Trying Man

Hentai Shinobi Rule 53: It's not peeping but information gathering. (Credits to @Martins Blekte)

***

Team 9 had the odds stacked against them from the beginning without their knowledge. With Konoha's spy already rooted out and replaced, their failure to fulfill the objectives was inevitable. Yet, everyone had their doubts. Team 9 revealed a few lapses in judgment, the most damning of which were the lack of corpses of Tsunade's and Kai's opponents, alongside Kai instantly killing the spy instead of escorting the man to Konoha before exposing him to the higher-ups and letting them do as they wished.

Compared to Kai's evidently ridiculous explanations about the loss of Ameyuri's corpse or the act of killing the spy, Tsunade had it better since Katsuyu's innards dissolved the corpse.

Beyond these issues was the collateral damage from the mission—the charred scars of Ameyuri's rampant lightning on the city and its people. The loss of life, though regrettable, was most likely going to be written off if one recalled the origins of Red Strip's population. However, the loss of infrastructure to such a degree meant the loss of trust the town once earned from the affluent traders hoping to smuggle their products through the borders. These merchants would seek other options after the carnage, impacting Fire Daimyo's control over the civilian side of the Land of Fire.

It was problematic… because it meant a series of paperwork, which annoyed Hiruzen—leading him to straddle Tsunade with more annoying missions.

—the chain of command at its best.

So, a little rest was in order before facing the hourly session of her Sensei droning about his issues balancing work and life with a new infant on the way. With Kai's performance and seeing the Kiba Swords, Tsunade admitted a little reward would go a long way, given his other demand of skipping the Chunin Rank into becoming the youngest Jonin was almost fantastical—just like the idea of Kai killing THE Ameyuri Ringo.

The recollection of the night Kai tested his affinity flashed in her mind again.

The Youngest Jonin…

Once she remembered the cloud of skirmishes and the whirlpool of war looming over the horizon, a sense of anxiety gripped Tsunade's heart.

What should she do?

What can she do?

<<<>>>

"YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF! No, truly! Just tear your guts and hang from them. Even better! Drown in a puddle of water. I think I'm repeating that particular idea. It would be simple! Just create a puddle from your piss and boom! Dead by the stench of your whorish cunt!"

Say what you will about Kyubi and its infamy, Mito could testify that the worst from the Biju's mouth wasn't country-erasing masses of chakra condensed and primed for explosions but its vicious tongue—something Mito had constantly sharpened after sealing it within, a symptom worsening by days.

"Could you shut it, dattebase? You're annoying."

It was rare for Mito to indulge the fox inside her and rarer to return to her previous vocabulary of snapping with the same verbal tick haunting a few unfortunate Uzumaki members—well, the two surviving members, at least.

Lying on the bed, not even trying to act like an old woman given her exhaustion, she kept replaying the same few uncompromising… positions.

It was weird.

Of course, Mito was mostly relieved Kai was unaware of who the 'Onahole' was… But she never considered the youth to be so dark with his desires. Mito had to conclude that this was primarily due to the circumstances. Besides, it's not like she could judge others as if without sins.

Her thoughts were in a mess. A good portion of her ideas revolved around staging her death immediately. But what would that achieve? Again, staging death sounded nice on paper, offering a fresh start. However, Mito was wise enough to look beyond those empty promises.

"Not smart enough!" snarled the Kyubi. It was guttural and laced with hellish fury. "You're a monster! You should be sealed inside me!"

"No, thanks. I don't wanna feel you rutting with other animals."

"And you believe I enjoy the sensation of—GRAGHHH! MITO!"

Mito sighed, eventually cutting the connection. She knew things from within, possessing another skill from the Kyubi, and could sense the emotions of those around her—including the furry demon.

'I need to stop…' Mito gripped the sheet under the blanket, her toes clamping down with an annoying emotion bubbling in her gut. She was far from perfect and claimed a checkered past even before her marriage. However, being a troublemaker to the core did not blind Mito to what happened.

