Rewind to 20 years ago

Adele Samuels- 9 years old (March 14, 2015) (Trigger Warning: non-consensual touching)

Getting up at this early hour of 5 am was both exciting and tiring. I looked to the right and left watching the chaos happening around us as we passed by people working to get everything in place for the photo shoot we will be doing today. 

'If I remember correctly it's for Force magazine.' 

I'm continuing my observations of the set up when my Mom is suddenly in my line of view.

"What are you doing standing here when we have people waiting for us? Why are you always such a disappointment? In every way you are lacking in comparison to your sister." Mom criticized. The disgust in her tone was evident. She grabbed my arm painfully and started to pull me down the park path towards what I would assume is the make up and wardrobe trailer. 

"When we get in here, I do not want to hear a word out of you, do you hear me?" Mom snapped when she released my arm as abruptly as she had grabbed it. She proceeded to pinch me under my arm until I nodded my head in understanding.

Satisfied with my compliance, she rushed forward to open the trailer door for Selina who just threw a smile over her shoulder at me before entering and greeting the staff.

 I picked up my pace and entered behind Mom who had left the door open when she followed Selina inside.

Taking a deep breath then letting it out a few times, I geared up for another long day of being a model. I never wanted to be a model but our parents got us started when we were babies and since my sister loves it I'm stuck doing it too. 

My sister and I are fraternal twins. Which from what I've been told my whole life is our selling point, so we will keep doing this til either the jobs stop coming in or Selina gets bored of it all. 

'My opinion on the matter has been noted then discarded because what Selina and Mom want is this life of travel and fashion. Dad has no reason to stop us from continuing this life since he can work remotely and he will not fight Mom over something she is enjoying so much' I sigh as I'm guided to a chair and the hair stylist gets to work styling my hair into big loose curls. 

'I truly hope Selina gets bored of this soon because the jobs are steadily coming in so that option isn't going to happen any time soon. I just want a normal life of going to school and making friends. Maybe if I can convince them to let me take a break for a few years I can stay with Uncle Hartley while they continue traveling. It's not like we haven't done solo sessions before.' I started to get excited as a plan starts to form in my head. The hair stylist smiles at me in the mirror so I reflect the smile back in my excitement.

 'It would be nice to spend time with my family back in our home town. I could finally get to know them without Selina's interference and they could get to know the me behind the lies. I truly don't want this life of always going to where the jobs are and always having to be with Selina and my parents. Especially the always being with Selina part. She wasn't the nicest sister before but ever since the incident with the photographer she has started treating me in a way I do not like. I feel she is only going to get worse if I don't get away from her.' I shudder which causes the curling iron to bump my ear a bit. The stylist and I both apologize to each other then she continues curling my hair while conversing with the others in the trailer.

I feel Selina and Mom's gazes on me. I know I will pay for that apology as well as whatever other ways I will disappoint them before the day is over. There is rarely a day I don't disappoint them in some way. Even as the staff coos and gushes over us I stay silent as they prepare us. Selina on the other hand is being her social self, winning everyone over by the time the hair stylists have finished with our hair.

"Please forgive my twin for being so gloomy. She is so shy and nervous at these gigs that if I didn't know she really enjoyed modeling with me I would encourage her to quit." Selina's insisting tone of voice instigated a round of encouragement from the staff telling me to do my best and not worry since my sister and mother were here. 

'It makes me sick to see how she manipulates a situation she created into her being the bright twin and I'm the dark twin. But I know the rules. I will not fail again and be punished later for not playing my role.' So I smile and nod my head in thanks to them as they hand us our first set of clothes. 

I've pulled on the yellow knee-length skirt and I'm pulling the sleeve-less white polo shirt to me from where I set it down on the chair beside me when I look up to see Selina in front of me. I startle since I did not hear her come around the screen. I do not like the look in her eyes. When she looks at me like that I know she is going to do something that will make me uncomfortable and feel weird. 

"Let me help you get that shirt on, Adele. You always seem to have trouble getting your shirt on." She called out so the crew and Mom could hear that she was behind my screen. They applauded her for being a good sister to help me like this. 

"My Selina is certainly the best daughter a mother could ask for. She is always guiding Adele since Adele is always shall we say a little slow to pick up things. She is a work in progress but I think we are starting to see improvement." Mom praised Selina while belittling me all in the same breath. I make eye contact with her before she goes to sit down on the other side of the screen. She knows the truth. She knows Selina isn't helping me. She is helping herself to me. 

Selina's fascination with me after helping me tell the adults about the things that photographer was trying to get me to do on camera is becoming a problem and my mom turns a blind eye to it all. Dad has been kept in the dark about everything. I want to tell him but I also don't want to be punished even more. Especially when Selina tells me Dad wouldn't believe me and would join in on my punishments which is another thing we keep from him. 

Selina told me a while after the incident that she had watched everything for a while before intervening. That the only reason she even intervened was that I was her sister and she didn't like that I was sharing myself in a way I didn't with her. I was hers to play with and take care of. She knew me best and that I wasn't behaving as I should. She decided that since she helped me, I owed her for forever now. So I belonged to her now and forever. 

She pushed some of my charcoal black and flint blue curls back as she kissed my cheek. I know if I try to stop her, she will turn this around on me. She has done that before so I just wait her out since she can't delay us too long.

She just hugs me tightly to her, smelling my hair as she pets my head and rubs my back. Eventually she steps back and I pull the shirt over my head and smooth it down. Selina watches me as I make sure everything is smooth looking with no creases. Before I can do it myself, she fastens my skirt for me. 

"Looking good sister. Very cute. Finish putting your socks and shoes on. I think you can handle that on your own. I need to finish getting ready as well." She stated with a smile ,that ugly hungry smile, then walks out from behind my screen. I quickly put on the provided socks and shoes on then go back over to the chair for any finishing make up and hair touches.

I smile in thanks still not uttering another word to them when they let me know I'm good to go. They frowned when I don't speak. I have no doubt they are thinking unkind things about me but I try not to let it get to me. Talking to them more is not worth the additional punishment. Selina is the voice and will speak for both of us. I am just here to help her shine. 

That is all I'm good for according to Mom. I don't really believe this but it's been drilled into my head since I could understand words so it does stick with me. 

I do wonder at times what the rest of the family thinks of me. If they think the same as my parents and Selina. I rarely see them outside of holidays and birthdays since most of them live full-time in our hometown of Holbeck.

I've realized recently that I don't know them very well. It has been five years since we have all spent longer than a week together. Mom and Dad keep us traveling all over the country all year round which means we end up only staying in Holbeck during the holidays and birthdays unless we have a job that requires us to work around those times then the family will come to wherever we are. Uncle Hartley is big on family, so if our parents want him to keep giving them money to keep up this lifestyle he has made it a rule we all spend these days together every year.

'This is the only rule in my life I'm truly grateful for. We have to go back to Holbeck or have to stay where we are for a week for the occasion.'

 However when I do get a chance to see them, I've been ordered to act like the perfect child and not give anyone any reason to think I have any problems with anything. So the narrative continues I am the dark one and Selina is the bright one. I pray that someday this story will change or end. As I get older, I care less and less which outcome occurs as long as this isn't my life anymore.