Preparations

There was a lot that needed to get done before the trek south began. The winter however grew vengeful and angry. Overnight, nearly two feet of snow had been dropped on the tribe. Although they had a good system of breaking through such snow, it still took time and the sincere hope that it would get better. With the snow, food became far more scarce and sacred. Heat was necessary as it went below 0 degrees during the peak of night. A few of the older tribe members grew ill with the constant snow. Sitria of course realized that she could very easily fix this problem, and she did try. She went hunting and managed to catch a few deer, which was wonderful for the time being. She helped create tunnels through town and to remove snow, however it soon felt to her as if even her own world was fighting against her. It was as if the winter itself had been consumed by chaos. Then again, perhaps the weather itself was a true form of chaos. 

The worsening weather only made Kaeruko become more anxious. Their plans continued to get pushed back. Half of the preparations that they were supposed to have made had to be put on hold until the snow cleared. At this rate, it was hard to say if it would stay like this the rest of winter. If that were the case, it would take at least another week to become used to traversing and gathering materials. Sitria's deadline however was fast approaching, and Kaeru greatly feared what would happen if they were to be late. Her list was as simplistic as she could have made it. Naturally this meant that there was still quite a lot to it all. 

First she had to ensure that the tribe would be prepared. This included establishing a group that would be tasked with protecting the tribe at all costs, creating a stable food line for the tribe, as well as picking a few people who would be able to go with her. Of course those who went had to be strong, but not the strongest out of the tribe lest they would leave everyone without much protection. Following that came the issue of supplies. As it was, food resources were limited and there was not a whole lot that the young woman could do about it. The food had to be nutritious and easy to carry, and plentiful enough that it would last each member about a month. Then came the obvious question as to whether or not they should bring the Sheow with them. Even having just one would increase what they could bring on the journey by nearly ten fold, however that came with the cost of having to protect the sheow, bring food for it, as well as enough water to maintain it. It would also no doubt slow down how fast they could travel, but it would ensure warmth as well as emergency food should it come down to it. Naturally their own sheow was out of the question for this job, mainly because she would have rather died than allow her precious family to be hurt. In addition to that came the realization that they needed to find a good enough route to travel. She had been pouring over maps and charts that the tribe had to travel, however she was finding that she came up rather short. It was not helpful that no matter how much she tried it always felt as if she couldn't really understand fully how these charts and maps all came together. Plus, there was limited information on where they were going. None of this made preparation easier. 

Then came the reality of the storm. Though it did seem as if it was vaguely letting up, there was no guarantee that it would not follow them as they traveled. This meant that they would need extra supplies to keep warm and safe from the winds. Sitria did offer to try and dispel the winter storm, however it would cause her to be very sleepy and they didn't have the time or energy to lug around a giant sleeping bear. Even Inga was little help, since he simply suggested finding an everfire and using that. As if such a valuable resource was easy to find and just hanging around. Worse of all of these stresses however, Kaminoko was perhaps the worst. She was incredibly reluctant to accept the fact that they had to go. Even though it had been quite apparent from the very start that they would be leaving this area to fight the chaos, she seemed rather upset that they were leaving. She had this look about her that Kaeru couldn't help but feel guilty over. It was quite clear to her that she wasn't going to be able to leave things like this. If Kaminoko was in low spirits, it would impact all of the Hourou tribe. It was bad enough that even Kumako noticed, and Kumako was so occupied with their end of the preparations that they barely remembered to eat or drink. 

Thus Kaeruko found herself standing outside of Kaminoko's yurta, biting the inside of her cheek in a sad attempt to control her anxiety. So far, fighting oni seemed far more appealing than this. With a deep breath she let herself in, putting on a smile. It didn't seem like it would be productive if she went in all moppy after all. She also had made sure to tell Inga to stay away during this. For some reason this felt really personal, and well… she didn't want him listening in. Kaminoko was sitting on a cushion, writing down something within her journal with that beautiful red tipped quill. She did not look up when Kaeru came in, another sign that she was upset. 

"Kami, do you have a second?" Kaeruko asked, standing in the entrance of the yurta rather awkwardly. Despite the fact that she was dressed beautifully as always, Kaminoko looked… different. The way she held herself, and her posture as she stared down at the pages in her journal, none of it felt quite like her. She was always graceful and beautiful, but there was a tired quality to her posture now. Her eyes almost looked puffy, like she had been crying. Kaeru couldn't imagine that she of all people would have been crying though. In all of the time that they had spent together, she had only seen her happy and annoyed.. And even when she did cry her eyes didn't look red and puffed up like everyone else. She had always seemed above that, although perhaps that was her own folly. Kami didn't respond to her question for a few seconds, finishing whatever it was that she was writing before she placed the quill in between the pages of her journal, placing the entire unit down carefully next to her. She then raised her head, her beautiful black hair swaying slightly from the movement. Her brown eyes looked almost amber in the light of the fire, her lips slightly parted as a sigh escaped from her. 