It was fun and games, acting like an Onahole. Unlike Kai's apparent reluctance to ever accept the young ones in his life as an adult, despite a record of being a murderer for Konoha, Mito was born and bred in this world. Given the general life expectancy of Genins and Chunins, the unfortunate ones, the several teams that graduated this year already experienced half of their lifespans. So, the Shinobi-kind were quick with their societal expectations. Heck! Kirigakure had the custom of only allowing half the class to graduate, turning the other half into one of the many corpses in the budding mountain for the graduate's goals and ambitions.

But all in all, after everything, and despite all the kind of weird experiences she encountered in her life, Mito felt a little lost.

She'd always heard of a sense of emptiness within men once they dumped the contents churning within their sacs. Hashirama used to go silent every time as if he'd committed a grave sin by trying to impregnate his wife…

Wait a minute…

Was he like that with the homewrecker?

Mito frowned before moving on.

They both died. So? Who cares?

She only wanted to focus on herself… lying down… Just…

Mito touched her neck. The imprint of her caretaker's firm grip healed long ago.

'But what if he had bitten me?' Mito gulped to wet her parched throat. 'It would have left a mark. It's not like Kai knows Hashirama's senjutsu… he could have sunk it near my neck or shoulders, and it would have exposed me.'

'Gah!' Mito groaned and curbed her constantly swaying emotions.

No!

She wouldn't abuse Kai's trust anymore.

The boy might have stopped holding her to a pedestal, but his care and attention remained a singular constant in her life.

'I… indeed, I can't do it. But Kai might blow things out of proportion if his so-called 'captive' doesn't return.' Mito worked her jaw.

When and how did her life and plans suddenly center around a Genin's whim, albeit a talented one, and his raging desires possibly fueled beyond the norms by some unique mechanism of the latter's chakra reserves?

Mito knew the answer but wasn't willing to admit any of it.

'And the little bastard might try choking me if I try the same act as before…'

It wasn't this thought compelling Mito's toes to frantically bite into the sheets, her legs locked together.

Yeah… it must have been the Kyubi's doing.

"You unreasonable cunt…"

<<<>>>

With emotions rose urges, and these urges always filtered to the nearest source of temptation due to lacking control. Now, Kai had control. He could always flick the switch and restrain the cocktail of emotions he'd grown to despise and desire—from helplessness to bliss.

So, it was only due to his damn luck making him reincarnate in a kid's form, despite looking like a teen, that made his possible attempts futile. The most unfortunate fact was that his circumstances were exemplary.

He'd defeated Ameyuri Ringo, a woman worth millions in the Bingo Book, and laid his claim on the Kiba Swords. These achievements were something no amount of repetition could stale. Its whispers would always invoke awe within the listeners and, hopefully, a desire to help Kai fulfill his admirable goal of uniting the Shinobi Villages under one coc— uh… sac— no, ehm, nut…

Peace?

Yeah, that sounded right to Kai despite his body almost rebelling in concern with the predictable decline of the members of a section of the community opposing Kai with their mere existence!

Anyway, his results already merited a reward from Tsunade.

He'd demanded a visit to a mixed onsen to boost morale. Tsunade being there would merely be a lucky coincidence. For Rikudo's sake! Two teams ambushed Team 9! Kai was deeply worried about his team's state of mind.

Well, primarily Kushina and Mikoto. So, as the Team's Medic, he advised the girls to rest and recover alongside Nono while standing guard in the Onsen with Tsunade-Sensei.

As usual, the devils twisted his concern and worry, falsely accusing him of being perverted!

The galls!

Wouldn't he have done things to Ameyuri if he were a tad bit perverted?

Whatever happened to reciprocating concern with kindness?!

"Sigh…"

*Splash*

An unceremonious splash of a mug of water caused Kushina to yelp like an aggrieved kitten in the bath. Her red locks instantly covered her face like wet fur, causing her to grumble under her breath and groan.

