Awakening Anxiety

As I slowly awaken, the sweet scent of a delicacy fills the air, teasing my senses.

"What's cooking?" I wonder, my eyes slowly opening to adjust to the bright light of their lamp.

"Yes, add that," I hear Nicole and chika discussing. What could they be doing?.

"Transfer those in."

"Okay, what of these ones?"

"Leave them, let's do this first."

I take in my surroundings, finding myself on the bed beside my mom, both of us snug under the blanket to ward off the chilly morning air.

I sit up, resting my back against the headboard, and rub my eyes gently.

Chika then turns to me, "You're awake," she says with a smile.

I yawn, "yeah." 

"Add that too," Nicole chimes in, and Chika turns back to whatever she was doing.

"Are you tired of sleeping?" Nicole asks, eyeing me with a hint of amusement.

"And that," she tells Chika.

I stretch, "nope. What's cooking?"

"We're making pepper roll."

I raise an eyebrow, "Isn't it too early for that?"

She chuckles, "This is university, Mandy. Nothing is too early."

I glance at Chika, who's busily working on something. "Aren't you guys tired?" 

Nicole nods, "We are, but we have to do this. Now, go back to bed. You've got exams today, rest your brain."

"Sleep, o!" Chika chimes in with a playful chuckle.

As I settle back into bed, I remember, "What about my phone? Are you done with it?"

"Yeah, it's fully charged, so don't worry. Just sleep."

I smile, feeling grateful that she kept her word.

With one last sniff of the aromatic air, I let sleep embrace me once more.

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As I slowly awaken, I feel a sudden rush of anxiety, washing over me like a cold shower. My stomach churns, feeling like I need to rush to the bathroom, and fear grips my heart.

I glance to the side of the bed, seeing my mom already up and rummaging through our bags. One of my sisters sits at the table, engrossed in something I can't quite see.

I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Good morning, Mom," I greet, my voice shaking slightly.

She turns to me, putting on a black sleeveless top and wrapper.

"Good morning, dear. You should get ready now so we can leave early." She doesn't look ready herself.

"Uhm chika?" I call out to the person at the table, unsure of who it actually is.

"It's Nicole o,"

"and she went to class early."

"What about your pepper roll?"I ask.

"She took it with her."

I sigh, feeling my anxiety spike. I rest my back on the bed headboard, trying to calm down.

The song "Control" by Zoe Wees echoes in my mind.

"Early in the morning I still get a little bit nervous.

Fighting my anxiety constantly I try to control it"

I wish I could be free from this constant fear, like my siblings seem to be.

I take a deep breath and admit, "I'm so scared." My voice barely above a whisper.

Nicole turns to me, looking concerned "Why are you scared, Mandy?"

"I'm just feeling really nervous about this exam."

Mom turns around, her eyes scanning me "You shouldn't be scared, Mandy. Just take a deep breath and keep repeating this to yourself, 'I can do this, as long as I have the Lord by my side, my anxiety will shame away'."

Nicole nods in agreement. "You can do this, Mandy. Just take a deep breath and trust in God's grace. You'll get a great mark, I'm sure of it."

I take another deep breath, feeling a small sense of gratitude. "Thanks."

"Don't let anxiety get in the way of your exam. You've got this, Mandy." Nicole reminds me.

I nod, determination rising within me. I can do this. As long as I have the Lord by my side, my anxiety will shame away.

I repeat this mantra to myself as I brush my teeth and take my bath, feeling slightly calm.

When I emerge from the bathroom, I feel a little better, ready to face my exam.

"I'm done," I announce, seeing Mom already walking into the bathroom with her towel and toothbrush, and Nicole no longer in the room.

"Where could she be?"

"I'll just get ready then."

I walk over to my bag, which is now beside my bed, and find that Mom has already arranged our clothes and set them out for us.

I carefully pull out the outfit I'll be wearing, a stripy white and blue top and black jeans, along with my black Nike slides and the essentials I need to get ready.

I also put my worn clothes in a nylon bag and stash them in my bag. Next, I begin applying cream all over my body, feeling the coolness of my palm.

After dressing, I apply my body perfume and pull out a mirror from a small compartment in my bag to brush my hair. I had braided it earlier, and it still looks neat, so I simply apply some hair cream and style it into a doughnut shape with two braids framing my face.

Finally, I slip on my slides and hear the clinking of plates coming from the kitchen.

I walk in and find Nicole facing the counter, gazing out the window as she prepares tea.

She then turns to me, "Oh, you're ready! Looking good!"

"Lemme jor," (stop it) I try hiding my smile.

"What are you doing?" I ask, even though I know she's making tea.

