Chapter 182 - Zenzele, My Love part 1

"Despite what Palifver has said to you, Khronos is not likely to order that you be divided," Zenzele said. "But he must find no rebelliousness in your soul. You must surrender to him as you have surrendered to me. You must put all thought of defiance out of your mind. Now. This very night. And think no more of it, or the life you've sacrificed to protect your loved ones."

She said this to me as we traveled north, toward the small settlement that Goro had spotted the night before.

Rising at dusk, Zenzele had announced that she was feeling restless and wished to hunt the mortals herself. She sent Goro ahead to check the safety of the pass, and informed Palifver he was to lead the raiding party in her stead until she returned from the hunt.

"Unless you have any objections," she said to him archly. "I assume you have no fear of leading our caravan through the pass tonight, if I do not return in time."

Palifver had answered with a scathing, "Of course not! Go! Have your sport!"

Later, as she was preparing to depart, he returned to the tent and stood with his fists upon his hips. "Why don't you take your little pet with you?" he sneered. "I'm certain his cock can further serve to distract you from your boredom!"

Bhorg and Tribtoc, who were standing nearby, had snickered—but nervously. They moved subtly toward her as well, I noted. As if to protect her.

They all knew, of course, that Zenzele had had her way with me the day before. You cannot hide a thing like that from creatures who can hear a fly rub its legs together.

"I had already decided to bring him," Zenzele replied airily, "though I fear his cock would prove too large a distraction from my plans tonight. I need to hunt, not fuck. Nevertheless, what I do with my slave, or his cock, is none of your affair. And I certainly don't intend to leave him at the mercy of you four beasts. I don't need a slave whose arse whistles every time the wind blows!"

Bhorg and Tribtoc had laughed uproariously at that, but Palifver took insult yet again. He whirled on his heel and stalked away, but I had seen the tiny muscles around his eyes twitching. He was jealous of me. I must be even more watchful of this one.

We set off north shortly after the raiding party started marching, traveling by foot so that we could move quickly and quietly. At first, we crossed the terrain in great leaps—the icy wind roaring in our ears—neither of us speaking, simply enjoying our liberty, flying beneath a sky milky with stars, our bodies launching us again and again into the heavens. Zenzele reached out to me and I grasped her hand, our fingers interlocking, and then we leapt together, and she smiled at me as we flew, and I laughed. The earth rushed up at us, and she let me go and ran ahead, blurring down a snow-covered hillside. I watched her grow small, and then she launched into the sky again. Hoping to impress her, I followed, running faster, leaping higher.

When we were out of earshot, we slowed to a normal walking pace, then stopped.

There, near a thicket of conifers, Zenzele gestured for me to come closer to her, and then she embraced me unexpectedly, pressing her cheek to my chest, a little sigh of relief escaping from her lips.

Her eyes closed, her great black lashes settling like butterflies upon her cheeks. Her shoulders rose and fell, and then she pushed away from me.

"Zenzele," I murmured.

My chest tingled where her cheek had rested upon it. The sensation of her touch lingered ghostlike on my flesh. I ached to pull her back into my embrace.

"Quiet," she whispered, holding up two fingers.

She stepped away, looking toward the south.

As I waited, she scanned the surrounding landscape with her potent vampire senses.

There was no discernible manifestation of her power, but I had the sense that an invisible beam of energy was radiating from her mind, like a ray of light, probing the darkness around us.

Is this how her spirit touched mine that night at the lake? I wondered. Were our vampire senses just amplified versions of our normal human perceptions—or was there something more to them… something supernatural?

It certainly seemed to be the case. I could almost feel the atmosphere vibrating as she scanned our surroundings for any furtive pursuers. I could feel it in my body and my mind: a kind of throbbing.

After a moment, it faded, and she said, "No one has followed us. I was certain Palifver would send his little pet to spy on us. You must be wary of Hettut. His eyes are Palifver's eyes. But we are alone. We can speak now in private."

"At last," I sighed.

She turned to me abruptly and asked, "Why do I dream of you? I have sensed your presence several times since the fall of the Oombai, but always from a distance, like a haunting spirit. I thought I was imagining it. I was afraid that I was going mad. Even now, when I close my eyes, your face is there."