"Be gentle, Kai-chan!" She huffed, brushing back the curtain of red hair. While the baths were separate, Kushina took it upon herself to introduce Kai to the wonders of performing the same duties he did in the Uzumaki Residence… only elsewhere. So, here he was, stuck with washing the slick devil's hair.

"Well, you're clean," Kai sighed, bunching her hair behind before tying it into a bun. "There. Now let me wash up, and I'll meet you guys in the bath."

"What?" Kushina leaned back, puckering her lips. She reached out for the towel to cover herself. "I don't wanna be the first person to expose myself, dattebane! It was your idea. You do it!"

"Oh?" Kai visibly brightened. "Why don't you dry yourself and just sleep?"

Hey, a man can try again, right?

"Hmph! Not a chance, Perv-Chan!"

And he visibly deflated.

*Splash*

"Ahh!" Kushina yelled. "What'd you do that for?"

"Oh, settle down," Kai muttered, setting aside the emptied mug. "You're going into the hot spring. What does it matter?"

"Ah… um, I heard you yell. Are you okay?" a meek voice followed the door's opening as the staggering Mikoto surprised the duo.

"Did we interrupt something?" Nono inquired, her voice strangely resembling the professionally nosy individuals capable of veiling their curiosity with a curtain of indifference.

"What are you two doing here?" Kai inquired, counting his lucky stars for the towel around his waist.

"Well…"

Ripe red, Mikoto lowered her head, fidgeting.

"I heard you always bathe with Kushina," Nono began with a smile as she looked around. "Even if a temporary member of Team 9, I wanted to take this moment to get to know you guys better."

"Okay," Kai shrugged, evidently unbothered as his voice adopted the same inflections within Nono's tone. Eyes darting, Kai smiled. "Sensei's gonna join us?"

Mikoto scoffed, "Tsunade-Sensei is already done with the wash. She's on the other side."

"Well," he sighed. "Pick a soap and get to scrubbing. We all got pretty roughed up in the mission."

"What should I do?" Kushina inquired, her eyes cautiously sizing the towel-covered Nono.

"Dunno," Kai filled the mug with water before drenching himself. "Well, I'm clean."

He wasn't even close—in body, soul, and heart. But who was keeping the record here?

"I'm going ahead ~," he practically skipped, leaving the trio in awkward silence.

"Why are you here?" Kushina crossed her arms, eliciting honest confusion from Nono, who tilted her head.

"To clean myself?"

"I don't like you," Kushina concluded, feeling no reason to hide her distaste for her temporary teammate since their mission would end tomorrow.

"Ah, I hope we can improve our relationship in the coming years," Nono smiled cordially, adding, "Dear Manager."

<<<>>>

Temptation had a form, and she lazily leaned against the edge of the open-air onsen within a peaceful village dozens of kilometers from Red Strip. With a towel wrapped around her hair, arms sprawled behind the edge and appearing like a mirage hidden by the steam and mineral water, she was none other than Tsunade. She rested with her eyes closed, adopting even breathing despite sensing Kai's entrance and his awe-struck form as he almost drooled at the sight.

What he could create in the room was nothing comparable to the beauty he witnessed tonight.

Carefully dipping in the water, Kai resisted the alluring thoughts and the tempting whispers in his ears urging him to sink inside the onsen and witness glory!

He couldn't act like a kid after enjoying the experience of a lifetime within Konoha's First Lady's mouth.

'Wait…' Kai stalled, a sudden thought making him fretful and anxious. 'What would Tsunade think if she found out about Mito-sama?'

Though the cases of Noble lords drowning in the pleasure of the flesh were known to enjoy a broader range of kinks, Kai couldn't predict Tsunade's reaction to that information.

On the one hand, she had constantly been supportive and patient with Kai, eventually becoming a figure he came to respect.

On the other hand… she had a record of breaking the men who slighted her, Jiraiya and Dan being exemplary examples to Tsunade's male peers in destroying any thoughts about romantically pursuing the woman—much to the latter's chagrin.

Could a woman not hospitalize other men without scaring them?!

