I want to leave

With Prince Zayer finally gone Tanya could now solely focus on what had been troubling her for the last 2 weeks. She had to decide what she was going to do now that she wasn't Crown Princess anymore. The following morning Tanya dressed and went to the crown princess's office to as usual handle the prince's palace affairs. 

 Lady Tanya, you are requested to handle these documents," the attendant said as he placed the file of documents on the desk where she sat.

Tanya's lips parted to correct the servant to call her Your Highness. Then she remembered she wasn't the crown princess anymore. It had barely been two weeks since her demotion and it was still taking a lot to get used to the change.

The man was in his late thirties, his name was Master Elson and he was Malek's attendant.

"Yes, Master Elson," Tanya accepted the orders. 

Technically this work was supposed to be done by Celeste but until she finished training she would fill in for her. As she worked, she continued to think of how she planned to move forward with things. It was difficult going through all her painful memories whilst also focusing on her work.

When Tanya was done for the day and walking back to her quarters walking across the palace and noticed them having a meal together in the gardens. The painful sight she could never seem to get used to. She looked at Malek he was smiling and as usual being so gentle and attentive to Celeste.

'He's never looked at me like that before' Tanya thought to herself as she compared the difference in treatment between her and Celeste. Tanya remembered the day when Malek had first brought Celeste to the palace and officially made her his lover over a year ago.

Before she had initially thought Malek was just a cold person and that he wasn't capable of showing affection in that way. Then he brought Celeste to the palace and that's when she saw a different side to Malek, a side she'd never seen before. He was so kind, gentle, loving and patient.

She saw facial expressions she'd never seen on his face before. She had been so hurt and offended to find out that Malek was fully capable of being loving and caring but just not to her. She hadn't been capable of bringing that out of him.

"You can't force someone to love you," she remembered Master Hardik's words to her.

"The smart ones aren't favoured, they're boring." Prince Zayer had also told her.

 "Why can't she just give up? What will it take for her to see he will never like her or perhaps she has a kink shame?"

Everything Tanya had heard from the servants Hardik and Zayer played in her mind. For the last seven years she had worked so hard to impress and gain Malek's love but the only thing it had done was repel him away from her. No matter what she did to change nothing was ever good enough. And with each day that passed, they only grew further and further apart. Not only that but she constantly had to walk around on eggshells. A lot of her actions annoyed and angered the prince resulting in her having to be extremely cautious of what she did.

Then Tanya asked herself an important question; was this how it was going to be like for the rest of her life? Constantly chasing after the prince and having to walk on eggshells so as not to upset him? She then paused as the vision dawned on her. She didn't want to live like that. 

No matter how bad she wanted to not give up and hold onto a small hope that Malek would come around to her, living like that would be awful. The last 7 years were already painful as it is. Perhaps everyone else was right, she should give up. She was always going to be second best to Celeste. Or worse if he got more concubines in the future, she would fall even further away from his favour. Malek was never happy when she was around. He hated her. Tanya looked away from Celeste and Malek and continued to make her way to her room.

It was two days later after much deliberation that she finally made her decision. She would entirely withdraw her position as Malek's future concubine and leave the palace.

"I had to accept it; the Crown Prince didn't love me nor did he seem like he would he ever love me," Tanya told herself out loud. It hurt for Tanya to come to terms with this reality but just looking at the staggering difference between how Malek treated her and how he treated Celeste it was clear she didn't stand a chance.

 He also always looked so disgusted and upset whenever he saw her. She tried to ignore before and just tell herself that he would open up to her one day but now looking at it objectively he really didn't like her. She was probably stressing him out even.

"He made her concubine so as to not embarrass her but really he wanted her gone."

If that was the case, she didn't want to burden him any longer.

"But what will I do once leave?" Tanya asked herself as she wondered what she would do with her life afterward. She had been solely focused on becoming Empress for so long she couldn't see herself doing anything else.

'I guess I'll think more about it when I get home,' She shrugged the thought away.

It was a day later that Tanya finally finished the paperwork she had been given the other day and set it aside. At the very least she wanted to leave when she had finished her task. She wondered who they would get to do princess duties when she left? She was sure they would quickly find someone else to it.

Early that evening she went to the prince's wing to inform Malek of her decision. She didn't dress up extravagantly this time like she usually did, and she kept her make up simple and minimal not putting on the white foundation that didn't match her skin. As soon as the guards immediately caught sight of her, they halted her, preventing her from entering the prince's room.

"I would like to see the prince," she asked the guards.