening when she came to my house, that a song of Dewa 19, the English translation of title it would be Not Love of Ordinary Human, and might be this script that I'm on writing, is a new long journey to publish that will make me famous in Indonesia, fully-appreciate, existing, and will going to be first Indonesian with Nobel Prize of Literature someday, when I'm going to old man and feels like awake from Monday until next Monday without any sleep.

@

Someday in my life, I'm on working my dissertation to being a doctoral with many things that I push myself and fight against papers. Actually I'm not as a formal-doctoral or conservative in science-area. I have wrote in this book-title, ".. Freedom-Intellectualist." I ask to my mom to pray that my dream will come to reality-life, so I don't have to life and live in hyper-reality anymore. On my social-media Facebook, I claimed an info which is look like a card identity that I was university scholar on PhD focusing multiverse studies in GSI at Darmstadt.

In the fact, I cannot speak Deutsch or any German language except casual-language and that's so poor diction of me. I also make my little bio in one of social media that I one of contemporary-Casanova, but that's all just my satirical-technique for my mission in this world as crystal child since long time ago. As a contemporary-Casanova, that's why nobody want to be my follower in my social-media, might be is envy or jealous feelings, like my father holding me and deny my study at Toronto, Canada that I have prepare since 2022 ago.

My study with formal-system, because as long as I can, my formal-system is just called Paket C, an equal-study without chance to go into formal-study in my country because I not join in last exams. That's why I just could say, "I just show off in the hyper-reality of my study until PhD, but don't forget I was writing about every term that I show off about my study, even if that's informal of all." And I really do my thesis twice at bachelor non-degree and master non-degree; Egalitaritma and Antropologi Mitos. And about Egalitaritma, this my monumental inventive;

1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 + 9 =

1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 =

0 + 0+ 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0 + 0

In this case, I swore that I highest than formal-lecture in Indonesia, even a lecture of history called Deddy Arsya have written an essay, Universitas Sebagai Cangkang Kosong[1], that's essay describe about impotent of scientist that haven't ever create any monumental issue in contemporary. And I remember when 2020th I make an explosive-effect after I share one of Koran verse named Al-Kahfi. After that, I say to everyone that I'm The Mahdi or The Real Messiah with a sign after they ask me, "Who are you?"

 "Don't you think that I'm The Imam?"

 "Damn!" they said with dumbfounded.

@

I'm on join in Physics Major by online course right now, actually on Multiverse, Biophysics and Quantum-Physics at GSI, one place with hyperrealism of me that I called Old York, when the first time it reminds me with a song titled Somewhere by Within Temptation, a music group from Holland. But when I said to someone whose belong to this characters' story after he asked about me, "Are you lecture or student?"

Like I always said, "I just homeschooler,"

Then the one ask to me, "What did you learn?"

"Indonesian Literature and Philosophy,"

"Philosophy, what kind of that's?"

"Existence,"

"Whose you learn?"

"Sartre and Heidegger."

"Good!" said him, "And then? Indonesian Literature?"

"Sociology Literature,"

"Whose belong to?"

"Sapardi Djoko Damono."

"I know him, the thin person."

"Okay, this will be going to night,"

"Good evening."

"You're welcome."

This is my conversation with Mr. Reeve, at the first time we met and long times after I seeing his book in the internet computer-rental near of my home, when I still teenage in West Sumatra, around 2017 or may be 2018, it might be when I was 20, one years before my teacher in Creative Writings Class published my book, after Emil's Mentation that I publish on underground, my teacher publish my story with Gadis Siput, Narasi-narasi Episodik yang Bikin Baper Gadis Siput: After Yos Sudarso. I give Mr. Reeve one of that's book, then he gave me his published book by Komunitas Bambu. Nice conversations.

@

My mother usually went to my room. I don't know why, but it so disturb me. Even my mom praying for my successful in my dimensional-works, like writings, typing, tale, drawings, paintings in canvas or walls. But even if she disturb me, that I don't know her reason to always make cuckoos with her phone, or her bionic-head sounds with talk to me even if I don't want to talk with anybody, and when I thinking is it her is my biologic-parent or like Tarzan-life—this case her not my biologic-parent—with my first memory in first experience, I'm on outer space with much of stars, then a light-ball with blue and red color, explodes and make me fall to earth. Since that's experience, I know and believe the theory of big bang.