"Yes. I do. What is it?" She asked rather quietly. Kaeru felt the anxiety build up in her stomach like a sickness. Kami looked so angry… It was nerve wracking. 

"I am sorry to bother you, I know you are really busy with getting everything ready. I just.. I guess I wanted to talk to you, if that is okay." She wanted to run away. The expression on Kaminoko's face was hard to distinguish. Her eyes looked cold and empty, and her lips looked smaller than normal. Her body was stiff and upright. 

"What is it?" Even her voice sounded rigid and strained, as if she was holding something back. Kaeru bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, so much so that it started to bleed. She decided to ignore that however. 

"I.. I suppose I wanted to apologize. I understand that you aren't happy with us leaving, and I understand why. But I sincerely hope that you know this isn't a slight against you in the least. We just--" 

"Figured it would be better for you to travel without me, yes I know. Let me remind you of something, Kaeruko." The way she said my name sent a shiver down my spine. "I am the priestess of this tribe. Even if you had asked me to come along, I would have had to say no. I know this very well and you do too. End of story, that is all." 

It certainly did not feel as if that was all. 

"Kaminoko, you are mad, aren't you..?" She felt small, like she wanted to just fold in to make everything better. Yet that wasn't a choice right now. Of course they both knew that Kami would have to stay. That was why she didn't ask in the first place. Yet it seemed now that this was not the correct move. She was mad. 

"Of course I am mad. You didn't bother to ask me, or invite me in for this oh so important conversation. Worse of all, you have proven that you are just like everyone else. You sit there upon your throne, judging me. You act as if you understand even an ounce as much as I do. Well, let me be clear. I have been doing this for much longer than you have, and no matter how much you have learned, you can never catch up to me. Yet you have not acknowledged that even once, now have you? I have helped you oh so much, and yet you still are pretending as if you are some brilliant tactician with years of experience. I am the one who has kept this tribe alive for so many years now. Even when our leaders fall like rain drops, I am here still. Suddenly you manage to connect with a spirit and you think that you suddenly know better than I." She took a sharp breath in. "So yes I am mad. You are just as immature as everyone else is. So I will stay behind, protect the tribe as I have always done, and you will go off and become a hero with Kumako and forget that we ever existed. You will do all of that because of the support I gave you. Yet in the end, I know you will forget about me. I know that you all will allow my name to be forgotten in the history books. Because really I was just a stepping stone for you, wasn't I?" 

"What? Why in the name of the goddess would you ever think that? I am forever grateful for all you have done for both Kumako and myself. You are right, we would be nothing without the help that you gave to us. Why… Why would you think that we would ever let you just disappear?" Kaeru felt tears welt up in her eyes and begin pouring down her cheeks. "We didn't ask you because we knew that there was no way you could come with us. This is hard for me too! I don't want to leave! I don't want to be some big hero, or to go and abandon my home! Do you know how scary this is for both of us? Do you have any idea of how hard it is to get suddenly thrown into this world of magic and spirits and bullshit?!" Her voice rose with each sentence, her hands shaking. Her anxiety and hurt turned into anger. "Kumako and I have been through hell the last few months, and it will continue to be hell. We don't have a chance to breath or think too hard about what's happened to us. We barely had time to mourn our grandfather dying right after both of our parents died! I thought I had lost everyone, and the minute that Kumako came back, nothing has been the same. All I really want to do is stay here, spin wool, and create a comfortable house for me and my family. I don't care about the fate of the world! I don't care about any of that shit!! I care about protecting my home, and the family that I have left." She took a shaky breath, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "You wouldn't understand because I have been so vigilante in hiding how fucking scared I am. You always know what is right, you always have the answer, oh glorious priestess. But you know what? If it wasn't for that spirit that I connected with, we would all be dead by now. So fuck you if you think that this is my fault, and stop putting your own fucking guilt onto me!" Kaeruko turned quickly and stormed out, trying furiously to wipe the tears from her face. 

Kaminoko sat there, unsure as to whether or not she wanted to cry, shout, or just give up. Realistically speaking, none of this was something that they as humans were meant to go through. Kaeru was right, though she would not admit that at the present. At the root of it all, it was the stupid goddess's fault for messing up in the first place. She took a deep breath and looked down at her journal, tenderly picking it up. She held it close to herself. She would not cry any more over this. Kaeruko was just a child, and no child was worth crying over. She had a people to protect, a chance for the future to protect. That was the most important thing right now.