Chapter 4: New arrivals
Today marks the fifth day since my arrival to hell, and my stay at the 'Hazbin Hotel'.
Apparently, Alastor had made a commercial to promote this place. It was, at best, a mockery, making crude remarks on the incompetence of the staff, or the pointlessness of the hotel's objective. Vaggie and Charlie were not pleased with it at all. I found it mildly entertaining, but I wouldn't have done it so mediocrely. If Alastor is smart, he would have done it better, either that, or he is trying to get something out of this, instead of doing it for free. But even so, I would have done it better, just because it would raise my standing with the princess.
It seems that Charlie is determined to make the hotel into a redemption facility for demons, so that they can be allowed to go into heaven. At least that is her plan.
However, it seems that nobody has any confidence in her plan, except for Vaggie. For what I gather, Vaggie is Charlie's partner, in the most intimate sense of the word, and she is obsessed, not with redeeming souls, but with making Charlie's dreams come true. That is Vaggie, somebody that is loyal to Charlie beyond any reasonable amount. She would throw herself into a bonfire if that would somehow make Charlie happy. Not that it would.
Charlie herself is deeply in love with her too. One would say they are a match made in heaven, despite the fact they met in hell.
As for me, I really don't care. If redemption means playing by the rules imposed by that monster Being X, only to become entrenched in his territory and have to worship him for all eternity, then I have no plans of following such direction. Unless of course, it would get me a chance to get revenge on him. Perhaps that is what I will do in the end. I might play by Charlie's rules for now, and play my part of trying to redeem myself. And in the mean time I will figure out who or what is Being X. And once I get my chance of seeing him directly... I'll slaughter him and feed him to the pigs, just as I had promised that fateful day in front of my battalion. The existence of a god is illogical, and even if there was a god, Being X is not it, otherwise he wouldn't have been so petty as to deny people freedom of thought. "Worship me or suffer eternally" is not a choice, but an ultimatum. And such creature deserves no admiration from anyone.
However, if promoting this place is one of Charlie's objectives, and Alastor made the mistake of doing it so terribly wrong, then I will take the opportunity to make myself look better in the eyes of the princess.
In my first life, I was part of the human resources of a corporation, and I graduated from the school of economics. So, I'm not unfamiliar with the tactics of propaganda, and marketing. The fact that me and my battalion recorded a propaganda video for the empire in the middle of communist territory is proof of my experience in the area.
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"Hey, Charlie!" I call to the princess.
"Yes, Tanya?"
"Look, I know that I'm new here, but, I can't help to notice that Alastor's commercial was... well, not exactly optimal. So, that is why I want to help you with this one."
"That's a nice thought, Tanya, but you are a bit young." says Vaggie from the side. "Maybe you should leave it to the adults."
I know I entered into this place pretending to be an innocent child, and that facade must be maintained for as long as it's useful, and this particular matter is not important enough as to break the illusion. Besides, my own position right now is not strong enough to confront a demon as Alastor, if he finds out that I'm also after the princess' soul. So I have to be careful here.
"I know you'll probably come up with something better." flattery is never bad, so long as you don't overdo it "But at least I'd like to give my hand in it. If what I have to offer is not useful, then you can just ignore it. I promise I won't be wasting your time."
"Well..." I see a spark of hesitation in Vaggie's face.
"Oh, come on, Vaggie," intejects Charlie "how can you say no, to her cute little face?" Charlie pinches my cheek as she says that, and I'm uncomfortably reminded that the price I must pay for my facade as a child is: humiliation "She just wants to help. Besides, I have to go to the meeting with heaven in the place of my dad. So, give it a try, and then you can show me what you have. If what she suggests is not all that helpful, then we just lose a few hours." A bit insulting, Charlie, but I won't be bothered if you have given me a chance.
"Well, if you really think it's a good idea." says Vaggie still unconvinced.
"Of course it is! We are all about making souls better! We can't deny somebody the chance to help if they mean it, right?"
"Well, if you say so, Charlie."
"Great! You won't regret it." I say out loud so they both hear it.
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"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel." says the most monotonous tone I've ever heard from anybody, coming out from Husk, while reading the words directly from a bunch of papers right in front of his face. "Can I help you with anything?"
"I've been a BAD boy, and I need a Big, Strong, DADDY to put me in my place..." says one of the most flirtatious tones I've ever heard, this time coming out from Angel Dust. "On the path to redemption!" says suddenly the porn star in a normal tone.
I just want to laugh. That was the definition of ridiculous. But I can't. I must keep my laughter in me, since I don't want to come across as disrespectful.
"Cut!" yells out Vaggie "Husk, can you please not hold the script in front of your face? And Angel, can you be a bit less... ahm... 'horny'?"
