Blaming Myself 2

The fourth period ended, and it was now lunch break. Well, it was my third period now because I got late going to school. I was walking slower than usual earlier.

What Mari said to me earlier stuck in my mind. Just remembering it was not only giving me some sort of uneasiness, it was also stabbing in my heart like a nail being forced through my skin.

I wanted to forget about it, but sadly, I couldn't. The reason for that was because Yumi wasn't going today. She always comes home with me every other day which happened to be yesterday, but the same goes for when she visits me in the classroom. She's sometimes busy with her club activities that she rarely comes to visit me.

She also sent me a message in the middle of class, saying that I can go and get my bike at the parking lot after school. When I tried replying to her, saying that it's bad to use her phone during school hours, the teacher caught me, and now I'm phoneless due to confiscation.

I didn't have any friends that I could talk to. I had one back in junior high, but they didn't graduate in this school and we never got the change to exchange contacts. I'm pretty sure Yumi has that person's contact, but since I don't have a phone for now, that's already out of the question.

"…Not coming today?" someone asked.

When I looked at the direction of where the voice came from, a saw a girl quietly reading a book just beside me. She's my next-seat neighbor. The only problem is that I don't know her name.

She's about just the same height as Yumi but a little taller and had the average black hair. She was also wearing some sort of collar, though I couldn't see very well since it was somewhat hidden by her hair.

"…Are you talking to me?" I asked.

"Look around and see if there's anyone else I'm talking to."

I did as she told me, and saw a lot of people. Well, more precisely, there was a lot of students in the classroom, but there was no one sitting in the nearby desks from where we were at.

"Seems like you don't look too good. Did getting scolded by our teacher earlier hit you that much?" she asked.

"…No, it was something else. And besides, I always look like I'm sick. Anyways, why are you willingly talking to me? We've never interacted before."

"'Never interacted before.' That's actually kind of funny," she said. Despite her saying that, she kept a straight face as she turned a page in the book. "It's just unusual to see you in this classroom every lunch break."

"What's so unusual about that?"

There was a lot of people that comes by this classroom every single break. Whether it'd be in morning assembly, lunch break, anytime they get the chance, they'd go here.

"You always hang out with that girl that always comes here to pick you up. I can't say that same for our other classmates, but it truly is just unusual."

"Huh. Well, that girl is supposedly busy with her club right now, so she can't hang out with me. I can't even contact her now because my phone got confiscated."

"That's your own fault, anyway."

And just like that, we both stayed quiet again. I didn't continue the conversation because just talking to a person I've never met is just pointless for me. Instead, my mind went back to what happened earlier.

"Even I'm trying to forget about you," is what she said after she got off the train. That could mean two things. There's the possibility that she's trying to forget about what she did to me back at that empty classroom. If that's the case, then why would she have to force herself to explain it to me if she's wanting to forget it?

The second possibility is her trying to forget about our past relationship. Now that I think about it, it was only fair that she'd want to forget about me. We broke up already, and it's much better to move on as soon as possible. Thinking of it like is kind of just…

It just hurts.

"Aren't you going to eat lunch?" the girl beside me asked once again while I was in the middle of my thoughts.

"…As much as I would love to, I can't. I do occasionally take some money with me, but right now, I don't have any because I left my wallet at home. I was lucky enough to even get treated by a random schoolmate a ride in the train."

I was planning on turning that sentence into a small lie, but seeing that Mari actually is my schoolmate, I didn't have much to say. She wasn't random, but we did happen to run into each other.

"Hmm," she hummed, somewhat uninterested. "Must be hungry, then?"

"I'd probably be able to survive the day."

Although Tomo-nee hasn't been able to make me lunch everyday, that taught me how to survive without eating by just drinking some liquids. Today was an exception though, because I didn't even have a hundred yen in me. I wasn't exactly sure about that, though. There's probably done loose change in my bag, but I was too lazy to check.

I could buy my own food during every lunch break, but I rarely ever use my money, and I'm not even saving it for anything. Thankfully though, Yumi is always there to treat me something. She was just a tad bit busy.

After the girl heard my response, she closed her book and placed it on her desk. She grabbed her bag and started getting something from it. After a bit of searching, she threw me what she had just gotten. It was a melon bread, just like the lunch I had yesterday.

"What's this?" I asked.

"If you can't already tell by the texture, it's melon bread. A friend of mine gave it to me earlier this morning, but I don't eat bread much, so you can have it."

"For real?"

"Of course. It's not good for a growing person to skip on their meals every time they get chance."

