Chapter Eleven: The hurt we hide

Sara

When I first saw the witch, I was ignorant to what she was. Ignorant to how deadly she was. But after hearing the witch’s name, something inside me changed. All the threats and warnings I had prepared for Baila had been forgotten the moment Baila first let me into her room

And as we spoke and spent more time together, I forgot all the reasons why I should have stayed away from her in the first place. All I could think about was that I had a friend. One that wasn’t a mate who had rejected me to serve the lycan king and one who was not the lycan king in question. This new friend of mine was different and I was thankful for that.

A few hours ago, I had dismissed every guard on my floor so Baila could gain easy access and now, I was at the deadliest lake in Northwood. Swimming. Sneaking out of the castle had never been part of my plan for the day. I had promised myself to stay away from Baila so Aaron and Nolan would have one less thing to worry about. I had failed miserably.

And now, I was about to do something I did not want to and yet I desperately needed to. I needed to find release, I needed to forget, I needed to do something, anything to make me feel like myself.

The distance between the witch and I was slowly closing up.

What I was about to do would damn me.

A loud growl shook the woods, sending ripples through the lake. I gasped, backing away from the witch as Nolan emerged from the trees. His blue eyes were hard and cold but I did not miss the way they glowed brightly. I had never seen them glow that bright before.

Nolan was pissed and I knew exactly why.

Aaron stood by Nolan’s side as usual. A loyal guard dog through and through. I was disgusted.

Aaron averted his eyes, looking every where else but at us. Nolan on the other hand, did not look away from Baila once.

“Get out of the water,” he muttered.

I remained focused on Aaron who still hadn’t looked at me since he got to the lake.

“I need space to dress,” Baila reminded Nolan. She did not make an attempt to move from her position in the lake.

“You had no problem getting naked and swimming in a public lake where anyone could have seen you,” Nolan shook his head.

I flinched at his tone. He hadn’t snapped or yelled but I could feel his anger simmering beneath his words. I wanted to come to Baila’s defence but I couldn’t find the words and my lips refused to move.

I peeled my eyes from Aaron to watch Baila who clenched her jaw and swum to the bank of the lake. Before Baila rose out of the water, Nolan turned his back to her and Aaron followed suit. I watched Baila painfully put on her dress which quickly got wet from the water on her skin. She threw the cloak over herself to cover up her wet clothes.

“I’m done,” she gritted, wrapping her arms around herself.

Nolan grabbed her elbow and drew her closer to him. For a few moments, it was like Aaron and I were not present, as if we did not exist. As if it was just Baila and Nolan as Nolan stared down at her and she glared up at him.

“This. Will never happen again,” he breathed. “You are my ward. I am putting everything at risk to house you and you will not disobey me, You will not step out of the castle without company that I have chosen,” He stared pointedly at me as he uttered the last part.

Nolan shoved Baila towards Aaron. He was being too harsh.

“Aaron will take you to your quarters,” Nolan said.

Baila followed after Aaron reluctantly, glancing back at me briefly. I saw the worry in her eyes and yet, I could not find it in me to offer her an assuring smile. The moment Baila and Aaron were out of sight, guilt and humiliation settled heavily on my shoulders.

I knew that Nolan did not like Baila but I thought that even though we snuck out of the castle, he could have been less harsh about the situation.

Nolan sighed, moving towards the edge of the lake. “Is this a new reckless behaviour that will soon turn into one of your hobbies?”

I scoffed. In all my twenty-one years of life, I could not for the life of me, remember a single instance where I had been called ‘reckless’. ‘Reckless’, the word sounded foreign to me. No matter how far I had gone with my mischief when I was younger, I had never ever been reckless.

I let out a breath, floating backwards in the water. I allowed the coolness of the lake to calm my fiery temper. Nolan could do whatever he liked. I was no longer his friend and as a result, I owed him no explanation.

“We only needed some air,” I offered, swimming backwards.

“Air?” Nolan chuckled bitterly, kicking a pebble. “In a lake that has killed a king and a queen and has sworn to kill more?”