"What?" Tsunade barely cracked open a slit between her eyelids, pinning the dazed Kai with a narrowed gaze. Her exhale mixed with the steam, her once fair skin now flushed around her neck, shoulders, and the rising slope of her breasts, hanging from her pecs freely.

Kai puckered his lips, almost caught lacking by the slightest flash of something pink a bit further into the water. Clearing his throat, he shook his head while folding his towel and placing it above his head.

"Nothing… uh… sorry if my look bothered you or something…"

Surprise flashed within Tsunade's eyes as she opened them entirely before shrugging, the movement almost flashing Kai the 106.

"Don't worry about it. I wouldn't have agreed to a shared bath if brats like you bothered me." She sighed, revealing a complicated look. "I remember how Nawaki and I were like you and Kushina and used to share the bathe… I should have just dragged him and washed his hair more."

"Lost chances, eh," Tsunade chuckled.

"His loss…" Kai muttered.

"Oi," Tsunade snorted. "Only I get to speak shit about Nawaki even if he's no longer with us."

Kai shrugged before settling near Tsunade as the remaining trio soon entered the onsen.

"Kai-chan!" Mikoto hissed. "Close your eyes."

He shrugged again. If anything, he wouldn't have bothered to look in Mikoto's direction since the stars look divine from the onsen. Closing his eyes, Kai sprawled his arms out like Tsunade, exhaling loudly and leaning back as the remaining tension within his nerves and muscles flooded out.

"You can open them."

He heard Mikoto's voice but shook his head.

"Just a few minutes. It's very relaxing."

The soft splashes of water as the girls entered the echoed.

It was so drastically different. Kai could almost lick the sensation of his racing pulse and the devilish adrenaline coursing in his system, encouraging him to win against Ameyuri. A loss was unacceptable to Kai, not because it resulted in his death. Heck! He did not mind a loss in spars either.

But something was thrilling about overcoming the enemy who was giving their all. Watching them helpless and squirming, their lives in his hands, was oddly… peaceful.

It was the contrast of the chaotic battle and its end.

The difference between rumbling thunder from before and the gentle splashes of onsen after victory.

It was the second time Kai experienced the joy of battle, but he took a step further and relished the peace of victory.

Kai imagined himself perving over Tsunade but suddenly lost all the motivation. He began to understand why Tsunade was so relaxed, and boy, was he glad for it.

'It even beats the relaxation from disciplining other kids,' Kai exhaled, opening his eyes but leaving his gaze to the stars. He was sure Kushina, Mikoto, and Nono were saying something—arguing. But he heard none of it. Instead, he listened to his body's call for a respite, leisurely closing his eyes before dozing off in the water.

A damn good battle, a hot bath, and a willing Onahole to get home to—Kai felt grateful to the world and his fortunes, ironically feeling somewhat humble.

It was as if Kai needed one right moment to realize these few things, enduring months of recklessly chaotic emotions to finally grasp something more.

'I'll still fuck around with orphans… but it can be more of a hobby instead of a job, right?'—thought the Genin, already in Konoha's employ.

<<<>>>

While relaxing was nice, Tsunade and Kai never forgot the crucial hint about the current circumstances nearby. So, they watched Kushina, Mikoto, and Nono sleeping—all of them drugged by Tsunade.

"It was a risky move, Sensei," Kai mused, crouching beside Nono. "You just risked their lives by spiking their tea."

"It would have been dangerous if you weren't so sure that whatever was within Nono stopped tracking us." A shadow loomed over Tsunade's features as she stood behind Kai, observing him go about Nono's body with cold precision and unwavering focus.

"It happened during Ameyuri's first attack," Kai frowned. "But I'm still on the fence if Nono was an accomplice… we could save ourselves the trouble and kill her now."

He blinked, feeling Tsunade's incredulous stare. Kai turned around and shrugged, "What? Attacking a fellow shinobi isn't a traitorous act if they're a spy, right?"

"No… well, did you not hear the three arguing?"