"Then, thanks for the food, uhh…"

"Morimoto. Emi Morimoto. Remember that name well, okay?"

"O-Okay. Thanks for the food, Morimoto-san. Mine's Hisakawa. Takuma Hisakawa."

"I know."

As I held the melon bread in my hands, I was yet again already lost in my thoughts. I've been treated by two people today, the first one being Mari buying me a train ticket, and my classmate, Morimoto-san, for giving me her food. I felt somewhat shameful of myself because of that.

"What about you, Morimoto-san?" I asked. "Have you eaten your lunch yet? If this was your only food, I wouldn't accept it, but…"

"So you're actually worried? Don't worry, I've already eaten lunch. You were too busy daydreaming that you didn't even see your neighbor eat."

Now that my worries were rest assured, I unwrapped the melon bread and started eating it. Morimoto-san just went back to reading her book. That's when my mind started wandering again.

In the last couple of days, my life was just kind of normal. After what Mari did to me unexpectedly, my mind has been a lot of mess. I really wanted to get rid of it. I was already trying to move on, but after that kiss, it's like she hit a reset button inside me, making me remember what we both had back then all over again.

There was only one person that was able to help me move on just a little after our break-up, and that was Yumi. She knew what I was going through back then, so she voluntarily stepped up to comfort me. This time, she doesn't know my situation, so forgetting about Mari was going to be a tough time for me.

There was also the option of just telling Yumi about what happened, but I wouldn't like that. Back then, ever since Yumi heard about me and Mari's break-up, she took a rest from her club activities just to stay by my side. Asking her for help once again, forcing her to go through that again, I didn't want that. I've already put a lot of burden on her shoulders by just being my friend, so putting more onto it would just be asking me to go ahead and take my life.

"…You're kind of a slow eater, aren't you?" Morimoto-san asked.

"…Hm? Oh, I just don't rush finishing my food quickly."

That was a lie. I could finish this melon bread in about five seconds if I wanted to. However, it's become a natural process for me to not eat too quickly and to just savor the flavor. Another reason is just I'm always thinking about something that trying to even focus on eating is tough.

"—Hey, Hisakawa-kun. Are you even listening?"

"…Huh?"

"I'm asking if you want some water or not?"

She was holding a half-drunk bottle of water just by my hand, almost touching it. I'm getting the feeling that she's giving me a bit too much.

"Maybe later. I usually drink water after I finish with my food."

"I'll just place it here then. You can give me the container back."

She placed the bottle on top of my desk.

She keeps interrupting me every time I'm trying to think. It's not annoying or anything, but the only problem is that it's happening almost frequently. I think I can consider that a good thing though, because if she keeps interrupting me, then I won't have to think about Mari that much.

…Wait, now that I think about it, that made a lot of sense. I could keep talking to her, and every time I try thinking or daydream about stuff that involves Mari, she can always interrupt me every time.

"Hey, Morimoto-san."

"Hm?"

"Would it be alright if you became my friend?"

After I asked that, she didn't say anything. Only silence, being the background noise of every single student in our classroom, was the one that kept us in check. she flipped a page or two before she finally gave me a response.

"What's that supposed to mean? A proposal? I'm not going to accept a marriage proposal from a classmate, you know?"

"Strangers wouldn't normally propose to the people they literally just met…"

Now that I think about it, I was being way too direct with her. Because of what I said, there's a possibility that she'd end up hating me for the rest of the school days.

Now my mind was in alert mode. Her accepting my request would mean a safe one for me, and her declining it would mean that the possibility of her hating me could happen. Just as I was in these thoughts, she spoke.

"We only just met, so there's no way we're becoming friends just from that."

"Yeah, I guess that's a rejection…," I whispered.

"But we can just stay like this. Despite us not knowing each other real well, you're somewhat an enjoyable companion to talk to. I'll be counting on you in the future, Hisakawa-kun."

…Wait, so she declined my request, but she didn't end up hating me. Is this what people call "task failed successfully?"

According to her words, that could probably be a good thing for me. It's better to start off as just mere acquaintances. Suddenly just announcing to her to become my friend just sounded creepy. That one was on me.

I finished up the melon bread, having a complicated sense of accomplishment, and drank the water she gave to me. I accidentally emptied it out, but when I handed it to her, she didn't seem to mind.

The reminder bell rang. It felt like a long time had passed while we were both talking. In an instant, the students that was not in this class said goodbye to their friends, and went to their respective classrooms. My classmates went back to the classroom and went to their respective seats as well.