"What does it look like?" she asks, not looking up from what she's doing.

"You're not serious, o," she adds with a chuckle.

I laugh and ask, "By the way, do you know where Chika kept my phone?"

"Yeah, check the table."

"Okay." I turn to leave.

"Which do you prefer, mayonnaise or butter?"

"Hmm, I'll go with mayonnaise."

"Okay, just wait," she says.

I walk out of the kitchen and straight to the table to retrieve my phone. Turning it on, I notice it has 98% battery life. Chika has indeed charged it, thank goodness!

It's already 7:55, and the thought of my exam makes my heart race once more, but then I remember, "I can do it, as long as I have the Lord by my side, my anxiety will shame away."

Just then, Nicole calls out, "Oya come and eat!" She rushes out of the kitchen with two steaming cups of tea and sets them on the clean floor.

She walks back to the kitchen and returns with a plate of unsliced bread, not fully divided in half, but filled with visible mayonnaise spread.

I'm not feeling hungry at all, my stomach is feeling queasy, and I'm losing my appetite. But it wouldn't be nice to decline my sister's kindness, so I decide to make do.

She hands me the plate and uses a plastic cover to cover the other cup of tea, which is probably for Mom.

I sit on the floor, and slowly start eating, while Nicole sits at the table, writing something I can't quite see.

The toilet door opens, and Mom steps out, wrapped in a big pink fluffy towel, with droplets of water sliding down her light brown skin. She closes the door behind her, and the scent of her Eva soap wafts into the room, competing with my body perfume.

"You're eating," she says, approaching the bed.

"Yeah," I reply, taking another bite of the bread. I wonder if I'll be able to finish it.

I glance at my phone to check the time, it's 8:01. My heart races, and my hands shake slightly. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I can do this, as long as I have the Lord by my side, my anxiety will shame away. I take another deep breath and continue eating, trying to quicken my pace.

Mom joins me minutes later, wearing a black gown that falls just below her knee, her braids packed behind her, sweeping her back. She begins eating, and I'm surprised to see she's almost done, while I've barely managed to eat half.

"Are you still feeling scared?" she asks, probably noticing my behavior.

"Haaah, I am," I admit, taking another sip of my tea.

"You'll be fine, don't think too much about it. When you get there, I'm sure this feeling will fade away."

"I hope so," I say, feeling slightly relieved.

I force myself to finish the bread and tea, trying to shake off the lingering fear. My mom stands up, picks up her bag, and heads towards the bed. I follow suit, collecting the plates and heading to the kitchen to wash them.

As I wash, I gaze out the window and overhear a conversation between two guys.

"Guy, I no like this thing o."

"No stress me abeg."

"Hand me the bag make I go."

"Okay o."

"Nonsense."

I tune out their conversation, focusing on the plates I'm washing.

After washing the plates, I return them to their place and walk out of the kitchen, wiping my hands on my jeans. 

"Amanda, come let me apply edge control on you," Nicole calls out.

"Edge control?" I ask, curious.

"Yep," she replies, walking towards me with a small container in her hand and pulling a chair along with her.

"Sit down."

I oblige, and she hands me a big circular mirror with a blue frame.

She then stands in front of me and begins using a soft brush on my edges. The edge control feels soft and embracing, with a sweet scent reminiscent of strawberries.

Whatever Nicole is doing to my hair looks nice and perfect, very neat. Her expression is quite funny, though, she has a serious look on her face, with her brows furrowed in concentration.

"Why you dey look me?" (Why are you looking at me?) she asks, noticing me staring.

I chuckle, shifting my gaze to my reflection in the mirror. "See the way your face is," I tease.

"Abegi, put your head well," she says, her brows still furrowed even as she smiles.

Just then, my mom speaks up from behind me, "Ehn Amanda, call that girl and ask how we can get to IMSU from FUTO."

"Okay," I reply.

Nicole finishes styling my hair, allowing me to access my phone in my pocket.

The girl who my mom tells me to call is Chisom, my cousin, who is also a student at IMSU and has been helping me get connections through a man to make things easier for me. I have the man's number too.

I scroll through my contacts until I find her number and call it, putting it on speaker.

"Hello," she answers, and I can hear laughter in the background.

"Hello, can you hear me?" she asks again.

"Uhm, yes, yes, I can hear you. Please, I wanted to know what bus I'd take to get to IMSU from FUTO."

"Oh... garden... no... yes... that's it," the voices are jumbled, I'm confused. I asked a single person a question, and multiple voices are responding. Does that mean the call is on speaker?.

"Ah ha, what's that all about?" Nicole asks, looking slightly annoyed.

"I don't know oh."