"I ain't no freakin' actor!" yells out Husk "I can't memorize this shit!" And suddenly my mind let's out a sarcastic 'Shocker' at the revelation, but I don't say it out loud.
"May I interject?" I say out loud.
"What?" asks Vaggie a bit annoyed.
"Well, I think this is the wrong approach."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you want people to come to this place, right?"
"I think that is obvious." says Vaggie still in an annoyed tone.
"Yes, but... what people?"
"Huh?" says the woman in front of me.
"What is the target audience?"
"Ahm... the sinners from hell, obviously."
"Yes, but that is too broad of a target audience. You have to focus it to some specific group. I mean, do you think the most powerful overlords and royals in hell will want to come to the hotel to be redeemed? They are the ones calling the shots down here. Ever heard the phrase 'Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven'? That phrase is quite literally applicable to them, because if their souls would get redeemed and sent to heaven, they would lose all the influence they have down here, so, they aren't your target audience."
"Ah... Ahm..." I see as Vaggie's mind is kind of struggling with the idea I just put forward. Or perhaps it's the fact that it was a child who said it?
"I know that I'm the new one here, but, I think we could narrow the target audience to a specific clientele: the souls that hate it down here, the low lifers, the ones that cannot find even a single speck of happiness in hell. So, they are the ones that will want to leave. We sell them a way out. That is what you are selling: the chance to find happiness, when all hope seems lost."
I see as surprise appears on Vaggie's face, and suddenly I feel the stares of all the people around me. Did I over do it? I better try to tone it down.
"Or perhaps it's just me and my silly ideas. I mean, I'm just a child, right?" and I let out a wide smile. Hopefully that will make Vaggie think that she is the adult in control.
"Actually, that's kind of interesting." says Vaggie. "You may be a child, but, if the idea is smart, it doesn't matter where it comes from, right? What else do you have?"
Well, color me surprised. Perhaps Vaggie is a bit smarter than I originally thought...
"Well, if you insist."
I spend the next ten minutes explaining how I would envision the commercial. I know it must be made at a relatively low cost, so I try to keep it to the bare bones of it.
"And... that would be it." I finish my improvised presentation.
Everyone is staring at me. I feel uncomfortable. My future plans require me to work from the shadows, instead of being the center of attention. I must try to be a bit more discrete next time.
"Ahm... Where did you learn all that?" says Angel Dust with curiosity "Speaking to people's emotions? Brand establishment? Rule of three? What on all hell are you talking about?"
"My father was a marketing director in a company, and I was curious enough as to ask him about the basics of his job. He was very open about it." I lie with no hesitation.
For some reason, I see as Vaggie is still staring at me with a slight smile on her.
"Tanya..." she says to me in a friendly tone.
"Ahm... yeah?"
"You're a great kid."
Hmm... first test passed.
"Thanks, but if we don't manage to take it from the story board, then it would be wasted ideas left in the air. We gotta make them reality, now."
"Sounds great and all." begins Husker "But I told you I ain't no freaking actor! And mister 'pretending to be horny all the time' is not exactly an A-movie star either... so we're kinda short on that department."
I see the problem, and I don't really like the idea of boosting a competitor during a race. But right now, I don't have the means to provide the help we need, so...
"Alastor." I call to the demon that has been staring at the entire scene with an amused smile, and keeping himself surprisingly quiet.
"Don't look at me, sweetheart. This face... was made... FoR RaDiO." says the distorted stare of the demon as it generates a spacial distortion around him. It is quite disturbing. But I have something to say to him.
"Ahm... Yeah, maybe you don't take this commercial thing seriously, but," Now, time to nudge him a little bit... "I think Charlie would appreciate it if you helped in this endeavor." This should be good enough.
I suddenly see as his sight changes a little bit.
"Certainly she would. But there is a price to pay."
Ah, there it is.
"Don't you dare, Alastor! She's just a child!" yells out Vaggie, as she moves quickly and stands between me and the red demon. "You're not gonna trick her to sell you her soul!"
"What?" says the radio demon. "Don't be silly, Vaggie. It's nothing like that. Just a small price. I help the lot of you this time, and you promise not to ask me to engage with this frivolous technology that you call 'television' ever again."
A little bit old fashioned, right, Alastor? - I just think that, but I don't say it.
"Oh! If it's just that, then I guess I have no objection." finishes Vaggie.
"Great." and with a snapping of his fingers, Alastor summons a full set of minions out of thin air, and clothes that surround all of us like magic.
Aaaannddd... of course he put me in a dress. I detest wearing dresses!!! I can feel as my cheeks get colored with shame. Still, this is part of the job, and it was actually my idea in the first place. I'm cursed by my own success.
"All right, everyone!" yells Vaggie with determination in her voice "Let's make a fucking commercial!"
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After a couple of hours, Charlie arrived back to the hotel, and Vaggie immediately took her in front of the TV.
