Blaming Myself 5(end chapter)

"What happened to you today?" Yuumi asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for someone who looked really sad yesterday, you suddenly seem to be doing fine all on your own. Actually, you look like you've seen an angel descend from above, but in an unemotional way. Something good happened to you?"

"You're exaggerating it a bit too much, but…I don't know."

"It's that, then."

I really needed to stop myself from responding something like that whenever I want to try lying from a yes-no question.

"I won't ask you what it is, but you're free to tell me anytime. Although I'm feeling a little worried about you, just seeing you doing fine is more than good enough for me. Just be good, alright?"

Hearing all that made a lot of guilt wash over my heart. Keeping a secret from her, especially since she was the one who tried make me forget about Mari and the one who comforted me when we broke up, was a burden that I'd have to try hiding from her until Mari and I sort it out.

It felt as if I was betraying Yumi here. She's the only other person whom I can rely on, especially back then, but now I'm going to try to help the person I wanted to forget the most. The one I asked Yumi to erase from my memories. More and more, the pain and guilt became more and more pent-up.

"Thanks for everything you've done for me, Yumi…," I mustered, trying my best to keep my voice straight. One day, I'll definitely tell her about what I've done. And I wish that she'll punch me real hard in the face because of it.

We kept walking towards our destination. Although I was late from going home yesterday, this time I was a little earlier than back then. The sun still rose from the sky, barely touching the horizon. The sky was orange but it didn't appear to setting anytime soon for a another few hours.

"How's everything at your club so far? What about the thing you called me for earlier this morning when you had to borrow my bike?" I asked.

"Ah, that. Well, my junior is just such a rascal! Even though I was right in front of her, she managed to slip past me every time I get the chance to grab her! All the clothes were in vain, so I couldn't, no, shouldn't stop until I grabbed her!"

"Uh-huh. Then what?"

"In the end, I couldn't get her…"

"Pfft."

"Don't laugh!" she said as she straighten up her body, facing me as she pouted.

"Sorry. And then what?"

She leaned on my shoulder again like a kid wanting their parent's company.

"Well, although I couldn't get her, one of the senpais from the club did manage to convince her to give back the clothes before morning assembly started. And she listened so easily! It's making me wonder if I'm even a good senpai…"

"Nope. You're not even close."

"Taku-chan, why are you striking me deeper when I'm already down…"

What I said was somewhat true in a sense. She was clumsy at a lot of things besides swimming, she always acts like a child whenever she's with me, and she always gets bad grades at school.

"But to me, you are a senpai. I'm not striking you deeper when you're already down, but when I was down, you were always there for me. You always kept me company even when I was feeling like an absolute pain for you. So even if I do say that you're not a good enough senpai, that's just for other people. To me, you'll be the only senpai that I'll ever be friends with."

I kept walking the bike she was riding on, but she didn't say or do anything and kept her position, which was just leaning her head on my shoulders, and stayed like that.

"Huh… Well, I guess I am older than you," she said after a few minutes.

That was true in a serious sense. She's five months older than me, so even though we were the same age, time tells us that Yumi is the person who's oldest.

"Thanks, Taku-chan. You're someone who I can truly rely on even if my problems are just trivial."

"And I need you as well. It's only natural that we should be looking after each other. After all, you're my best friend."

"And a childhood one at that," she said, her tone sounding happy as she smiled.

I kept walking while pushing the bike. Moments like these were meant to be cherished. I kept every single part of my brain vacant for these memories to enter my mind, never to be forgotten. After a bit, we both reached out houses. After we both said our farewells, we entered our homes.

This time, I was all alone. Although there were some shoes in the shoe rack, most of it are just casual ones. Tomo-nee and Dad hasn't gotten home today since I was a little earlier than yesterday. I had the house all for myself.

But even then, I had no idea on what I should do. I could just go and sleep, but that was rather boring unlike yesterday. I wasn't feeling tired, but I did feel empty.

I headed to the fridge to get a can of juice. I popped it opened, went to the living room and turned on the television. I didn't aim for any particular channels, and just kept surfing it. I didn't land on anything. This television was more of a background noise than anything.

Just when I took a sip from my juice, I heard the entrance door open. Since it was locked when I entered, it must be one of my family members. It could be Tomo-nee, but it's still kind of early from her usual, and Dad comes home after Tomo-nee does, or they both reach the house at the same time. Mom's also out of the question, since she's always working late. Which must boil down from one person, being Yumi. But she doesn't have a key.