"I slept through most of it. Why?"

"Aren't you trying to be the youngest Jonin? I'll let you figure it out, Medic-chan. The point is the chances of Nono being a spy are unlikely. Now, describe everything you found about Nono in detail."

Kai scoffed. Yet his annoyed glare turned into an admiring gaze as he watched Tsunade fold her arms beneath her chest, appearing to be a hauntingly stunning specter. All of it filled Kai's mind with ideas, debauched ones.

As Kai reported everything, he couldn't help but think of something.

"What if… it was something organic?"

"Hmm?" Tsunade lifted her brow, pondering over the possibility.

"It's like Lady Katsuyu's ability to mask your chakra, Sensei. It's a nifty ability, really. However, isn't it also possible that Nono had something living inside or on her, that masked its chakra while constantly releasing extremely discreet pulses of Chakra to track us?"

Tsunade's expression further darkened. She almost didn't want Kai to continue this train of thought as he hummed.

"Let's assume my suspicions are correct, not that they are—just an assumption. It means someone within Konoha is a spy; it's not really news at this point. Following the line of the source of tracking being living and organic would mean Nono consumed it, like how you spiked her tea. Also, whatever she consumed must have resisted her digestive system's efforts to corrode it… maybe the Aburame—"

"That's enough," Tsunade cleared her throat. "Forming conclusions without all the information—even if assumptions—could get you in trouble. You had your chance. Step aside and let me inspect her."

"Fine." Kai huffed, giving way.

Tsunade's inspection was more thorough, yet it didn't get any results.

"Heh," Kai chuckled. "At least the spy did their homework. They planned for everything and bypassed everyone's sensory range."

"Not yours," Tsunade glanced at him.

"It's a fuinjutsu," he shrugged, surprising Tsunade by adding, "I'm not comparable to others when it comes to being a sensor."

Still, Tsunade overlooked the sudden bout of humbleness from the brat and exhaled.

"Nono… will have a target on her back once we return."

Kai shrugged. How was that his problem—

"I might even have to make her stay with me for a while to ensure she's safe…"

"Absolutely," Kai nodded thoughtfully. "I'll join in for extra protection, Sensei. I'm your guardian, after all."

"Sure. Once you return what you took."

"I've got no clue," Kai denied before clearing his throat. "Ehm, you also look tired, Sensei. Would you care for a massage?"

"I told you we're never doing it again."

"Nope. You said you're never entering my room."

Tsunade tossed the boy a flat glare before pointing at his bedding. "Go to sleep. I'll keep the first watch."

<<<>>>

The morning was sluggish and casual, with the trio waking up with surprisingly tired groans, unaware of what transpired in the dead of the night. Tsunade and Kai were in a tacit understanding that letting the girls know too much was nothing more than endangering them further beyond the usual risks of missions outside Konoha.

Spent, relaxed, and now hungry, everyone transformed into civilian clothing again before visiting the local restaurant and swiftly ordering a bunch of items from the breakfast catalog. Several dishes soon filled their tables under the gazes gleaming with hunger for some warm food.

Ordinarily, the Team would be on a swift return to Konoha. Staying longer than usual was never recommended.

However, these were extraordinary times, and Kai made a few sound arguments before tucking in for the night.

What if the mastermind behind the ambush prepared for failure and prepared traps within the Team's retreating route?

It might not be obvious; however, Team Leaders were often provided with precise and secured routes to complete the mission before returning. Should these routes be compromised, the Team Leader must report everything on the mission summary.

Team 9's recent experiences forced Tsunade to accept that their return might not be easygoing.

Ameyuri's arrival boasted the mastermind's determination to get… rid of Kai. While not being narcissistic, like a particular chalk-skinned asshole who thought himself above everything and refused her assistance, Tsunade was quite surprised by the fact. There was also another point of view—Ameyuri was a brilliant Kunoichi. Her employer might also be entirely confident of Kai's demise or be forced to rethink their options should they have a method to learn about Ameyuri's death. The chances of their return being a plain affair were not unfounded.