"Charlie, come here! We have something exciting to show you!" Charlie takes a seat right on the couch while all of us are surrounding the TV. "Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air!"
"I pulled some limbs too. HAHA" lets out the radio demon with a malicious laughter. Careful, Alastor. Your serial-killer side is showing.
"You all made a new commercial?" asks Charlie surprised and with a slight smile on her face.
"Yeah. One of my better performances if I do say so myself." says Angel Dust.
"And we used several of the ideas that Tanya mentioned." finished Vaggie.
I see as Charlie looks at me, wide eyed. "Really? You helped?"
"Oh, it was nothing, princess. Consider it my payback for letting me stay here." I add.
"That... is amazing." says Charlie, and I can tell that she is touched by this gesture. And then we see the commercial...
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The rain is pouring all over the city. A dark and gloomy atmosphere is looming over all the people in hell. The predominant color is a dark tone of blue. The world is colored with sadness.
Beneath the rain, a little blond girl cries. She's shivering with cold, her face reflects despair. In her hand, a blood stained picture of her mother, who looks almost identical to the girl, except much more grown up.
And suddenly, in the middle of the scene, a shadow appears to the side of the girl. At first it looks like it could be a threat to her, but then a booming and deep voice starts speaking.
"When things look bad, and your back's against the wall. When you have lost everyone in this hell hole. When your whole existence looks hopeless. We will be there for you." said the voice of Husk, in his relatively monotonous tone, which is perfect for the calming ambiance that the commercial needed at this precise juncture.
And suddenly, the darkness starts dissipating, as the girl raises her head towards the person casting that shadow over her, and she sees a smiling face, and an extended hand towards her: Vaggie's face, as she looks back at the blond girl with compassion and warmth.
"Here, at the Hazbin Hotel, we are willing to give you a hand with your problems." continues the incorporeal voice of Husker.
And as the little girl takes up the hand that is being offered, her saddened face is turned into a soft and tranquil smile, and as she stands up, the sudden movement makes her dress move towards the camera, and it is entirely engulfed by it as the image fades to black.
Then, as an upbeat tone starts ringing, the camera moves slowly downwards from the dark sky, and the world gets illuminated but the giant neon sign that reads 'Hazbin Hotel', and it then pans downwards where we see Vaggie and the unnamed little girl enter the place, while the woman gently holds the hand of the girl.
And then there is a sudden change of setting, as the camera focuses into a new face looking at the viewer.
"Hi! I'm Angel Dust! The first resident of the Hazbin Hotel. I've been living here for several weeks now. And let me tell you, living here has its perks." And as he speaks, the camera turns to focus on each of the things he mentions. "We have a wonderful minibar. A game zone with ping pong, cards, and table top games, and although there is no gambling, you get to pass the time with the friendly staff here!" And as he says that, the camera focuses momentarily on Vaggie, Tanya, Husker, and Nifty as they wave their hands... except for Nifty who eerily just stares into the camera unmoving, but since she isn't the focus of the scene, it's barely noticeable. "Including me! Your best known celebrity in this wonderful place! And even if all of this is still not enough for you, then let me tell you: it's all free! You don't have to pay a dime! You come here and you get a roof on your head, food on your plate, and the chance to make new friends! And it's completely free, since it's sponsored by the Morningstar royal family, and in particular, our beloved and kind princess, Charlie Morningstar." Angel Dust held in his hand a picture of Charlie embracing her one-eyed-cat as she herself is smiling. "So now you know it! If your life is filled with doom and damnation! The Hazbin Hotel is your way to salvation!"
And finally, the commercial shows a fanciful version of the name 'Hazbin Hotel' and its direction for an extra three seconds, and then the commercial ended.
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"That... was amazing!" said Charlie enthusiastically.
But the time of her happiness lasted just some seconds, as the "666 News" logo appeared in the middle of the screen.
"Breaking News in Hell today!" said the blond anchor of TV news called Katie Killjoy, alongside her partner Tom Trench. "We have just received word from the Heaven embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Within only six months instead of a year! Do you know what that means, Tom?"
"No. What does that men, Katie?"
"It means we are all royally fucked!" finished the blond news anchor from the TV.
"Wait, what?! WHY?!" yelled out Angel Dust entirely surprised and mildly angered, expressing the same feeling that everyone else must have felt. And then for a while, only silence reigned among the residents of the Hazbin Hotel.
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It took a while for the news to settle with everyone. On the outside, people were rioting in the streets, and for the time being, I must wait for the noise to calm down a little, since I'd rather not go out in the middle of the riots. That would simply put my life at risk. However, Charlie and Vaggie went out with the objective of recruiting more souls for the Hotel. I have no confidence that they will be able to recruit anyone. I mean, I doubt that even the commercial will make any significant impact, and I'm pretty sure that it has already reached most people all over hell. If that is not going to help recruit anyone, then nothing will.