"I have no answers for you," I said. "Perhaps the ancestors mean for us to be together."

"I do not believe in the gods of mortal men!" Zenzele retorted, a contemptuous expression flashing across her face. Her eyes met mine then, and her features softened. "Perhaps, it is some aspect of our nature which draws our souls together. Each blood drinker is made different by the Eloa. It could be that, by accident, we are alike in ways that attract one to the other."

"Eloa?" I asked.

"The blood which makes us gods. The Oombai called it the ebu potashu."

"The black blood."

She nodded. "Khronos says the Eloa devours our human souls when we are made into immortals."

"But what is it? Is it a sickness? Is it a living creature?"

Zenzele shook her head, her brow furrowing. "Khronos says that it is a god. The personification of the cycle of life and death. He says its mind is a great circle inside his thoughts, both terrible and beautiful, and in our making, we become a part of it, each joined to it in spirit."

"What do you think?"

Very carefully, Zenzele said, "I have observed that the world is very much as Khronos describes it to be. The rabbit eats the grass, and the coyote eats the rabbit, and when the coyote dies, it returns to the earth and feeds the grass--"

"And we are part of this cycle," I said.

Zenzele nodded. "In a manner of speaking. Khronos says that mortal men have grown too clever. He says that they have escaped the unending circle. They eat the grass, they eat the rabbit, and they kill the coyote and wear his skin. The cycle of life and death has been thrown off balance, and that is why the Eloa came from the spirit world. That is why it made us a predator of mortal men. We are charged with the responsibility of restoring the balance of nature. We are the killer that men cannot outwit. We are strong so that he cannot overpower us. Fast so that he cannot outrun us. Long-lived so that he cannot outlast us."

I thought of what she had said for several minutes. "It is an enticing philosophy," I admitted. "But do you truly believe it?"

"Khronos is the first among us. He carries in his belly the core of the Eloa. He hears its thoughts. His desires are a reflection of its desires."

"That is not an answer," I said.

"It is all that I know!" she flared. "You think I have all the answers? I do not. Even Khronos was a mortal once, before he was taken by the Eloa! He has unimaginable power. He communes with our creator, but even he will admit that he does not fully understand its desires. He says it thinks in ways that physical beings cannot comprehend. He says that when it speaks to him, it is like a man speaking down to an insect. And yet, it is a part of him and he is a part of it, and we are all connected through Khronos to the primal fount."

"A living creature, then," I murmured. "With its own thoughts and desires."

"But not the thoughts and desires that concern men and women, even those who have a part of it inside them."

"Then let us discuss those mortal desires," I said smoothly, moving near to her. I pitched my voice low, hoping to seduce her. Now that we were alone, I wanted to make love to her again.

Instead, she laughed.

"Would you really have me love you?" she asked. "Khronos may destroy you when we get to Uroboros, and what then? Would you have me brokenhearted? Or perhaps you'd prefer I defy my people and suffer the same fate?"

"Of course not," I said.

"I am drawn to you, beautiful one, in ways I do not understand," she confessed softly. One hand rose to my cheek, her touch like ice, but ice had become a mother to me, a lover. "But I will not defy our kind for you. I am Zenzele, the goddess of death, the mistress of the Western Dominions. It is my duty to preserve the circle of life and death. That is the burden I've chosen to carry."

I started to protest but she shushed me.

"Like you, I was ignorant of our place in this world," she said. "I was enslaved by a loveless blood god. My mortal life was stolen from me. I suffered as you suffer for the lives I took to satisfy my appetite. But Khronos showed me a higher path. He freed me from my cruel maker. He gave me a purpose to live for and peace in my soul, and so I serve him, and he has rewarded me for my allegiance. Because I have affection for you, I will teach you our ways. I will plead your case to my god king, but if he sees fit to destroy you, I will not defy him. I cannot. I might be able to protect you from the others, but I cannot shield you from Khronos if he finds you objectionable. He is too powerful."

I nodded as if I understood, as if I agreed, but I thought to myself: she is not free. She has merely traded one oppressor for another.