Chapter Five

I opened my eyes at eight and felt like dying. Del left water and my pills on the side table which I guzzled before falling back asleep. Two hours later, my head was fine, my stomach was eh, but my muscles...

I dragged my torso upright with a heaving breath, sweat slicking my brow. Getting out of bed felt like a strech, let alone appeasing my rotten stomach with some food. I sighed, shaking that defeated line of thinking while opening my bedside drawer. From it, I pulled my noise canceling earbuds and the CBD cream.

After shuffling my liked playlist, I tucked my legs into a butterfly pose to strech them. Then I applied the cream to my fingers before massaging it into my calves and thighs. It was ritualistic. Something I'd done since I was young to numb my legs enough to walk.

There was no permanent solution to MG. It's an autoimmune disease that got worse concurrently for the first five to seven years. I was on year four. In short, my immune system tricks cells to attack the muscles, and they lose connection to the nerves as a result, making them tire more easily. I had to watch my activity level now that I was diagnosed.

That happened just a year earlier. Before that, I wasn't on meds, and the doctor was furious, wondering why my previous physician didn't prescribed them. It was my uncle, and he wasn't a real doctor, but a holistic one. I didn't know any better and the CBD he gave me does help. Just not as well as certified medication.

When the door opened and Del poked his head in, there was no way to hide what I was doing. I smiled sheepishly, face turning rosy. Being caught in a flare while feeling embarrassed by my behavior yesterday...

See for yourself.

It was unbearable, but I took my out earbuds to hear him speak.

"Are your legs hurting?"

"Not bad, but yeah. And the joints of my arms and hands. I took my meds this morning so I should feel better soon, plus the CBD cream. Ugh, but I want to shower..."

"How about a soak instead? That's why we choose this apartment. I can put some Epsom salt in the water."

"We choose this aprtment solely so I could soak in the jacuzzi tub?" I scoffed.

Del opened the door wider and leaned on the jamb, broad shoulders taking up the whole doorway. Could he even fit in the jacuzzi tub?

"Well, since you're asking... I choose this place because it was a short walk to the campus, it's got the tub, sits only three stories up, and is less than a five minute drive to the hospital. Perfect for you."

I was speechless for a minute before pulling myself back together. Why did he have to appear so earnest when talking about that stuff? These were details I never even thought of, let alone planned for. Why was he doing it for me?

I never asked him to.

"I'll shower."

"Why? You're obviously hurting. I'll light that candle you like and make it an experience! Get some soft music and a book. Like self care, or whatever."

"I don't want to do self care. I want my body to work right."

Feeling miffed, I stood in one go. An onslaught of pins and needles rushed up the back of my calves, forcing a shiver. I staggered, gripping the bedside table. In the process, the lamp got knocked askew and my phone went flying across the floor. Del rushed closer with his hand outstretched, but stopped dead when I leveled him with a glare.

The slience echoed, my breathing ragged and too loud. I struggled to hold back both frustration at being weak and the suffocating feeling of Del's attention. He was so caring I felt sick to my stomach. Did that make me a bad person?

My fist curled at my side, and both legs wobbled but I ignored it. I would be the master of my body no matter the circumstance.

"We talked about this."

"I know," Del whispered.

"You said you'd be better if I agreed to move in with you."

"I know."

"Then let me shower."

I looked him in the eye, slumped stubbornly against the side table. Del stood at a loss for words. All I knew was I wanted him out of my room. He refused to move, and I snapped.

"Del."

"Uri," he prayed.

I closed my eyes. "Del."

"Uri."

I felt his overwhelming heat hover closer, but didn't react.

"Del."

One hand slid across my waist to rest on my stomach, fingers splayed. My breath caught. This was new, bolder than he'd been before. Goosebumps made the hair on my arms stand on end.

"Uri," he whispered against my ear. "Please."

I let my head fall back, knowing Del's shoulder would be there. We locked eyes, his burning the color of stormclouds. My heart beat raced through my ears and I wet my lips. He followed the movement with greedy eyes.

"I don't know what you want from me," I confessed.

"You'd be afraid to hear the kinds of things I want."

I hit him with the side eye. "I don't doubt it. Why can't you be a little less stubborn than me?"

"Because you're stubborn for pride, I'm doing it out of love."

"Funny how you sound like the hero in that scenario," I snorted.

Del answered by sweeping me off my feet. I yelped but didn't fight it, throwing myself back dramatically. It forced him to turn sideways while leaving the room. Of course he wouldn't dare hit my head.

"You're insufferable," I stated, crossing my arms.

"I know."

"Stop saying that. You're fake radiance is killing my eyes."

He pouted. "Fake?"

"Yes! You wanting to sleep with me settles the score by a slim margin."

"Dare I ask what score you're referring to?"

Del walked into the master bath and set me on the lounge seat. The whole wall was one way windows, giving us a view of the campus sprawling below. I pretended to study it while teaching my heart exercises I'd learned to calm down over the years... it wasn't working.

"The retraction to the mean. All things lie in equallibrium. Of course you'd want something out of the help you offer."

Del said nothing as he finished setting up the bath. I didn't expect him to. Those were the facts, right?

Humidity fogged up the glass, forcing me to turn around. Del set a towel near the edge with a plop, staring at it. His expression was so carefully controlled alarm bells went off in my mind.

"Del, I—"

He stopped me.

"My affection for you runs far deeper than my skin. It burrows into my marrow and threads between the nerves. I think of you daily, hourly, every minute. I worried for the boy who came to school covered in brusies long before I knew what sex was. My desire is natural but also never a factor in whether I choose to draw you a bath or cook you a meal. I would hope you think better of me than that."

Then Del turned and left, the door clicking shut behind him with a softness that killed.