Who Am I

Who do I represent or agree with in my soul?

The issues and depression is a part of my whole.

I believe that all I am is hatred, pain, and my issues.

There is nothing else left afterwards.

Once people know that all that is left is to learn a few of my favorite things.

I'm not a human being and am only a peoblem.

A mess left behind in the way of others.

Someone with a past and a present, but no future.

I'm used to it, I'm used to everything by now.

I just accept everything, there's no point in fighting anything.

Nothing will change and there is nothing I can do about it.

I have no meaning in life and no reason to live.

I am an abomination and that is that.

Nothing can change that.

That is just who I am, there is nothing I can do about that.

But I'm not the only one trapped in this body.

There is someone I can be.

They have a future for I'm their past.

They can everything I can't.

Bethany is the past and everything I hate about myself.

If I was to live I have to be able to become Max.

Max can dream and have hope, not give up.

Max can be happy and fall in love.

Max can make friends and be accepted.

Max needs to be legally born so Bethany can die.

Bethany can rest in peace and give Max a better future.

Bethany can protect Max James with their final wishes.

So James can start a new better life.

MJ will be a better person than Bethany ever could be.

They don't have to cower in fear and stay silent.

They can speak and have confidence, when I couldn't.

For Max to be born Bethany must die.

Grace must say good bye.

Other wise we all will die.

That way one day Max will learn how to fly.

Max protects the family Bethany made.

Stays away from relatives that only cause harm.

Remind me of the scares on my heart.

Even if my memories fail me, the ach in my heart will stay the same.

What I will become is a piece of art.

The things I believe about myself and my shame.

Today is not the day I die and am reborn.

It's another day to give up on becoming someone I could love one day.

A day to remember my goal to become the best me.

I plan to dream to fly far away.

I want college to be a place I can be accepted.

I might not get to find a community for many years, because I have to pay for everything.

The courageous and flirtatious person I will become.

To continue being my blunt and ackward self.

Being a very weird person that is good at amusing themselves.

Large imagination that loves to take flights and find great hights.

Able to explain and argue their side.

Some one that doesn't hide, but talks all day long.

A person who thinks everything through and sometimes thinks to much.

Who doesn't mind life with a hard crunch.

Someone very proud of thier emo and nerd self.

One with a big heart and open minded.

That is who I want to be.

Finished: 9:01 pm, Oct. 20, 2019