@

If there are more people beside Mr. Reeve that's asking me who am I, it would be lovely will I show that's I'm on studying about Niels Bohr biography with any facts about him, and I also study about Emil du-Bois Reymound biography and facts about him, and also Michio Kaku and anything about him. I don't have any reason of crap to Mr. Reeve, but I ask to him for write a testimonial—I mean, the endorsement, because that's was one of requirements in the page of BECOME AN AUTHOR on the publisher-website—and I'm already to next good conversation with Mr. Reeve more, especially about Physics if he interest of that. My name's Emil, and this is my confession.

@

I remember when Ghea Indrawari, an Indonesian musician that's before being a superstar when she make a song Jiwa yang Bersedih (Souls' Tears), she make another songs like Keajaiban (Miracle) which tells about when she's not predict about yearning and loving someone who's far away and she's believe of that's miracle got to change from her feeling of love into full of loving from her crush, then Kurelakan (Letting You Go) after my teacher in Creative Writing Class was publish the story about me and Gadis Siput which telling the one and only is Gadis Siput and I let her choice whatever is it, that I give her my tolerance to loving anybody. One of her song, Berjalan Meninggalkanmu (I Walk Out from Your Life) I sent to Kaoru when she betray me, after she said, "I'm not your girlfriend. Our relationship is not like that."

 But Ghea Indrawari send to me by an application in the one of social media, a piece of Dark Horse song from Katy Perry, "Make me your one and only!"

 Then I have a dream in my sleeping beauty, that I get intercourse with her naked bodies. That's my first experience with her, she riding me at up my stomach, I feels so lovely and also feels it so delicious moment, even if it just only one time. But I feel that I have a sin, my fault to my God, but in the next years, it couldn't be same anymore. Then she making a new song titled Bucketlist that's describing her dreams is just nihilist without someone that I didn't know until now, the one that she falling in love with him. In my delusion, my psychiatry in RSJ at Padang City is the real Ghea Indrawari's undercover, just like a shadow with a clandestine-technique.

@

One of evenings at middle of 2023, I ask my mother to recruit Nona Buku to being one of our publisher-plan members. When I told that, my mother asked me just to write that, because she now I'll forgot. We're at one of independent-bookshop at Padang City, on 10:07 PM. One of the most you have to know, Nona Buku is my admire lady because she not only pretty, she's smarter than me. Might be Nona Buku is my type, but I still coward to told my feeling to her. Even my life it's so complicated, beside my brother is abnormal being who stop my plan for marriage with anyone. When I ask to Nona Buku if I lend Jakarta Undercover by Moammar Emka, she said the books that I've lend before have to bringing back. I remember that, before I works this book, I borrow two books by Azhari Aiyub and a short live about Albert Einstein.

 Then I ask Nona Buku to talk face to face, she asked me to wait. And when the time's alright, I said to her, "Actually I insecure of this, but my mother train me to talk like this, 'I like you, but if you get disturb from me, just say of that.', so I told you this,"

 Nona Buku smiling and said, "Actually it's not something have to worry about, but I just could be your friend."

 "Okay. But if I disturb you with I don't aware or I don't know, just tell me, okay?"

 "Okay,"

 When my mother and me going back to our stay-place in Padang before we're really change from Bukittinggi to this city, I remember when I got rubbish-moment, an unfortunately and badness experience with a woman called Sonya. She takes my important mine from myself, my life, and cannot put it back even if she pushing that with anything. That's make me reminds about Putri Ariani, a singer without capable-eyes to look and just only could look a black atmosphere and only can to hear, touch, feels the food, and smell, the Loneliness song from this girl.

@

I don't believe in internet working, that's same kind like of walking without a map. There is no preface or anything to introducing what's the fact and what's the propagandist works. For example, when I look at the newspaper in one day after-past, that's not look-like belongs to yesterday or many times ago. That's was just only rubbish were believed with a dogmatist people, without enough of truth. Then a philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche call this was a nihilist or "Nothing absolute truth!" but so do I learn about semiotics.

@

My big brother, Syahreza Adika Putra's prefer to call himself by named Agam, have some desire to fight-physically with his blood-thirsty like drinking a sea water in the summer times or like drinking sea water on the Sahara—of course I didn't have go up there, but it's good describes for my one and only my brother, even thought our face and appearance is not similar but so far of same like fire and water and sky and earth—Agam is all of my perspective about Sri Krishna, but with burning-blood in his bodies, unlikely of researcher of peace, unlikely with Buddhist who's looking for arahat with calming down of living.

 I've ever red Eastern Philosophy a lot beside Buddhist and Hindu. I also knowing about my own nationals' philosopher, he named Ronggowarsito, was past away before Nusantara being to Republic Indonesia.

@

Then I know that's Pan Gu, mystique figure who create this universe.

[1] Nonsense of university