And yet, as the day progresses, I am proved wrong. The snake-creature that had attacked the Hotel last week returned, and once again repeated the same number against Alastor. And just like last time, Alastor dispatched him quickly. This time I didn't have to do anything since I knew that Alastor was more than capable of handling it.
However, later in the day, the snake-man returned, introduced himself as 'Sir Pentious', and asked to join the Hotel. Now, call me cynical, but I doubt this sketchy bastard has any good intentions here. But again, for now I just keep an eye on him.
Later, Charlie made us participate in one of the lamest games of 'sharing something about yourselves' that I have ever had the displeasure of participating in. Not even the corporate robots of my first life ever came up with such a horrible excuse for bonding. But still, I had to play the part of a little girl, and I shared a fake story about my parents in my life as Tanya. I, of course, was an orphan when I was alive in my 2nd life. But they believed it anyway, so I don't care what they think.
Sir Pentious also followed along with Charlie's charade. But just as the day was coming to an end, and everything seemed to be going to end well, Angel Dust had a fist fight with Sir Pentious, and he discovered the snake-man trying to plant a spy camera in the hotel.
And as soon as he was found out, he began yelling for help into a communication devise on his wrist, and whomever he was talking to, just mocked his incompetence instead of offering him a hand. Am I the only one in this miserable place that understands that mistreating your subordinates will lead to them betraying you?
And, just as I predicted, that is exactly what happened. Vaggie and Angel wanted to just straight up kill Sir Pentious, but Charlie didn't allow it, and instead offered to forgive him, if he played by the rules next time. And of course he took the chance, and THAT is how you win someone's loyalty. Well done, Charlie. I just think that and not say it.
But, there is one thing that I want to ask to Sir Pentious.
"Excuse me, mister Serpent." I say the name wrong on purpose to give credibility to my 'innocent girl' role "I know you were working for someone else before. But, since they turn their backs on you, can you tell me who it was?"
"Oh? And why would you want to know that?" he asks with an incredulous smile.
"Well, since they betrayed your loyalty," I try to further exacerbate his pain by spelling it out, so that he will be more inclined to betray them too "I just thought to be on the look out for people that don't deserve loyalty."
"Oh! Well, If you must know..."
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Among hell's overlords, there are three major players. They are friends with each other, and business partners, and their conjoint efforts is what has made them quite powerful. And because their names all begin with the letter 'V', they call themselves the 'Vees'.
There is Vox: who is an expert with TV commercials, visual entertainment, and other media.
There is Valentino: a talented director of... ahm... adult movies.
And finally there is Velvette: a renown fashion designer and social media expert.
I had hoped that if I defeated Alastor, who had a quarrel with Vox a while ago, I would earn their respect and let me join their group of overlords. But it didn't quite go as planned. So I guess, I won't be joining them any time soon.
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"So, you're an overlord, right?" my face must have reflected my excitement at the revelation by Sir Pentious.
"Ahm... why are you looking at me like that?"
Oops. I have to tone down the emotions reflected in my face.
"Oh, nothing. It's just that I was curious. So, do you own any soul? Do you know how to make a deal to obtain a soul in exchange for a favor?"
"Well, of course I do! How else would I be an overlord otherwise?! Ah... I mean, I haven't actually done it, but I have practiced enough for when the moment arises!"
"Oh, really?" Time to nudge him a little too. "I don't believe you. I bet you can't even do something as simple as striking a deal for a soul."
"I can't?! Oh, I'm gonna show you!" YES!!! I think for myself "All you have to do, is extend your hand, and say out loud 'Do we have a deal?!' and a green light will begin showing just like this." his hand is already glowing with a strange green teal. "And if the other person shakes your hand, the deal will be struck, and if you deliver your part of the deal, then you will be the owner of the other person's soul, or whatever they promised in exchange for your services."
"Huh..." I say out loud "That simple, eh?"
"Yes! Anybody could do it." Good to know. Again, I just think this to myself.
"Well, thank you, Sir Pentious. I'm glad you've come to this place."
"Well, thanks, little girl."
And with that, the day ends...
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On the next day, somewhere around 6 o'clock in the afternoon, somebody walked into the Hotel. No knocking or anything. The door had been unlocked by accident, while we were all gathered together at the living room doing another of Charlie's games.
"Hello." says a relatively shy female voice "Is this the place where one could find a sliver of happiness?" I turn my gaze to see at the newly arrived person, and I'm surprised to be looking at what looks like a giant blue owl with a depressed sight upon her face.
"What the...?" lets out Charlie from her mouth in absolute surprise "Octavia Goetia?!" she yells out entirely thunderstruck.