Chapter 26

After a few days of being workless I got a job as a marketing agent. The boss was one of my previous customers. I worked for him but after a while I was asked to work from home. I was okay until I knew the reason. The karaoke owner's ego got hurt because I didn't come back to her and went to work for someone else. She made up stories and said it to my boss's side chick. She threw a tantrum I guess and he made me work from home. I met T again and she had quit her job by then. T told me about how the karaoke owner always talked shit about me behind my back. She even spread rumors that I was selling my body, after I left the karaoke.

I was so heartbroken and felt so betrayed and I even got to know the reason why she always excluded me from stuffs. All of her previous flings that we met, had left her for me. All of them liked me over her so she got jealous. I was so shocked when I learned that she told T and R that I loved one of her flings and he loved me too. She portrayed me as the bad guy of her love story. I was like woman stfu! You already have a husband and a child and you still have the audacity to do this. And she knew how much I loved my boyfriend at that time.

T was not paid her wage, which amounted up to almost 38,000. I encouraged her to talk to her otherwise she wouldn't even get a penny. T agreed and asked me to type stuffs for her, I did. This started a huge ass fight and they refused to pay T. Eventually we had to take some other way so T contacted the karaoke owner's latest fling (whom she really loved) and he convinced her to pay T.

Things were going pretty smoothly after that when I was suddenly kicked out from my job. I was shocked and I knew it was the karaoke owner's doing because she was suspicious of me helping T. I knew it was her doing because my boss said that I should go work at my previous karaoke again. I was really mad and I took the marketing stuffs and threw it at my boss's face.

We still keep in contact though because I don't really have any reason to be mad at anyone. I'm just really mad at myself for letting people like them enter and be a part of my life. I was really angry and showed all of it on my boyfriend. He was patient and listened to my shit. After a while I was better and trying to focus on more important stuffs. I sometimes think of leaving the guy, not because I'm bored of him or anything but, because the thought of him getting tired of me is really scary. I know that for now he will say that he won't leave me at any cost but there's so much that he can bear.

I know myself and how ugly my insecurities are, what if my insecurities engulf him and by the time I realize it he will already be gone with eyes filled with hate for me. I tried asking him for a break up yesterday but he wouldn't agree at all. I acted really mean and said a lot of mean stuffs thinking he might get hurt and finally leave me. But I couldn't bear to see that sad look on his face and said that I was just trying to prank him. I know I said that I won't be able to see him leave with his eyes filled with hatred for me, but, now that I think about it. I want him to leave hating every inch of me, at least that way he won't blame himself for not being enough. Instead he'll blame me for being so mean and rude. He'll be able to move on with his life without having the regret that he couldn't save his relationship. I want him to hate me so much to the point that he never wants to see my face again.

I don't want any part of me lingering around him because then he won't let me go. I know I'm really selfish and let it seem that way. If protecting his mental peace makes me the bad guy then I will gladly accept the title. He's not the only one, I want all the people in my life to, if not forget, then hate me. If he had agreed to my request yesterday then I would've just ran away leaving everyone and everything behind. I would disappear from everyone's sight. Sometimes I wish that I could loose my memories so I could start all over. Without any relationships, without any current problems and especially, I won't remember my present pathetic self.