"Let me talk to them," she says, taking the phone from me.

"Hello," she speaks.

"Yes, yes, hello," Chisom responds, her voice clear this time.

"What bus is she going to take to get to IMSU from FUTO?"

"You see ehn, you'll take a bus or bike going to Garden Park... no, that's not it... you have to take a bike that'll get you out of FUTO... I know, but... yes, yes, she's right." The response is still a jumbled mix of voices.

Nicole's expression shows her growing frustration. She has her brows furrowed, the cause understandable.

"I need a single person to answer this, please," she requests.

"Sorry, sorry," finally, chisom responds. "Just take a bike going to Garden Park, and when you get there, you'll look for a bus going to IMSU."

"Okay, thanks," Nicole replies, hanging up the call and handing my phone back to me.

Meanwhile, my mom is on her phone with someone, probably my dad, "Okay ayiga la oberoge" (okay we'll leave very soon)

"Don't worry about whatever they're saying, it's like they're confused," Nicole says to me then walks away to the table.

"I have a friend whose sister is at IMSU, I'll just ask her."

I nod, standing up to pick up my bag from the floor, feeling a bit relieved that Nicole is willing to help clarify the confusion.

I double-check my bag, ensuring everything is still intact, while my mom and sister are on their phones.

"What happened? What did she say?" My mom asks, already done with talking on the phone.

"She said we'll take a bike from here to Garden Park and then a bus to IMSU. But I'm not sure if it's actually right, so Nicole wants to call someone to clarify."

She nods, her hands on her waist, and lips folded as she paces around the room, her eyes on Nicole as she makes the call.

"It's actually right, but she said you guys should go early to avoid problems," Nicole announces.

"So we're going to get a bike going to Garden Park, and when we get there, we'll take a bus going to IMSU, right?" Mom asks.

"Yep. I'll escort you guys."

"Oyanu, Kai ga" (come on, let's go) mom tells me, and I feel my anxiety spike again. I take a deep breath, gulp down my saliva, and pick up my bag, following Nicole and Mom out of the room.

We walk through the corridor, where few people are walking by, and most doors are closed.

We exit into the bright compound, where few students are about.

"Good morning, ma," a girl greets my mom as she passes by, exchanging smiles with Nicole.

I'm breathing slowly, and I feel really nervous, wishing I didn't have to go through this.

"Mama, walk fast na."

Nicole voice breaks me out of my thought and I realize I've fallen behind. I quicken my pace, catching up with them.

We arrive at the street entrance, where people are out and about, exchanging greetings with my mom and Nicole.

"Bike!" Nicole calls, and a bike man, dressed in a red hoodie and black jean pants, looking like he's from the north, stops in front of us.

"You dey go Garden Park?" (Are you going to Garden Park?) She asks.

"Yes," he responds, his voice sounding childlike.

"How much?" Mom asks.

"Seven hundred."

"Seven hundred abi four hundred?" (Seven hundred or four hundred?) Nicole negotiates.

"Five hundred last" (Five hundred, my last price) he responds.

"Let's just get on, no time to waste," mom says.

I hand my bag to the rider and hop on, along with mom.

"Good luck with your exam, mama!" Nicole exclaims.

I smile and wave goodbye as we begin moving. I can't help but feel anxious, wishing I didn't have to deal with this right now...and him. Why did he have to appear at the worst possible moment?

My heart skips a beat as the wind whips my fallen braids. Why did he have to show up?

As we ride, the scenic views on either side of the road distract me from my worries, and my anxiety begins to fade. We soon leave FUTO behind, the signboard bidding me farewell.

We merge onto the main road, where vehicles zip past us. 

"Ring ring ring!" My phone suddenly rings.

I dig my hand into my pocket and manage to pull it out, it's chisom who's calling.

I answer her call on speaker. "Hello?" she says.

"Hello," I respond.

"Can you hear me?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so where are you?"

"I don't know, we took a bike going to Garden Park, we've already left FUTO."

"Oh okay, you guys should arrive fast, and call me when you get there."

"Okay, thanks." I hang up, feeling grateful for a supportive cousin like Chisom.

We finally come to a stop at a bustling bus stop, surrounded by a throng of people, buses, school students, hawkers, retailers, and many others.

The village has undergone significant transformation and modernization, it's hardly recognizable as a village anymore. The atmosphere is alive with the hum of conversations, hawkers' calls, vehicle horns, and other sounds.

I dismount and retrieve my bag, waiting for my mom to settle the fare with the bike rider.

"Let's go," she says, leading the way towards the buses.

Just then, a man approaches us, dressed in a black top and grey shorts, he looks to be a very hard-working father.