I swallowed. When Nolan put it that way, he only made me feel more guilty, more stupid. I had put Baila’s life in danger by coming to the lake and even though I knew Nolan was right, I could not stand his patronizing tone.

“It’s daytime,” I replied. “The lake only claims lives at night,”

Exhausted, I swum to the bank of the lake and snatched my discarded clothes from the ground. I put them on hurriedly, ignoring the cold that clung to my skin and Nolan’s heated stare.

“You shouldn’t…….” Nolan let out a breath before going on. It was if he was trying hard to contain himself. To avoid saying something hurtful. “You should not be friends with her. You should not even spare her second glances,”

“She’s my friend. Like it or not”

“You’ve lost your mind. Have you lost all common sense as well?” he snapped. “Putting yourself at risk is not what a friend would let you do. If you’re doing all this to garner attention then put on end to it because you most certainly have all my attention now,”

I pursed my lips, resisting the urge to snap right back at him.

“If there is a problem, tell me!” Nolan yelled. I could tell that he was loosing his patience but unfortunately for both of us, I had already lost the very last of mine.

“I am not doing this for your attention!” I yelled right back, clenching my fists at my sides. My nostrils flared as I finally met his eyes. “We are no longer friends. You are my king and I am merely your servant. That is that,”

Nolan stepped away from me as if I had physically hurt him. His mouth popped open for a second before he regained his composure. I contemplated taking back what I had said. I wanted to apologize. I desperately wanted to tell him that I didn’t mean it and that I wished we could go back to the way we were before the king and Queen Ariadne died but try as I would, I just could not do it.

“A king and his servant. Is that what we have become, Sara?” Nolan questioned, his face a mixture of hurt and confusion. It only made the guilt heavier on my shoulders. “Were we not friends when we were___”

“You ruined that,” I cut in. “After the queen died, you treated me like I did not exist, with a fierce disregard that made me wonder if we had ever been friends. It made me wonder if perhaps, I unknowingly had a hand in your parents’ death,”

“Sa__”

” I tried,” I sobbed. “But you made sure the distance between us grew wider and wider. I did my best but it still was not enough. I was not enough,”

Nolan’s eyes filled with tears as he looked at me. I wanted to stop then. I wanted to admit that I was still holding out hope that someday, we would be friends again. Siblings even. But I had come too far.

“And so from now, we will remain as I have just said,” I sniffed, wiping my tears and facing Nolan with my head held high. “A servant and her king,”

Nolan’s face fell briefly, allowing me to see the little boy I once loved and adored. The little boy I once called friend……brother. And then the look was gone. It was quickly replaced by cold eyes and a horrible scowl.

“Then from a king to his servant,” Nolan spat mockingly. “You are to stay away from Baila. Act as if she does not exist. Like I did with you. That is an order,”

********************************

Hours after my confrontation with Nolan, I sat in Roger’s tavern with a beer in my hand. I was not there to waste away and drink myself to stupor. Far from it. I was at Roger’s tavern to observe, listen and make an ally or two.

A scrawny man walked up to my table, balancing an empty wooden tray on his waist.

“I’ve never seen you around here before,” he observed, packing the dirty plates into the tray.

“I’ve never been,” I replied, tossing a pouch of golden coins on the table. “Sit,”

The man eyed the pouch for a few seconds, looked around and then took a seat in front of me, placing his loaded tray on the table. “What do you wish to know?”

“I here you’re the gossip monger in here,” I stated, sipping my beer while keeping my blue eyes on him.

“And every gossip I tell is nothing but the truth,” he shrugged.

“Salem Kalamai,”

The man’s big brown eyes lit up as a mischievous smile took over his face. “You’re into the dark ones,”

I chuckled humorlessly. I wasn’t in the tavern to pass time, no.

I had come to Roger’s tavern to find out the truth about Salem and who was behind the attack on the castle a few nights ago. And if I found out that Baila had anything to do with the attack, I would cut her open myself because as much as Nolan was a pain in the ass, he was still my blood brother.

“Tell me everything,” I urged, returning the man’s smile.