Felicia and the Goddess

"I know you are in pain child, but you are still very strong. I would not have brought you here if you were not. You can still turn the fates in your favor. I will send you back and you can change everything with the knowledge you now possess."

Felicia laughed manically. Dixie flinched. There was something wrong with Felicia's eyes. It was tinged with insanity. She looked like she was barely keeping herself composed. Long suffering had broken her. 

How much time has passed since her execution and this exchange? Has Felicia been trapped in this white world for some time now? She giving off the vibes of someone who has been locked inside a box. First the annex and now this place. Poor baby is still not free.

"If you send me back Goddess, I will kill them all! That will be the only difference! I do not care in the least about saving the empire from evil! I will be the evil that visits them! I want revenge! I want all those who have hurt me to suffer as much as I did!"

Dixie felt a connection to the words. She felt as if she herself had uttered the same thing at one point. But when? And why?

"What liberation will that bring you, child? Momentary satisfaction, certainly. But not the freedom and peace you seek. You soul will never find peace if you proceed with such hatred."

"My soul demands vengeance. I cannot find my peace until I have brought justice for myself! That is not hatred! I have never hated for the sake of hatred! I always tried to do the right thing! Where did I go wrong?!"

Felicia pulled at her hair. "No! I have gone wrong nowhere. I have harmed nobody and yet they all chose to harm me. I will not make peace with the scoundrels. I will not help those who showed me no mercy!"

"And yet you must. I do not devalue your suffering by saying that, but you must release the hatred within you. Draw upon your selfless and compassionate heart and forgive the ones who have hurt you."

"How dare you!? How dare you ask me to do something like that?! I am no longer capable of such! All I feel is pain and anger! How can I possibly just let that go!? They must pay!"

The Goddess's eyes closed for a moment before opening. "Do you wish to see your mother again?"

Felicia was stunned. "My mother....where is she?"

More red tears flowed.

Dixie was puzzled. Why is she crying red tears? She is already dead, so how can she still bleed? Or is she alive the same way I am? Has the Goddess already resurrected her?

"Your mother is at peace. She died happy because she was able to save her precious daughter. Her soul has long since entered her final resting place."

Felicia sobbed even harder. "It was all for nothing. I still died. She died for nothing. I should have just died with her."

"Do you think your mother would be happy to hear you say such a thing?"

Felicia wiped at her cheeks. "I do not know. I don't know anything. But...at least, I would not have had to suffer through so much. If I had died with her then all I would have known was love."

Her voice broke. "The betrayals wouldn't have happened if I was already dead. I would not have had to experience their scorn and blame. I could have been at peace with mother all these years."

Dixie wiped away her own sadness.

"That is true. Your life took a turn for the worse after her death. But that is mostly because you refused to fight for yourself."

Instantly, Felicia's rage was triggered. The softness she felt at the mention of her mother disappeared. "I was debilitated from grief! I did not have the strength to fight! If I did, I would have done so!"

"You were quite fierce when you were being executed, Felicia. Why couldn't you have brought out that spirit earlier?"

Felicia bit her lip until she tasted blood. "I made the mistake of trying for peace the first time around. I sought harmony above all else. But not to worry. I will not make the same mistake again, Goddess. I will fight them for certain. Every. Single. One."

Her eyes envisioned the horror on their faces once she appeared before them again. She saw their tears and heard their screams as she blasted their limbs off. She felt their blood as she smeared it all over herself. She may even roast a few of their hearts and eat it. 

"That is not the way, child. You cannot do that as my Saintess."

"I will do whatever I please with the roaches! If you don't like it then just get rid of me. Blast me into a state of non existence so I don't have to feel anything ever again!"

"I am a Goddess. I will never extinguish any soul. Let alone yours. That is the devil's magic."

"Then send me to my mother! Let me find peace with her! She is the only one who has not done me damage."

"I cannot send you to her in your current state."

"What the hell does that mean?! Why not?! I want my mother! I want someone to love me! Is that such a unreasonable request?"

"No, it is not. But the souls at peace cannot be reached by those whose hearts are filled with hatred."

"I have no hatred for my mother!"

"But you still possess hatred. You are impure right now. You have to be clean of all negative emotions before you find your mother."

"And so you believe that by sending me to help the ones who murdered me, I will be free of negative emotions? How does that make sense?"

"It will make sense once you have done it. You will feel better once you have unburdened your heart and mind from all this poison."

Dixie was conflicted. She understood what the Goddess was trying to convey, but at the same time she sympathized with Felicia's desire for revenge. How could you just forgive? Crimes demanded punishment. There was no other solution.

"I cannot just forgive! I cannot just go back and act as if nothing happened."

"Nothing will happen as long as you stand up for yourself. They will treat you differently once they see your strength. You left yourself too vulnerable in the past. They stepped all over you because you allowed them to do so. You are a Saintess and a Del Montague! Do not cower before anyone!" The Goddess's final statements sounded like a trumpet blasting.

Sadly, it had no impact of the hateful Felicia.