Chapter 126 - Exodus of the Neirie, 23,000 Years Ago part 4

As the world rolled round to the day side of the heavens, I took Ilio into my arms and wrapped us both in my cloak. It was a beautiful garment, that cloak, lined with sleek fur inside and out, and boasting a bristling collar of crisp raven feathers. It was regal and resplendent, and I was inordinately proud of that silly thing. It also made a good shelter for us during the daylight hours.

You should already know, my cherished readers, that Hollywood's depiction of vampires is something of a joke. How could any preternatural creature survive even a week if they exploded into flames at the slightest wisp of sunlight on their skin? I assure you, we don't! In fact, there's a sunlamp sitting less than a meter from my desk as I type this passage. It is casting its artificial daylight upon a lovely potted lily. But just imagine if I were a fictional Hollywood vampire. I'd be steaming pile of ash right now, destroyed by a lamp.

Actually, why don't we dispose of all those myths, right this very instant, especially for those of you who have just recently "tuned in".

First and foremost: crucifixes. No offense to you Christians, but I find crucifixes repulsive. Not because they have any kind of supernatural power over me. They don't. I find them abhorrent because of the atrocities they remind me of. If you've seen as many mortal men put to death on them as I have, you'd likely feel the same way. It is a terrible, painful way to die, one that was quite popular long before the followers of Christ made it a symbol of their religion. If I never have to see another soul writhing on one of those things, dying slowly of dehydration and exposure, I will be a happy blood drinker. For that matter, why a crucifix? Why not venerate some other symbol of Christ's purported miracles? And we are accused of being morbid creatures!

Let's see... The smell of garlic does not repel me. (Really? An herb?) I can see myself in mirrors just fine. I can walk right into your home uninvited—though I wouldn't, out of respect, if you are a good person. I cannot change into a bat or a wolf, although I think that it would be a wonderful power to command. I cannot turn to fog, or fold myself flat and slip through a door crack. It's all just rubbish, really, most of the legends that are associated with vampires. Hollywood hokum.

As for sunlight, the only reason we shrink from the sun is because it stings our sensitive eyes. We are nocturnal predators, after all, and roving about in daytime is like having two burning sticks shoved into our eyes. Thank the ancestors for Ray-bans!

That is the only reason Ilio and I retired as the first rays of the sun crept across the Pannonian Plains.

Simple comfort.

Ilio continued to talk, as all young men are wont to do, but I was tired. Not so much physically, as vampires have extremely hardy constitutions, but mentally. Like all living things we need to dream.

As Ilio prattled on about the Neirie slave women who had seduced him, asking me rather personal questions about my previous sexual experiences, I answered as briefly as I could, letting my mind drift. The last thing I remember him asking was, "But do they like it as much as we do, Thest? Our things going inside them?"

An instant later, it seemed, my eyes were flashing open in the dark.