"I'm home…," a woman voice said, distressed.

When she entered the living room and saw me, she immediately placed her bag on the ground and sat right next to me.

"Pretty rare of you to come home in the afternoon," I said.

"I finished the work earlier since I was forced to do everything every night. Can I have a sip?"

"Here," I said as I handed her my can.

The woman sitting right next to me who was wearing an office uniform was my mother, Miku Hisakawa. She's an office worker like Dad, but they both work for different companies. She's beautiful, has short blue hair, and she's just about the same height as Tomo-nee, meaning I'm more taller than her.

She looked really tired. She was leaning onto my body as she drank my juice. I didn't move nor resist and just stayed put. After a bit, she gave me my juice back. Mom didn't drink much, so there was just about three quarters left from the can.

"You seem to be in a neutral mood today, Takuma. Something good happened to you?" Mom asked.

"Why is it that every time I'm just sitting or standing, you always notice if there's something happening with me?"

"I mean, it's kind of obvious. Come on, won't you share? Your mom here just got home and is worried about the well-being of her son."

"It just feels like you're just interested in my school life more than anything.

"Well, after what happened half a year ago, how could I not?"

Everything just happened so suddenly. She suddenly mentioned something from my bitter past that I couldn't even come up with a response. It seems like the breakup really did a toll on me.

"I'm not going to be kind to you just because you were down back then. Even now, I'll still be the usual. But if you won't tell me what's happening with you, I'll be worried sick about you."

She was really insensitive. She always says what's on her mind, and she doesn't care about other people's opinion, even her own children. But even so, she still worries about me a lot. She's the example of a loving parent, and I appreciate her for that. I still didn't talk, though.

"Oh right. Speaking about six months ago, when are you going to get another girlfriend?" Mom asked.

"What's with that sudden question? And why are you even thinking about having your son in a relationship?"

"Unlike before, you were really young back then. I mean, having a relationship at 13 years old? A lot of things can happen and the bad ones are not excluded. This time, though, you're old. 16 years old, turning 17 soon, so you should know the ropes of a proper relationship. It's not like we disapproved of that, but it was still a little early for a kid."

"Even if you say that, I haven't even found anyone that's willing to accept me."

"How about Yumi-chan? She's someone who's accepted you for who you are."

"You always say that. As much as I'd like to date Yumi, we can't. I don't think she even sees me as a potential love interest. You always mention her when it gets to this topic. It feels like you're not serious."

"I am serious about the both of you dating. You like her, and you wouldn't know anything about whether she likes you or not, so don't go around making assumptions. Just give it a try."

Believe it or not,Yumi and my parents has been wanting the both of us to date since forever. Yumi and I only know this because it comes up every time we try to make small talk when going home from school.

I do, in fact, like Yumi. We've been together since childhood that it's impossible to just cast away these feelings for her. The only problem is that I'm scared. I'm scared of the rejection that she might give me. That's why I'm fine with just the both of us being friends.

"…No. I'm still not gonna do it."

"Your loss. If that girl happens to find someone who's better than you, you're gonna regret not ever asking her out."

"If that ever happens, then I'll be rest assured that someone better than me is taking care of her. I can't cook, after all."

"We're both just the same people who doesn't cook, but look how me and your dad turned out."

"You're not childhood friends. And besides, you know how to cook, you're just lazy."

"Thought I was gonna fool you there. But if she ever found someone that isn't you, you can be rest assured that I'll be punching you in the face if you can't get her back."

"…I'll try my best if that ever happens."

"Okay, that's good enough for me. You're a great son, Takuma," Mom said with a smile.

I really loved these moments. Back when I was a child, back when she was still doing her part-time job at the nearby convenience store, she always had her time spent with both me and Tomo-nee after both of our classes ended. We always enjoyed it every time we went home from school, and we could tell Mom also enjoyed it as well.

The time just kept flowing. I stopped at a random channel about animals and just mindlessly stared at it, not even paying attention to what the people was saying about them. The only thing I could feel from their commentary was nothing.

My shoulders felt heavy. I noticed that Mom was breathing rather rhythmically. It felt somewhat familiar to Mari's breathing. When I looked at my side, I saw her with her eyes closed, sleeping soundly as she turned me into her pillow. I didn't move an inch and just stayed at my position. I didn't want to wake her up, seeing she already had a rough day.

After a short while, the rest of my family was home.