A Heart In Suspense

My heart freezes as I read the words: "Yes, the results are out. And it would cost a sum of one thousand naira to check it for you since you're outside Owerri."

I frown and exclaim, "huh?!"

"The results are out? But..." Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping.

"What the hell, so many notifications?"

I gulp hard and take a deep breath.

My thumbs tremble as I hastily tap the screen. "Okay, sir, but how can I see my results if you make the payment?"

I quickly hit send, and the two white marks indicate he's online.

Although I can't see if he's online due to his privacy settings, I see that he's typing.

This sight makes my heart race even faster, and I grip my sheets tightly, flicking my toes impatiently.

Why is he taking so long to respond?

I gulp hard again, feeling an urgent need to use the bathroom.

I just hope I don't fail this exam; I can't afford to. I'd feel miserable.

When I hear the sound of a sent message, I direct my gaze back at my phone and see that he has replied, "It's simple; just give me your registration number, and I'll send it to you when I make the payment.""

My pupils flutter at the message on the screen, and then, with a deep breath, my chest tightening with anxiety, I hesitantly begin typing, "Okay sir, I'll inform my dad."

My fingers tremble slightly as I click the send button and quickly leave the chat.

I go straight to my contact list and instantly call my dad, my heart racing with anticipation.

The phone rings, and I tap my lap continuously, my eyes fixed on my closed door.

The sound of honking vehicles in the background makes my stomach twist with unease. "Yes, hello, Amanda?" my dad answers.

I swallow hard, trying to sound calm. "Hello, Dad."

"The man said the results are out, and I need to pay one thousand naira to check it." My words come out in a rush, as if I'm afraid to say them too slowly.

There's a pause on the other end of the line, and I imagine my dad's furrowed brow. "How are you going to check it, then?"

I hesitate, my mind racing. "Uhm, he said he'll check it for me and send it to me since I'm not close to Owerri."

"Why can't you check it yourself?"

I shrug, even though he can't see me. "I don't know, he just said it's because I'm not close to Owerri."

There's another pause, and I imagine my dad's thoughtful expression.

"Okay, then. I'll send 1,500 to your Opay account," he says finally.

My chest tightens with a mix of emotions - gratitude, fear, and uncertainty.

I should be excited that he's sending more than the requested amount, but the fear of checking my results is overwhelming my happiness.

"Okay, Dad. Thanks," I manage to say, my voice barely audible.

The call ends with a simple "Hmm" from my dad, leaving me with a sense of trepidation and a racing heart.

Minutes later, I receive a notification from Opay that I've been credited with 1,500 naira.

Without hesitation, I request for the IMSU official account number.

After a few minutes, he responds, and I instantly send the money to his Access Bank account, taking a screenshot of the receipt as evidence.

I quickly return to WhatsApp and send the receipt to him, along with my JAMB registration number.

He soon replies with "Seen, I'll send you the result soon."

I respond with a simple "Thank you, sir."

I'm desperate to pass, hoping to get a good mark, even if it's not as high as my JAMB score.

I drop my phone on the bed, join my hands together in prayer, and feel them grow sweaty.

I close my eyes tightly, seeing only darkness.

"Dear Lord, please don't let me fail."

"I promise to be a good child if I pass. I'll attend church every Sunday and make up for the missed services by joining a church society. Please let me pass."

I raise my hands above my head, bring them down to my chest, and snap open my eyes.

I make the sign of the cross, then pick up my phone again, anxiously waiting for the results.

I exit our chat, seeking a distraction.

"Let me see how the group is going."

But my eyes gravitate towards the status update bar, where I see that someone has posted an update.

I tilt my head, furrowing my brow in curiosity. It's as if I'm compelled to check that status at all costs.

I shake my head, chuckling at my own assumption. That's crazy!

I raise my thumb to click on the group chat, where I see "Favour is typing" in green writing.

My eyes widen in surprise as I realize there are over a hundred messages in the group. "Woah!" I exclaim, feeling a mix of amusement and relief that I'm not the only anxious one.

But then, my eyes land on the status update bar again, and my face contorts into a scowl.

My thumb hesitates, hovering over the screen. And my heart races as I wonder why I'm feeling this way.

Why am I so anxious to check someone's status update?

I raise a brow, questioning my own motives.

A sudden realization hits me like a chord, and I freeze.

Could it be Kendrick's status update?

My shoulders slump in defeat, my hand falling limp on the pillow with a soft bounce.

The thought of him posting about another girl pierces through my chest like a thousand daggers.