"Madam, bia, ebe ki naga?" (Madam, where are you headed?) he asks my mom, halting in front of us.

"IMSU," my mom tells the man.

"Isi?" (You say?)

"IMSU, IMSU."

"Oya bia, kai ga," (then come, let's go) 

"IMSU!" He shouts.

"Chere," (wait) my mom calls out to him as he walks ahead.

He turns back around, "Ehn?"

"Egole?" (How much)

"Two hundred, gu na nwa gi, four hundred." (Two hundred, you and your child four hundred)

"Oyanu." (Let's go then)

He leads us, and we follow him to an empty bus. Why is it empty?.

"Banie." ( Go in ) he tells us.

"Ojubenu na," (it's not filled up yet) my mom complains.

"Amam, oyaju obero ge, biko ba," (I know, it will fill up very soon, please go in)

"Idi sure?" (Are you sure?)

"Ehen," (yes)

"Let's go in," my mom tells me, and I obey, climbing in and taking a seat on the first bench by the window, with my mom sitting beside me.

"I just hope this bus fills up soon," my mom mutters, pulling out her phone.

"Me too," I say, feeling nervousness creeping in once more.

As I gaze out the window, I notice hawkers selling cold drinks and snacks, admiring their hard work and energy.

People begin to board the bus, including two girls who sit right behind me, one wearing a white top and looking chubby, the other slim and dressed in pink.

More passengers follow, and I check my phone for the time. It's already 9:00 AM. I hope we don't arrive late.

The bus is now almost full, mostly with children my age.

"Everybody wan go write exam" (Everyone is going to write the exam) the girl behind me comments.

"Oya, nakwu ugwo!" (Everybody should start paying) the bus driver shouts, and people start handing him their fares, including my mom and seemingly everyone on board.

Soon, he closes the door, gets into the driver's seat, and starts the engine.

As we begin to move, I feel my nervousness dissipate slightly, comforted by the realization that I'm not the only one heading to the exam. The bus is filled with peers who are likely going through the same experience as me, and I'm glad.

"I get exam by 9pm, I kon go wake up late, I Sha hope dem neva start," ( I have an exam at 9 PM, and I woke up late. I just hope they haven't started yet) the girl behind me says.

I can't believe she's not sounding worried, considering it's already 9:04 AM and we're still far from our destination.

I shake my head, focusing on my own concerns instead. While it's comforting to know I'm not the only one taking the exam, I'm still anxious about arriving on time.

After a few minutes on the road, the bus stops unexpectedly. I look around, confused, as people from my bench start getting out, including my mom.

I follow suit, wondering what's going on. "I don't understand, have we arrived?, where's the school?" I ask my mom.

She shrugs, "I'm not sure, let me ask."

The bus driver closes the door and begins walking around to his seat when my mom calls out, "Oga, aman ihen ne me o, ke the IMSU?" (Driver, I don't know is happening, where is IMSU?).

"Na ga, na ga, iga Fuya. Soro mmu azi, or the same place ka hanaga" (keep going, keep going you'll see it. Follow those children, it's the same place they're going) he responds.

"gini mere e drop ayin na imsu directly?" (Why didn't you drop us at IMSU directly?)

"or eba kam kari kusi." (This is where I'm supposed to stop)

She looks annoyed, her brows are furrowed as she looks at him. "Okay."

"let's go," She tells me.

We start walking, and I notice umbrellas set up with women selling clothes and other items, and people milling about.

"Bia" (Hey) my mom calls out to a girl passing by.

The girl is chubby and wearing a tight red sleeveless gown that's barely covering her lap.

"Inaga IMSU?" (Are you going to IMSU?).

"Ehen, odikwa nso. Oburu na inaga eba, e soromu, or eba Kam na ga" (Yes, it's nearby. If you are going there, you can follow me, that's where I'm going to) she responds.

"Ngwanu," (let's go then) my mom says, and we follow the girl, with me in the middle and my mom behind me.

We continue straight, passing various stores and people, until the girl finally stops.

"Or ya," (this is it) she says, turning to face us.

"Ngwanu dalu," (okay then, thank you) my mom says to her, and the girl walks away.

We've arrived at IMSU, and compared to FUTO, IMSU looks more open and lively, with a modern feel. Cars drive by on the other side of the road, and people walk in.

A high signboard reads "Imo State University" in bold letters.

"Let's go in," my mom says to me.

I adjust my bag and begin walking with her, though I'm still a bit confused. Where do we go from here?

We approach a big tree on the left with a red car parked underneath it, and many people are walking straight ahead.

"Let me call her," I tell my mom.

"Okay," she responds.