Still, it was only fair for Tsunade to let her team eat their fill should she lead them into an ambush.

It's the least she could do.

"So?" Nono began, her gaze suddenly intense as she locked eyes with Kai, whose cheeks expanded and spread with stuffed rice and eggs.

"Sho?" He chewed rapidly, trying to gulp it all like the champ Mito made him aspire to become.

"Don't listen to her," Kushina scoffed. Mikoto also looked… dark…

Kai blinked at the realization.

Was she experiencing that during the mission?

Tough.

'At least the bath went uneventfully,' Kai mused. 'Huh. No wonder Mikoto wanted me to close my eyes. She must have been embarrassed.'

Kai… was correct for all the wrong reasons.

"Uh…" Kai mustered under Nono's sharp gaze as Tsunade quietly sipped from her saucer of tea… spiked with alcohol.

He put his bowl down, shrugging. "I wasn't paying attention to things yesterday. Care to repeat what I should have an answer for?"

Kushina bristled. "She's just being stupid, Datte—" she coughed, breaking into a cold sweat under Tsunade's stare since they couldn't afford to reveal their identities. Even the slightest hint in others' presence could result in drastic consequences.

"I see," Nono cleared her throat. "We were constantly interrupted. So, I never got to explain why I tagged along."

'Probably the need to get ahead of the competition and enter the harem soon to be founded by the Youngest Jonin~!' Kai cackled internally. That would be something. 'Sigh… I wish. All I attract are…'

His gaze wandered to the positively quiet and dangerous duo.

"Sure, I'm listening," Kai sighed. "You want to train or spar? Or some lessons in Iryo-Ninjutsu?" He drawled. "I don't think you'll be as good at it as Minato, but I'll be open to sharing a few tips about Fuinjutsu. Of course, I'll only do that if you explain your Genjutsu in detail."

"Sure," Nono instantly brightened. "But I tagged along because I heard about your dream and want to support it! Once again—" she lowered her voice, ensuring none other than the team heard her. "I'm Nono Yakushi, and I'd like to know more about you and your harem before joining it!"

Kai blinked, utterly calm… well, that's the only expression he could show as he kept staring into the distance under everyone's observation.

He pulled back, soon allowing some confusion to slip, his gaze betraying bewilderment.

The what?

A harem?

Whose?

'Mine?'

Kai's eyes crinkled, and his brows knotted. Confusion laced his voice.

"Wait… I have a harem?"

A strange silence blanketed the table, prompting Tsunade to sip another shot of the courage juice she needed for the trip because she could almost predict Kai being a source of a lot of trouble, questions, boasts… and propositions.

***

Alternate Title: Administration: What Happened To The Corpses? (Kai and Tsunade: Nervous Whistling); Stacked Odds; Odds Are Meant To Be Overcome!—Jiraiya's War Cry Before Invading Women's Bath; Merciful Bath; The Gracious Reward; Chest Ahead; Chest Marked 106; The Real Two Piece; The Pink and Heaven; Under The Stars; Kai Is a Trying Man; Devils Are Known To Twist And Pervert The Righteous Heard Beating For Justice; The Manager?; Kushina: Allow Me To Introduce Slavery—ehm, Servitude; The Hair Washer Of The Last Uzumaki Princess; The Strangely Gracious Tsunade; Even Stranger Humble Kai; Thunder And Splashes; Kai Achieved The Understanding Of Peace… We're Cooked; The Orphans Are Now… a Hobby?; Crying Orphans Noise; Searching Nono; Spiked; Twisted Trust; Breakfast; Considered Ambushes; Say What?; Insert (You're Getting Paid?) Memes; Nono's Intentions; No! Kushina! You Were Supposed To Help The Harem, Not Block It (In Obi Wan's Voice); Tsunade Getting Her Buzz On For the Battle, Or Worse, The Smug Kai Emboldened By The Flames Of Ambitions; Harem Concerns

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The Kai Meme

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