Chapter 1 :: Doubts

The Space in our Heart

Chapter 1

The smell of pine assaulted my nose. The crunching of dried leaves and twigs underneath my boots echoed as I thread my way back to the house, the early morning breeze blowing sofly causing me to shiver, giving goosebumps on my exposed skin. My hands reached for my arms rubbing it. I know walking with just a thin beige satin robe was not a good idea but—inhaling a lung full I smiled as I exhaled. "This day will be a wonderful day!."

My eyes fixated in our backyard gazebo, decorated in flowers or pink, white and red, fairy lights hanging beautifully everywhere as well as all or mine and Zion's pictures. Tables arranged accordingly in the entirety of the garden with flowers and candles on top of pastel pink table cloths. My cheeks burned at the though of tonight's occasion. Heart thumping wildly, my hand reached clutching robe as I try calm myself down by heaving a deep breath through my nose and exhaling it through my mouth.

"God damnit you need to calm yourself down Jade!." I hissed under my breath as I bite my lip, my head hanging low, suppressing a grin. This last few days had been hectic for my family and us preparing for this day... Mine and Zion's engagement party doubled as my surprise baby announcement for my fiance and family, my hands reached for my small belly bump, caressing it gently, to be honest I'm surprised myself my fiance doesn't even notice it yet.

"Baby, Mommy's really excited for tonight." I hummed, as I looked back up realizing im Infront of our backyard porch, chucking to myself I walked inside discarding my boots at the side of the door as my fiance, Zion was now in the kitchen counter brewing coffee.

"Jade? Why're you up so early honey?." I smiled as he glanced at me picking up his coffee, I shake my head as I hummed.

"Nothing, just walking around." My hands wrapping around his torso as his free hands settled on my waist as soon as he reached me, sighing contentedly, his body relaxing as he pulled me closer gently rocking side to side, humming a silent tune.

"Excited for tonight?" He chuckled causing me to pout, burying my head on the crook of his neck as I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Am I that obvious?" I laughed in attempt to dismiss my embarrassment yet failed, sometimes I would just hate myself for flushing so easily like this seriously!.

I lifted my head once again to face him as he put down his cup on the island counter. "Jade, darling..."

"Yes?" I answered. His hands rubbing my sides, my eyes study his side features that's being illuminated by the yellow light of the sun peering out the window sills, his gaze outside probably inspecting the decor.

The smile of his lips faltering for a moment letting out a silent sight, causing my brows to furrow. Is there something he doesn't like? Maybe the color scheme? Or is it just too much? My hands on his hips tightened as I opened my mouth to speak.

"...Zion do—"

"Jade, can we talk about—"

His grays landed on mine as we both spoke and stopped at the same time our gaze locking for half a minute. My lips remained parted as I stared, my head tilting to my right a bit at the slight tension forming in the air. His face held a pensive expression as he shake his head sofly, giving me a small smile, dismissing what his about say.

"I didn't mean to cut you off, what was it?" He immediately said after a moment, causing my shoulders to slouch a bit, his grays avoiding my dark ones, going back to look out the window again.

"Oh... Um." Lips frowning at his dismissal, my teeth bite my lips as my eyes landed on his cup on the counter. There was definitely something else his supposed to say, I just feel it. What is it? My eyes moving up on his slightly furrowed brows, my chest thumping slightly louder at the thoughts of him hiding something.

"Nothing... I, was just uh." My eyes shifted out the garden. "...Thinking if the decor was too much."

He didn't answer for a while making my forehead to crease for his lack of response, is he thinking of backing out tonight? No! He wouldn't do that to me... Right? We've been together for eight years now, he won't back out on me.

Why am I even having this thoughts right now? He's not doing that. My heart now hammering hard on my my chest, shifting my weight to my left foot as quietly swallowed the lump forming in the throat. Right, he won't be doing that, he just won't! Don't overthink Jade goddamnit! 

I assured myself, heaving silently, my teeth bitting on my lips once again as the churning in my stomach didn't seem to stop and won't stop any moment now, damnit why am I even thinking things like this?!

"Jade?"

It's not like I overthink things like this whenever he doesn't answer right away. Maybe he's thinking something else? Right, and, and it's not like this doesn't happen... him spacing out. My heart pounding at my chest harder like a caged bird causing an increase in my temperature and of course my palms sweating. Shit this is bad why am I overthinking so much?!

"Jade, darling." A slight shake on my shoulders caused me look at him, his grays staring straight back at me. A wave of confusion flashed my features as my lips parted.

"You've been quite for a whole minute." He spoke softly, his hands cupping my cheeks rubbing it as the other one was left at the side of my hips.

"What are you thinking?." He added, his expression displaying worry, causing me to immediately avert my gaze, his hands on my cheeks falling as I turned my head, shutting my eyes tightly as I inhaled a shaky breath quitely, opening them as looked back.

"N-nothing, in particular... still a bit sleepy I guess..." Smiling as I try to dismiss it, he looked at me skeptically before nodding.

"Alright. I guess it's too early as well, do you want to go to bed again?" He asked rubbing my side sofly, causing my heart to slowdown, but not enough to completely cease it. Yeah maybe... No I'm just overthinking.

"Yeah, that'll be great."