I thought I had moved on, forgotten him for a while, but the idea of him being with someone else... I sigh, feeling the pain resurface.

First, my exam results, now this. Why did Kendrick have to cross my mind at the worst possible time?

I shake my head, gathering all my emotional strength, and finally click on the status update.

My heart races, bracing for impact, as I prepare to face whatever he's posted.

I let out another sigh as I see that it's indeed Kendrick who posted a status update, three updates in fact, alongside some other former classmates.

I stare blankly at the screen, unsure of how to process my emotions.

Memories of my high school experiences come flooding back, and Kendrick's update only adds to the pain.

I clutch my chest, feeling my slow heartbeat beneath my knuckles.

It's as if I'm sinking into darkness, falling slowly into its depths with no hope of escape.

I've lost both my high school crush and the one I currently love.

He's gone, and I'm left with nothing.

I feel a sudden warmth spreading down my cheeks - tears.

Why am I crying?

The tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

All I see are blurred images of green, orange, black, blue, and other colors.

I sniffle, wiping away my tears, and sit up straight, trying to compose myself.

I gulp hard, feeling a lump form in my throat, and force a faint smile, trying to convince myself that I've moved on.

But the tears betray me, flowing excessively as I gaze at Kendrick's status update, the blurred image a constant reminder of my pain.

I raise my hand to cover my mouth, feeling the wetness beneath as uncontrollable sobs escape.

My shoulders shake with each sob, but I try my best to muffle the sound with my hands, attempting to silence the anguish that refuses to be silenced.

But the pain consumes me, and I drop my phone, the screen facing the bed, then raise my head to the ceiling.

I yearn for comfort, for someone to turn to, but who?

My true friends are nonexistent, my sisters are busy at school, and my mom...I'm sure she'll listen, but how do I reveal my feelings for Kendrick and the hardships I endured in high school?

How can I explain the cruelty I faced, always being pushed aside, left to face everything alone?

Didn't Kendrick consider my feelings, didn't he care that I'm a human with a heart that feels and beats like his?

Didn't he even...didn't he even like me, even if it was just a little? Or was I too naive and boring for him?

Was I not pretty enough, not curvy enough, not enough period?

My body shakes uncontrollably at the thought, my heart burning in a furnace of despair.

Suddenly, my phone's notification rings, jolting me out of my despair.

I gasp for breath, each shuddering inhale catching in my throat.

I wipe away tears with trembling hands and struggle to sit up, my vision still blurry from crying.

My body feels scorching hot, exhausted from the emotional turmoil. I'll take a bath later.

I clear my vision by wiping my eyes once more, then pick up my phone and turn the screen to face me.

My chest heaves slowly as I stare at Kendrick's post, my heart racing with anticipation.

I sniffle, wiping my nose with my hand, and then click on the message.

My heart pounds slowly as I wait for the status to download, my mind bracing for what's to come.

And it's downloaded.

Wow, he looks so happy with his girlfriend hugging him from behind.

She's probably the luckiest person alive, not boring and naive like me.

Kendrick's lucky too, he doesn't have to deal with a naive girl like me.

My vision blurs again as fresh tears stream down my face.

I force a smile, watching how happy they are, how perfect they look together.

They're probably the happiest couple I've ever seen!

I nod, feeling the painful sting of my heartache as I rub my head against the sturdy headboard.

My hand instinctively grips the bed sheet, holding it tightly as I clench my jaw, trying to contain the anguish that threatens to consume me.

Despite the pain it causes, my trembling fingers click on the next photo.

Oh, the agony!

There's a picture of his stunning girlfriend sitting on his lap, wearing a tight sleeveless crop top and a short, revealing white skirt that showcases her flawless legs.

She has her arms wrapped around his neck, smiling radiantly.

Kendrick's arms encircle her waist, his forehead pressed against hers, his eyes fixed seductively on her lips.

Wow.

I stare at the image, my eyes frozen in a mix of longing and heartache, unable to look away from the tender moment they share.

"I can't take it anymore." I swiftly exit the image and navigate to my messages.

But my eyes widen instinctively at the message from the IMSU official.

It's a photo, and my heart races as I click on it.

There are two messages: "Congratulations on your results below 👍" and a blurry image that's not downloaded.

Should I be doing this?

I take a deep breath, feeling my heart pound heavily in my chest, the sound echoing in my mind.

I click the download button and await the results with bated breath.

As the image fully downloads, my eyes widen in shock, my body freezing in place, unable to move or process the revelation.

What?!

I scored...